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fluffysmurf · 5 years
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Tired boys, hate getting up #loyaldogs #dogsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx5sO9lnfWPTG0odOYv2iE--HvHYwmLe0Zq9Tc0/?igshid=1c4hs1xmetdg2
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fluffysmurf · 7 years
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To most people this is something simple, inferior or stupid, but to me it’s a series of memories and conversations that helped me understand parts of someone’s life and what they did, it reminds me of jokes and laughter that took place because I was always carrying it around or pissing about with it trying to match up the 2 symbols (that I still haven’t managed to do -.-), it’s also a soul calmer which helps me keep a level head (like I’ve been taught too) as it reminds me of a lot of happy and funny times that hopefully someday will come back around even if it takes a lot of work or proving to be done. Hope your okay and warm, we all miss you massive hugs from us all always xxx
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fluffysmurf · 7 years
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I know I fucked up more than words can explain especially the one thing that I can never take back or change even tho I'd do anything to be able to change it and I know it destroyed a lot but my world has been shattered since you've left it I know what you read next won't change anything or make you forget but I am truly sorry for being such a massive fucking cunt and fuck up, and fucking up one of the best things I had going for me in life which was the best, best friend and person anybody could of been lucky enough to have as part of there life Sorry I ruined that it will haunt and kill me forever Miss you always best friend x
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fluffysmurf · 7 years
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Hell
Nearly a week on since losing the one person I could count on to be there to listen to help with anything and it hasn’t gotten any easier at all, every where I look and then I see reminders and flashbacks of them, be it walking next to me smiling or pulling a funny face or taking the piss because I’m walking slow, looking up at the clock and knowing they’ve finished work and they should of been getting on there bus or there about to walk through the door so you go looking out the window to realise there not walking down the path and aren’t going to ever again, getting given suggestions for meals and remembering when you both sat there and pigged out on pizza and garlic bread, walking into a room and seeing past memories like live tv of you and them sat in a room chatting for hours or listening to them rant because they’ve had a bad day or something bothered them, it’s horrible not being able to just send them a message or give them a call to see how there days been or because you just need a chat, sitting there seeing there online but having to resist the urge to send them a message because you know it’s to soon and they won’t want to talk to you, or may not want to talk to you at all ever again it’s horrible, sitting there running through scenarios in your head because somebody they used to speak to has vanished as well and you sit there trying to work out what’s going on and if it’s connected, and you just sit there hoping they still care or want something to do with you and want you to be part of there life also, its torture sitting there just wanting to hear there voice and see there face knowing you can’t and they don’t want you too, I just hope at some point in the future there might be an opportunity to be apart of there life again in any capacity I hope your warm and safe and have someone to talk too if you need it, all 3 of us still miss you like crazy and hope your okay and want nothing more than to have you with us, massive hugs forever and always sorry I failed as a bestfriend
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fluffysmurf · 7 years
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Losing you're person
When your whole life has been torn apart and destroyed and you physically and emotionally don’t know what to do so you just collapse and break down, hoping it’s a nightmare and you’re going to wake up from it any Minute only to realise it’s not it is actually happening, and you’ve lost the biggest and best part of your life and world, then you sit there and think yeah this bad thing has happened and I don’t know what to do or how to carry on but you know it’s happened due to a lot of different things done by a lot of people but you wake up and realise what you’ve lost and what you’ve been taking and have taken for granted and realising you shouldn’t of been such an idiot and proud to actually open up and tell that person what was going on and what you were thinking, feeling and fearing about everything, to then realise you’ve lost that person that was always there that would always listen no matter how stupid whatever you was saying was, but to then have to try and carry on and get up the next day knowing there not going to be there, or you can’t speak to them because they’ve gone, or be the one they speak to and ring when they had something to talk about or was worrying them, it’s horrible realising you’re not gonna see them walk through the door and tell u about there day no matter if it was good or bad, even if u can be a bad listener at times or get annoyed when you shouldn’t, knowing your not just gonna sit there and see the smile or just have there presence there no matter what there doing, also realising you should of just done that job instead of moaning or wanting someone else to do it so the time arguing and moaning wasn’t wasted when you could been laughing and smiling and making better memories, unfortunately I have lost that person and I don’t know how to handle it or deal with it as I’m useless as fuck at opening up and not being such an ass when it isn’t needed, I just hope I get the chance to speak and see them again even if it takes sometime to rebuild a friendship even from the basics as to chatting and a phone call and the odd meet up and catch up in a safe neutral place, I hope I get them back as it’s torture without them.
Where ever you are I hope this doesn’t upset you but all 3 of us miss you like crazy and hope your safe and warm, we send massive hugs and hope we’ll speak or see you soon we miss you forever and always xxx
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fluffysmurf · 7 years
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Please be safe lymunchkin x
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fluffysmurf · 10 years
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Life
Ive been a major fuck up all my life but now I’ve fucked up worse than ever, I’ve just destroyed the best thing i had and everything i had with my best friend, I’ve never felt more alone than i do now and tbh i deserve it, i shouldn’t be allowed friends especially 1 like her, shes been there and stuck through a lot of shit with me but now I’ve lost her and everything that was there that i needed as my safety net, my castle, my sidekick, my heart, i should be dead i wish that electric shock had of killed me i wouldn’t have to be here then to destroy everything, and she wouldn’t have to see my face everyday and hate me and be in the place she is now, she could have a better life than being around me. Why am i such a cunt and why do i do this i need to disappear for awhile and sort it out so she can then become happy and have the awesome smile of hers on her face again, time to hope and pray that lil by lil i can claw it back and maybe get my best friend back
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fluffysmurf · 10 years
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Amen
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fluffysmurf · 10 years
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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22 july
lifes changed alot recently, my friend has moved out and now in there own place, after falling out with my babysister we have sorted things and ive got her back thankfully which im buzzing about, but 1 things happened that i didnt think would which is near enough losing my bestfriend since shes moved out, she has hardly spoke or gotten in contact, yet they said and promised it wouldnt happen, looks like we'll just have to see what happens and hope it doesnt get worse for other peoples sake as i promise if someone has gotten in the way or caused this they wont be able to hide and they will get hurt!
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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29 june 2013
when you walk into a room and it just feels empty :( but the 1 thing that should be there isnt anymore and you know its gonna disappear soon due to other things causing it to happen. ive finaly hit the point where theres nothing i can do and im just gonna give in to the way people have pushed me to be which is the monster and animal i am with my temper as its the only way i get through or anything done, fuck it time to be the beast everyone expects and sees me as
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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04 may 2013
Alots changed recently, things have gotten better for some people but worse for others, found out my lil bro has gotten worse but were managing it, im at a loss atm tho as no matter what i do and for who its never good enough and im still in the wrong regardless so im coming to the decision im not helping anyone from now on, itll save me the agro and the shit as i cant be arsed with it any more and im sick of it, so fuck it and everyone i cba, time do my own thing my own way from now on
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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16th march
When you feel like your losing or have lost everything that means the most to ya in life, and it tares you up inside and that's all you can think about, it's drives you that crazy it angers you but at the same time you feel like complete and utter shit :(
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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12th march
Not alots changed recently but I think it's time for me to do what I do best and become a ghost again, as I'm not needed now and that's been proven a countless amount of times, time to return to the shadows where I am at home and the most dangerous, for; "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil" as I am the evil!!!!!
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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Feb 25th
Alots changed recently some things have gone really well an some things not so well but that's all to do with life, my sister quoted " when I die ill go to heaven as I've done my time in hell" and to be honest she's not wrong, life is hell and tough at times but as long as your strong willed you'll always prevail through what's thrown at you, at the minute Im struggling with some choices I need to make whether to follow what I know and go and do what I'm good at, which means leaving everybody behind for periods of time where I can't see them, or stick to it and just hope I get a lucky break at some point, but I'm not gonna lose sleep over it what happens just happens, but for now I'm gonna stick to what I know and do best and that's be there for the people that need me, and keep fighting the fights and battles that no body else can deal with or handle as it says " the damaged become dangerous, as we know what we can survive"
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fluffysmurf · 11 years
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End of 2012
Well 2012 is coming to a close and there's been some massive lows but some big highs aswell, I found my sister again and were closer than ever, I found my little brother and were chatting well, my best friend has become happy again, she got her apprenticeship and she's loving it glad it's all sorted for her and her life is going as she wants it too, bring on 2013 more laughs and more INK!!!!!!! :P I'm out anyway as pissed off and need to chill
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fluffysmurf · 12 years
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29th october 2012
when everything begins to fall apart around you and you start to feel alone with nobody there next to you, even the 1 person you thought always would be, what do I have to do to actually have some1 there like I am for so many people, I've put my body and mind on the line so many times without thinking twice I dont know what to do anymore as I needed some1 for the first in a long and no1 was there :( I've never felt so alone like a ghost wish some1 was around but looks like ill have to battle on alone, hope every1 i care about is okay and safe as no matter what happens I love you all
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