fluidlyfracturedhaven

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

If only we never went on that walk and had coffee ☕️

I wonder if I would still hurt this much?

I don’t regret my choices but I do regret how things unfolded between us in the end.

You really hurt me Handsome. I’ve never had a man talk to me the way you have. What you said wasn’t from a place of care. You were lashing out because you were hurting and dealing with whatever your malfunction was but I know it was not me.

Now you act like we’re strangers, like come on. Are you really happy for me? Or could you not be happy with me? Build a life with me? Life happens and it will continue to happen. How you handle it tells a lot.

You are not someone I could ever rely on like I thought and definitely not someone who would treasure my love. Because as fucked as everything is between us Handsome, I still love you. And I hate myself for it, because I want to move forward from this hurt.

A very nice gentlemen wants more than dating, like build a life with me already, and you know what…I have a hard time thinking about any other future than the one I imagined with us. How dumb am I?

You made me less naive and disillusioned of love. Definitely no such thing as soulmates. It’s just a big fat lie and I fell for it.

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

It was nice, catching up, hearing your voice.

I’m sorry too. That it couldn’t have been us. I wish it could have been as well.

I really am here if you need someone to talk to even if we’re no longer together.

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

Life is sadly way to short to dwell on unhappy things. To already know pain, just means you are ready to embrace happiness. Life deserves to be savored. All those little and big moments because before you know it, it’s just remnants of yesterday. And the pain doesn’t feel as bad, but it still hurts. You’re left wishing you spent more time being present.

“I guess my life hasn’t always been happy, or easy, or exactly what I wanted. At a certain point, I just have to try not to think too much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.”

— Jonathan Franzen, Freedom

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

You should have seen him when he first got me

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

You were too weak to tell me to leave, so I made the decision for us. 49% unsure and 51% sure? That’s what you told me. I heard that and thought, that’s a 1% chance. 1% difference of want. Depending on how you look at it. You might as well have said you were 99% sure you didn’t want me, and there was a 1% chance of us surviving. You know damn well the way you were me treating was wrong and you knew that. But you did it anyway, saying it’s who you are and I was asking you to change? I wasn’t. I was asking you to keep your promises. Guess they’re lies now. I would have stayed though, if you were sure.

You shut me out. Pushed me away and picked me apart and found things that were just not enough for you. Never enough. Not skinny enough. Not working enough. Not building by retirement as well as you. Not as healthy as you. Not cleaning enough. Not achieving anything on my own. Tracking everything. The comparing, picking apart, and belittling. That’s what you made me feel like and it really wasn’t like that at all, was it? I think you were so worried I would take from you. That I intimidated you with my confidence and positivity and love. My love was deep and I felt everything. You didn’t know how to navigate it nor handle it.

I’m not sure what happened or why it changed but it wasn’t me. But you acting like everything that happened between us never happened? That’s not very mature and it shows. I hope you figure it out and navigate life to a healing point where you realize you’re at fault too. Maybe a bit more because I can take accountability but I am not taking all responsibility. Not the majority. You fucked up and you know it.

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

I gave so many signs, so many times. It’s not funny is it. This film’s ending— isn’t what we imagined, is it? It’s definitely not what I imagined.

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”

— Natalie Standiford, How to Say Goodbye in Robot

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”

— Unknown

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

“There’s always a little truth behind “just kidding”, a little knowledge behind “I don’t know”, a little emotion behind “I don’t care”, and a little pain behind “It’s okay”.”

— Unknown

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

“You own everything that has happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

— Anne Lamont

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]

[fluidlyfracturedhaven]