flyfreeizzie-blog

[flyfreeizzie-blog]

for whatever its worth, im the same way. Its all about need to control our chaotic lives as much as possible and trust issues and all of that fun.  Ive had people tell me about my stoic ways or admire my strength like knowing im hurting but i continue to say im ok. My thinking is that i say that because most people dont actually want to know! lol  I also think they will pity me or something and i dont want that. Sometimes people do really want to help but i feel i cant let them. 

One time, this psychology intern was one of the few people who could accurately ‘read me.’ It was incredibly unnerving because i crossed her path many times due to the way my university was set up of smaller college's and i was really involved with activities on campus plus fighting battles to get my ADA rights met. I had a lot of trouble and pain but good people who would drop me hints and help me in ways they could. She was part of a leadership overnight activity i was invited to and it was awesome. Anyway, she could read me well and we had a few things we did like we both attended black student forum at times and other ethnic oriented events. The black student forum was hosted by campus psych services and students and staff could attend. At the time it was in a inaccessible location up some stairs. Im a ambulatory wheelchair user so i could navigate the steps sometimes. One day she was behind me and she asked if i needed or wanted help. I said no. then she paused and added... Would you ever say yes or let anyone help you? 

ummm opoops and NO. I had to turn around and chuckle because she was spot on but iwasnt used to aanyone saying anything like that to me. Im sure others thought it but i assumed most just took it at face value. 

It was a big deal for me that she asked and i was really that caught up with need to help myself, not wanting to appear /disabled like incapable and like i needed to be what i felt was strong and in control. I knew these things but i never really thought long about them and I never thought anyone else, especialy someone not really close to me would ever see it. 

Im so glad for you all that you are allowing vulnerability and acceptance of love. That you dont have to apologize for it nd feel like a burden. I can easily say these words yet I myself still struggle with all of them. 

Its a work in progress and i appreciate your post about it 

I made some real progress today in letting my partner take care of me and being honest about my limitations. It's hard because I'm used to doing everything myself and being in control of everything. I feel like everything will fall apart and go wrong if I don't do it myself.

Typically I don't feel comfortable asking for anything more than a glass of water or some ibuprofen, but today I let her make lunch for me and I asked her to do all the prep work for dinner because my hands are too swollen.

I'm trying to get used to this and feel safe doing this because I know that I'm going to need a lot more help than usual when I'm recovering. Better to practice it now than to feel forced into it when I'm feeling even more vulnerable.

[flyfreeizzie-blog]

Maybe put ads on offer up or something with your goal of collecting buttons or something and see what happens. Im sure you have a PO box for safety 

Also there are probably special buttons on ETSY or companies that you may have to spend a little energy to write but may send samples. Ive gotten several really cool patches like this and other trinkets over the years. You may be surprised at how many places will provide samples and coupons especially if you give them complements or express your desire for whatever it is you want. Even Vitamix was willing to donate as long as my doctor said I needed one. I never followed up because I was just too exhausted at the time and couldnt deal with it. Ive had insurance issues before as well and got alot of help form different organizations to meet my needs. I needed a rollator walker and a company donated me a free one. Ive had other needs that were also donated to me and sometimes expensive stuff. They get a tax write off but still. When I was volunteering for my lovely juvenile arthritis camp which i developed a lot with self confidence and esteem,,, i volunteered a lot for the arthrititis foundation including lots of camp stuff. I helped do fundraising and called local stores like target and craft stores for donations. I had a letter to give them a tax thing but i was shocked that so many places like target just had me come in to customer service and handed me a target card. I dont remember the amount. Maybe $100 for art/craft supplies. I didnt buy them myself. I just turned it all over to the arthritis ppl that was taking care of finances. 

. But the patches and buttons with cool or funny sayings or sarcasm. apparently buttons can be made too. I got some lovely stitched quotes, butterflies and other embellishments. they were for clothes or anything patches can be ironed on but I used them in my own mixed media art and box making projects. 

I have a friend that apparently sends buttons to someone who repaints or designs them and resells them for extra cash. I have no idea how or where he gets these buttons to repurpose and i dont know how he met someone who is able or willing to be creative in this way and successfully sells them but as I said, there are some really unique things out there. I can ask him how he gets these buttons and how this came about because im curious too! I dont know if i will remember. I probably will remember at some point so I will get back to you about it once all of that intersects a nd I have info. Its quite possible that clothing and related stores were getting rid of extras and damaged ones. 

Stuff takes time to do but internet makes it easier. I think offer up  and maybe facebook market place or similar may be a place to put a ad about your project. 

I bet you will get buttons. 

I have a really really strong desire to have a collection of buttons, like sewing buttons, but I don't want to just buy a collection of buttons and also I've never just randomly come across a button accidentally. So how am I supposed to start my collection? What am I supposed to do? Should I just start ripping buttons off of stranger's clothes? This seems like my only option.