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Jubilee, Rank #72 (a post-event reflection)

“Why would you post this on Nocturne’s 7th anniversary of its addition to Starlight Stage?” Because one, I like the song—especially the original duet. And two, screw it, we roll.

It has been a few weeks since the event ended, but I’ve been trying to write this reflection for weeks without trying to lose my mind over actually writing out several thoughts (both good and bad) over a collaboration event in a mobile rhythm/gacha game. Forgive me for the raw honest thoughts I’m about to say in there.

The Prologue

Hoshimachi Suisei is a virtual YouTuber (VTuber) affiliated with Hololive Production, one of the biggest virtual agencies for such talents. She is one of the earliest talents recruited by the agency, alongside other soloist VTubers like Tokino Sora, Roboco, Sakura Miko, and AZKi—together referred to as “Generation 0”. She is also someone striving to become an idol herself. Prior to becoming affiliated with her current agency, she had tried entering IRL idol agencies, to no avail. She tried joining Hololive Production, but got rejected. She got into INoNaKa Music, but would eventually get transferred into Hololive’s main JP branch in December 2019.

To briefly describe her activities: Suisei is a forever 18, multi-talented idol who has done (and sung) a lot of accomplishments over the years. She has interest in 2D idols as well, with her having interest in Ensemble Stars!! and THE IDOLM@STER, the latter of which being an inspiration that led her into her own idol journey. She would do covers alongside other Hololive talents with songs from those two series. “Honeycomb Summer”, “Melty♡Kitchen”, “Alive Factor”, “Hanamuke no Tori”… to name a few. There were also times where she would often be pulling in the respective games’ gacha, often spending a lot of money on them. Her favorite idols from Enstars!! and IM@S include Ritsu Sakuma, Natsume Sakaki, Hayate Hisakawa, and Kaede Takagaki.

Six years after her debut, she would perform with her own tantou.

At Suisei’s 6th Anniversary 3D live, appropriately titled “SheenderellaDay”, a certain someone would perform with one of her fans.

The song? It was “Koi Kaze”.

Suisei shared the same stage with no one other than Kaede Takagaki, who was in her 1st SSR outfit. This was followed up by a small MC corner. Kaede switched into her 4th SSR outfit, and then a new song written by Suisei’s recurring composer, lyricist, and fellow Midnight Grand Orchestra member TAKU INOUE started playing on stage. As the concert was happening, I was merely saying “congrats” in my mind.

And thus, the grand “Jubilee” started.

The Event (and My Mixed Feelings)

It’s easy for me to say that among the people who wanted a Hololive collab with THE IDOLM@STER in-game, Suisei probably won the hardest. She got her own in-game event, original song, a commu, and even an SSR in the series she loves—ignoring the behind-the-scenes shenanigans we will probably never fully know about. There were previous Hololive collab events in other gacha games, with Tokyo 7th Sisters and Granblue Fantasy getting their collabs in the past few years, but when it came to Starlight Stage’s collaborations, this was the game’s most intense collab yet.

I… didn’t initially plan on running this event much. While I was initially excited by the intensity of the collab event upon its official announcement, there were lingering feelings of “what if this were to be my tantou idol’s last event” and a slight hint of disappointment. The “end” of Starlight Stage had become a recurring topic among English-speaking Ps ever since the so-called “content reduction” announcement was released before the end of 2023. The collaboration itself was teased in that same announcement, but I presumed that the things around the collab were already in production as the whole “content reduction” stuff was being decided. The thought of losing IM@S’ most profitable mobile game because of whatever Bandai Namco is up to is kinda scary. It’s a silly sentiment towards a live service mobile game that will shut down eventually, but the thought is also real.

Then, there’s Kaede herself. Her last token event (and unit from the original mobile game) in Deresute, “Pretty Liar”, was held back in 2018. There’s… things I could say about her content released after that, both things I liked, things I felt odd towards, and things I didn’t really like all that much. In a nutshell: I want to see Kaede as “herself” and not just as the “final boss” Cinderella Girl that she is. It’s complicated.

And yet, this event’s timing couldn’t have been even more perfect. Lately I’ve been finding March and April to have moments involving my tantous. The event’s duration overlapped with March 30 (one year since Cinderella FES Mizuki’s release and eventually sparking FES Kaede in that same banner) and April 2 (10th Anniversary Tour Final, aka the live that changed the trajectory of my producing life forever). And the whole thing took place during Holy Week break, no less. The only real issues I would’ve had were potential connection issues that may arise in a then-upcoming 3-day road trip.

Why did this event have to be 11 days long?

The Actual Grind

Day 1 of the event started with me messing around with all my early intense grinding. I managed to get around the top 20 within the first 30 minutes of the event. Trying to maintain a top 100 spot was hard during the first few days, but eventually things stabilized as the days went on.

For a short break during the first day, I pulled on the collab gacha. My Suisei gacha tickets didn’t give me too much and got me an off-rate SSR (Miyo1), so I resorted to using jewels. Here came Kaede’s collab limited SSR, fully animated. My jewel count went from 55k at the start of the event to 36k—which would eventually be thrown into event ranking hell instead of being saved for the Kaede7 reruns (which was its own story).

During day 2, I kept playing (actually sending my auto Grand team through EVERLASTING FORTE hell and back) while I was at a local convention for the whole afternoon. Not pictured: me showing fellow artists there that I was playing the event! I may have fallen out from my goal for a while, dammit, but I kept farming for tokens anyway.

In addition, I drank some coffee especially during the last few days, although sometimes I find myself feeling a bit sleepy…

Throughout days 6-8, I was stuck on the annual provincial road trip during Holy Week. I brought two phones through the whole thing: my main phone whose mobile data has been mostly spent on event grinding, and a side phone where I would often chat on Discord or play videos and music during the trip. During the second night, I did get to stay in the hotel room by myself (we had two hotel rooms) and took that opportunity to try staying awake.

On day 9, I hit the 99,999,999 money cap for the first time. Nothing too significant about it other than me having to spend a lot on stuff from the limited money shop. (That’s why gold bars exist in-game!)

The final two nights had me trying my damn best to stay up for as much as possible past 1 or 2 AM. If you really value your sleep and sanity over a dumb number for a popular idol’s event, I do not recommend this.

The last day of the event was quite a stressful trip. Within the final 24 hours, I wanted to try reaching the maximum amount of tokens you could hold (99,999 tokens) but I feared that there would not be enough time for me to reach the target. I ended up stopping the EVERLASTING FORTE grind as soon as I got to 90k.

I wanted to park at certain numbers related to my tantous (Ray Distance’s Mobamas debut date, the day CG 4th LIVE’s performance of Nocturne happened, etc.) but I wouldn’t have enough time and/nor tokens to actually reach those numbers. Near the end I tried getting 1,591,715 (Mizuki and Kaede’s respective heights) but in the end, I only managed to reach the 1.59 million point mark with the last tokens I grinded and spent.

The hardest part of the event was actually trying to keep that high amount of uptime, and it was more apparent when I would get knocked out as I was trying to stay awake. I have a terrible sleep schedule (or lack thereof) but my sleepy butt wouldn’t keep me awake for too long. The loop of pressing buttons every 2 minutes felt monotonous for 11 days straight, minus the part where I actually played the event song for either jewels or to get a high score.

My complicated feelings towards Kaede’s latest event song being a collab with a popular VTuber was stuck in my mind, and I first thought I would try to settle for Top 500 early on; but previous sentiments and “final event” anxiety, combined with some encouragement from friends and other Producers (who ranked with me) kept telling me to keep going.

I ultimately finished the event at rank #72, which is… certainly a number associated with ChihayaPs. With a total of 1,590,435 points. I saw the numbers on Haruka’s birthday (April 3), send help.

I also made it to SSS rankings for the first time. It’s something I never really cared for, usually, but apparently ranking very high in a token event would let you in the top 1000. I never saw my actual SSS rank at the end of March (since I was too busy grinding), but I probably made it in the top 500 in the 91st SSS ranking that month.

The Tantou Unit Revenge

There’s one last thing I want to talk about, something I’ve been preparing for almost a year by that point. Long story short: I wanted to tier for the units I produce, and for the idols that are closest to me. I wanted to do that with S.E.M (my first tantou unit), but over the last few years my chances kept fading with each SideM game that got killed. By the time Growing Stars leaked announced its shutdown, I ended up starting to ask for a Kaede and Mizuki event (as Ray Distance) for me to tier in for me to have some form of “revenge” and (hopefully) closure on that front.

Of course that dream event didn’t happen (yet), knowing how much Bandai Namco and Cygames likes putting that After20 duo (who also have some of the busiest VAs in the series) together sometimes.

Over 2023, I did get some top 2000s here and there, in both token and groove events. The last event with my actual tantous in it happened over a year ago (Heartboiled Wars with Tomoe). Every event I’ve tiered in has had an idol I like: Aki, Sanae, Airi, Kanade, and Koharu.

And yet, I didn’t tier in this event because I like Suisei… I tiered in this event because I like Kaede. So much that I ended up producing her.

As weird as I feel about the collaboration as a whole, giving up on this chance would’ve left me with intense regret for several reasons. Future me would be really disappointed if this is to be Kaede’s final Starlight Stage event. (So I hope she gets one more event after this…)

The possibility of me failing a chance of tiering one of my closest tantou’s events again scared me. I lost my chances more than once, and it would probably hurt if I give up that chance. It wasn’t the ideal event I wanted to try in, but the timing was too perfect not to ignore either. There were many thoughts swirling in my head throughout the whole thing, but then again… it’s a tantou event in the end.

I’m awaiting Mizuki’s next event (especially since she hasn’t gotten a new song for nearly 3 years now), but I need to recover first.

Despite everything…

In the end, I do not regret being Kaede’s producer.

The Stats

PLv: 347 → 501. The 2x fan campaign combined with a bit of the EXP Produce perk boosts may have helped a lot.

Jewel count: 55k (pre-gacha) → 36k (post-gacha) → 7k. Thank goodness I didn’t have to spark Kaede in that limited banner.

Idols made past 15 million fans: Uzuki, Takumi, Nanami, and Tomoe. Three of my tantous & an excessive use of Nanami’s FES SSR.

Idols made past 10 million fans: Seira, Yui, and Koharu. Sanae, Miku, Nana, Ranko, and Karen also got a significant boost in fans due to all of this.

SSS songs cleared: Gaze and Gaze. Been wanting to save getting that clear for a special event.

Stamina drinks spent: everything.

Total no of EVERLASTING FORTE plays at the end: 2,947.

SSRs obtained from collab gacha: 5 (two Kaedes, one Rin4, a Makino1 dupe, and a Miyo1.) I’d eventually gain another 2 SSRs after the event (neither of them were Suisei though. I had to resist pulling further because a Kaede7 rerun was coming…)

The Special Thanks

The KaigaiPs that ranked with me in the top 100 (Zhu and Shiina especially—those two are on a different league of their own) for helping me survive this tiresome first Deresute T100 attempt.

My fellow online friends from the various Discord servers and on Twitter, for supporting me. I’ve been keeping that whole thing under wraps from my main account out of embarrassment, but yeah.

The Hololive Fan Wiki, Virtual YouTuber Wiki, and the JP Hololive Unofficial Wiki for Suisei research.

As a final note… when’s Passion Jewelries? Or the next Kaede/Mizuki event?

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Oh hello (theme by mournstera)

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trying to rework the about page's description on my other, rambles/future tls blog but how the heck do i make it balance between making it more "general" + not just be too imas-centric and focusing on my interests at the same time

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deadass forgot to add this bit into the actual blog post after looking into a discord server:

If it weren't for S.E.M and SideM as a whole, I wouldn't be here the same way.

however i like the ending i ended up writing instead so i'll just keep it

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I love S.E.M an insane amount. (a reflection)

“If it weren’t for S.E.M, would I even be here right now?”

Okay, correction: “If I didn’t meet S.E.M again through a random Google search a few years ago, would I even be here right now?”

Let’s turn back the clock for a moment. I got into 2D fictional idols through Love Live! back in mid-2017 with me first watching the School Idol Project anime on a whim. Timeskip to months later in October and I went through Sunshine!! Season 2 when it was airing, and I remembered vaguely hearing things about THE IDOLM@STER back then. I had a loose idea about SideM’s existence through clips from the anime (which was airing on that same season) along with IDOLiSH7 and Tsukipro – both fellow male idol series that I also encountered. Neither did I pay closer attention to these nor was I into male idols though.

Here’s this bit from a previous lovemail from a few years ago: I wasn’t fully open about my interests towards others. I feared that nobody would understand what I enjoy, especially if it isn't as well-known as what a typical person would know. Before becoming an idol fan, I was more into magical girl anime, tokusatsu, and Western animation in general – all of which are niche interests in their own right.

Skip to 2019. By that point, I was already into IM@S by that point, albeit focusing more on 765Pro and Million Live’s activities via Theater Days. In January, I started Shiny Colors and LIVE ON ST@GE! for the first time, and both had uh – let’s just say, “unique” ways of handling non-rhythm game-like mechanics. (I haven't touched the older console games yet.) I was more of a casual fan of the two branches (compared to 765) and I was more focused on my high school life, which hadn’t started crumbling down just yet. I didn’t stay with the two games as much as Mirishita.

My first starter idol in MStage was Ryo, mainly because of his connection with the console games. Touma and Ryo’s connections to 765Pro immediately made them my initial favorite idols in SideM, but three men clad in pink and silver spandex caught my attention: S.E.M. The unit’s concept of a trio of ex-teachers becoming idols to motivate and inspire students to study and follow their dreams struck me. I regretted not starting off with any of the members, so I left my original MStage account, opting to return with a S.E.M starter idol when I gave it a second chance.

I chose Rui as my new starter idol in April 2019, but I didn’t really have a no. 1 favorite idol by then. I read a few of whatever was translated and listened to some of the songs; but I was more focused on Mirishita and acted more casually towards the other branches.

But on a more personal note, I was starting to go through some… mixed feelings in my personal life.

My boyfriend and I broke up after 11 months, had to give up taking part in a club I’ve been involved in for the past 2 years by then, and constantly got annoyed at some teachers’ way of doing things which affected my enjoyment of the subjects I studied for… And on top of that, it was starting to feel more lonely as I saw friend groups I knew split apart for a moment and I would feel unwanted at times when my close friends aren’t around.

It was getting lonely. Being with the school newspaper team felt most like home when our meetings happened, but it wasn’t enough.

(Don’t worry, I’m okay now and my friends – including my ex – are currently on good terms.)

December 4, 2019. The router at home was having internet problems and I couldn’t properly play the Mirishita event at the time, “Hitomi no Naka no Sirius”. I was at home since we didn’t have to go to school because of a holiday. I don’t fully remember what led to me messing around on my two phones – but for some reason, I typed “S.E.M” onto Google search on a whim and found their work again. It was clear that I was bored by that point, so I started reading their magazines and event stories again to pass the time.

Seeing S.E.M and the relationship within the trio… reminded me of home. What appealed to me about them wasn’t just their “silly” reason for becoming idols in the first place or their entire concept (which is already something you don’t see in other mixed media idol/music franchises often), it was the relationship between three grown men (who were colleagues from the same workplace they left) getting into the entertainment industry just to inspire and motivate others to follow their dreams and, of course, study. School had a strong importance for most of my life where I could show my true self without feeling restricted by my family’s presence. Seeing them… made me smile.

I started rambling about them – especially Jiro, who initially became my favorite among the trio back then – to my best friend. The brainrot slowly took over. I was already sure that all three of them were here to stay this time. The brainrot made me reinstall MStage and return to my account, and I started playing the original Mobage with my beginner-level Japanese knowledge.

As I started talking more about that trio of ex-teachers with her, I realized how insecure I really was about my interests; too shy to talk to random strangers online as well. At that time, it felt like that had to change. I created my present-day Twitter account in early 2020. That was originally dedicated to my interests (and eventually became my main account) and I started talking in English-speaking IM@S servers more often. I’ve made friends with people from around the world and from my own home country. I even started posting some of my own art on there and would try to start posting on other social media platforms over the years. It was nerve-wracking, but perhaps it made me feel a little less lonely compared to before, looking back.

When I left another fandom (which was related to IRL idols) in early 2020, I made a pledge to myself that no matter how bad the branch’s situation gets, I would stay with the boys until the end. Of all the media I have ever touched, none would come close as to what THE IDOLM@STER SideM would ever bring me into on a very personal level. Its message and theme of starting over again at any age resonated with me, and it hits hard especially as I grew older. I’ve met many Producers of varying branches over the last 3-4 years, have taken part in several fan community projects – including running entire Twitter accounts and fan wikis and Discord servers – and helped me learn some skills along the way.

As for my tantous in IM@S itself? Michio Hazama (and by extension, S.E.M as whole) would overtake everyone, of course.  Entering 2020, I had to rank the New Year’s Michio event in LIVE ON ST@GE! right after I just returned to it, then my first S.E.M-focused event since I started the Mobage was a Michio rank. The first artwork I posted on Twitter publicly was his New Year event SR for his birthday.

Of all the tantous I’ve met, none could reach the same personal level of love, care, and interest I have for them as much as him. (Even if a certain Cinderella Girl came to challenge that notion.) I remembered one of my types being a quiet, serious guy with glasses. His silent passion and strict (yet caring) demeanor towards his pupils, the way he wants to see them succeed from an educator’s point of view, and his moments with the cast – especially with his unitmates and Producer – brought me immense warmth.

I knew he would become my favorite idol within the branch as time went on, but he eventually won me over the most within the entire franchise. A serious man in glasses is an archetype you would often see, but seeing a teacher figure want the best for his students and his unit, as well as being passionate about his work and not being overly loud about it drives me insane.

——————————————————————————————

Fast forward to 2022. When GROWING STARS had its 1st anniversary campaign, the vibes I got from the online surroundings at the time didn’t settle well with me. Honestly, I was very disappointed with the execution of the anniversary campaign itself, although I tried to keep myself in tact. There was a lingering feeling that what is now a core aspect of myself about to break down once again, especially seeing how some Producers I met through SideM had (understandably) either left or took a break for better, greener pastures. I found myself turning towards a certain pair of adult ladies from another production to help me go through my short break from SideM at the time, but still kept in touch with IM@S by that point. As I thought about the other idols (who are over 20 y/o) I would eventually produce – especially when it comes to that pair of ladies – I thought to myself that what if SideM helped rewire my taste.

And now, with the advent of the last remaining SideM game’s impending, terribly received, and horribly executed shutdown and with Bandai Namco having revealed its future plans through a roadmap... I’m lost and unsure where to go. It’s like I KNOW where to go, but don’t know how to go further despite the circumstances. I even gave a large “sigh” towards the announcement before I’d write the GROWING STARS shutdown notice itself onto the SideM ENG Twitter.

It took me a few days to write up my full response towards the shutdown announcement up to the point where I was writing it in the middle of my trip days after the stream. Before that, I had left several disappointed tweets which eventually became hit tweet after hit tweet.

I’ve been into IM@S as a Producer for 5 years by this point. I didn’t want to celebrate it like this.

Despite everything though, I told myself that I wouldn’t leave. I did say that I would still keep in touch with IM@S, and I can’t deny the impact that it has left towards me and how I saw my IM@S tantou roster (which has grown since I became S.E.M’s Producer.) I’ve had moments where I questioned my worth as a P over the past few years. I've seen others’ achievements when I’m still trying to get my foot into learning Japanese up to this day. I've seen other Producers, same tantou or otherwise, rank high in the games when points ranking was still a thing while I’ve never been able to get past the Top 1000 event points ranking for a S.E.M/Michio-focused event. And I may probably never will.

However...

If it weren’t for the people I’ve met, the characters I’ve met, and the Producers I’ve met and would encounter... I often have my lonely days and would feel gloomy over things for no particular reason (and I still do), but I wouldn’t trade my own experiences with different friend groups I’ve made for the world.

I want to reach as high as I can to beat my past Top 100 success in Mirishita, even if it’s through my actions in a game I’ve yet to reach that same level. For as long as I’m allowed to produce my tantou units through whatever games they have left.

I want to continue supporting the idols I’ve met, and the two units I’ll continue to produce. Taking care of a pair of drinking buddies who are over 20 and a trio of ex-teachers doesn’t sound too bad.

I love S.E.M an insane amount. I love Michio an even more insane amount.

Because I wouldn’t be here without them. And maybe I wouldn't have gotten that first push to do all of what I’ve done without them.

[foreigndistance]

“If it weren’t for S.E.M, would I even be here right now?”

Okay, correction: “If I didn’t meet S.E.M again through a random Google search a few years ago, would I even be here right now?”

5.24.2023. coming soon.

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Happy Birthday, Michio!!

This is a reprint of my own Twitter post from 1/13/2023. No, I did not post this on the wrong blog this time.

—— happy birthday, michio! let's continue walking together on this grand stage, forever and ever 💙👓📐

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Michio-san, how’s Tokyo fairing for you? Still trying to chase your dreams? Or perhaps you’re still inspiring your students to chase theirs?

It’s my fourth year celebrating your birthday and I can never get tired of seeing you around. How do I describe this... Because I have either a few, or a lot to say.

It has been several years since I got more into SideM, since I became S.E.M’s producer for the very first time. Somehow, you’ve managed to keep me sane while also driving me insane at the same time in the best ways possible. Whether as a teacher or as an idol, you’ve helped guide me to follow my own dreams and passions; and to find myself again during and after those few years of pain. Seeing you had reminded me of... myself, in a way.

Nothing says “I love you” more than staying by your side and watching you grow as an idol and as a person over time. You–all of S.E.M, really–had kept me moving forward for all those times. You’ve inspired me to keep moving forward in light of bad fortune and to chase my own dreams. This burning passion of yours has reminded me of my own passion and the way I want to keep supporting what I love, what kind of person I want to be in the future, and to come back to my own roots even if it meant starting over.

It’s funny how it took a while before I found a favorite that had left so much impact and represented a part of me so much. Those past few years have surely been a ride, and even with a long-standing part of us now gone after over 8 years, I still want to support and be there for you and all of S.E.M as your producer. Despite the odds and the bleakness of it all right now, we shall try to stand tall and continue moving forward.

Let’s continue walking with you on this grand stage, forever and ever.

Thanks for always keeping me company.

― meriP

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I had also made some graphics for the “letter” in hand!

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UPDATE: Potential Theme Change?

Welp! Looks like the current blog's theme isn't visible to mobile users at all... I will consider updating the blog to a more "mobile-friendly" theme in the near future! (And hope to god that the theme will actually be visible to mobile users...)

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Happy Birthday, Mizuki Kawashima!!

I spent a good amount of time (several months) writing about how I came to became her Producer, and how it had caused irreparable damage to my tantou-related decisions.

Unfortunately, this is also the most I’ve ever written about a single character so... Enjoy.

“I choose who I produce.”

This has been a mantra that has been stuck in my head for a while ever since I’ve decided on a main tantou in Cinderella Girls. And that phrase popped up again when I decided on another CG tantou. For a long time since I got into the franchise in 2018, I didn’t have a no. 1 favorite idol in CG I was fully comfortable with, especially compared with how I found my main favorites in other branches.

I thought I could produce one type or be split between producing who I want… until I fell in love with a certain woman’s charm. This is a story of how I got to that point.

For a bit of background: I have been stuck in IM@S hell since 2018, as I started peeking into 765Pro and Cinderella Girls for a little bit but ended up focusing more on the latter’s shenanigans (and Million Live!, by extension) for a long while. I eventually started looking into more stuff outside of 765Pro in 2019 and gained some favorites from CG, SideM, and Shiny Colors by then. Entering early 2020, I had strong interest towards SideM and Million Live! so much that I focused heavily on these two branches for a good amount of time, but also got further into Shiny Colors and CG up to the point when I even tried all the active mobile games at the time. Alongside that, I started following Cinderella Girls more closely starting with getting into Deresute in April 2020, but I still looked at it from a mostly semi-casual perspective despite considering myself as a multi-branch producer. At some point I wondered if I would ever find a 20+ idol (outside of SideM) that I would gain strong interest in very strongly, in a similar way to what I felt about my main tantou (SideM’s Michio, in that case) by that point.

Here’s the first starting point: it was January 2021, I was peeking at parts of a conversation with some people on Discord. The guys were talking about CG at that time and one of the members posted a then-ongoing thread about her. I couldn’t fully remember what happened after but I looked into the thread and I just… understood. The more I read about her, the more she started to stand out among the idols I’ve been interested in so far.

Messages sent before disaster.

It was later within that month when I decided to just… simply produce her.

Since that conversation, I had been casually producing her alongside the rest of my CG favorites. My tantou lineup kept fluctuating over that year until I eventually stuck with a tantou trio of my no. 1 favorite per attribute: Uzuki for Cute, Mizuki for Cool, and Takumi for Passion.

My memories from that era feel like a blur today, but I remembered listening to her second solo, “Dreaming of you” and it resonated with me quite a lot. A thing I noted to myself was that if a character’s solo gets me interested in an idol in IM@S, this is a warning sign. That had only happened once to me before with SideM’s Michio… and it had happened again there in CG, of all places.

Another point that happened was that I waited for her bridal SSR to come home partially because I wanted to have at least one SSR of my top five CG girls at the time, and I got her after two 10-pulls when her rerun banner finally dropped. It was the first SSR I animated via the Premium Cut Film and I would often see the pink petals flying with the wind and her lovely blue dress flowing in the awakened card illustration. I also vaguely remembered even looking into her Memorial Commus in Deresute at some point later on.

My producing activities in CG were a more casual experience compared to how I treated my tantous in other branches, and I still couldn’t make up my mind on a true no. 1 favorite in CG by then.

Over a year passed by, and the day that could potentially ruin my life came: April 2, 2022, the first day of the CG 10th Anniversary tour's final leg. No one knew who was coming there when the cast list was a surprise until the day itself. I had the chance to watch the whole 4-hour long performance with some friends on another server and saw each voice actress of our favorite idols show up one by one. I watched Ayaka Ohashi (Uzuki) and Yuko Hara (Takumi) appearing excitedly during their respective first appearances.

Then she came on stage. “Orgel no Kobako” started playing. We had already seen the other performer (Chiyo Ousaki, Koume’s VA) earlier, but beside her was the woman behind Mizuki's voice: Nao Toyama.

I was tagged in that server while the other members talked about her during the show. Funnily enough, I didn’t initially know how much of an impact that performance would leave on me, but I did see so much of that brilliance in her stage presence and vocals that I wrote this to the chat and onto Twitter: “I have simply passed away.”

She may have only shown up on the first day but it didn’t matter too much. Both days of those performances went well and everything reaffirmed that I just grew to love the branch even more than before… especially Day 1’s performance.

As the following days passed, things began to sink in. I knew Mizuki had been peeking for a while – both as a character I didn’t look into at first and as a tantou early on – and Naobou’s performance was the final nail in the coffin. Looking back on the past few years up to that point, I just kept hearing people talk about Mizuki and the voice actress behind her in various places, but didn’t see people that truly consider her as a “tantou” among my circles. The days following that night had me constantly pondering why I was mesmerized by her in the first place, even up to the point where I jokingly said that I would be a Mizuki main temporarily due to the brain rot having a strong grip on me. By April 15, 2022, I finally found my no. 1 favorite CG idol and truly called myself a MizukiP.

Over the next several months, I thought of this phrase, “I choose who I produce,” when I reflected back on my tantou choices as I finally brought Kaede from just a regular favorite to a proper tantou. I chose who I produce not just because they appeal to me on the fly or serve, but because enough time was spent for them to grow on me as well, and over time they've left hints and signs that I think that some of them have grown on me over time. At that time, it applied to not just Kaede, but to all of my tantous as well… even Mizuki herself. There were some fleeting aspects and hints that I failed to mention – like how I started playing Deresute 1-2 months after her last event (Gaze and Gaze) happened, how the game’s 5th Anniversary (in which she was included in the lineup) was the first Deresute anniversary I partook in, and a few other things. I finally became a KaedeP and fully considered Tomoe as a fukutan – two idols associated with her that I’ve known since 2018 – partly because of her.

I often looked back at that live performance and thought a lot about not only finding a proper main tantou, but also how much it left an impact on me as a Producer and somehow finding a new favorite voice actress in the franchise (which is another story of its own). Of course, I did have my regrets over not starting things a little earlier, but I am just relieved that I now have a clearer direction in where I want to go with the game and this branch… and with her. More than ever before.

So yeah, I ended up loving and appreciating her more over the past several months up to the point where she could rival my other main tantou, Michio, in many ways. I started out not fully knowing who my true favorite in CG was but now my tantou lineup in this branch has never felt this comfy.

I did finally find my own Cinderella… and I understand, truly. Happy birthday, Mizuki.

[foreigndistance]

“I choose who I produce.”

This has been a mantra that has been stuck in my head for a while ever since I’ve decided on a main tantou in Cinderella Girls. And that phrase popped up again when I decided on another CG tantou. For a long time since I got into the franchise in 2018, I didn’t have a no. 1 favorite idol in CG I was fully comfortable with, especially compared with how I found my main favorites in other branches.

11.25.2022. coming soon.