forgcdasseta

[forgcdasseta]

saviare   //   clarke

    his panic surprised her. she had expected shock and guilt, she had seen it before when steve woke him. this was different. there was a soul wrenching look in his eye, each ‘no’ that escaped his lips sound a little more like it was being pulled straight from his lungs. she had moved to the edge of the bed as he backed against the wall, somehow the distance between felt like a canyon with the way he looked at her. it was guilt but something deeper, sadder, and her heart hurt as it painted across his face.      “ bucky, ” she breathed out, standing up in the dark bedroom as if to stop him. every once in while, she noticed that there were things that flowed between the two men that no one else to hold a candle to. they understood each other, experienced life together, their childhoods and adulthoods were so closely intertwined. there were moments like these that steve just knew what to say, what to do and she felt like she was floundering. everything about bucky was still new to her, she was still intimately learning about him like he was learning about her. they led vastly different lives, opposing at each end. her hands were used to save lives and his to end them. what was she supposed to say— its alright? it will be fine? youre not dangerous? or was that lying…      instead of saying anything, she grabbed comforter and wrapped it around her shoulders then stepped off the bed toward him. she didnt know what steve would say but she knew just going back to bed without him wasnt the answer either. “ well then we wont be in bed, ” she told him, stepping past him to open the door. she walked into the darkness of the living room, the comforter end trailing behind her as she used the city night light through the curtains to navigate around furniture.         she got to the fire escape window and pushed it open, the fall night chill letting itself in as she climbed out onto the metal landing. she sat down on one of the cold cushions she kept out there, waiting for him to come through the window before holding out one of her arms for him to join her under the safety of the massive comforter blanket. she wasnt afraid him, not before and not now.

          when clarke walked by, he couldn’t move.  he kept the wall pressed firmly against his back like it was a lifeline.  this was one of the many reasons he preferred to sleep with steve between them.  he loved the feel of the woman at his side but the way nightmares could paralyze him or make him trash.  one wrong move and the terror could have him lashing out, punching, or otherwise trying to attack someone.  steve was more durable simply because of the serum pumping through his veins.  it would take a lot more to permanently damage the other.  clarke, intelligent and strong as she was, didn’t have the same durability.  to think he came dangerously close to hurting her placed guilt on top of the panic caused by the voices in his head.

            he hears the rubbing of fabric.  looking up, his girlfriend is walking by with the comforter around her shoulders like a cape.  he’d set aside extra mental energy to fight her on coming back to bed.  it wasn’t an option, plain and simple.  but, instead of saying anything she simply walks by.  an ear leans towards the window to follow her footsteps through the rest of the apartment, difficult with bare feet.  the blanket was easier to track.  window opens.   a gush of air and the traffic below getting noticeably louder.

        bucky doesn’t follow right away.  he doesn’t look at the clock so he’s not sure how long it takes him to move.  images from the nightmare plays over and over again until the details fade into nothing.  then he’s left with nothing to hold on to.

          it doesn’t occur to him until he’s in the living room that he should’ve grabbed a shirt to sit on the fire escape.  but, he doesn’t go back because they’re high enough that his arm shouldn’t prove to be any issue.  wasn’t like he was going to be cold.  there had to be a lot of snow on the ground for it to get cold enough to bother him or his arm.  “ you don’t have to sit out here to prove any weird points, “ he said from the window.  both hands lean against the ledge but he’s not ready to step through yet.  it took a minute but, eventually, he did.  if only to make sure clarke stayed warm.  “ why are we sitting on the fire escape and not on the couch? “

[forgcdasseta]

saviare‌   //   clarke

                    @forgcdasset​ asked:   sad kiss          it was bad again. it had gotten better over time, the more stable their lives, the easier the nights were. there were some weeks that were quiet, small shifts in the bed before he reached for one of them a moment later as if to make sure they were still there. some nights steve moved her out of the way so that he could wake him, knowing that he had a better chance to dodge a fist in that moment of panic between unconsciousness and consciousness. steve was on mission and she thought that it would be fine—       half asleep, she had barely touched his chest to wake him then she was pressed onto her back on the bed, her heart racing as she stared up at him. the darkness of the bedroom was cut by moonlight, the assassin straddled her with his flesh hand pressed against her chest, his metal arm was pulled back and fingers curled into a fist. for a moment she forgot how to breathe, her gasp sounded like his name. she had always known that he could be dangerous, much like steve. they were soldiers, trained for war and capable of destruction. being capable of brutality did not mean that he was not capable of anything else. but for a moment, she saw what his enemies did and it was frightening.        she watched as reality began to register, the way grey eyes widened in horror. his fist unraveled, his hand came off her chest and she watched at the fight seemed to ebb out of him. she knew what came next, she could see it in his eyes, that wave of guilt. steve wasnt there to lighten the blow, to act as a buffer for moments like these. the blonde sat up, reaching for his hand before he could move off of her.        “ bucky,” she said softly, “ its okay, im fine. ” she tilted her head up as he looked down at her, lips brushing against his jaw before reaching just a little more to meet his own. there was something sad in it, like kissing a wound to be better knowing that it wasnt healing any time soon. they couldnt protect her from everything, no matter how hard they tried. she reached up to touch his cheek with the tips of her fingers, looking up at him in the moonlight.        “ we’re both okay now. just come back to bed. ”               

          you’ll pay, winter soldier.  no one escapes hydra.

          the words repeated themselves through the darkness.  off in the distance bucky could hear something else; a voice trying to cut through the fog.  little by little he saw a light until there were blonde strands filling his vision.  there was a fraction of a second then past and present overlapped each other.  that was the most confusing.  eyebrows pinch together and metal digs against one of his eye sockets.  it takes a few more seconds to really understand what had happened.  but, as soon as he sees himself straddled over clarke’s waist and the look of horror in her eyes.  he knew.

          “ no, “ a frantic choke.  he scrambles off the bed so fast that the tangled sheet around his ankle almost takes him down to the ground.  “ no. “  his head shakes faster and faster.  one word repeats itself on his lips over and over again.  before all of this happened and he was sleeping on his own the nightmares weren’t as much of a problem.  they always shook him to his very core but at least he suffered alone.  the first few nights spent in clarke’s bed meant he really didn’t sleep.  accidentally hurting her with his thrashing kept him awake.  only exhaustion finally pushed him to doze.  when nothing happened he’d gotten comfortable.  complacent.

             “ i can’t.  you go back to sleep. i... “  bumping into the wall had the soldier brushing a hand against his thigh like he was expecting a weapon to be there.  not only was there nothing but skin but he chastised himself for wanting go reach for it when it was just him and clarke.  “ i need some air. “  again bucky squeezed his eyes shut.  he could still feel himself sitting in that chair, shackled down like an animal.  chills rolled up his spine and made him shiver.  that pushes him to shuffle to the side until there’s nothing left and he’s at the door.   “ it’s too dangerous for me to be in bed right now. “

[forgcdasseta]

saviare‌   //   clarke

          her hands still shook. walking away from him was harder than she wanted to be, a part of her felt like he knew that too. being the arms of her boys, she had never thought about feeling safe. of course she did, but it wasnt at the forefront of her mind. she felt warm and loved, happy. but there was something about stepping out his arms, feeling his fingers finally let her go to walk to the shadowed threshold of her bedroom. she felt like a little girl afraid of the dark, afraid of what waited for her to let her guard down. her heart was still beating quickly in her chest, not racing but she could hear it in her ears.            she flicked on the lights, stripping off her scrubs and bra, throwing them in the hamper. she threw on an old cotton shirt that belonged to one of the boys, big enough to fall to mid thigh on her. if steve was coming later, it was going to be a warm night of being close to the both of them—especially if she couldnt stop shaking any time soon. the doctor tugged her braid out as she walked out of the bedroom, a soft throw blanket in tow. she sat down on the couch next to him as he spoke, taking up her ice cream as she leaned against his side with her legs tucked up. despite her mood, she chuckled at his, well, wasnt really a joke but funny none the less.            “ thats different, you guys can handle everything, ” she said softly, sobering as she took off the paper top and giving it a small toss back onto the coffee table. the only reason she wasnt a blabbering mess right now was because she was distracting herself. thats what she did, sometimes with work, sometimes with ice cream and face masks. “ i didnt even think it needed a plan. he was just a guy, came in because of some pain and i examined him. i thought he was a junky who wanted a prescription, ” she took a bite of her ice cream, looking distantly at the table as she tried to remember the signs before it escalated. she couldnt think of any, at least, not at violent behavior.          “ its been on and off for four months, ” she winced, glancing at him as she heard how that sounded now. another spoonful of ice cream let her think on how it all started. “ first it was visits, ask me to lunch or for coffee and i would refuse nicely. then came flowers and gifts, i would refuse those too, told him that i was in a relationship. he said it was a thank you. when i wasnt there, he would leave things with the nurses. he was always smiling, sweet. just thought he was persistent so i was polite and nice. i didnt think anything of it until he stopped coming when i wasnt there. he just knew when i would be working, ” a realization made her blood run cold, her body stiffen as her heart sunk into her gut. she looked over at bucky, but logically she knew. “ he had been following me before this, hadnt he? thats how he knew. ”

          oh, how wrong she was.  bucky had always handled things because he had to.  there was no can about it.  forced.  every situation he came up against was plowed through so he could get to the next one.  originally, becoming steve’s friend was about much the same thing.  he saw steve as being the same exact way.  the only difference was the other was a lot more chaotic about him.  much like steve, bucky was crafted by the actions of his father.  it molded him into who he was and how he dealt with situations.  but that wasn’t what clarke needed to hear just then.  she needed to hold on to the illusion that her super soldiers were unbreakable.  and, much like bucky always did for steve, he would uphold that image.  he would be it.  for her.

          having her tucked into his side provided a few obstacles, mainly because he didn’t want to compromise his position.  in fact, he shifted only so that he could wrap around her and bring her in closer.  that left him with one arm for ice cream.  the tub was held out in front of her so that the spoon could travel around rather than over ( risking rogue drops from hitting her hair ).

          “ people aren’t always just people, unfortunately, “ the soldier said thoughtfully.  eyebrows pinch together mainly because he knew there was little chance she could see the pain in his face.  not knowing any of this bothered him.  four months was a long, long time to be able to gather intel.  he himself could rip apart generations with that much time.  at the same time, he didn’t want to scare clarke into information.  by some miracle, he needed her to understand.  not so easy when her stubborn tendencies mirrored that of captain america himself.  “ i try not to talk a lot about the red room because...it’s... “  his head shakes.  though some of those memories were still patchy he’s not proud of his time there.  “ i trained people to blend in.  i trained people to mirror a certain way of life and i’m not saying that’s what this guy is.  he’s most definitely not... “

           that was a level of reality he wanted to shield clarke from.  she didn’t need to know how bad things could be or bad he could be.  inhaling, he holds the air in his lungs for a few seconds before slowly letting it out.  “ yes, “ he said simply.  honestly.  “ he had to know your schedule to only show up when you’re on duty.  the first few times could’ve been a simple question to the right person .  but, since at least then would be my guess. “  and bucky had never even noticed.

[forgcdasseta]

saviare‌   //   clarke

     his arms wrap around her and it almost surprises her. it had taken him awhile to be open with touch, giving it or receiving it but he never hesitated in the moments that he knew she needed it. she buried her face in his chest, her arms going around him as he spoke. his warmth and the vibrations of his timbre helped her nerves even if it was just a little. she understood what he meant, that the lack of physical strength didnt make her weak even if she felt like it. she was the one people looked to when they needed someone to make the decisions, to be strong in the face of obstacles. she couldnt be weak. thats what she was used to. in a moment, that changed and all she could do was think that she could not let him get her into that car.     he pulled back to look down at her though she made no move to leave the safety of his arms, simply tilted her head back to meet his gaze. her cheeks and nose were rosy from her tears that had thankfully stopped for the moment. as he tried to explain his worry and love to her, she felt silly because she knew that. hypocritically, she really did. god knows she worried about them even though she knew they would be fine. them being super soldiers didnt mean she didnt worry. it still didnt mean that she had a hard to time allowing herself to be worried about, to be saved. “ i know it sounds dumb, but im used to being the one who worries not the one people worry about, ” she confessed, “ i didnt want to bother you or steve so i didnt really tell him as much as i should have. i didnt think…i thought i could handle it. ”        steve was not going to be happy when he got home, she knew that much. now that she thought about, she was surprised by the level of control bucky showed. they both knew that he couldve done much worse before the guy could scream. she doubted he would be dumb enough to show up at her apartment again but she didnt think that he was scared away for good. “ ill go change and you grab the ice cream? ” she asked softly, offering a small attempt at smiling. it was one of those nights but this time she lacked the spirit to take out the face masks and rom-coms. this time she just wanted to eat ice cream, be near one of her boys and try not to go into a cry or go into panic attack.  

          bucky knew better than anyone else what could lurk in the shadows.  for over seventy years it was him.  he was every power player’s worst nightmare because no one could prove his existence and everyone knew he was an inevitability.  so, bucky understood even better than steve what possibilities lurked in the darkness.  having a partner after the fact was an interesting experience.  memories or not, the soldier worried.  it felt like the more he remembered the worse his worries became.  at the same time he also tried to preserve clarke’s autonomy by setting aside those fears and holding on to the knowledge that his girlfriend was one of the strongest, most intelligent people he knew.  rationally, bucky understood what she was capable of and he couldn’t let irrational fears seep into their relationship.

          this was one of the first times he wanted to act on the need to protect her.  if she’d actually made it into her vehicle he wouldn’t have slept until the man was six feet under.  one of the many fundamental differences between he and steve.  bucky thought his way was more effective considering no one could come back to do harm again.  closing his eyes, he had to remind himself no one was going to die here.  clarke was fine, the stalker was deterred, and soon enough every detail was going to the right people to make sure it didn’t happen again.

          “ ice cream it is, “ lips linger a little longer against her forehead.  he was upset she was scared.  he was upset someone dared to try and touch her.  but bucky also knew that steve would yell enough for both of them when he found out and tried to counteract by being as externally calm as he could.  pulling away was harder than normal.  fingers drag down the doctor’s arm until their skin could no longer touch.  a sigh presses him forward where he digs though the freezer to pull out a tub of strawberry cheesecake ice cream.  after shutting the door, the soldier opens it again to pull out  his own gallon of rocky road.  

          her ice cream is set on the coffee table with a metal spoon sitting on top.  a button on the remote is slicked purely so the television can provide a little white noise.  once clarke emerges from the bedroom bucky softly says, “ telling us about something doesn’t mean you’re admitting you can’t handle it. “  a spoonful of chocolate ice cream hits his tongue.  “ steve and i don’t tell you where and when we go on missions because we can’t handle it.  knowledge is power, clarke.  you know that just as well as we do.  if we know something’s going on then we can tackle it.  make a plan.  or...i make the plan while steve goes out to punch someone. “

[forgcdasseta]

Sebastian Stan  - GQ 2018

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source: instagram.com/p/B_DUaAhpC9i

[forgcdasseta]

they are so extra

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“There are all these moments you don’t think you will survive. And then you survive.”

— David Levithan (via quotemadness)

[forgcdasseta]

You could have the power of the gods! Yet you wear a flag on your chest and think you fight a battle of nations! I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!

[forgcdasseta]

saviare‌   //   clarke

            bad things happened to people all the time, those things didnt always involve secret government agents or aliens or gods, sometimes it was just awful people making other peoples lives miserable. there had been plenty of days where she came home frustrated or sad because she had to help the victims of abuse then send them right back to their abuser. or worse, having to help the abuser and know there was nothing she could do about it other than inform the police. she never minded being a part of court trials or following up with situations but that didnt always stop them.              meanwhile the two main people in her life made a living by stopping bad things from happening on a much larger scale all the time. they had better things to do than worry about her. the truth was that she was the most ‘fragile’ in this relationship and they were both too nice to ever say it to her face. she wasnt like them and she wasnt like maria or natasha either. she shakes her head, swallowing down that lump in her throat again. “ thats not why, ” she sighed, taking off her bag from her shoulder and letting it drop to the floor of the hallway. her eyes met his and she thought about how she felt before he came, her heart lurched.            “ you and steve shouldnt have to worry about me. you have bigger things to worry about and the fact that i needed you to save me right outside my apartment, ” she let out a frustrated ‘ugh’, lifting the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that she couldnt stop. thats why she had told them right? because she knew what happened to women who didnt tell anyone. he was just a guy who had convinced himself that her niceness in her job meant she had feelings. he kept coming back with gifts she wouldnt take, broad smiles and attempted hugs. she told him that she was not interested and he always seemed to hear her. but then he would show up at on her subway platform or at her coffee shop not a couple days later.          “ i know how i feel isnt going to break you but it might break me and i cant– ” she put her hands over her eyes, trying to gain some kind of control. her soft pink scrubs couldnt hide the already forming bruise where he had grabbed her wrist too harshly.    

          it was quickly becoming evident that bucky was missing part of the conversation.  clarke’s bag thumps down onto the floor and his gaze travels along with it.  being upset over an attack was understandable.  so were the tears.  what he was trying to connect were the words to the trauma.  even as she tries to explain it there some piece he’s not understanding.  as a romantic unit ( or even a familial one ) worrying about one another made sense.  the soldier stood and listened.  his body stilled as his focus narrowed down to clarke.  not all of it.  he also wanted to pay attention to any noise from the outside that would indicate the stalker returned.

                            and then, everything made sense.

          bucky steps forward, closing the distance between them.  arms wrap loosely around her form so she could step back whenever she needed.  a kiss goes to the top of her head.  “ we’re going to worry, clarke.  no matter what kind of perfect scenario you cultivate we’re going to worry because we love you.  worrying doesn’t mean we think you’re weaker or incapable. “  another kiss.  the soldier takes a breath, trying to formulate what exactly he’s trying to say.  “ i worried about steve when he was younger but it wasn’t because he was sick and it certainly wasn’t because he was weak.  he wasn’t.  no matter what anyone says, he really wasn’t.  i worried because i cared.  guess i loved him even then. “

          he leans back to try and make eye contact.  a thought strikes him, that he’s glad steve wasn’t around to see what happened.  there was a very good chance he’d cause enough of a scene that someone called the cops.  bucky would be doing that as soon as he got the space to but it would be done more discreetly and so the local force could try and put the area on higher alert.  “ doesn’t matter what the rest of the world throws at us.  doesn’t matter what mission we’re on.  there’s no comparison.  there’s no chart of worry priority or anything that says there’s a worry free zone.  so what you were near your apartment?  if you’re within a one block radius of your apartment my care shuts off?  that’s ridiculous.  when you’re ready i’d like to know a few more details about the guy.  i know you told steve but anything else you can tell me would be helpful. “

[forgcdasseta]

silencedsonatas·   //   petra

Bare feet brushed against the floor, toes pressed into it as she shifted, a series of slow, languid flexes as she tested the muscles and joints, a quiet assessment of the state of her physical self.  Though the memories were fresh enough to cause an ache in her chest, and a stinging in her throat, there was no lasting pain, no lasting wounds or scars as far as she could see.  His words were quiet, not quite gentle, but lacking the harshness that she’d come to expect from her handlers, from those that told her where to go, and what to do, what to be, what to feel.   His words, though fluent enough, were tinged with an accent that sounded .. familiar.  She tried to place it from her travels, but set it aside for the moment.

    Her gaze slid from him, to the knife on the table, the folder beside it.  Curiosity flickered, her tongue wetting her lips as she pushed herself upright, stepping over to the sink to pour herself a glass of water, downing half of it almost immediately.   A glance in the austere mirror above the sink told her … once again, nothing had changed.  It always seemed like she should look .. older.  More fragmented.    “That is what they tell me.”  She took another sip of the water and turned, hips resting lightly against the edge of the sink, fingers wrapping around the glass as her focus shifted back to him.   “I … do not think I have seen so much of a difference.  In time, perhaps.  Or maybe … just because it is me, I won’t ever notice.”  She was rambling, wasn’t she?  She let out a soft sigh, a low hum escaping, without her being aware of it, a soft seven note melody.   

     “Is that… “  A slight nod towards the file he had been reading.  “Me?”  She wondered what was written inside of it.  She doubted she’d be allowed to find out.  A small, crooked smile.  “Anything interesting?”  

     Another sip of the water, slower, this time.  Her throat felt less sandpapery now.   Almost normal.   “Who … are you?  What – “  A slight hesitation.  She wasn’t sure she was allowed to ask, but what harm could really come of it, if she wasn’t.  “What is it you are meant to do here, with me?  What is my purpose, for being in this place?”  

          if not for his own eyes the soldier never would’ve believed it.  over the years their occult division had talked about a number of impending milestones and each one had fallen flat.  several of his missions involved retrieving artifacts for them.  as far as he could tell each was as mundane as a dinner plate or the knife on the table.  he had no idea why they were so determined to go beyond the tangible results of the red room.  at the same time, if it kept them out of his hair then so be it.  

           but, petra was different.  this wasn’t a trained skill.  you couldn’t just train yourself to come back from the dead.  if that were possible it would be part of the black widow curriculum.  no, this was something else entirely and, frankly, it terrified him.  the implications of researching this girl were far and wide.  granted, it depended entirely on being able to figure out how it worked and whether that mechanism was something that could be recreated in others.  the soldier guessed not.  more of her would have to be fundamentally different for her body to knit itself back together again.  but, again, someone else’s problem.  the file in front of him stated she was to be used in training.  as that was his area he’d take the orders seriously no matter how much it made his stomach churn.  that happened to be another problem entirely.  would this have bothered him several years prior?  with the images in his nightmares came more desire to fight back; more rebellious thoughts.

          “ it’s you, птичка. “  little bird.  his little caged bird, too tender and beautiful for the world she’d been thrown into.  leaning forward, the soldier grabs one of the apples from the plate sitting on the table.  there was a small pile of fruit just in case she was hungry or needed an energy boost after a transformation like that.  next, he grabs the knife so he can carve himself a slice.  “ you can look at it if you’d like. “  nothing important was on it, just family and personal history.  “ says you like music.  also tells me you’re an orphan.  if that’s the case you’re in good company.  we’re all orphans here. “

          his bite echoes in his own ears.  the apple is perfectly crisp and reminds him of another flavor his brain says he likes.  he can’t put a finger on what that could be, though.  “ i’m the winter soldier.  i guess you could call me a teacher.  i do a lot of the combat training.  as for your purpose.  well, you’ve already discovered that. “

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silencedsonatas replied to your post: diefalle·   //   rebecca Long, slender fingers...

Oh don’t dare her honey she’s just angry enough to try and then no one will be happy

bold of you assume that wouldn’t make me happy.

[forgcdasseta]

diefalle·   //   rebecca

Long, slender fingers clutched against the files a little bit tighter, her stomach taut with the rush of anger and resentment that she couldn’t express.  She’d give anything for a dagger in hand, to feel is buried to the hilt into the soft spot between his ribcage.   Impractical.  She knew – better than most – the level of competence he had in combat, whether it was ranged or up close and personal, and with his arm functional and a weapon within immediate reach, even with her abilities it was highly unlikely that any attack would be successful.  But …  a girl could dream.   

    He only grew more tense, as she spoke, and she swallowed down a smirk, offering instead a low, slightly apologetic smile.   “Ah, yes, actually,” Rebecca answered, taking a step closer, not seeming to be concerned about his presence or any danger it might pose in the least.   Did he see his eyes, looking back at him?  Her mother’s?  She was taller, sharper, than Petra; likely benefits of his genetics, and the combined effects of the serum and her mother’s enhanced dna.   Did he even remember her mother?  

      “Intel has narrowed down the next set of potential targets, suspected Hydra loyalists.   However unlikely, as most of the known Hydra sympathizers and remaining agents aren’t known to possess any longevity, they’ve asked that you review the files and see if there’s anyone that seems familiar.  Anyone that might be a higher value target than we have reason to believe.”  A slight tilt of her head.  “I understand that you’re continuing to regain more memories of the time you spent in Hydra’s … care,” she settled on, “as time goes by.”

          fingers comb through shoulder length strands.  in his battle to get acclimated to his new life bucky hadn’t really had the time or energy to get back into any kind of grooming pattern.  besides, he’d had the long hair for as long as he could remember.  some suggested he cut it so he could see his old self in the mirror.  maybe that would help, they said.

          and, maybe it would, if the soldier weren’t secretly trying to punish himself for everything he’d done.  why retreat?  there was so much to atone for.  a haircut wasn’t going to erase his sins or bring back the pieces he was still trying to get back.  steve argued it was a mental thing.  that, sometimes, it wasn’t about the literal effects but the perceived ones.

          petra.

           the soldier looked up and around at the whisper that sent a chill down his spine.  he hadn’t thought about the little bird for years, mainly because he hadn’t remembered her until recently.  the sudden thought had him looking down, again, at the woman who’d just introduced herself.  all of it’s shaken off as soon as it hits.  instead, he raises his arms to cross over his chest.  things like this were necessary but weighed heavy on his soul.  bucky had already been interrogated more times than he could count.  “ yeah, “ he nods. just how much he remembered wasn’t any of her business . “ i can go through it and see if anything looks familiar.  when do they need it? “

[forgcdasseta]

diefalle‌   //   ???

@forgcdasset​ gets a starter.

     The Winter Soldier.  She could feel the uptick in her pulse, her heartbeat surging when he entered the room.   All this time.  All these years.  Anger and awe tangled equally in her chest, but she hid them with grace, and the professional demeanor that her position within SHIELD required.   She stepped forward, a stack of file folders shuffled into the crook of her elbow so that she could free her hand, extending it out towards him.   Towards the man that had betrayed Hydra, after all that they had given him, all that they had done for him.  The man that was the focus of her mission.  The man that was her father.   “Sergeant Barnes.”  There was the faintest tremor in her words, but that wasn’t so unexpected she supposed.   “It’s – I’m Vogel, I’m running the intel side of your current op.  I just – I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself.  To – thank you, for everything that you’ve done.  Continue to do.  Your story is .. truly a remarkable one.”

           the first thing that made him tilt his head was the use of ‘ sergeant barnes. ‘  despite being cleared no one called him that.  most of it was james.  a select few still called him bucky.  more often than not people were confused as to what to call him.  technically, he was still the winter soldier and people gave him a wide berth because of it.  that suited him just fine.  yet, he supposed he still held his rank.  also a technicality.  bucky generally didn’t have the energy to talk to a lot of people, anyway.  better that they keep their distance.

          turning his head, he slips the sig saur into it’s holster; satisfied with it’s operation.  ‘ you really don’t need to thank me. “  for killing a bunch of innocent people.  his jaw tightens ever so slightly.  he didn’t do anything to be thanked for.  he’d spent decades as an assassin.  why thank him for that?  but he couldn’t bring himself to say any of that out loud.

            bucky stops.  there’s an element of familiarity that has him looking more closely and he finds himself staring longer than is socially acceptable.  the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.  clearing his throat, he nods once.  “ not often i get to deal with anyone besides my handler.  are any of those files for me? “

[forgcdasseta]

silencedsonatas‌   //   petra

She wondered if she should feel shame, for her pleas, for her screams and her tears, and for the weakness of flesh betrayed and battered at the hands of the Widow’s.  She wondered if she should feel shame, for the ragged words that had left her lips, for her frailty and her inability to remain strong in the face of torment.  Was she meant to endure?   Was the test for her, as well as the Widow’s?  Had she failed?  An ache in her throat rose, cloying, and she felt the sting of tears burn down her cheeks, and she fought to keep her chin from trembling, her gaze locked onto him as he drew closer.   She flinched, as he crouched, as his hand reached for hers – fear, again.  

     She tried to swallow it down.  Tried to hide it.  And then he spoke, and she felt the knot of anxiety and panic in her chest dissipate, in an instant, relief washing over her drawn, battered features.   Pride, swelled in its’ place, and she felt her chest tighten with it, with an inhaled breath, steadier than the ones before it.   It was her duty, to serve.  To please.  To do all that was asked of her and more, for the greatness of Hydra.  She had done well.   

     And then that breath escaped, in an almost silent puff as pain and warmth flooded her chest, her body white hot with it in that moment, and understanding danced across her expression, relief following in the few seconds that lingered between the blade entering her heart and when it simply – stopped.  All of it.  Stopped.   Darkness, and peace.   

    Her head lolled, to the side, and then forward, as breath and heartbeat ceased within moments of each other.   It would take time.  But already, the smallest of injuries, the lightest of bruises and scrapes began to recede, leaving whole, porcelain flesh behind.   

     Awareness returned slowly.  It had taken a few hours for her body to restore itself fully, another for it to return to life, heartbeat and breath returning slow and steady.  She’d slumbered, for several more, a blissfully dreamless slumber as her body restored, recharged.   She finally stirred, twisting a little under the blankets, fingers scraping through her long blonde hair to pull it out of her face as she blinked, eyes still heavy with sleep as they opened, and settled on the figure.  It took a moment, for her to recall, to put the pieces together.  Fingers drifted down to hover over her heart.  Someone had changed her attire, put her in clean, fresh clothes.  There was no sign of blood, no evidence that any of it had happened at all, except the memories of it.

      She remained for a moment still, curling onto her side of the narrow bed in her room, just watching.  Remembering.  It was her duty.  Her privilege.  “You set me free.”  A low, soft smile, before she finally shifted upright, pushing the blankets back, letting her feet hang off the side of the bed.  “Thank you.”  

          after petra was removed from the chair his handler continued to speak about her like she wasn’t even human.  to hydra she probably wasn’t.  just like he wasn’t and just like all the trainees weren’t.  they were assets.  they were ways to further the agenda.  the winter soldier had no doubt he would be put down in favor of someone else once his usefulness had run it’s course.  he wouldn’t be first forever.  eventually they would crack something and the next generation of him would come put him out of his misery.  until then, he was at the mercy of those who confined him.

          someone came to observe the resurrection.  he was told the entire process would take over several hours ( as far as they’d been able to tell thus far ).  the first order of business was to conclude training sessions for the day.  several girls were punished for their inefficiency with petra.  the injuries were sloppy had the target been anyone else.  this was someone new to their world.  new and scared.  this wasn’t someone who had anything to hide or lose.  if they were going to poke and prod they’d be better off attacking a punching bag, which was essentially what she’d been used for.

           by the time he returned to her room she’d been changed into something clean.  he spread out his file again so that the silence could be filled with knowledge.  he’d only glanced at the pertinent points before but didn’t read much on the history. he’d have to gain her trust somehow and the soldier had no idea if that would be easy.  he guessed not considering what she’d been thrown into.

         when petra stirred the soldier went for the knife he’d laid on the table.  eyes flicker across her body to judge the language but all she did was curl onto her side.  bright blue eyes hold no hatred, nothing like the look he got from some of the other girls.  then again, those were the ones who usually didn’t make it very far.  “ it was practical, “ his voice quiet.  with the quiet enveloping them there was no reason to put more energy into the words than he had to.  “ you were suffering and bringing you back makes you stronger.  don’t thank me for that. “  he was only doing as he was told.  bend them until they break.  unless they don’t, those rare few who don’t.  who become marble - unbreakable - just like the madam wants.  

[forgcdasseta]

likesuns‌:

to the people i roleplay with: i live for angst & i will most likely turn things angsty im so sorry

but here’s the real kicker … i’m not that sorry 

[forgcdasseta]

saviare‌   //   clarke

            @forgcdasset​:     “no one will hurt you as long as i’m breathing.”           it didnt happen often. sometimes there were parts of her job that she couldnt control. when she was on the floor, helping patients, making calls, she was in control. but the moment that she left for home, she stepped out of that role. some people didnt seem to understand that. if bucky hadnt been waiting for her, she couldnt say she knew what wouldve happened and that scared her more than she allowed herself to say. her heart was beating against her ribcage even as the adrenaline waned, she had been so focused the whole way home that she hadnt noticed. she was used to it but somehow, this felt different.          her blue gaze met his grey, big hands held her face gently—she had zoned out. his words rang back to her, her brow furrowed a bit as she took in his worried look. for a moment, she wondered what she looked like that he was looking at her like that. she had walked home thousands of times, night and day, she couldnt let this shake her up. she was supposed to be protecting him, not the other way around.           “ im fine, bucky, ” she said, lifting her hands to his wrists to move them away, instead she could feel them shake even as they touched him. why were they shaking? shes been through life and death situations before. but she was in control of them.  this time was different. this time a past patient following her home from the hospital. the same man who had be escorted out days before after he refused to leave, telling them he was visiting his girlfriend. she thought he was delusional but harmless. she told steve about him, just a guy who was looking for a fix in her ER, go big deal. he wasnt and he was, she was just too blind to see it. when he had grabbed her outside her door, there was a look in his eyes that scared her. like he was angry but wanted to devour her at the same time.           “– im not hurt, im just… ” she tried, surprised by the wet feeling of tears that gathered at the corner or her eyes as she looked up at him. if bucky hadnt been there… he wouldve stuck her in that car and she couldnt stop him. she didnt have a weapon, he was twice as big as her. no one had been around to even see it. she swallowed down the lump in her throat, she would not cry in front of him over something that almost happened. it was over.            “ im fine.”      they both felt her hands shake in the silence that followed.

          it disgusted him that people preyed on the weak.  life was difficult enough without having to worry about the person standing next to you.  although, it also had to acknowledge the fact that he could’ve been that person.  he was a ghost story resurrected for control under a new master.  some parts of it hadn’t been so bad.  his life, by in large, was more his own than it had been in decades.  there was no brainwashing.  there was only a carrot dangling on a stick as his sentence had no tangible end date.

           part of that freedom allowed him to do things like watch over clarke’s place of work.  when steve had originally brought up the concern of a stalker they’d both done what they could to make sure the character kept his distance.  with all his avengers commitments the blonde couldn’t be there as much as he wanted to.  so, bucky had taken it up.  he would’ve anyway.  he’d always promised the good doctor that nothing would happen to her as long as breath filled his lungs.

           unfortunately, he’d had a meeting with one of his handlers on something they’d need him to do within the next few days.  more details to follow.  that meant he hadn’t been around to see if anything felt off.  

          before saying anything he got clarke inside.  as soon as someone bigger and stronger rounded the corner his girlfriend’s problem backed down with relative ease.  that made bucky feel better.  he’d kill if he needed to but he preferred it to either be a last resort or reserved for people who really needed to die.  that was an ongoing argument between he and steve but clarke didn’t need to know that.  yet.

          reaching out, he gently urges her chin to tip up so he can look over her face.  strands of golden hair were pushed away from the trail of tears they were stuck to.  “ you don’t need to do that, you know. “  bucky’s head tilts to the side.  “ i get why you do it with steve because i do it, too.  and, i know between the three of us i’m the most...ah...fragile.  but i can handle you not being okay.  it’s not going to break me. i swear. “