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[fornot2]

12.20.2022

coffee

smoothie

breakfast was hashbrowns and sausage: 420

walk w doggie: 1.4 miles, 4,377 steps

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wiwoos

[fornot2]

12.19.2022

alani (2)-20

smoothie with spinach, ginger, fruit

water water water

coffee

biscuit: 180

chicken thigh bone in w skin: 210

same pasta froom yesterday. idk how to count calories. i think in an effort too be the best ana i can, i will be conservtaive and over estimate at 500 cals.

the one thing i cannot stand about this disorder is the continuously "needing" to eat less; i don't feel as hungry as i usually do and it makes getting to hunger alot harder.

calories out: 700 cals; 3.73 miles

[fornot2]

12.18.2022

feeling better today for some reason. doing a lot of self care. walked doggie: 2.8 miles, 8,299 steps

smoothie of spinach and fruit

water water water water

soup - 2 cups: 90 cals

aloo paratha (homemade). idk i love homademade food but i have no clue how to calculate calories for this. gooogle says: 154-200 cals

idk if i should exercise today but i feel fine mentally

update: i did exercise - 387 cals, 2 miles

dinner: this pasta my mom made. i can't count calories for it. but i did not eat until full. feeling fresh still. glad i ended the day with cardio.

[fornot2]

12.17.2022

i feel a lot of anger today. i am not sure why. i had a vivid dream of breaking up w my boyfriend for cheating. he has never cheated nor have i ever suspected him of cheating. i hate not seeing him everyday. my brother moved out, so it's just my parents and i. i miss him a lot. saturdays we usually spend together, or have been since i moved back home. it feels lonely. i'm also still sick-ish. and i'm tired. studying still sucks. i wokeup this morning and ordered chik-fil-a breakfast. i showered, ate breakfast, and immediately went back to sleep. maybe i'm upset because my schedule is off? idk.

i just want to hit my study goal today, clean my room, light a candle, and sleep. i guess nothing feels like having it would be wonderful, if that makes sense. my general motivation of getting through the day is a special food, a special show, some type of reward. sitting here, i cannot think of anything that i would "get to" watch after studying all day, or anything i would "get to" eat after restricting. no reward feels worth the pain i'm dealing with at the moment. but i dont know how to not feel the pain. perhaps its hormones.

breakfast: fruit smoothie w spinach. breakfast burrito and hasbrowns: 700 +270 = 970

alani: 10

coffee

some water

perhaps i cheat today. already over calories and not in the mood to doo much. will update i suppose.

ended up "cheating" aka eating a noormal amount of food-- pasta 425 cals

net: 1405

[fornot2]

[fornot2]

12.16.2022

spinach and fruit smoothie

water water water water waterr

one roti and palm fulls of two different indian dishes. i have no idea how to count the calories in them, so i will be conservatie: roti- 120 bc it was a frozen meal situation. the two indian dishes -- idk lets say 200? it was potatoes and cauliflower

two chips ahoy cookies: 140

alani: 10

dinner was biriyani, a small bowl, gooogle says calories are approx: 348

serving of baked hot cheetos w limono: 140

calories out during treadmil: 660

netish: 298

i am so damn congested

also ordering jeans in one and two sizes down as motivation

[fornot2]

some of my reasons

to feel like im finally in control of something

to feel dainty while walking through snow in winter

look good in big sweaters

looking down without feeling the fat in my neck

shrinking my tits, getting rid of dysphoria

to feel more comfortable in my boyfriend's arms

having someone actually care about me

thighs to stop jiggling when i run

the satisfaction of seeing the number drop

wearing tight clothes without hating myself

collarbones

my neck to be more defined

visible cheekbones

croptops!!!

being someone's thinspo

having someone look at me the way i look at skinny people

my knees would look so much better

the veins in my hands to pop out more. i want gamer boy hands

thighs not growing when i sit

there's something so satisfying of being lightheaded when you stand up. i love it.

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