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[fortheloveofedsheeran]

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial // Stranger Things 1

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

“some people just make your life worth living.” you’re sitting on the floor again downing beers and cleaning the blood off of your thighs. it’s not right to say, you know. how you could ever think somebody else could always be the moon when the darkness lives inside of you. how dark your life lit up when nobody was home. how many split ends you had to go through to learn what fullness feels like and the way you confuse fullness with home.

when you’re alone all that’s left is the chains around your neck. do you ever wish for once they’d be strong enough to keep you in. do you ever wish for once you could know what it’s like to be dead. do you ever wish for once you wouldn’t confuse this pain with it.

some people just make your life worth living. some people are the reason i’m still here. some people are the reason i rot like a flesh wound. some people feel like veins flowing like a river. it’s the contribution and dehumanization of people that make or ruin this.

you touch me and it doesn’t feel the same. when you’re so used to your feelings not mattering you really start to believe it. i don’t know how to make someone else feel how it feels to feel worthless if they’ve never felt it. i wish i could scream that it feels like this.

one scar for each way we don’t get each other in the way i once thought we would. some people you can wear your heart on your sleeve with and they’ll still say they didn’t know you had a heart. a scar for not special. a scar for not important. a scar for every time your life became a barrier you had to break through.

people don’t like thinking like me. people don’t like different. like maybe because someone else wouldn’t feel the way i’m feeling that means i shouldn’t be feeling it. maybe if i were anyone else i wouldn’t still be collapsing over this. maybe i love harder than anyone you’ve ever met. maybe i just have a more difficult time showing it.

“here i am, this is it.” i’m here. sitting on the carpet. i’m not always the person other people are pleased with. i don’t need to put on a show. i just need to let go. but the truth is some people just make your life worth living. the truth is it’s so lonely to be on your own.

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

sometimes you don’t heal right. that’s all. they give you a timeline they allow you to feel sympathy and then, at a certain point, it’s “a pity party”. they tell you it wasn’t that deep. that worse things happen to better people and that you’re lucky to have your tongue and your teeth.

last night i cried about dropping a plate but i was crying about getting rejected again but i was crying about getting rejected ever in the first place but i was crying about how i’ll never amount to anything but i was crying about how time doesn’t seem to be working right anymore but i was crying about

my roommate made a face. get over it. 

i cut my hands picking up the pieces. that’s how it works, you know. if you handle glass before you’re ready, it only ever serves to make you bleed.

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

Benjamin Alire Sáenz, “To the Desert”

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

no more stress thanks, i’m full

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

the fact that i dont drink water at this point is just a personality trait, one im unwilling to give up

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

i SAID i wanna dance with somebody, i wanna feel the heat with somebody

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

“Everyone always said that love was enough. It wasn’t. Not when your soul was shattered.”

— Abbi Glines, Fallen Too Far (via suspend)

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

Hopper + that shirt

bonus: 

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

“i. you were this pretty foreign thing and i was searching for a way to dig myself out of the dirt. you made me feel like i was worth something. i never knew how much that wasn’t a good thing. ii. you told me you felt famous because i wrote about you. i didn’t know how to tell you it’s never been a good thing to be my muse. i only write about people who suck and you really suck sometimes you iii. make me feel like my words don’t matter. make me think about how many friendships are based off of convenience. how many “i don’t have anyone else but at least i have somebody”s. how many “i deserve better”s that end with walking away with nothing. iv. loneliness comes with an agony i can’t scrub out. when we fight, you tell me what i mean to you as if telling me i am of worth will fix anything. i know i am. that’s why i’m tired of settling. v. there’s a difference between standing up for yourself and wasting your breath. i’ve wasted so much time obsessing and obsessing and obsessing over what i should do and say to those who hurt me to make it right. i go home now. i try to forget. i turn out the light.”

— recluse

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

jonas brothers lockscreens

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

“i may not know a lot about love. i may not know why the knife hurts more coming out than piercing in, why we avoid change because staying is the only thing that ever feels worth it. i may not know a lot about love, but i do know this: i’m glad you left. i’m glad you left because i used to think you were everything good the world had to offer, you were made of love, bundled up like bows on christmas morning. but i found out you were really more like sprinting down the steps just to find coal under the tree. you were never made of love. it was just that i shoved so much love inside of you to make up for the fact that when our bodies touched, they breathed out lifelessness. i poured so much love into your being that the love i once had for everything the world had to offer began to bleed out of me until all i was left with were scars. i’m glad you left because i loved you more than i loved laughter. i’m glad you left because i forgot what it felt like to lick my lips with stardust. i’m glad you left because i forgot what it felt like to make the milkyway out of mountains. i couldn’t find joy in staring down sunsets, in screaming love at the top of my lungs, in laying naked with someone who stares at my body like a treasure map, like something he was made to discover, watching my legs like wishbones, hoping someday i can forget all of the messes that you made. i’m glad you left. really. i’m glad you kissed her. i’m glad i spent month after month prying myself out of bed in the morning, devouring the storms in my head with my bare hands. i’m glad you kissed her so i would never stumble back into your arms, blinded by the keen fact that you were the only thing i imagined in my future. i’m glad you kissed her so i could kiss him. and i want you to know that he tastes like you, tongue gripping the roof of my mouth like there is nobody else, and i pretend i don’t see the way he winces when he finds the parts of my body that are covered with your touch. but he doesn’t look at me like i am filthy. he looks at me like i am a fallen star that will someday find its way to another galaxy. and i know this. i know that my tendency is in dependency, but i will not let it win. i may not know a lot about love. and i may not know a lot about god, but i know miracles come in your darkest hours. and my miracles no longer involve you, no longer include anyone but myself, no longer are anything but self-discovery, the realization that i have a person to nurture and care for, to provide for, to love: me. i’m glad you left. i’m glad you left because i found myself again. and finding myself is worth losing you.”

— if i subtracted the good things i’ve gotten that i did something to deserve from the good things i’ve gotten that i didn’t do anything to deserve, i’d still end up with a positive number. i am grateful. i can get through this. so can you.

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

[fortheloveofedsheeran]

a riso remake from ‘get yours’ zine by me