fouroclockwren

[fouroclockwren]

You ever meet a person who you can just tell is constantly fighting against their own impulse to be kind

[fouroclockwren]

[fouroclockwren]

Never realised how cursed kangaroos were until last night. I'm camping and 3/4 of my tent is surrounded by bush which must've freaked out the local wildlife. Waking up in the middle of the black night to the sound of HOPPING and shuffling outside your tent then a little nose loudly sniffing right near your head is a uniquely horrifying experience. Totally forgot I was Australian for good minute and thought I was going to be taken by something from the Blair Witch Project before I remember kangaroos exist

[fouroclockwren]

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

[fouroclockwren]

unrestrained summer fun

[fouroclockwren]

hey friends where is that picture of boromir with the gondor flag except its a pride flag?

[fouroclockwren]

more vampires with multigenerational adopted human offspring. they wake up, get the tykes ready for pre-school, beg their preteen not to get caught on their phone in class again (caught being the emphasis, they're a realist), venmo their college kid for "textbook money" (as if they don't teach all their kids how to pirate that shit), have a lunch meeting with their 49-year-old-realtor-kid to discuss the possibility of quietly buying another local warehouse that would absolutely not be used for tax evasion/illegal artifact storage purposes, then spend the afternoon in a bloodthirsty mahjong battle at their eldest kid's (82) snazzy new retirement community

[fouroclockwren]

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

[fouroclockwren]

a child came into the nature center and saw tadpoles for the first time and when i told him they're baby frogs he thought i was lying and i suddenly realized that if you're 3 and don't know that tadpoles become frogs it does sound pretty fake. this kid will not fall for made up shit online he is a born skeptic.

[fouroclockwren]

whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair

[fouroclockwren]

as a cis guy, when presented with the "99% you get a ton of money, 1% you turn into a girl" it honestly would be dumb to not hit that button until it breaks. like ok now i have 100 bajillion dollars and gender dysphoria. big deal. i have all the money in the world to turn me back into a guy. like with that kind of money i could have obama do me a phalloplasty. he wouldnt be able to do it as he isnt a surgeon but the point still stands

[fouroclockwren]

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

[fouroclockwren]

a single dry cough

[fouroclockwren]

worms eating worms

[fouroclockwren]

[fouroclockwren]

Small shaggy horses adapted to harshly cold climates are so woefully neglected in historical/fantasy media

[fouroclockwren]

observation: among a certain subset of tumblr users, the term “blorbo” has become unchic, but the concept it describes is still important; and so it has been replaced with “The Character”