fourthclone

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idk who's still out there , but i've come back to tumblr , but won't on this blog at this moment . i will be over at @ofthecrystal . if you like sci-fi fantasy with environmental themes and plenty of tragedy and weird little creatures , feel free to follow over there .

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i don't think i'll be here for a while longer , though i'm certainly not deleting this blog . while i'm still on @infog , i'm still honestly struggling a lot so i apologize profusely for anyone looking forward to writing with me .

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alrighty, i’ll be hopping back and forth between here and @infog starting this week. sorry it’s taken me so long. it’s. been an appointment after the other and suffice it to say I have been. digesting and processing a lot of what i’ve been learning about myself and i am still kind of in the process of that but i think i am ready to start moving on now little by little when the weather allows me to be here because it has been crazy hot.

some news for you guys… a lot of my life is making sense to me now. and i can start building strategies and being kinder to myself now.

i was already diagnosed with adhd, but i have discovered i am also on the autism spectrum and i have also recently been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. so all of my instability and the strangeness and distance i constantly feel when interacting with others makes a lot of sense to me now. my rapidly shifting energy and mood? that makes sense to me now too. for a long time i could not help but feel as there was something else i was missing bc my adhd meds were not working. i was still having horrible cyclical mood changes, horrible sleep overall, and my recent depression episode that made me so convinced that people fucking hated me here is proof of my recent diagnosis.

as for my autism, while i am not officially diagnosed ( it is impossible to get an adult diagnosis where i live unless you are a child ), i know for a fact i am on the spectrum based on certain symptoms i have observed since childhood. suddenly, me having no friends in elementary and like maybe ONE total in middle school makes sense. it would also explain my constant frustration with loving routine and having a very long standing special interest and feeling safe in the familiar and structured tasks and organizing BUT having another part of my brain that struggles with executive function, memory, focus, and overall organization, plus amping up my sensitivity to stimuli has caused even MORE stress and frustration.

with all of this going on, it is no wonder i am chronically exhausted all the time. life is exhausting. i am never truly truly happy, most of the time i feel like i’m faking it. the good news is that i am now medicated for Bipolar, and with all hopes in time i will go from rapid cycling to more of a stable baseline… bc yes, my ADHD meds have unfortunately caused me to rapid cycle.

but that’s the update on moogle’s life for now! to those of you still here, ty for waiting for me!

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HELP US MOVE OUT, GET A PRINT AND SHIRT

WE NEED TO MOVE OUT WITHIN 20 DAYS AND WE HAVE REACHED A POINT OF DESPERATION. We have to raise another $1500, and need serious help. SO...

DONATION INCENTIVES:

If you donate $20+ to our move out fund, you will get this art print (by cheppoly) and for $50+ I will SIGN IT

If you donate $100 or more, you will get that signed print AND A ROCHE T-SHIRT DESIGNED BY SCORCHINGPASSION (SIZES S-2XL)

Supplies are limited on the shirts, so first come first served!

All donations go here:

AND BE SURE TO SUBMIT A PROOF OF DONATION HERE TO GET YOUR GOODIES~!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME! PLEASE REBLOG TO GET MORE EYES ON THIS FOR ROCHE FANS~!

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spins around in mr. president's chair . just to feel something !

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WAIT also i prob owe ppl an explanation for stuff that's happened , i've mentioned it on @infog but haven't mentioned it here yet , but aside from dealing w a bunch of medical stuff rn , i also possibly have a mood disorder ( bipolar ii ) that brought out a sudden and v strong depressive episode that came w/o any clear cause . so that was almost two months of debilitating depression that made me feel sore and achey physically . i'd get home and sleep far too early and MORE than usual . now that i'm coming out of it , i'm obnoxiously silly and ready to bounce off walls again , soooooo . 8D haha . . .

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SUPER PROMISE i haven’t forgotten abt roche i’m dealing w some things medically rn so i honestly haven’t been able to do much on either of my blogs! it’s just been a lot of stuff all at once, i apologize for the silence friends!

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tbh where does he get off pretending he’s so tummy hurty energy as a black robe like it’s fine roche you can take the thing off already and pop up in front of cloud like ‘LOL SIKE i was totally playing everyone for fools I’m perfectly fine’ ( cr )

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     𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒅𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ?

𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒔 .

it had to end this way. we all know it. only you were unaware. you had hope. hope, of course, only makes it hurt all the more. we all knew you would look back, oh love, there’s no other version of the story. and yet, alongside you, we still had hope. we believed in you, even though we knew you couldn’t win. and you believed in yourself till the last moment. it isn’t fair, is it ? you didn’t know you were doomed .

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for the record / when i’m with you / things are looking better for once / everything is brighter / than the darkness before you

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Hi! I just stumbled onto your blog by accident but I just wanted to let you know your graphics are really pretty! And the love you have for Roche, the creativity you put into him is inspiring! I don't know really much about FF7 Remake but heck, your version of Roche seems pretty dang cool to me. I'm sorry the fandom wears on you and doesn't always respect you or what you're doing, but I for one think you are doing a wonderful job!

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so i’ll be back here for sure this week, but for now, I’ll be making @infog my primary focus and this blog secondary for a bit, so it will be operating on a more semi-hiatus basis. i’ve been able to write on adachi, so i’m hoping that translates to roche too.

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Pier Paolo Pasolini, from The Selected Poetry of Pier Paolo Pasolini; “The Diaries”

Text ID: —I saw that the world was unreal for me. I remained a few years in its shadows. But it was mine to have, and the chaos was born within me:

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“I felt utterly alone, like I was the last person alive on Earth. I can’t describe that feeling of total loneliness. I just wanted to disappear into thin air and not think about anything.”

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via thebookquotes)

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Pier Paolo Pasolini, from “Prayer to My Mother”

Text ID: And I don’t want to be alone. I have an infinite / hunger for love, love of bodies without souls.

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Tommy Olofsson, tr. by Jean Pearson, from a poem featured in “Elemental Poems,”

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rochecloud ngl