fourthdaydreaming

[fourthdaydreaming]

Moroccan Mint Tea

Morning is calm. Peaceful.

Got to work. Quick-Start is about to begin.

No more coffee for me. Just tea. Keurig is almost in need of refilling. Yawn. Steep. 4 or so minutes pass. Sip. It's always sweeter than I remember, even though I added nothing to it...... BANG!

DARYL TALKING CHRISTIAN INTERUPT FOR COMMENT, TRY LOOKING CALM, NATALYA GIVES LOOK LIKE SHE KNOWS SOMETHING.. More Tea!

FIRST CUSTOMER LOTS CASH NO PATIENCE I MAKE JOKE HE LAUGH... More Tea!

MUST WORK HARD TO MAKE SUCCESS GET NEW CAREER LIKE CAM IS DOING BE LIKE HIM.... More Tea!

OVER LIMIT DARYL NOT HAPPY ACAI BERRY WIRE NOT SEND JEFF MAKE FUNNY I LAUGH..... More Tea!

I TALK FAST NATALYA SAY I WEIRD HYPER I SAY A LOOK AT HER FACE JEFF OUT BALANCE DARYL ASK ABOUT WOMANS MEETING I SAY NOT GOING CUSTOMER CALL..... NO MORE TEA!!!!!!

No more Tea!!!!! No more Tea!!!! DRIVING HOME, No stops, traffic light.... I can feel my thoughts again.... The caffeine demon has lifted..... Home... peace... breath again. Time for a rest.

Moroccan Mint Tea is Magic.

[fourthdaydreaming]

Never make any big decisions when you're angry, tired or hungry.

Maybe that's good advice that I should take, but I'd rather vent.

My heart hurts and I want to become a different person. I want to disappear. I don't want the life I have anymore. I want to be reinvented some way and become a drifter. Lose touch with everyone I've ever known. Only act on impulse and instinct.

Adandon all advice except what isn't fluff. And the finally, stand on a new day of truth.

To be a man in whom there is no guile. One thing wouldn't change though.

I couldn't ignore You.

I wouldn't ignore You.

And I wouldn't be the same if it weren't for You.

You have kept me here.

In some way that I don't understand, You are the reason I have stayed here for so long, pleading to be moved again. But You must have great love for me to leave me in harm's way and feed me every word back that I've ever spoken.

Be filled in my heart. Be my one focus and desire. Be the one that melts away the stones in my belly. Rocks that cry for punishment from You and Your perfect judgement. Be the quite in my bones that speak of a great blessing and a future that is good and which will endure.

BE MY LIGHT & SALVATION. in the darkness & in separation.

For this is Who You Are.

[fourthdaydreaming]

How long will I put off writing about you?

I will say this...I wish you were still here.

But I rejoice more strongly that you are not.

I rejoice stronger that you are there.

Let me rejoice in Him. Selah

[fourthdaydreaming]

April 13th Themes

The BEAUTIFUL, Downtown Birmingham

China Moon- Girl at the counter seemed really sweet and took care of the customers

Piggly Wiggly- Good employees, young, hipster types

Topo-Chico

Highland Music- Don

Rojo- Met up with the new dad (Daniel)

Princeton Hospital- A light in the darkness of Birmingham's section 8 housing

Pull-Apart Junkyard- Homeless Woman I got to give to and then pray for

ABC Junkyard- Mechanic who makes drugs too, and his crush who is super thin and uses

Short talk with Jeff- He is coming to Easter

Long talk with Ben- no better roommate

Later dinner- Asked for permission to start making things right

Apple Store- MacPro is fixed, nice workers

Apple Store Again- I need an iPhone, again

Home- Rest and The Hobbitt

Jeep- New Struts and Steering wheel cover

PNC Alert- Got paid early by job #2

Text Message(s)- Could not respond

YouTube- The Ricky Gervais Show XFM, my favorite show to listen to. How great is Karl?!?

The Summit- A lot of NY tags

Parking lot- People like to be seen talking

280- More efficient than normal

Jake Carnley- Lord, bring him back to yourself

Shelby County- It's where I live, but it ain't home

Jefferson County- So flawed, but endlessly intriguing

Birmingham-Birmingham Greatest City in Alabam', Truer Words

Randy Newman- Thanks for that song.

Word- Confess, Commit, Pray with fire in your bones and have faith

Days End- Not enough rest for the work of tomorrow, but I wouldn't trade it for anything

[fourthdaydreaming]

Ellie

This idea is a little half baked but I'm ok with it.

Yesterday I purchased a nice guitar. It's the best I've ever bought. It made me excited, but even better than this, my brother's wife had their first child after 40 hours of labor. Her name is, Elenore. It was a good day. Best of all, Holy Spirit gave me specific direction and restored a part of my soul that has been lost for a while.

The owner of Highland Music is named, Don. That was my dad's name. Don said that the man who sold him the guitar had bought it for his daughter, but that she never played it, so he sold it to Don. It's amazing how things work out. My Dad received the guitar I've played since I first learned how, from a mother who's ex-husband bought it for their daughter, but she never played it- so it was given to my Dad. There was an immediate connection between us. Something that has been more rare for me lately. I've played a hundred guitars of the same make and model, but I haven't bitten on any of 'em. Now I know why. It's been tempting to just buy one at random and start enjoying it, but I know better than that. There is always value in waiting for the one that fits. You know that when you near a decision like I did yesterday and can't help but bite because it's so clear. So easy. So obvious. Sometimes////// Most or the time I'm a little////// or a lot depressed. It's just there, deep down in me. It's part of who I am but not in a pitiful kinda way... But sometimes, all of the sadness shows its purpose. On a day like yesterday, April 13th when I realize that every depression stands as a testimony to all the blessings. Count them all one by one, every toss and turn. Every storm, and see that none compare to the bights and perfect practical fit of the blessings that fall totally in place under the might and sovereign hand of God's perfect timing. When He brings in a blessing, its a perfect fit. It's His grace by example. May I always have my eyes fixed on the movement of His hand.

I would have never made such a purchase like that unless it was God telling me to. It's just not in me to buy big things just because.... uh..... just because. But He was guiding me, so I did it after very little thought because peace was there waiting with an outstretched hand. So I reached out! This is a forshadowing of other things to come. Coming close. Things that mean a lot more than just some wood, metal and plastic. It's a person. I'll wait as long as it takes. I'll have my hands ready to take her by the hand. When I see her- I'll know.

So the guitar has a name.

She represents a greater level of blessing.

She is named for a new life begun April 13th.

Ellie - A pleasant name.

[fourthdaydreaming]

Run

"Oh baby can't you see?

We're here to become free

It's been a thousands moments since we've begun

We've got this single one so that we can run

(The nights for the run)

Oh baby we can fly

To reach the other side

It's been a million seasons since we begun

We got a billion more so that we can run

(this season is for the run)

Hands free hands up for the great signs

Where we can search like no other time

For the moments fleeting to the other side

Head close to my chest in a second I

Could see your breath like a friend of mine

Coming in my lungs making me alive"

[fourthdaydreaming]

Modern Versions of Hell Pt. 1 & 2

Let's review history and long days of the past to get some context for our little presentation.

When man was toiling in field, scythe in hand to bring in harvest. Hard worked from the labor, seen beaten for the produce, he seemed a light distracted by the men of war coming to ravish. They will surely kill him first, then burn the produce, then take the children, then rape the woman, then make the distance to greater glory. "They have done it all. I see it before they've even touched me. I see them only cubits away." Then...... Whack! DEAD.

THIS WAS A FIRST KIND OF HELL. And it happened again and again.

A nobleman brushes off dust from his cloak then mounts his steed. He doesn't utter a word and the audience around him daren't conjure a silible. Instead he looks and breathes slowly with an ill humoured face, not blind to the need and want around him, but in solid stride giving no mercy to them, gallups off onto the payments back to his responsibilities. A young farmers young lad then recesses for a moment. "What responsibilities are they that our nobleman might carry?", the lad asks himself. "To dine and to feast? To recite and to dance? To advise and to counsel? To claim and to conquer? To marry and to father? To gain riches upon riches until day is at break and never stop to lose, but gain again." This young farmers son stands watching the nobleman ride, and he dreams of an act that might gain him the access of that life which he sees in the nobleman.

So the young lad turns to young man, and young man into guardsman, and then into field master, and then production manager and then into part owner, and by mercies alone into respectiable partner, but not quite yet lord.... He wishes it and always has since he was a wee lad, so the nobleman calls him to the hill where he sits everyday with his dining and dancing and hearing and taking of praises from the people and servants.... And then enters! Our man who is partner, who was only a wee lad years ago, enters the largest house he has ever seen, the one of the lord. The nobleman. Then he asks the young partner, "Many stories have I heard of you. Delightful and gay from your masters. They speak as though you were a master as they are. So hard working is he, so blinded to pain or trial. So undaunted and highly respected is he. They report of your dreams in the night, when you voice your desires to rule and to reign supreme in this land. They speak of your ambition. Too many ambitions gone unrestrained cause evil thoughts of plotting and gaining until the suns set- GRAB HIM!!!", the nobleman exclaims! And the whole guard in attendance fall in him as he yells and screams for mercy. Now in the dungens with all manner of men of his same ambition he cries in chains. He sees now all the men here once worked to the same end of becoming the nobleman now abandoned to die in this terrible place and it is clear. "My end was of folly, to believe that I could be the nobleman."

THIS WAS A SECOND KIND OF HELL. And it happened again and again.

[fourthdaydreaming]

Scenes from the Stage

We played two songs. It's just me and Jordan tonight, playing at Workplay Theater. Beth is in the back. Jordan had her sign us up so that he and I could practice while the openers finished their sets. So many hours go into these moments.

First comes the song, and don't let anyone fool you. Each one is like a new child. They all cook for a while and then they burst out. They are both lovely and troublesome. What am I even talking about? I don't even have kids yet...

Second comes the development of the song. It's not enough that you birth it, now you have to make it coherent. Make it shine and be presentable. "Be on your best behavior kid."

Third you have to try it out. The song like a child has to be tested and made tough by real challenges. No excuses, life happens.

Fourth it has to fly. And just like a child.... You ache for your children to succeed. You want the rest of the world to see the brilliance that you see so clearly! And as it were, if they make it this far, there is some brilliance there in one way or another. It may not have been exactly what you expected or even hoped for, but it's there. And even if no one else sees it, you always will. It's a real brightness.

Songwriters all feel this way about their songs. And every time we play them, we want to see a real reaction from whoever is listening. Our belief is so strong in ourselves, and therefore our songs, that no matter how it looks, how ever long it takes, or whatever the set backs are.... we carry something special in our souls. Something that has to be shared and plastered onto the world. That's a Songwriter.

Tonight was a pay off. A great end to a lot of hard work. It's not the end, it's really just the beginning, but it's the end of a long period of waiting. There is clarity now. I guess now I'm experiencing a new SEASON being born. And along the horizion, the hope of a thousand new songs to write and share. A thousand new births.

I'm ready.

[fourthdaydreaming]

Try It Again

Dating is a great thing. At least that’s what Taylor Swift tells me. Mostly it just your date and you having a great time connecting emotionally, mentally and spiritually for a few hours. You talk about your story, and hear your counterpart talk about theirs. At the end of the night you kiss her cheek (or lips depending on how it goes), wish them a good night, and then quickly decide to not date them because “it just didn’t seem like the relationship had legs.”

Next weekend you have another date with another great girl. But she’s a little insecure. No worry, she just needs to have a great time with a great guy. Yo decide to visit the Grand Fountain in the West-Side Park. It’s summer time so you dress light and have the top to the Porsche opened. Not a cloud in sight. You met her in a chat room called AOL love and immediately started talking about the deep cuts of Electric Light Orchastra. “Last Train to London has that exciting feeling of the 1970’s- just perfect!”, I say. She responds, “Let’s meet for some more conversation.” I ask, “Are you free next Thursday?”

She loves the ride and comments on the classic German engineering. I agree with her. “It’s excellent.” The park is crowded at the entrance but thins out as we get closer to the fountain. As we talk I grad her hand and pull her close. She is a great dancer. I comment that her eyes are beautiful in the sunlight.

She exhales and releases my hand, turns away as she sits- all at once. Her hands cover her face. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like the park? It’s not the park.” She replies. “I just couldn’t ever imagine that a date could be so perfect.” I take her hand again, “Come with me” I say. Then I lead her to the Center of Hartselle AL. She comments, “For a city of 758,000 this is really organized and roomy. It’s the kind of city I’d want to start a family in.” I quickly comment, “when the time comes I’ll take you away. If you want to, I can save you.” Just then a flock of birds flew over head, and dropped coconuts all over the group of noisy kids next to us... and we laughed like nothing before!

On our way to her house that night, to finish a perfect day, we talked of the future. What we deamt of for us. I gently kissed her goodnight. Our hands slowly drifted and I said, “not bye, just see you later.”

I hope she is doing well. That was a great date, I can’t remember when, but she was a lovely girl. This weekend I’ll be taking Krysta to the documentary festival in western Idaho. It should be a great time.

I hope one day my life of dating will lead me to some great. Someone I’ll want to settle down with.

Until then, I won’t settle for second best. And I’ll just keep dating.

I’ll,

Try It Again

[fourthdaydreaming]

Opelika

Heard an interview with Stephen King.

Said when he was young he wrote better than he spoke.

Got directions to the hotel, but not the destination for my visit.

Texted a friend to get the maps.

Saw a college town

Felt old.

Looked at the the gym.

Decided to run.

Even though it's hard.

Looked in the mirror.

So many mirrors in my room.

Felt my weight.

Saw my emptiness.

Made a plan.

Sorta.

Went to get dinner.

Ordered slowly.

Food is too hot.

They are about to close.

Potatos.

Arnold Palmer.

Gyro.

Heard Dan Hasletine.

Heard Mumford and Sons.

Still don't prefer them.

Cucumber.

Oh yeah, my GPS pronounced this place so badly it made me laugh out loud.

Gonna enjoy the ride!!

[fourthdaydreaming]

"Strays/Orphans/Losers/Judges"---'Treasures'

“Strays/Orphans/Losers/Judges”—‘Treasures’

"Strays"

I’ve often asked myself the question. It doesn’t take much time to remember that I don’t have an answer. Many people, over several years, one by one I see their faces. I knew, and know who they are. They drift in and out of consciousness. Some have no family. Others have no life. Most have no money. Some have no friends. Many have problems, that cause bigger problems. Too many have thoughts, that make them be silent. They talk too loud and their breath usually stinks. Some have guns and pills in their homes. None of them feel like they are loved.

"Orphans"

The stories are dreadful. The kind of full hearted terror you would hope to never be seen. By you or by them not even in dreams. They all start the same with silent eyes open. No quick movements here while the gates are still closing. If you’re wondering what gates I’m referring to, you should know that it’s hell. Only difference is that it affects both sides when you’re there. Side A: is a door to a life of regret of a parent or guardian that is scared half to death. Side B: is quite different but in some ways the same, since the people on that side, somehow, become lame. They can’t burst out and say it but they all know it’s true. It’s the harshest realzation, “the gate shut on you.”

"Losers"

“So you tried… Gave it your best shot. No one is gonna blame you for giving up on the thing that you wanted.” But then, they did. They have. They blamed. You lost?! NO… no… no. You, lost. You gave up your inheritance for one single meal. You cared more about getting a girl than you did a wife. You wanted thrills more than you wanted discipline. You stared too long on the wine that was fermenting. You never repented.. really. You failed at receiving love from the only person who ever loved you back. And now, you’ve made your own bed…. and everybody says so. Everybody.

- Intermission-

These groups are called different things in the worlds vocabulary. In short though, they didn’t make the cut. They didn’t work hard enough to live a “normal life, amoung normal civilization.” Push them to the edges and let them fall to oblivion. The reaches of time will take them soon enough. Feel no shame, the curtain comes for us all, so what if it comes for some unworthy’s now. It’s all the same.

"Judges"

Then deep. Deep. Deep. Deeper. In the earth, through the dust, comes breath. The Breath of life! “What the hell!” “I’m getting out of here!” “Holy Shit! I’m glad I’m not in the hot seat. I pay my fucking taxes.” “Thank God!!! It’s going to the bad part of town. Where all of those goddamned trailor-parks are. The place where all the old motels are. It’s a good place for this to go to! At least if it comes here, insurance will pay for it! Then my husband and our 2.5 children + dog can buy a new home and pay down on a ski-shack in the Rockies. What are we gonna have for dinner?”

And scene:

'(The Breath) - Treasures'

A brilliant light shines on the orphans. Not just orphans by blood, but in spirit. The Breath breaks through the ground and dust shapes the light as it flows through every speckle. The dogs howl at the sight of it’s arriving. It’s a light of victory. No victory of war, gain, revolution or achievement of men…. no this is a light of dawn that bursts forth the gold of,

T R U T H .

R E V E L A T I O N .

A W E .

U N D O U B T A B I L I T Y .

H O P E .

E V E R F L O W I N G .

U N C O N D I T I O N A L .

R E A L I T Y .

Unlike the fortunes of man, the treasure of 'The Breath’, is man. Why?? Why these men especially? Why not at least the good ones? The ones on the right side of responsible living. Why land here? And as the dust settles it becomes clear. He is close to failure. The needy that only gets needy again. The poor in coin and spirit. The fearful. The poisoned. The prisoner. The orphans who were forgotten. The outcasts who were thrown away for a very good reason. The unbathed. The unenlightened. The uncharming. The unfit and ungifted. The unwise unconnected and the unliked. Why????? Why in the world is this true? Well, because these people look, smell, taste, sound, and feel like the dust all around them. They are more closely related to the dust than clean. And both the unclean and clean alike know this to be true. So what does 'The Breath’ do with all this dust? What does it do? This is what it does, it fills their lungs, and without so much as a showering by rain, without so much as a teaching of verbs, without so much as a whipping of discipline or a correction of grammar or a task to be finished or a sentence to be remembered or a scripture to be meditated upon or a salvation to be chosen… it.... He, calls them… 'Treasures’

[fourthdaydreaming]

Still on Love

Subjects for life include:

Work

Finances,

Responsibility,

I'm still on love.

Concern for others include:

Empathy,

Generosity,

Thoughtfulness,

I'm still on love.

Thoughts of the mind include:

Religion,

Philosophy,

Trigonometry,

I'm still on love.

Whether broken by wind or by sail,

the answer is still the same. I'm still dealing with the void that remains.

Whether lifted by hook or by crook,

my empty heart hold no pieces to rearrange and no garnets of treasureous fame.

No light to ignite the house on the wave for illuminations of ships on the sea, to guide one to the shores and harbor safely. There is one request that resounds through the morn and I loath just to say again in the storm; the curse seem to grasp it and hauls it to breath to final wide curtains in a field of suns death, where it leads it, deceives it until at last moment it reaches its clinches until it pure owns it. Then in the sun on the hill near the roads it reminds it that never did know it, but ablighed to be lied to, and tricked up, and maligned through, and dashed from the walls of this happier place, once again the sun turns to gray and the waving of storm mist begins, and the gail rips through shining and groans of the angst of a thousand last Sunday's of summer rebant. And winter approaches and brings up its chill and no more are there patches of grass on the hill. And nothing remains but that galley of grim, waiting patiently open for light once again to be led by the house that still stands bove the waves, with a man seeing closely what he has not in range, it's the same small light that he wishes to clove, for the wood is there waiting for the flame of a person and one single answer for the questions that still haunt him. Then there 'ppears a thought of the man that in stuck in the tug, says to himself.

"I'm still on love."

[fourthdaydreaming]

Summer Song

Foxes in the river-

dandelion

Wind blowing like a heart break and you're-

on my mind

It's true

The sun stil shines on you

Birds singing in the valley-

Carolina

It's getting pretty hard to have a-

peace of mind

Sweet song

You were the sweetest song

I'm never done and I'm

always wrong

I'm always waiting for the

SUMMER SONG

Been thinking bout the years in-

Double time

Every time I think of you it's a-

Slow rewind

It's true

My heart holds on to you

I'm never done but I'll

Get along

I'm always waiting for the

SUMMER SONG

So I sing along

This Summer Song

Just sing along

SUMMER SONG

[fourthdaydreaming]

The Way The Split The Tread

Something died. I remember realizing it when it happened. It was slow, but all started with a prick of the skin. Who knew that it would grow to be such a bloody mess. I would feel it when I sang. I would remember it when I wrote. I would reach my way back to the time and place I was before it all happened when I kissed. I would feel it erase when I prayed with fervor. What is the meaning of this? How can I reclaim myself. Because I do know that something was lost. Sometimes I think it is a matter of tread. Keep living your life and at some point I will reclaim who I am. Time lived. But maybe this prick, then mess of blood has created who I am and who I should be.... Has it? Is who I am dependent on the circumstances of my life, to shape me and form a new person- or do they act as barriers to who I am.... And am meant to be? Whether I contend with this or not I must say that the best way I have found to deal with this pain is to trust in eternal light. Falling into His grace. And still, at that very moment to sing the blues of earth. That only exist on earth. Carry on. Question. And live. L I V E .

[fourthdaydreaming]

A Load of Illustrations; Ending with a Butterfly

Sometimes I feel like Hannibal of Carthage. A brilliant general capable of counterattacking the most ferocious Roman attacks and conquering every village he encountered. But what does he do with the conquered lands and his victories? Nothing. With all of my people skills and talents I tend to take no advantage of any of it. Instead I just wait for the next city to conquer.

Or maybe I more resemble the forgotten Roman generals left in Hannibal’s wake, nor waiting final defeat- or the next battle. No more waiting to take more ground, instead waiting for the ground to take them.

No. I really don’t feel that way either. I am in metamorphosis, waiting until the moment I will explode into flight! For now I will just need to keep growing. That is the way. That is the way, I tell myself.

[fourthdaydreaming]

LATE POST: MLK gave his life in the pursuit that his people have access to their God given rights & he knew that the true source of freedom was and is ultimately, Jesus. #respect

[fourthdaydreaming]

Of all the classic rock artists I have gotten into over the years Bowie has unfortunately not been one of them. This isn't because I have a fundamental problem with him, but because time is limited and usually once I start down a path of discovery I stay on it for a long while. All this being said, I remember hearing the song 'Changes' with Jacob Johnsey when I was a boy and it really made an impression on me. It was young but experienced, typical pop but of a deeper soul, it was beyond my understanding but some how I understood it. So for the simple fact that it impacted me in my adolescence, if for no other reason than that, I plan to discover what David Bowie was all about, and I hope that in all his creation there was and is a line of truth. Rest In Peace David Bowie. (at Alabaster, Alabama)