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[foxxinsoxx]

So You want a slave like me?

Men read about my beliefs and attitudes and ask me where They can get a female or slave like me.  Guess, what?  You can’t.

i am not a ready-made commodity You can pick off a shelf at Kmart or Wallmart.  i am someone who evolved over time.  To get a slave like me, You need to find someone like who i was 10 years ago and be willing to put in the time and energy to help her evolve into someone like me, or someone not like me, as suits You.

i did not start out here, i ended up here.  And the well kept secret is, 9 out of 10 submissives, deep down want to end up here as well.  They want to be able to say ‘yes’ to everything You ask because they have come to know and trust You that deeply.  They want to lay on the floor at Your feet, with Your foot on their neck and just surrender to melting into the floor and being.  They want to be all of everything to You, in every way You could ever want and more.

But that is not how they will turn up to meet You.  Even i don’t turn up to meet someone that way.  They will hold it back, keep it hidden because they need to trust You first.

As for someone like me, i have fought personal battles.  i have been through hell and back and brought a truck load of crap with me.  i have scars You cannot see and more hidden mines than a rice field in Vietnam.  

For me to kneel at someone’s feet, i need to know You are stronger than i am, because i’ve carried that crap around a long time, i’m very strong myself.  i’ve worked through some, am working through some and am yet to discover what some of it might be.  i need to know You can handle whatever i can throw at You because i don’t know what i have to throw.  i need to be able to open my bag of crap for You to see inside and know You won’t look at me horrified and run away.  i need to know You can handle it.

A female is not vulnerable when she lies naked.  She is not vulnerable when she is lies tied and naked.  A female is vulnerable when she opens that bag of crap and lets You look inside.

Can You handle all that?  Can You look in my bag and not shudder?  Can You not only accept i have that bag, but take it from me and still find me acceptable?  

That is what all submissives secretly desire.  That is what will get You a devoted, loving submissive or slave.

[foxxinsoxx]

Instead of saying “I don’t deserve ______”, try saying “I am grateful for ______.”

Even if you don’t truly believe that you deserve it or you don’t feel that grateful for it, just switching the negative statement to a positive one can make a huge difference.

You do deserve love. You do deserve happiness. You do deserve recovery. Adding a little bit of gratitude to your day is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

[foxxinsoxx]

I greeted him at the door on 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.

He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.

I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle jingling as it fell to the floor.

He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to revisit my treasure.

His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.

He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.

He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.

The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.

To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.

1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.

All that and the fucker never even gave me a single orgasm.

[foxxinsoxx]

Foiling Frenzy

I had a conversation  the other day that caused me to think back upon the early days of my dynamic, and I had an epiphany of sorts. The situation faced by  the person I was talking to caused me to reexamine past events from a different perspective, and as they say, clarity comes with time and hindsight.

When I first started in this life with my Master, I was brand new. And I mean brand-spanking-new (pun absolutely intended). He, on the other hand, had been in the life for several years and had quite a bit of experience. I’ve written many times, some would say ad nauseam, about my beginnings and my dynamic with my Master, including the unusual pull that I felt toward Him even before I really had met Him.  But I must confess that I may have, at times, glossed over my overzealous exuberance in the beginning months of our relationship. Anyone who has read any of my writings, particularly in chronological order, may have already gleaned what I’m about to say….

When we initially met in the task group, I remember my Master asked me some very difficult questions - questions that I struggled to answer as I was so new in the life I didn’t feel like I had enough information to even begin to form an answer yet. He continually challenged me to think, to grapple with concepts, ideas. Over time He became my mentor. And then, my protector. During this time our dynamic began to form and take shape, starting as a bit of training and expanding from there.

But what I remember most about that time, or I should say what I re-remembered, was my tendency to get so excited about what we were doing and the newness of everything that I would begin to push. I even wrote a piece one night called Push about that very mistake, after a rather pointed conversation we had. My actions, at least in some areas,  had become very un-submissive indeed.

There are so many times during the early days of our dynamic when my Master had to correct me and reel me back in.  One of those times in particular,  I remember so clearly. The dynamic still new, as was my habit of writing,  He had had to be away for a long period over the weekend to attend to family commitments.  I missed Him badly and had written about it.  I was uncertain,  but attempting transparency; the response I received was like a simultaneous combination of a slap in the face and a bucket of ice water on my head.  (Now for any of you about to criticize His response,  don’t.  I didn’t see the logic or purpose at the time.  I do now.  I’m merely explaining my state of mind then).

In those days, there were times when my Master had to be very stern with me. In this instance, He warned me not to be thirsty. I was flabbergasted. “Thirsty” was a term that I associated people who were extremely aggressive and obnoxious in their behavior. I was mortified, ashamed, and at the time even shocked and in disbelief!  I thought there must be some mistake. Surely, He could not truly have meant THAT?! I backed off and later had an opportunity to ask Him about it; He reiterated what He had said. I learned something that day, and it wasn’t until this week that I made a connection previously unseen. As my Master warned me not to be thirsty, He was actually warning about something else.  Something I wouldn’t even know the name of for several months. Sub Frenzy.

Interestingly, although Sub Frenzy is most often associated with new subs, it can happen to a seasoned sub as well.  The actual definition of “sub frenzy” is not always agreed upon within the community,  though certain aspects seem to be prevalent in most definitions:

“Sub-frenzy is a phenomenon that affects many new submissives. It’s that first rush of overwhelming, consuming desire to experience every kind of kink, as soon as possible, often to the point of neglecting all other concerns.” -Katekinsey.com

“Submissive Frenzy is a state of mind that you may experience at any point in your submission. It is most commonly associated with new submissives, but it can also come about when more seasoned submissives end a relationship or even during a relationship. During submissive frenzy, you may feel a desperate need to have your desires fulfilled. Many of the activities in BDSM can be considered addictive and frenzy is much like a withdrawal stage.” -submissiveguide.com

“[S]ub frenzy… is a condition in which a person that is very new to BDSM becomes very excited after initial experiences with BDSM (sometimes attributed to a feeling of making up for lost time) and proceeds with very little caution, self concern, compromised emotions and impaired judgement due to the excitement that this new lifestyle can provide. At times frenzy can appear very similar to various forms of addiction and for individuals prone to those kinds of personality traits it is wise to have a protector and a safe and monitored space to play in as they may be operating in a diminished capacity.  Typically frenzy, if it is to occur, will strike within the first three months of regular play and may last from a few weeks to up to a year before the new excitement and energy starts to dwindle.”-bdsmwiki.info

As you can see,  the definitions vary but the essence remains the same - reduced inhibitions,  heightened energy and a sense of urgency, almost addiction. I came across an excellent list of actions that characterize sub frenzy by Guest writer ~V~ on dennisnajee.blogspot.com:

Playing too soon with someone you just met.  [Especially online]

Not vetting this person thoroughly with background checks or lifestyle references.

Not asking questions or learning to negotiate your wants, needs or limits

Meeting for the first time in a private location

Not setting up or following through with Safe Calls [letting someone know exactly who you are with or where you are as well as checking in periodically with the safe call contact]

Playing too often.

Not taking time between play sessions to process everything experienced.  [One needs time to absorb and take inventory mentally and emotionally as well as possibly heal]

 ** Endorphin release/altered states of mind from intense and pain play add to this issue.**

Engaging in unsafe/unprotected play

Not using safe words in play

Engaging in types of play that one is not educated about or knows enough about what is safe, what your limits may be.

Surrendering/Agreeing without question

This is partially due to their submissive nature but partially due to the need to give in to and please another regardless of gut feelings, better judgment and safety. Newer subs may not understand we still have the right to say NO.  Self-preservation takes a back seat in extreme cases.

Falling in love or wanting a commitment before a bond has been established

Accepting the first offer of a collar or play partner at times falling prey to unreputable or unsafe dominate types who are out to prey on these subs

Withholding personal information/health information just to engage in play or service

So how is frenzy typically handled?  A sub could have a protector (I’ve written about protection agreements recently).  In such case, the protector would set limits for the sub, limits designed to ensure mental and physical health and safety, vet potential play partners,  negotiate and monitor scenes.  In essence,  help prevent the sub from falling head over heels into a pit of filth without a clue what is really happening.  Absent a protector, a sub’s dominant fills that role.  Absent a dominant or some other mentor or protector, a sub in sub frenzy runs substantial risk of being injured mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. 

Now,  was I experiencing sub frenzy?  No, I’m not really sure that I was. Not based upon those definitions.  But the key is that my Master was warning me not to.  Not to be thirsty.  Not to frenzy.  If anything, I think, my tendency was to try to push things faster, to do more,  see more.  Go longer.  He was protecting me from myself,  redirecting me before I reached the tipping point. My Master was and is terrifically wise and I am tremendously thankful to be the beneficiary of His guidance.

One additional note, that I learned as I was researching this, seasoned subs can just as easily fall victim to sub frenzy, therefore it is worth learning the signs of this treacherous condition.  Don’t assume it’s just a “newbie” syndrome! 

©reflectedtruthsblog 2018

[foxxinsoxx]

A blow job for him. A hand spanking and two orgasms for me. 

I couldn’t begin to guess how many times we’ve done something extremely similar. There was nothing new or hard or unusual or off about any of it. 

But maybe 20 minutes after we had gone back to other things, he startles me a bit when he says “Hey.” in a voice that strikes me as stern at first, but I quickly realize it’s concern.  “Are you okay? You’re too quiet…”

Yes! I’m good. Still subspacey? Trying to get some work done and my brain is just kinda slow. Focusing. But I’m good.

I love that he is still attentive, still concerned, and he still asks at the slightest hint of anything being off, even if what we’ve done is super ordinary for us. It’s a little thing but it makes me overflow with a sense of security and love. 

[foxxinsoxx]

Things to Never Stop Saying to Her:

1 - “I appreciate you.”

2- “I am proud of you.”

3- “You’re beautiful.”

4 - “You’re mine.”

5- “Good girl.”

Original Writing © 2018

A-Poetic-Dominant

[foxxinsoxx]

PSA: Please teach your partner how to choke properly if you’re into that kind of thing.

The point of choking is not to crush the oesophagus, but rather to put light pressure on the carotid arteries to stop oxygen circulation to the brain. So tops, please create a V shape with your hands, which allows the fleshy part of the palm to rest against the oesophagus without causing any obstruction to the windpipe, and press down on the arteries. It’s not about stopping your bottom from breathing completely, but making them lightheaded.

This is very, very important!

Also, please don’t attempt any choking whilst under the influence because your better judgement may be impaired and you can cause some serious damage.

Choking is serious business, if you’re going to engage in it, please be sure to practise it properly and in a safe manner!

[foxxinsoxx]

when u wanna talk to someone but u don’t wanna be……..too much

[foxxinsoxx]

Another five page kinky comic I drew last year! This one’s about getting started with wax play. Be safe and have fun!

[foxxinsoxx]

What is it to be a dom? What are your duties to your girl if your a dom? It can't just be getting what you want, right?

I’m really happy you asked this question.  This is completely from my own point of view:

Being a Dom is almost exactly opposite of what you just asked.  It’s about helping her grow as a person.  Supporting her and making her feel loved and cherished.  Knowing the things that hurt her and sheltering her from them.   It’s about understanding your sub so well that you know exactly what she truly needs, so you can provide it…a kiss on the forehead, a strict bed time, an ass whoopin, a reminder to watch her favorite show so she doesn’t miss it, a safe place to rest her head and share every bad thing she holds inside, a day of being completely physically dominated because on that particular day she NEEDS an escape.  It’s about making decisions for her so she doesn’t have to bare the weight of them.  

It’s about being her rock, her lover, her counselor, her teacher, and her protector.

[foxxinsoxx]

[foxxinsoxx]

[foxxinsoxx]

“The hardest part of letting go is understanding that the other person is okay without you.”

- B.M.

[foxxinsoxx]

Totally feeling it today

[foxxinsoxx]

[foxxinsoxx]

Totally feeling it today

[foxxinsoxx]