fragilebirds22

[fragilebirds22]

You know how to love someone, but you don't know how to believe that someone loves you, and that is your tragedy.

[fragilebirds22]

too native, too easily deceived

[fragilebirds22]

"Out of all the angels God has made, why did He send me a devil?"

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My trauma didn't make me stronger. My trauma cost me all my strength.

[fragilebirds22]

It doesn’t matter what you were wearing. It doesn’t matter whether you were drinking or not. It doesn’t matter whether you fought back or froze. It doesn’t matter whether your emotions flooded out and you lost it or whether you were numb. It doesn’t matter if you reported or kept it quiet. It doesn’t matter if you became sex repulsed, or hypersexual or even both after. It doesn’t matter what your attacker’s gender was. It doesn’t matter what your gender is.

None of these things matter when it comes to whether you’re valid or not.

You are valid. Your emotions are valid. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You are not dirty. And it was not your fault.

I promise.

[fragilebirds22]

Can we please quit pressuring survivors to report?

Reporting is a valid thing to do, but not reporting is also valid for a number of reasons. The process can be re-traumatizing. It can be dangerous. And at the end of the day, it is never on a survivor whether this person does it to someone else. Ever. Quit blaming survivors. Quit guilting them and telling them “what if they do it to someone else…”

Reporting is a personal decision that should be respected.

[fragilebirds22]

don’t ever tell a male SA survivor; “You’re supposed to enjoy it”

don’t ever tell a male SA survivor; "good game/job"

don’t ever tell a male SA survivor; “You’re a boy, you can’t get raped.”

don’t ever tell a male SA survivor; “that doesn’t count.”

don’t ever tell an SA survivor; “What were you wearing?”

don’t ever tell an SA survivor; “Did you close your legs?”

don’t ever tell an SA survivor; “They’re family, they wouldn’t do that.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “I don’t believe you.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “I know them, they wouldn’t do that.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “You’re supposed to enjoy it.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “We’re you leading them on?”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “We’re you rude?”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “You’re an adult, toughen up.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “it doesn’t count.”

don’t ever tell a SA survivor; “it’s your fault.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “but you don’t act like it.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “But they seem so nice.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “They’d never do that.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “She’s a girl, girl’s don’t abuse.”

don’t ever tell a male DA/GA survivor; “Boys can’t be abused.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “But you have no scars.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “You’re just making things up for attention.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “you should’ve just fought/yelled back.”

don’t ever tell a DA/GA survivor; “It’s your fault.”

don’t ever tell an attempt survivor; “that’s selfish of you.”

don’t ever tell an attempt survivor; “I’ve had it worse/i know someone who has it worse.”

don’t ever tell an attempt survivor; “that doesn’t sound like an attempt.”

don’t ever tell a POC; “you’d be way prettier with lighter skin.”

don’t ever tell a POC; “but you don’t look american?”

don’t ever tell a POC; “you should try skin bleaching.”

don’t ever tell a POC; “oh, are you in a gang or something?”

don’t ever tell a POC; “but your skin is so light, you can’t be colored.”

don’t ever tell a POC; “can you give me the N word pass?”

don’t ever tell a POC; “your hair is distracting”

don’t ever tell a POC; “go back to where you came from.” [whoever says this, i live in your walls]

don’t ever tell an albino; “you’re white, not black.”

don’t ever tell an albino; “so are one of your parent white or something?”

don’t ever tell an albino; “you’d be prettier if you were normal.”

don’t ever tell an albino; “oh has anyone tired talking you limbs or something” [i will hunt whoever says this]

don’t ever tell a child; “you should take care of your siblings.”

don’t ever tell a child; “he hits you/is being rude because he likes you”

don’t ever tell a child; “you have to hug them!”

don’t ever tell a child; “it’s your fault we’re divorcing”

don’t ever tell a child; “you’re too old to be doing this.”

don’t ever tell a child of divorced parents; “it’s your fault”

don’t ever tell a child of divorced parents; “pick a side”

don’t ever tell a child of divorced parents; “did you ever consider that you should’ve stepped in?”

don’t ever tell a child of divorced parents; “well if they never got together in the first place, they wouldn’t have had you”

you never know what a person is going through and don’t you dare shame a person for something they can’t control.

if you say any of these things you’re disgusting and you need to not only get educated but stop being a dick.

keep in mind that i am aware that these prompts don’t apply to everyone of a certain minority. But this is me teaching to simply be kind and pay respect and mind to a person’s experiences, minority, etc. there are multiple prompts that can be added but I will refrain to using those out of respect, and also due to censorship.

[fragilebirds22]

I've started telling myself "this is my body remembering my trauma. It's a memory. Right now I am safe and my body is safe." when I have body memory flashbacks.

[fragilebirds22]

False accusation fear-mongering is just dressed up modern witch trials.

[fragilebirds22]

Not only sexual violence itself is traumatizing. The way other people react to it (silencing, victim blaming, minimizing,...) is additionally traumatizing and can determine if a victim develops PTSD or not.

I wonder how my PTSD would have turned out if I hadn't been forced to endure so much additional trauma by people supporting my rapist.

[fragilebirds22]

“You think it will never happen to you, that it cannot happen to you, that you are the only person in the world to whom none of these things will ever happen, and then, one by one, they all begin to happen to you, in the same way they happen to everyone else.”

— Paul Auster, Winter Journal

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— Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground

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“Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

[fragilebirds22]

“How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.”

― Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love You and I Love You to Bits

[fragilebirds22]

Art by Julia Zhuravleva

[fragilebirds22]

[fragilebirds22]