franklydead

[franklydead]

I had to take a piss test for a job I got hired at today, and this is the name of the fuckin company that makes the tests

[franklydead]

we just keep naming bugs like this

[franklydead]

trying to seductively get on my knees for you but my knees crack so loud it echoes and i’m stuck there for five minutes

[franklydead]

Guy just walked in with a shirt that said “I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them” and frankly I’m obsessed

[franklydead]

fear me

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

please be nice to me, i'm in my twenties. do you know what that does to a person

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

Lowkey grinds my gears when people tag me in pictures of gar

Like he is beautiful he is wonderful but he is not a sturgeon

He doesn’t even have denticles

he doesn’t even scutes

Come on guys let’s put on our thinking caps

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

[franklydead]

these tweets are holding hands

[franklydead]

“Robert Pattinson showed up with iPhone voice recordings and had already nailed the voice for ‘THE BOY AND THE HERON’ before recording started. It was his first ever voice role and he finished in 2 days.” (source)

[franklydead]

love when cats hear that you've woken up even just a little bit and they're like hiiiiiii oh my god oh my god!!!!! i wrote some poems in the night let me recite them for you. this one is called: screaming and knocking your water bottle off your nightstand

[franklydead]

I love it when people use "shrimp" to mean "beyond the human range". like "shrimp colors" but applied to other things. "shrimp emotions" "shrimp sounds" "shrimp morality", as if shrimp are living some kind of transcendent existence that humans can never comprehend