freezi-writes

[freezi-writes]

The popping candy fizz of my veneered projection wears off and I am solemnly contented. I do not care to keep up the ruse. You could see through it anyhow. I slip the mask because I love you. For very few am I willing to. For you, I am willing to.

6/12/25

[freezi-writes]

i’ve been writing poems about the end of the world

[freezi-writes]

On Being No One's Someone

All my life I've had friends I would die for. That I'd spend my days thinking of and looking after. And always I would think that's my person. That's my someone.

But never was I their someone. I've never had my someone look at me and see the world. I had a best friend for seven years who told me she did not think me capable of kindness. She was my entire life. Everything I did revolved around her. And suddenly, she did not care. She had other friends who she liked better.

I do not blame her for moving on, but why shouldn't I? When all I've ever done is try to show people how much I love them only for them to think me clingy? For her to see only the eleven-year-old girl silver-tongued from abuse and not the optimistic young man I'd ripped myself apart to become?

It was so hard to keep myself open after that. To keep telling my new friends how much I love them. I managed, though, and still, nobody looks at me and sees everything I am. Everything I could be. I am no one's emergency contact. There's no one who calls me because they have news. I would love to tell someone my news. I'd love to tell you while we make dinner. Or while you drive home from work. I'll remember your coworkers' names and keep up with the drama. Please just be my someone. And let me be yours.

6/5/25

[freezi-writes]

I had a dream about you this morning. We were working in a store, about to close, and you lost your temper in a way I've never seen before.

I pulled you into the back and just hugged you.

"helping or hurting?" I whispered.

"helping," you said. You hugged me tighter.

We stayed like that for a while. At one point you pulled me down so we were sitting and for what felt like hours I just held you.

I woke up melancholic. I am no one's someone. But for a moment, just a moment, I was yours.

6/5/25

[freezi-writes]

40,000 years ago, early humans painted hands on the wall of a cave. This morning, my baby cousin began finger painting. All of recorded history happened between these two paintings of human hands. The Nazca Lines and the Mona Lisa. The first TransAtlantic flight and the first voyage to the Moon. Humanity invented the wheel, the telescope, and the nuclear bomb. We eradicated wild poliovirus types 2 and 3. We discovered radio waves, dinosaurs, and the laws of thermodynamics. Freedom Riders crossed the South. Hippies burned their draft cards. Countless genocides, scientific advancements, migrations, and rebellions. More than a hundred billion humans lived and died between these two paintings—one on a sheet of paper, and one on the inside of a cave. At the dawn of time, ancient humans stretched out their hands. And this morning, a child reached back. 

[freezi-writes]

For a while there we were Schrödinger's love. It was a box that took months to open, and I didn't realize that your side had a window. You were only trying to protect me. You thought maybe you could change what was inside by sheer force of will. Sometimes you thought you had. I finally got you to open it though, and all your worst nightmares did not come true. I do not care that mine is the only love present. Frankly it took up more than my share of the box, and I do not mind sharing. If truth is what is there then I will be there. I'd like it if you could come too. I will not blame you if not. I love everything about you, and there is no world in which your presence leaves me lacking. Thank you for opening the box.

5/22/25

[freezi-writes]

affidavit // april 3 2024

[freezi-writes]

A stab and a twist and an artery missed leaves a dead man to tell his tale.

Arms that could crack from a library stack makes a scholar that's poised to prevail.

And you know what they say about apples and days, but the doctor's a lonely chap.

And if he'd be found the talk of the town the dead man might land in his lap!

5/24/25

[freezi-writes]

[freezi-writes]

There's a pattern to my poetry.

I insist that I ask nothing of you,

and then I end by pleading.

"I need no reciprocity"

(please stay)

"I do not need you to love me"

(please stay)

"I can love plenty for the both of us"

(please, darling, please stay)

I cannot decide if this is hypocritical.

I'm not sure how to find out.

In the mean time, though,

will you stay?

I know no other resolve.

5/21/25

[freezi-writes]

pspspspsps poetry mutuals come here... new quiz... making you the patron saint of something...

[freezi-writes]

"Fate"

I never believed in fate.

When I use the word preordained

I do not mean it cosmically.

I only mean to map the lovely coincidence

that we are so well matched.

I do not believe in fate.

So when I tell you that I love you,

know that it is a choice.

I'm aware that you do not love me.

It is not something I am worried about.

I feel as though I've always known you

because you are so easy to know.

It's hard to imagine a world

where you are not my friend.

You might as well be my sister.

I do not believe in fate,

and I do not pretend to know all of you.

That is the fun of it.

So please, if you don't mind,

let us keep learning.

5/21/25

[freezi-writes]

Diamond and Sandstone

You do not love me. I do not mind. That was never really my goal. The goal was to let you see how brightly you shine, if even through my eyes. See, I think you're made of Diamond. Strong, and reflective, and at the right angle I can see right through you.

I think I'm made of Sandstone. Easy to break. Easy to etch. But also everywhere. I refine myself into individual flecks of sand so that people can see through me. I let time recompress me into stone and I do it all again.

Most notably, though, I etch my love into my very being. Diamond and Sandstone make that awful easy. I write of your brilliance that you might see through your strength and understand. You try to keep up with my ability to crumble. My dear, that is not the point. I never wanted you to break the way I do. I still don't. I just want you to see the shine.

5/21/25

[freezi-writes]

South Dakota Hail Storm

I can explain it, actually. It's because it's beautiful. It's because I can't stop looking at it. It's because the green matches your eyes and the grandeur makes my heart pound. It's because you can feel the power emanating from the sky, the same way your heat can be felt from inches away. It's because I love you. It's because the heavens love the earth.

5/21/25

[freezi-writes]

On the Nature of Artist and Muse

I ask nothing of you, my dear,

because I do not need it.

You plead that our effort is unbalanced,

but you count my art as "work".

My art is not in your service,

it is inspired by your spectre!

The fact that you inspire me

is more than I could dream.

The sheer volume of creation

of which you have gifted me

should send any poet

to their knees with gratitude.

It is only you that could think this unbalanced.

5/21/25

[freezi-writes]

I wrote you a letter.

You wrote me back.

I made you a mixtape.

You made me one, too.

I wrote you a poem about

the mixtape and you've already responded.

I keep kitkats around

because I know they're your favorite.

I play sudoku

and you're learning mahjong.

I call you boring

and that's what you prefer.

Everything about us

feels preordained.

Like we were made for eachother.

I was transfixed

the moment I saw you,

And you've told me it was mutual.

We are not afraid

of disagreeing with one another.

Trivialities, mostly,

but that's what makes it fun.

This is what we've been building to

our whole lives.

You and I

And it's only just begun.

5/6/25

[freezi-writes]

You gave me a mixtape for my birthday.

I haven't been able to shut up about you in days.

You gave me a mixtape, and it was perfect.

It was exactly what we needed.

I'm not sure we ever would have spoken without it.

Not really.

Not in the way that we have now.

5/6/25