freycmccdougcl

[freycmccdougcl]

"And you've been doing plenty of that I hope? I know you sometimes have a temptation to kind of... shut yourself away. It's nice to see you getting out and about." Especially after everything.

"Thanks, Freya," Gale said with a small smile, "Sometimes I do need the push," he admitted, "I haven't been up to much," he admitted, "Just mingling and catching up with people."

[freycmccdougcl]

"Oh my sweet boy, I know." Freya spoke on a whisper at the fact Damien had pointed out that they were going through this together, and that he wouldn't have left her to deal with it on her own. She didn't doubt any of that for a moment. Seeing the tears pouring down his cheeks too, killed her all over again and she found herself drawing him tightly to her. "I know you wouldn't say that but I assure you that in my eyes, you are." And really, that was all that matters. "Come lie with me?" Freya requested softly after a moment, just wanting to curl up in her bed with Damien and absorb all the comfort they could get from one another. She felt like they both needed that right now. It wasn't about whether one was hurting more than the other, but that they'd both been through such a terrible experience. One only the two of them in that moment could understand. "I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for all of this pain."

[freycmccdougcl]

"Oh my sweet boy, I know." Freya spoke on a whisper at the fact Damien had pointed out that they were going through this together, and that he wouldn't have left her to deal with it on her own. She didn't doubt any of that for a moment. Seeing the tears pouring down his cheeks too, killed her all over again and she found herself drawing him tightly to her. "I know you wouldn't say that but I assure you that in my eyes, you are." And really, that was all that matters. "Come lie with me?" Freya requested softly after a moment, just wanting to curl up in her bed with Damien and absorb all the comfort they could get from one another. She felt like they both needed that right now. It wasn't about whether one was hurting more than the other, but that they'd both been through such a terrible experience. One only the two of them in that moment could understand. "I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for all of this pain."

Without even having to think about it, his arms found a way to envelope Freya as she shifted forwards. Damien's hands resting on her upper waist gently as took his face into her own hands. "I can't imagine being anywhere else, Freya. Of course I'm here by your side. There is no world where I'd let you go through this alone," he insisted. "Besides, we're going through this together," he reminded softly, although his pain in regards to this would never match how it had to feel for Freya right now. "You don't need to worry about me going anywhere," Damien promised, tears streaming down his own cheeks at this point. "I would not say I am a miracle, mon coeur. But you can guarantee that I will always fight by your side no matter what."

[freycmccdougcl]

Perhaps Freya had needed this little bit of perspective because Damien had been supporting her so much to the point where she'd almost allowed herself to forget that she wasn't the only one hurting. The blonde shuffled forward gently, eyes still damp but she shakily took his face in her hands, holding the man so tenderly. "None of this is your fault." She felt that was the most important thing to get out of the way righ then. Freya didn't want him to think there was any hesitation in those words, or that she believed differently. "You have given me back so much Damien. I... this is not something I ever thought I would be going through but if I have to, I am glad you're the one by my side for it. I don't think I could... if you weren't here..." There was no way she could have made it through without him. "I need you. And you're my miracle. Please believe that." She could feel the tears falling again, this time for him too.

"I've done some things I'm really not proud of," Damien admitted softly when she'd ask how any of this could be his fault. He hadn't wanted this conversation to take this sort of a shift. While he had every intention of telling Freya about this part of his life sooner rather than later, everything surrounding their baby had taken up time and space and he hadn't wanted to overshadow any of it with this. "And because of that well... I've always been convinced that I don't really deserve happiness. It's why what I have with you consistently feels like a miracle that fell into my lap. I'm often convinced that you are far too good to be true."

[freycmccdougcl]

There was a pause from Freya at Hazel's questioning. Much as she didn't really like to revisit the past few months; ones in which she perhaps considered even worse than the situation with her ex in its on way, she knew she'd already kept far too much from her siblings. It wasn't something she really wanted to discuss but divulging this at least wasn't something that could harm them. Freya took a breath. "Damien is wonderful. Truly. But that doesn't mean life is always simple. Perhaps we should go somewhere a little more private?" It was a request more than a suggestion despite how she had worded it.

"Put the past behind you?" Hazel asked with eyebrows raised. "I figured you were having a good year. I mean, you and Damien seem to be doing good an everything. You tend to be smarter and handle everything else way better than I do." Hazel paused lightly. "I don't want to make assumptions or offend you but I feel like I should ask, things are good between you and Damien, right? He's treating you right, right?"

[freycmccdougcl]

"It is one of the things I hold most valuable to me." Considering she'd done a disappearing act, Freya knew she had been lucky that Vera had welcomed her back with open arms. More so than even her siblings and that had been before she'd given her an explanation. "I think we need to explain to the boys that we're going to have to find adjoining homes or build them ourselves." She stated after a moment with humour to break the seriousness of their discussion.

"Just you so much as try and forget about me. I'd never let you hear the end of it," her threats empty and playful as she wagged a finger at Freya. She smiled softly, reaching to take her best friend's hands into hers before giving them a gentle squeeze. "Our relationship will remain strong. I haven't got any doubts about that," Vera assured warmly. She genuinely couldn't imagine a world that she and Freya weren't taking on side-by-side. The woman would always be one of the most important people in her life.

[freycmccdougcl]

"I don't know about new me but a new start is always a nice thought." It'd ended up being a tough year for Freya and whilst there were plenty of highlights, one moment in particular managed to sour how she viewed the entire year. "I want to put the past behind me and just start over again."

"Well I'm pretty tipsy right now, so that helps," Hazel said, taking a sweet and opening up the wrapper. "I don't really believe in new year, new me ideology. It always just pisses me off in the end."

[freycmccdougcl]

"Perhaps it will and then I'm going to have to take you out each time as a thank you for your exceptional tastes." Freya told her with a little laugh, though honestly, she wouldn't mind the others company, excuses aside. "I can understand that. Maybe next time I can do the same for you?"

"Who knows? Maybe it'll become your new favorite coffee place," she then shrugged hopefully when Freya assured her that she'd appreciate the place no matter what. "And then I can be glad that I shared something with someone else. It's always so affirming when you give someone a recommendation that they enjoy."

[freycmccdougcl]

"I'm proud of you for working on it. I'll help remind and reassure you as many times as it takes." Freya said with a smile of her own when he explained. "Whilst you don't need to thank me, I appreciate it anyway. Come on. I am looking forward to celebrating with you. You can tell me what you've been up to tonight."

"I know, I know," Gale said, nodding, "I know it's a me thing, not an everybody else thing. I'm working on it," he explained, smiling. He didn't need to voice what she meant to his childhood. His first words had been calling her mama, enough said. He nodded in gratitude though, making sure his expressions showed it too, "Thank you."

[freycmccdougcl]

"I'm glad you're able to work through that because you've never been a burden to me Gale. I understand why you may feel that way given our upbringing and we all have our own crosses to bear when it comes to that, but you are not a burden. You and our sister will always be the best things that happened to me and the happiest part of my childhood." Even if their lives were not easy and she didn't want them to go through what they did, she was lucky enough to have them by her side through it all. She didn't think she would have been the same if she'd gone through it alone.

"I..." Gale trailed off, "No, you're right. There is time and I'm definitely not trying to get rid of you. I was just, feeling like a burden. I'm getting better at identifying it after my sessions," he explained, "Let's get a drink then. There's plenty of space to find a spot before midnight."

[freycmccdougcl]

"I'm sure that some people are or they wouldn't continue to sell them, surely." Freya mused before giving a little shrug of her shoulders. When Bekah pointed out how deep the conversation had gotten, Freya laughed. "Nothing like a little existential crisis to bring people together. Besides, you brought up the dreams aspect a little bit."

"Is anyone really good at the recorder? I feel like it's an instrument that everyone sucks at," she considered with a snort, amused by the anecdote. "Just keeping the conversation light and easy, huh?" Bekah joked when she'd been asked what she dreamed of. "My answer might sound like a cop-out but it's honest– I'm not sure. As long as music is in my life in some way, it sounds good to me. I suppose I should work a little harder on figuring out the dream thing however."

[freycmccdougcl]

A part of Freya wanted to shout out right then that their baby passing wasn't just a 'thing that happened' but she knew deep down he didn't mean to hurt her with his words and that he was being truthful. Sometimes bad things did happen and she couldn't stop them, it was just part of life. It just seemed so unfair that after everything, this was another thing she had to put up with and just accept. Hadn't she accepted enough already? She was pulled from her self-wallowing by the surprise that shook her at Damien's confession as she blinked up at him wide eyed. "How could this ever be you?"

"There's nothing you can do. Things like this happen and it hurts, but it isn't the end either," Damien told her softly. While he hated to think about useless she was feeling but at the same time he knew it was a part of grieving all of this. No matter how painful it was, it was something they were going to have to go through. He just wanted to make sure that Freya knew it was something they were going to do together. "If you want me to be completely transparent with you, I'm surprised so much good in my life has happened to me. That you happened to me," he kissed her forehead before reciprocating the tight squeeze, his tone suddenly incredibly sad, "If anything, I'm terrified that I'm the one who cursed this for us. For you."

[freycmccdougcl]

"What makes you think he would be looking for me? He is with his own friends right now I'd imagine." If her conversation earlier with Colm was anything to go by anyway. "And he'll find me by then, he always does. I just thought it would be nice to spend a little of the evening with you but it almost sounds like you are trying to get rid of me."

🎆 - our muses get ready for/watch the fireworks together ( @freycmccdougcl )

"Freya, I'm sure your date is looking for you. I'm fine. I can find a spot to watch the fireworks on my own," Gale insisted, "Go on, or you'll miss midnight with him."

[freycmccdougcl]

"I mean, we can go home if you like but like you said, they have to get used to it occasionally and it's not as though it is a regular thing with us. The other thing I am glad about is that they have one another to keep them company." No doubt it would have been harder for her if there had only been one dog.

"That's true," she nodded. "And while I know they'll be okay after all the precautions we took I can't help but feel some guilt over not being there with them," Vera sighed a little. "I suppose it's just one of those things they need to be used to from time to time, especially since we have our periods of time where we get busy."

[freycmccdougcl]

❄️ hazel <3

Can be found here.

[freycmccdougcl]

❄️ - our muses get some fresh air from the celebrations together

"You're looking happy tonight." Freya spoke softly when she exited the building and came across her younger sibling. She held out the bag of sweets she'd managed to collect along the way, already chewing on one herself. "Are you glad to see the back of this year and have a fresh start?" She knew in many ways, she was.

@hazelmacdougal

[freycmccdougcl]

"I can't help it. I just... I feel so useless right now." For their baby and for him. She didn't know what good she had been to either of them in that moment. Somehow he was holding it together for both of them and she hated that he felt he had to do that when she knew how important this had been to him too. The moment when he found out played repeatedly in her mind. He'd been so happy and the way he'd spoken... Freya felt her throat tighten again and she squeezed her eyes close, holding onto Damien with such force. "So do you..." Came the tight response in return.

Damien did all he could think to do in the moment, keeping her close and offering her as much physical and emotional support as he could muster in that moment in time. It hurt to see her so torn up and destroyed by all of this. While it was all incredibly justified, it didn't make it hurt any less. "Don't apologize," he insisted affectionately, brushing some hair from her face when she'd found the courage to speak again. "I know it isn't. But you need all the support I can give right now," Damien replied calmly. "And I just want you to know that I'm always here for you. No matter what. And i'll never stop reminding you of that."