friedhoagiedonkeypony

[friedhoagiedonkeypony]

I KNOW WHO I AM, I KNOW WHAT I WANT🤞

[friedhoagiedonkeypony]

Can someone really give up on love for no reason at all? There was a time when I just wanted to be bold. I had always been logical and cautious, even a bit cowardly. I met new friends and decided to take a risk. Looking back, it’s funny how naive I was. My idea of risk-taking was falling in love for the first time at the age of 22—a simple, everyday thing for a teenage girl, but to me, it felt like a wild adventure.

One day, I went to a café in my city with my new friends. The moment I walked in, my eyes met his, and from that instant, I couldn���t stop thinking about him. I’m not sure if it was real attraction or just the thrill of this new experience. He was the kind of guy every girl would dream of—handsome, and all the girls were staring at him. The waiter, Mr. “A,” had this undeniable charisma: tall, athletic, with sleek hair, dark features, and intense, serious eyes. He seemed strict and a bit temperamental—that’s the impression I had.

My friends were incredibly supportive. For the first time, I felt what it was like to have people backing me as I navigated love. They encouraged me to do what I wanted without overthinking whether it was right or wrong. It was the first time in my life I felt truly happy and alive, free from fear and anxiety.

I started visiting the café with my friends more frequently, just to see him. One day, when he wasn’t there, my friend urged me to take action. She said I needed to find out if he had a girlfriend or fiancée before I fell deeper for him or risked losing him without knowing. She suggested getting his phone number from one of his colleagues. I agreed, and she did it. When she handed me his number, I became obsessed. I would check his profile picture over and over and feel thrilled whenever I saw him online on WhatsApp. Months went by like this. I continued going to the café with my friends almost every day, hoping to see him. They would tell me he seemed interested, as he often glanced my way. Their words filled me with joy.

One day, my friend told me she saw him watching me as I left the café. That moment, I began to believe he might actually have feelings for me. Another time, I saw him at the café when he was sick. I wanted so badly to wish him well, but I was too shy. So, I went home, still thinking about him, and decided to message him anonymously. I told him I admired him and just wanted to know if he was in a relationship, asking him not to question who I was. He refused to answer until he knew who I was. I wished him a quick recovery, and he asked how I knew he was sick. I told him I had seen him at the café, admitting that I’d been going there often just to see him. A few days later, he confessed he wasn’t in a relationship, and we started talking—without me revealing my true identity.

He kept asking to meet me, but I hesitated, wanting to wait until I was sure he had feelings for me. I noticed he would look at me more often when I was at the café, so I decided to pretend I was jealous of how much he stared at me. I’d make self-critical comments, and he would rush to defend me, haha. By then, I was convinced he liked me, so I let him figure out my identity on his own. When he finally did, he was thrilled to discover it was me who had been messaging him, and I was just as happy to be the one he had feelings for... (to be continued)

@Ema

[friedhoagiedonkeypony]

How could someone be so foolish? I’ve been told countless times that I would never amount to anything, that my ideas and dreams were nothing but illusions, meaningless fantasies with no place in reality. Yet, I stubbornly clung to them, believing they were absolute truths that would one day come to life. How arrogant and naive I was. It frustrated me when others tried to convince me otherwise, thinking they were the miserable fools who would fail in life because they lacked the determination I had.

But now, after all these years, I see it’s me who was the fool—the diligent dreamer, left miserable and heartbroken, watching from a distance as they succeed with ease. They didn’t lose sleep, they didn’t drown in books, and yet they succeeded. They enjoyed every moment of their lives, while I worked tirelessly, convinced that the prize of life was worth sacrificing all enjoyment. Now, I don’t even know what joy feels like anymore. I can’t rest, and in moments of free time, I feel anxious and lost. I’m terrified, like a child trapped in a dark cave, unsure of what to do with a life that feels unfamiliar.

The hardest part is realizing the truth—understanding the secret too late. Now, I don’t know how to keep living with this new reality. How do I, someone who has always lived by logic and reason, survive in a world not ruled by logic but by chance? How do I move forward?

From a loser in life

@ ema

[friedhoagiedonkeypony]

Hard work doesn’t always lead to success; life is not fair. Don’t expect recognition for what you’ve done, nor rewards for your efforts. Life might reward those who know how to enjoy it, rather than those who labor endlessly. It might favor the risk-takers, not the cautious; those who choose to give up and surrender, not those who keep fighting. Life is not just. Don’t be swayed by their sayings, for they are deceiving. One day, when your time has passed, you’ll understand—and by then, it’ll be too late to change. You’ll feel betrayed, realizing you were foolish for thinking you were wise. You’ll find that you neither enjoyed life nor truly gained from it, and the real wisdom lies in knowing how to live it fully.

From a loser in life

@Ema