frikkinbangtan

[frikkinbangtan]

There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me.

Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (via goodreadss)

[frikkinbangtan]

One day I will gather the courage to face myself. 

↳ [translation by ktaebwi]

[frikkinbangtan]

jimin wearing playing with headbands

[frikkinbangtan]

things that fall | sneak peak

Pairing: JiminxReader

Genre: Crime AU; angst, fluff, action, drama, maybe smut

Rating: M for the series just to be safe, though there’s nothing too graphic in this bit

Warnings: Violence, strong language, (possible, future) sexual content

Word Count: 1500+

Summary: Things that fall -- Rain. Teardrops. Stars. Angels. Empires. Kings. People. You for him. You wonder, had you not met him that day, how differently would things have turned out? Could you have avoided this heartache? But to your surprise, you don’t find yourself wishing to go back to the beginning, to that crisp Monday morning in the studio -- even if it’s selfish, you don’t regret your choices because you were lucky enough to meet a boy with a smile like the sun. You were lucky enough to know a boy who saw you not as a monster, but as a girl who only wanted a second chance. You were lucky enough to be loved by Park Jimin, and that made all the hardship worthwhile.

A/N: alrighty, so i wrote this a couple of months ago, and it kinda just sat around bc it never showed up in the tag and i lost my motivation, tbh. but then!! bighit released all that love yourself content, stimulating my creative juices, so here we are again, my friends B) i hope you enjoy this little tidbit!!

“This isn’t going to work.“ 

You hate yourself for the words that pass your lips – not only because of the way your eyes burn the moment you speak them, but because they’re also the reason his smile drops, quickly replaced by parted lips and a furrowed brow and a confused gaze you can’t bring yourself to meet. You know if you look any farther than his chest, your resolve will falter, crumble into the shaky, broken mess it was to begin with. So you don’t look at his face, even as he opens his mouth. Even as he reaches for you, fingers gently encasing your own, you don’t dare to look up at him. Even as he grows steadily more apprehensive, more desperate, invading your space until mere centimeters remain between you, you don’t dare to look up at him. Even as he tilts your head up, you don’t dare to look up at him. You close your eyes instead. 

"Why?” His voice is as soft as his touch, but there’s a defiance you had hoped to avoid. “Can you tell me why?“ 

“Why? It’s pretty obvious why." 

"But I thought—" 

Your heart leaps into your throat as you attempt to end this argument before it can really begin, a scowl marring your previously neutral features. "I wanted to believe it would work, but who were we kidding?” Your smile is bitter with crushed hopes, and you finally make the mistake of looking into his eyes. 

Before Jimin, you didn’t think it was possible to feel warm from the way someone looks at you. Or to feel safe. It takes all you have to force the remainder of your explanation out, to say the words that will break your heart just as much as it will his. 

"I can’t watch you get hurt,“ you breathe, blinking away the tears before they have a chance to fall. "So I’m saying goodbye now before either of us have the chance to do something stupid." 

His lips curl into a smile tainted by regret. "It’s a little too late for that." 

A rush of fear, cold and sinking, rushes through you. "What do you mean, ‘a little too late,’ Jimin? What did you do?” Your eyes dart to where Jimin’s hands have moved to press upon his abdomen, spotting crimson that spills over his fingers and stains his skin, and it’s as if someone has punched you in the gut because you can’t breathe. You can’t think. All that registers is that Jimin is bleeding. 

Why is he bleeding? He was fine— 

Jimin collapses to the floor, eyes fluttering, and you throw yourself down beside him without a second thought. You cradle him against your chest and press your hands where the blood is still gushing, but no amount of pressure is going to help. You quickly realize that when the bleeding doesn’t slow no matter how hard you press against Jimin’s wound. A choked sob slips past your lips before you can stop it, and you bow your head until it rests against Jimin’s shoulder, still pressing with all your might because he can’t die. The boy with a smile warmer than the sun can’t die. The boy with arms that feel like home can’t die. The boy who made you believe you weren’t a monster can’t die. The boy who found out the messy truth and still chose to stay can’t die. That boy who held you as if you were made of porcelain when he very well knew you were crafted out of jagged steel, can’t die. He just can’t. 

Jimin’s hand upon your cheek elicits a quiet whimper from you despite your resolve to remain strong for him. Immediately you place your own bloodied hand over his, leaning into his touch as you try to slow your breathing and sniffling all the while. When you turn your head to meet his eyes, it brings on a new rush of tears to see his lips curved in a fond smile, warm and familiar and comforting. You wonder how the hell he can still make you feel like everything is going to be alright when you know everything is fucked. 

"It’s okay.“  

No, it’s not, you think, but you can’t get the choked response out. Jimin brushes his thumb across your cheekbone, further smearing his blood across your skin in the process, though neither of you care in the moment. His smile is watery now, voice thick with remorse and guilt as he speaks. "I love you.”

"Don’t,“ you sputter and squeeze his hand. "Please, don’t.” It’s all you can manage to say despite the words speeding through your mind. His lips part to respond, but his eyes flutter shut before he can, his hand going slack in your grip. You cry out in panic and try to jostle Jimin awake, desperate to hear his voice, to see his smile, to meet his eyes – to have the chance to tell him how much he means to you, how much you need him— but he doesn’t open his eyes. 

You do open yours, though. 

 Your body jerks upright, chest heaving and cheeks damp as your mind races with memories of a nightmare that you almost believe to be true because its ending is what you’ve feared from the very beginning of your relationship with Jimin. But you feel his arms around you before your panic can grow, wrapped about your waist and tugging until your back rests against his chest, and all the tension melts from your body. He presses a kiss to your bare shoulder before resting his chin there and speaking barely above a whisper. 

"Was it that night again?“ 

You shake your head and lean into him, reveling in his warmth for a few blissful moments before you finally respond. "No, it was something completely different this time." 

Jimin hums but doesn’t say anything else. He knows if you want to talk about it, you will; you made that clear a long time ago. 

"I lost you.” His chin leaves your shoulder as he turns his head to get a better look at your face, but you won’t look at him. “You died, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” Even now, when you’re aware it was only a dream, your chest aches as though your heart is being crushed. Even now, you can picture the scene as though it were happening right in front of you. Jimin’s reassuring smile, his hand upon your cheek, the blood pooling beneath your fingers – you’ve always been a vivid dreamer, and it isn’t the first time you curse your imagination. 

Jimin’s thumb brushes just beneath your left eye, and it’s then that you notice the tears blurring your vision. You breathe in sharply, squeezing your eyes shut as if to shut out the memory of your nightmare and praying that Jimin’s eyes haven’t adjusted to the dark just yet. You don’t want him to see the way your brow is furrowed or how tightly you have your lips pressed together, nor your hands which have balled themselves into tight fists. But you feel his palm against your skin coaxing your head to turn, and you know you can’t hide how terrified you are at the mere thought of losing him.

His lips press softly against your forehead.

"I don’t know what I’d do if—” You cut yourself off, holding your breath in an attempt to keep your composure, and Jimin takes the opportunity to shush you, wiping away the tears trailing down your cheeks.

“It was only a dream, Y/N,” he whispers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“But what if—”

“It’s not a possibility.” His tone remains gentle, but he’s firm in denying whatever worst case scenario you’ve imagined. And in his mind, those words are the absolute truth – there’s no way in hell he’s going to die and leave you all alone. You believe him, even if just for the moment, and you lean into Jimin, resting your forehead against his own. You sniffle a few more times as Jimin begins to hum a song you know you’ve heard but can’t seem to place and slowly open your eyes to see that he’s closed his eyes. While studying his features, so impossibly perfect, your eyes begin to droop; you know you won’t last much longer between the warmth radiating from Jimin, his arms nestled around you, and his humming, so you say what you’ve been meaning to say for quite some time before sleep can claim you.

“I love you.”

His eyes flutter open to meet your lethargic gaze. Your voice came out as a mutter, but he heard you all the same, and the smile that you receive in reply sends your stomach into somersaults and colors your cheeks crimson. Jimin presses his lips to yours softly, laying the both of you down and placing a few more kisses to your face – to which you whine at but thoroughly enjoy. You hear his laugh ring in the silence of his room and attempt to smack him, but Jimin easily catches your wrist and places one last kiss to your palm before laying it against his chest, beaming at you. Just before you drift off, you hear him whisper back to you, voice giddy despite the remnants of sleep.

“I love you, too.”

[frikkinbangtan]

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love yourself

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tag dump!!

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endless yoongifs | Best Of BTS - Korean vers. shoot

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I miss you. I miss not touching each other. Not seeing each other, not breathing in each other. I want you. All the time. No one else.

Adèle, Blue is the Warmest Color (via goodreadss)