frodos-bizarre-adventure

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

alt designs of Strange Magic (2015) characters Bog King and Marianne

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

The only reason why transphobes always ask “what is a woman” instead of “what is a man” is because we all know that a man is a featherless biped.

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Please enjoy the infectious laughter of the Australian senate struggling to keep its composure while grilling a man about bee semen

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

two of them......... (said with heart-bursting affection)

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

It's Jurassic June so why not have a mash-up of two Spielberg classics?

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Happy Pride Month to everyone who gets this joke, laughed at it, or isn’t a homophobic or transphobic etc asshole.

Happy Pride Everyone.

Stay Gay.

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Happy Pride, monsterfuckers.

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

it'd be really cool if everyone put their money where their mouths are and went and saw the new fully 2d animated looney tunes movie that's in theaters RIGHT NOW instead of continuing to scream about the snow white and lilo and stitch remakes

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

god if you want to love a childrens series that bad go read fucking redwall or something. you can even pick an animal to reduce your whole personality down into there

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Has anyone figured out what’s so viscerally wrong with this woman yet

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Okay, so. Star Wars has all these concepts that weirdo New Left boomer George Lucas tosses in there but because of storyteller limitations it would kill the plot to fully explain them all, so later writers have to come in for the spin-off materials and bat clean-up to fully explain all this crazy crap. And I would like to talk about something that made me actively angry at first, but which I now adore. And that is the Naboo.

So much about Naboo culture is infuriating from a logical standpoint. They have a queen, okay. A constitutionally elected queen? Weird, okay. Don't know why they'd do that but... She's FOURTEEN? Excuse me? Is it a ceremonial thing or, oh no it's not? Legit head of state? Why does she dress like that? Why does she talk like that? I'm so tired.

Here's the explainer. Let me go cook.

There's this joke in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where the last living human goes back in time and finds out humans aren't actually from Earth, but an alien culture that tricked all the middle managers, pedantic weirdos, and other infuriating folk into getting in a space arc which they gave the wrong evacuation coordinates to simply get rid of them. The Naboo are like this but they're all artists and poets and hippies, but like classy ones. They fled their home planet during a war and crash landed on Naboo, then did a colonism to the Gungans because, hey, they were fleeing a war and it was do or die. This spiritual rot in their creation story is later rectified by Padmé. But it's super important to their cultural psychology. They're hippies, but will subjugate if needed. They are "peaceful" but I guarantee you every single one of them has a tiny extremely shiny pistol up their sleeve and they will draw down on you if backed against a wall.

The scene that I think says it all is at the end of Phantom Menace when Padmé is surrounded by Nute Gunray and his droids, they've got her dead to rights, but Sabé her double creates a distraction so the queen can make it to her throne. This one piece of furniture is the Naboo in a nutshell. It's richly carved with artistic details, it has two seats to the side so the queen's handmaidens can read the lips of people in the back of the room and use hand signals to communicate with the queen while she can remain focused mostly on who is speaking to her. It is hundreds of years old. And it has a secret compartment in the armrest that is FULL OF GUNS. Layers of artistic opulence hiding their true intentions.

The Naboo were created to be backwards compatible with Princess Leia. They're compassionate pacifists, but they will shot you if needed.

Why do they elect teenage royalty? It's a little creepy. It's giving "age of consent is emotional maturity". It makes no sense.

The explanation they give outsiders is they want youthful idealism untainted by cynicism. What they don't tell you is that they take kids with stated interest in politics and put them in an advanced highly competitive Leadership Academy which is like Model UN mixed with Battle Royale. Well, they don't kill each other but it's intense. It's like what the clones went though just all diplomacy training and tea ceremonies all the time. Which is crazy but so Naboo.

Oh, and all the delegates for the royalty election run using pseudonyms for security. Imagine voting for the head of state but you can't run a background check. It's so crazy.

Why does Padmé dress like that? Well, fashion is one of Naboo's major industries so it's like she's wearing the entire Fall line catalog at once. To advertise not only the talent of her people, but to show how much they favor her. BUT that dress has multiple layers of padding and resin armor. And aforementioned spots for those little silver blasters. And it breaks up her silhouette making her harder to shoot. And it's so elaborate you pay more attention to the crazy dress and not if the person wearing it is really the queen or a decoy. Everything about Naboo is like this.

Queen Amidala has that weird accent while Padmé does not. Because all her handmaidens helped create the accent together so they all can imitate it. It's like if you gave girls at a rowdy sleepover the job of federal counterintelligence. That's what they came up with.

The handmaidens wear colorful identical clothes so you can't tell them apart, hoods to partially conceal their identity, and they don't wear the queen's fancy makeup. So one of them can be the queen and spy on people in the audience. Because the Naboo don't trust shit for shit.

Their public face is so silly to hide all the truly weird shit they do behind the scenes.

They use their reputation as artist hippies to conceal multiple layers of subterfuge and disguise their methods of self defense and assuage their paranoia due to wartime trauma and their disturbing colonial past. All of them are completely off their rocker even by Star Wars standards. And I love them so much. They put on a show so everyone thinks they have them figured out but what they have going on is far more weirder and more sinister than meets the eye. You know how catty, neurotic, and competitive art school students stereotypically are? Yeah, planet art student. Love them!

There you go, @charmwasjess

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

The overly-sanitized, corporate-bleached, utterly-soulless, playing-safe marketable Lilo and Stitch remake annoyed me so much I ended up pulling an old concept doodle out of my files from an old "make an existing alien character even more alien looking" spec bio contest. Going the complete exaggerated opposite direction of the movie making Stitch overly cute and merch-able and basically being "what if Stitch just straight up looked like a legit sci-fi horror movie monster played straight? And what if...Lilo still loved him anyway?"

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

"Chief Hiccup, we've got an urgent update on the whole "King Ghidorah" situation. The titan on the move, though fortunately it seems to be moving away from the island..."

"...what's that? More news so soon? Chief, there's been a...change of plans. It's trajectory is headed to converge to ANOTHER of these giants, in the very middle of the sea. Tidal Class, it seems from their descriptions. No wings, but swims very fast. And its fiery breath is described as blue, like a Night Fury's. Sounds quite like what my grandfather only spoke of in legend. Sworn enemy of the three-headed one. They say its name is...Gojira."

"Away? That, that's good news, yeah?"

Hiccup's eyes widened, and he stuttered out, "A-another one??"

He swallowed. This sounded like more than he and Toothless ever faced before.

Okay. One thing at a time. "Sworn enemies? You should evacuate anyone along the coast. You don't know how long those two will fight, and you don't want your people in the crossfire. Toothless and I can help direct people towards safety, we can get the other riders to help too."

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

Uh...you're the dragon expert, right? Cause we may have a bit of a problem over at our island.

Some of our survey scouts sighted a class 10 titan, the size of a bewilderbeast or even more, and it's described as being somewhere between a zippleback and a snaptrapper, so I'll have to assume...three, heads? They've alao said it had golden scales and instead of fire shoots electrical beams like a skrill.

The locals have said its name to be "King Ghidorah".

"A--a class ten with multiple heads?!" Hiccup's eyes were wide, lips parted as he tried to fathom this new dragon.

"Oh, Thor...you know they're powerful when they have a name like that...alright, uh...let's see what else we know. Is, is it attacking? Or just...minding it's own business?" Maybe it was a gentle giant...but Hiccup feared that wouldn't be the case.

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]