fromveryfattoflat-blog - Tumblr blog

[fromveryfattoflat-blog]

She left me

I don’t really have another outlet so Tumblr will be my victim. 

After 6 years of being with my girlfriend she broke up with me last Sunday. Stuff had been a little rough for a week or two. She just woke up one day and her attitude had completely changed towards me. She was so loving and affectionate 12 hours before hand and then the morning came around and she wouldn't touch me. There is obviously more to the story as we were both trying to evolve as a couple but it wasn't anything so serious. She basically treated me like shit for two weeks as i tried to get her to be affectionate towards me. I asked her what she needed from me, romantic dinner, helped around the house but nothing. It all just ended with the notion of her saying ‘I am just no longer interested...not invested’ This tore my heart out. I haven't doubted who would be by my side in the years to come as i grew professionally and personally. Hadn’t doubted who would be my bride and the mother of my children. Things that were concrete in my future ripped out from me so suddenly. The woman i love just stopped loving and adoring me. I just don’t know what to do now. Obviously im going to work on myself and yarda yarda yard but jesus christ. It was so sudden, so random. She even said i did nothing wrong. I just wish she was sad. She doesn't care and urgh. So many other things which are annoying me but i shouldn't spread. Even anonymously on the internet. RAWR URGH FML.

End of the day. I love her and as much as it sucks that shouldn’t be contingent on her loving me back or wanting to be with me. Its so hard to convince myself but i know that I shouldn’t want to or be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me either. 

My god it hurts.

[fromveryfattoflat-blog]

Day 1

127kg (280~lbs). I hate how i look. I really really do. 

Never sacrifice what you want the most for what you want at the moment. I read this on a /r/fitness months ago and I cant help but shake the statement. I have for too long let my inner bitch get what it wants right now. “dam that cheeseburger and coke looks good” It will make me happy for all of 5 mins before i realize...I want people to say “Dam Cam looks good” This short term thinking is killing these long term goals. 

My goal is 200 pounds. If the loose skin comes it comes but i will be pushing hard for this goal to be done by the end of 2017. This lifestyle change. To start it off I am doing a crazy first month as I am the type of person that needs to go all out to stick to something. I plan on losing 20 pounds this first month, from the 9th of May to the 6th of June. I will be eating approximately 1200 calories net a day. No sugar, minimal carbs. Most meals will be a protein source (chicken) and a slab of vegetables. I will also be fasting from dinner until after lunch (aprox 16hrs) a day. It is not the healthiest way to live, or lose weight but it is what I need. I should be down to 260 pounds by the 6th of June and will be filling so much better.

Time to rock out to some Eminem and kill my inner bitch that has held me back for so long.