frootlooppoptarts
frootlooppoptarts
The Target Audience for These Things is Me, Specifically
295 posts
You can hang out here though. There's pie in the fridge and bread in the pantry.
Last active 60 minutes ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 22 hours ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 2 days ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 3 days ago
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here's to galvanized nails and cardboard females
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frootlooppoptarts · 4 days ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 5 days ago
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well, I like wisconsin
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frootlooppoptarts · 6 days ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 7 days ago
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I want you to know when you hold my hand you hold my heart
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frootlooppoptarts · 8 days ago
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god I'm so glad I stole that little boy
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frootlooppoptarts · 9 days ago
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entries in count longardeaux's book of party tricks, redneck jokes, and worldly records
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frootlooppoptarts · 10 days ago
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We're not the Wonders right now. We're Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters.
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frootlooppoptarts · 11 days ago
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frootlooppoptarts · 12 days ago
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The Wonders on tour in the summer of 1964
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frootlooppoptarts · 13 days ago
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I had a dream that I made love with that man on the Pringles can.
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frootlooppoptarts · 14 days ago
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so what are you saying? that you...gulp!...want his bod?
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frootlooppoptarts · 15 days ago
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The Bass Player + The Chantrelline
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frootlooppoptarts · 16 days ago
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Gentlemen, is there a problem? There is in the sense that you seem to have hired a cartoon.
series of my favorite jane wickline tiktoks
(transcript under the cut)
Sergeant: For a case as serious as this one, we didn't want to take any chances, 'kay? You three are the best. Michael: *overlapping* I don't know about the best. Kyle: *overlapping You're very kind. Sergeant: Kyle here, of course, led the landmark investigation in Acker, Michael Bell the most acclaimed private detective in New York. Kyle: *off screen* A legend. Michael: An honor to be here. Sergeant: And of course, there's no need to introduce Sammy Solvesitfast. Sammy: *wearing a stupid hat and talking like a hammy child actor* I'll get to the bottom of this! Sergeant: The first killing that we know of-- Michael: Sorry to interrupt, sergeant, I think there is a need to introduce-- Kyle: I would also actually love to hear a little bit more. Sergeant: Of course. Detective, would you like to introduce yourself? Sammy: Sure. My name's Sammy, but my friends call me "Puzzle Piece." I cracked the case of the Cookie Crook, and I busted the Birthday Bandit. Michael: *disbelieving look* Sergeant: Detective Samuel is the absolute best. Sammy: Hey, I just follow the clues. Sergeant: So the first killing in Tucson seems like-- Kyle: Just to go back, would you say that you're a PI? Sammy: Sort of. I solve neighborhood mysteries for 50 cents. Kyle: *unimpressed look* Michael: Sergeant, what is going on here? Kyle: *off screen* What does that mean? Sergeant: Gentlemen, is there a problem? Kyle: I-- Yeah, kind of. Michael: There is in the sense that you seem to have hired a cartoon. Sergeant: I assure you, Detective S is as legitimate as the nose on my face. Sergeant: Now, I'm asking you all to refrain from interjecting unless you have something useful to say. Kyle: *shakes his head* Michael: I think the Pennsylvania murder is not connected; it's a goose chase, and we should stop wasting resources on it. Kyle: I agree. I think we should focus on Charmaine. Sergeant: And Sammy? Sammy: I say check the scene of the crime for footprints. Kyle: Oh my god. Sammy: Sometimes footprints leading away from a crime scene can lead you right to the person you're looking for. Kyle: Sergeant?? Sergeant: Detectives. Sammy: My next idea is to see if any of the suspects claim to have been somewhere on February 29th. Sure, that could've been true--in a LEAP YEAR. Kyle: How old are you? Sammy: That depends. Should I include my half birthday? Sammy: Sorry, gentlemen, I have to take this. Sammy: *on the phone* Detective Solvesitfast. You talk fast, and I'll do the solvesinit. Michael: If you don't dismiss the child detective, I'm gonna find out who the murderer is, and I'm going to team up with them. Kyle: Me too. I will too. Sergeant: You're all used to being number one, so I expected some headbutting at first-- Sammy: *on the phone* Roger that! Sammy: *hangs up* That was my mom. She says I have a piano lesson and have to come home immediately. Sergeant: We'll wait till you return to resume things Michael: *off screen* Are you serious? Kyle: What? Sammy: Thanks, sarge, and I can't wait to get back to it. Sergeant: Wow. They really don't make them like that anymore.
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frootlooppoptarts · 17 days ago
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