frozencapybara

[frozencapybara]

gun to my head i would rather die than read this fic. what the fuck are you even doing at this point. whats the fucking point?

[frozencapybara]

I had to google “types of rice” for this poll which made me feel like if an 1800s peasant had access to google and it’s still easily the worst poll I’ve ever made so you better answer it

[frozencapybara]

"But that ship is toxic and problematic" okay ❤️ yay ❤️

[frozencapybara]

people using the I’m just a girl song for their little videos but making them short enough to crop out the part of gwen stephani yelling that’s all you’ll let me be

[frozencapybara]

Happy Mother’s Day!

[frozencapybara]

the original leeroy jenkins video was posted may 11th 2005… 10 years ago today… yowee

[frozencapybara]

where's that masterpost of quotes that have no right going as hard as they do. I'd like to submit "Protagonism is best left to teens and the insane"

[frozencapybara]

medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

[frozencapybara]

people needdddd to wear headphones in public because while on an otherwise very lovely walk in the park today i saw a guy sitting under a tree watching a porn parody of the star wars prequels

[frozencapybara]

it’s not necessarily that I hate the themes most prevalent in fiction set in the real world and it’s not necessarily that I don’t like stories revolving around real people or relationship drama or interpersonal issues it’s more like im a dog who doesn’t recognize that a pill is still a pill if it has peanut butter on it. I need like the little peanut butter spoonful that is aliens or robots or monsters or time travel or something fantastical and not at all down to earth real life so that you can approach me and be like “this story is about how friendships can deteriorate over time and also how this guy feels bad for being a bad friend and causing his buddy problems with their girlfriend” and then look at me making a face at you and be like “AND! they’re all aliens who are doing all that across spacetime” and I’ll be like OHHHHHH OKAY YAY (shlop shlap shlup the sound of a dog horking down peanut butter pills) wow what a poignant story

[frozencapybara]

yall gotta learn the difference between "this character is an asshole" and "this character was supposed to be super cool but the author is an asshole" and "this character is a teenage girl who was mean once"

[frozencapybara]

Clue (1985) dir. Johnathan Lynn

[frozencapybara]

well that odysseus guy never had to deal with a self checkout so if anything my grocery odyssey is actually worse than whatever he was doing

[frozencapybara]

Listen All Systems Red is so so funny from Gurathins perspective imagine you grew up with Space Socialism and was hired to go help some pal with science but you weren't allowed to go unless you rented AmaTeslas Torment Nexus Alexa Dot and then when you get there you find out a whole continent of people got annihilated by their Tourment Nexus rentals so you take a moment to check yours quickly and find out it already had disengaged its Don't Kill People box, the only thing you've ever been told prevented them from mass homiciding their clients, something that LITERALLY just happened to people you knew a day ago, and when you say to your fellow socialist doctors HEY I think our Tourment Nexus is fucked up and it's files said it killed dozens of people barely a year ago and we should probably get the hell away from it the same doctors are like look at what you're saying. You're hurting the Tourment Nexus' feelings. The Tourment Nexus is just a little construct who likes Netflix Gurathin stop antagonizing it on the plane ride.

[frozencapybara]