ftseth

[ftseth]

You can tell yourself that as much as you want, I’m not gonna take it away from you. But what did I just say? Sharing is caring really only applies to food, weed, shit like that. Not deep dark personal fantasies. I know I’ve got an ass that just won’t quit, but try to rein it in a little. I don’t think I follow your logic there, pal. But fuck, I don’t follow your logic half the time. I’m just gonna smile and nod now.

My taste in music drags me up - I’m out of the pleb gutter by the skin of my teeth, asshat. What about you? Definitely Freudian, for sure.  I want to get dressed up in a white sheet, go ghost and touch your ass. My #1 goal. Maybe it’s Freudian to think it’s Freudian. Maybe you want me to want you to touch your ass, dressed as a ghost. Sounds cool as fuck, is what it is. It will get green-lit. I swear to god. I’d make an awesome badass ghost-hunter.

[ftseth]

Alright, I’ll give ghosts the benefit of the doubt here. For your sake. But even if they are real and somebody falls victim to a spooky-ass haunting every day, doesn’t change the fact that I know fuck-all about hunting them. Don’t think shitty teen shows have too much going for them in the world of realism.

How do you know ghosts aren’t real, though? You can’t really know for sure. You, specifically, not having your ass haunted doesn’t mean other asses in the world haven’t had a ghost after them, and there’s, like, no way to prove if they’re just crazy or not, you know?

[ftseth]

If you can’t think of any, doesn’t make you a hell of a lot better than me. You’re down here in the pleb gutter with me, no way out of that shit. Is this a psychology thing? Like, Freudian, hearing what you want to hear. If you’re into paranormal roleplaying when you fuck, good for you. I don’t need to hear about it, though. Leave that mess in your bedroom, thanks. Sounds like you’re describing an R-rated version of Danny Phantom there, man. Good luck getting that green lit.

There are better-worse ghosting shows on Netflix, Seth. You nasty pleb. I… can’t think of any, but they’re there. I’m sure of it - and you’re still a nasty pleb. Not to detract from your statement, dude, but I was sure you said “I was ready to get my ass touched by the paranormal,” and man, that’s… pretty fucking kinky. I’d kill to be a paranormal investigator, though. What a cool show would that be? A dude commits murder and he’s cursed to spend the rest of his life hunting ghosts. Fuck, I’d act in that.

[ftseth]

They could probably come up with less convoluted excuses if they really want to talk to me that bad, right? People have conversations every day that don’t revolve around killing ghosts.

They callin’ you ‘cause you cute, dummy.

[ftseth]

° ☾ .:｡TASK TWO —— the cosmo quiz.

NAME: seth cohen. NICKNAME: seth’s not a name that leaves itself open to tons of nicknames. when i was a kid my mom used to call me bubbala? IF YOU COULD TRADE LIVES WITH SOMEONE FOR A DAY, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?: bill murray. i mean, come on, he’s bill-freakin’-murray. MY WORST HABIT IS: i’m a big talker. i can talk for ages without letting anybody get a word in edgewise, and i’m bad with interrupting people when i think of something i want to say. working on it? I LOVE TO LISTEN TO: when i was a kid, i had this old record player that used to be my dad’s and i would listen to all these old david bowie records and they played a big part in shaping my childhood. i’m still very big into bowie, listen to space oddity when i can’t sleep. THE FEATURE I GET MOST COMPLIMENTS ON IS MY: depends if we’re talking about in person or in my twitter mentions. in person, people think i have a nice... facial structure? online it’s mainly whatever is visible in the picture i post. mainly my hands and my butt. I AM MOST INSECURE ABOUT: the moles. I FEEL SEXIEST IN: dinosaur footie pajamas, all the way. I’M DYING TO WORK WITH: god, robert deniro. or the coen brothers, mainly because something by the coen brothers starring seth cohen would be too great to pass up. there’s already that fargo show on fx, they just need to adapt something else for the small screen and i’m so there. I SECRETLY GET ANNOYED WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME: by the name of whatever character i’m playing. happens with random people on the street and directors like you wouldn’t believe. also i didn’t know about this until recently, but apparently i share a name with a character on some old teen drama that’s not on tv anymore? so when people call me seth cohen in that way. THE WEIRDEST RUMOR I’VE HEARD ABOUT MYSELF IS: i’ve heard a couple about me being in a cult? i’m jewish. THE BEST GIFT I’VE EVER GIVEN IS: i put money into an account to help my little siblings to go to college. i never got to since i moved out here right out of high school, so it’s all the more important to me that they get the opportunity i missed. MY BEST STRESS RELIEVER IS: grand theft auto. is that the worst answer ever? DESPITE WHAT YOU’VE HEARD, I’VE NEVER DATED: anyone. famous, at least. i try to keep my work life and my personal life separate, any rumours about me dating co-stars are totally false. MY CELEBRITY CRUSH IS: mia wasikowska. THE SUPERPOWER I’D LIKE MOST TO POSSESS IS: the best superpower would be the one where you can change what you look like. you could get cast in anything. I’M TOTALLY ADDICTED TO: buying pointless junk from the shopping channel at 4 am. i have too many blenders for one man, and i know it. MY WEIRDEST PHOBIA IS: i get embarrassingly paranoid when i’m walking down the street and there’s somebody walking behind me, ever since i saw this movie about people getting cursed and stalked by this monster that moves at walking pace until it kills them. i’m not down for that. PLASTIC SURGERY IS: not something i’m interested in. THE NAME ON MY FAKE I.D. WAS: mclovin? I WISH I COULD BE MORE: considerate.

[ftseth]

One time I got the flu and watched like, three seasons of this show on Netflix called Ghost Adventures. I was open and ready for my life to get touched by the paranormal, but all I saw was a bunch of grown-ass men running around getting scared by a machine picking up random radio signals. Trust me, if this was a real and viable career I’d drop acting in a second and start hunting ghosts up and down the west coast. Not sure, though. You would think after so many movies, they’d have the whole thing down.

Don’t be so boring, Seth. Ghosts are real and they walk among us - my oujia board told me so. Embrace your new life as a ghost hunter. Probably a better gig than TV acting. I bet the Paranormal Activity folks would be a better option, though, less incompetence. Right?

[ftseth]

I know I for one, would way rather bug one of my distant acquaintances than look something up on one of these new-fangled computers. Any day.

It is, I heard google was practically impossible. You know, why use a search engine when you can simply annoy people?

[ftseth]

I’ve made it this far in my life not believing in ghosts and not getting assaulted, I’ll take my chances. Why would they give a shit? If I were a ghost, pretty sure I wouldn’t want people to think I exist. Makes it way scarier when they finally get their asses haunted.

You’re such a downer. There could be a hundred ghosts looking at you wrathfully at this very second, watching you shit talk them. What if you get assaulted by them? What then?

[ftseth]

So. You see dead people? Next time somebody comes to me with this shit, I’ll make sure to point them in your direction. Closest I ever came to a paranormal experience was this terrible, B horror movie I was in before I even had an agent, and everybody thought the set was haunted. I feel like when you have an excuse in your head, you’re gonna chalk every bad thing that happens up to it. Blown lights aren’t fucked up electrics, they’re ghosts who don’t want your shitty movie about a possessed toy box to see the light of day. Obviously. So yeah, triple sure.

Wait, ghosts aren’t real? I thought they were, like, I had — or I guess I thought I had? — all of these experiences ‘n stuff, and I was so convinced, and now they’re just … not? Okay, I bet you’re smart as all heck, probably smarter than I am, but are you sure? Like, double sure? Triple sure? 

[ftseth]

What happened to Bill Murray? Last I checked, he was still out there in the world. Doing his thing. Don’t think he’s still bustin’ ghosts, though. Which sucks. Maybe I’m just the closest they come to a paranormal expert, and they don’t know how to use the internet? I feel for them, I really do. Internet’s a tricky place.

Yeah, that’s the one. What a classic. What happened to those guys? If anyone has to resort to you its obvious that something tragic happened.

[ftseth]

Like... that movie from the 80’s? With the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

When did they discontinue ghost busters? I never got this memo..

[ftseth]

Don’t know why people think the fact that I used to be on a show about ghosts means I’m the person to call when they think their asses are being haunted. I think ghosts not being real kind of throws a wrench into any ghost-hunting knowledge I could have? Maybe call the folks from Paranormal Activity, next time. Way more experience there.

[ftseth]

yo btw real quick........i pasted the parts of my app abt seth on a page so if u wanna know more about him beyond the fact that hes garbage .. here u go

[ftseth]

riley added me to the dern hecking group chat before i even had a chance to make an intro post so some of yall probably already know who i am but in case u missed it : hello my name is kit and i’m auditioning for the role of seth i will be singing Garbage Man by Hole

bc he is a disgusting trash baby who knows nothing but garbage

basically this is my kid seth and i dont even know what to say about him tbh i have a thing here that has a little bit about him? he’s very manipulative and #fake but he’s good at not seeming like thaT bc acting .. my brain is broken right now i’m in an awful skype call w an awful person BUT if u want to know more than hmu ?? plz ? send me a message on here or on aim @ hcmmings basically plot w me .. be my freidn .. i love u all .. goodbye ....

[ftseth]

                                      ° ☾ .:｡— you’ve expressed explicitly your contempt for matrimony,                                                         you’ve student loans to pay and will not risk the alimony.                                                 we spend our days locked in a room content inside a bubble,                                            and in the night time we go out and scour the streets for trouble.