fuck0r

[fuck0r]

Cw9: 149.8 (02/20/2025)

Cw8: 147.7 (02/05/2025)

Cw7: 146.9 (01/22/2025)

Cw6: 151.0 (01/17/2025)

Cw5: 148.9 (01/15/2025)

Cw4: 148.3 (12/21/2024)

Cw3: 150.7 (12/19/2024)

Cw2: 154.5 (10/16/2024)

Cw: 167.6 lbs (01/25/2024)

Sw: 172 lbs (01/22/2024)

Gw: 120 lbs

[fuck0r]

Just got to know that the boba drink I have everyday is almost 600 cals. I feel like I'm gonna cry. Well most of the days that's the only thing I have so that's okay. But my daily limit was 400 at most. Fml ;(

[fuck0r]

Day 1:

Height : 5"7

Weight : 172 lbs when last checked

Gw1: 145

Ugw: 125

[fuck0r]

I tried. I really tried. I even started eating normally. And I gained weight. A lot of it. Like 30lbs. But I didn't care. I had to get over my weird thing with food. And I did. For sometime. But everyone keeps talking about how I got fatter and how I was skinny before. They keep calling me fat. They don't know and they say they are just joking but it effects me. A lot. Everyone has an opinion they can't shut up about about my weight. I'm done. I'm done trying to get better. This is it. Once I'm skinny I'm gonna be as pretty as her who everyone adores. She's literally everyone's fav person. And she's so skinny. I am going to become her. Fuck this. So I'm going to start from today. This is how it's going to go. I'm going to post my daily weight progress. And what I ate maybe. And weekly I'm going to measure my measurements.

03/07/2023

Weight: 165.4 lbs

Left thigh: 24"

Right thigh: 24.5"

Hips: 42.5"

Waist: 31"

Chest: 37"

Left arm: 12.5"

Right arm: 13"

[fuck0r]

I'm starting a water fast with my friend. It's like a competition about who can go without food longer. I have to win this. If I'm not good at starving myself, then what else am I good for?

[fuck0r]

I should stop talking. I really should. All my life problems will end if I just don’t talk. I wish I could just stop talking. I’m gonna return back to my old ways now. No talking, starving myself, and maybe cutting sometimes. Idk. I feel so weird. It has been a long time since I felt like this. I feel like all the progress I’ve made, it’s all gone. I had lost so much weight, now it’s all back. I had almost gotten over my anorexia, now I’m spiraling back into it. I’m this close to becoming bulimic again. All of this effort, all of this time, everything was in the end for nothing. For absolutely nothing. All I’m left with now is my failed ass who failed at every fucking thing in life. The worst part is, I can’t even end it all. I mean I can. But I can’t.

But on the plus side, I got my weighing scale today, so yayy, now I can starve myself in the proper way and obsess over every pound.

[fuck0r]

Fuck. I’m relapsing. I wanna die. I checked my weight yesterday after like 2 months. It went from 128 to 142. FUCKKKK. That’s it. I’m gonna starve myself. Starve myself until I fucking die. Starve until I am finally pretty. Starve until I’m not fat anymore. Starve until I can finally look in the mirror without being disgusted of what I see. I actually wanna die. But I can’t. I’m just too chicken to attempt suicide again. If it doesn’t work this time, I’m fucked. I can’t starve myself tho. Midterms are coming up. I can’t fuck up my college. I need food to focus on studying. FUCK. I can’t exist being this fat. My room mate is literally so thin. Everyone of my friends is so thin and pretty. Why can’t I be pretty and thin for once? Why can’t I just be not disgusted of myself for once? Just once.