fuckyaaprivacy - Tumblr blog

[fuckyaaprivacy]

a night. 093019

Hi babe. Hopefully mabasa mo 'to in future kasi for sure you'll ask for my Tumblr haha It's been many months na since we broke up at kahapon I had the courage na ichat ka ulit. Luckily, nag reply ka, but you were so mad at me, I understand naman, I treated you so bad and worse, narealize ko lahat yon nung wala kana. That's one of the reason kung bakit hinayaan na din kitang iwan ako eh kasi feel ko kahit bigyan mo ulit ako ng chance hindi pa din ako magbabago. Anyways sana hindi totoong HIV+ ka, sana joke lang yon. Hindi ako gaanong nakatulog last night kasi iniisip kita at ako. Papatest nako sa wenesday. Sana - ako. Ayoko ng may ganon. Ayoko. Sana someday, I'm able to win your heart back. Sana hindi ka pa taken kapag stable nako. Sana maging FA kaagad ako ASAP.

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Dull

I know the reason why I’m feeling this way today, it’s the message you’ve sent me on my graduation day, greeting me. I was supposed to look at something lang sa shared photos natin pero nakita ko ung greetings mo. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan mo ako maaapektuhan, it’s been 2 months na. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito, kahit na sabihin ko sa sarili ko at sa mga tao na “okay na ako” meron pa rin kirot sa dibdib ko na knowing na you’re not mine anymore. Sometimes late at night my konti pa ding hope na baka magkabalikan pa pero ayoko umasa sa bagay na walang kasiguraduhan. Kahit na isipin ko yung mga bagay na ayaw ko sayo, mga ugali mong hindi ko gusto, mas nangingibabaw pa din ung mga bagay na ginagawa mo sakin, the way you treated me, iba ka. Sobrang blessed ko sayo. And narealize ko lang yon nung mawala ka sakin… and I’m sorry for that.

Looking good on your red suit thou.

06 16 19 noon time

[fuckyaaprivacy]

❤

I was right when I said before "Let's enjoy our time while we're together cuz we don't know until when" although nung mga panahon na yon, never kong nakita na maghihiwalay tayo, I was madly inlove, I really just wanna enjoy our time. Then a month ago, we broke up. I was so sad and devastated. I'm doing just fine now. I know that I've already lost you so I can't lose myself. Deleted, remove and tinago ko everything that will remind me of you (I'm using the perfume you gave me thou :P and your phone haha its my main now, my mum and I argue and she bato my phone and it doesnt want to turn the screen on anymore) I will graduate na in 5 days haha I thought you will be part of it cuz you said u wanna go but yeah. U did graduate thou a few days ago. Congratulations!! Xx and you will be having ur graduation ball in a few days, you will def looks hot and sexy and handsome haha I know you love dressing up so much and wearing coat and tuxedo. Your birthday too after my graduation day. Wishing you nothing but happiness and success in life. ❤ missing you my man Xx H. May 20 2019 7:24PM Just chillin here

[fuckyaaprivacy]

My plans for my future changed since we broke up, yep may pagbabago pero ung iba I'll still do it. I just got home from fam outing, and I don't have someone to tell what happened to my day like used to. It hits me, it makes me miss you more. Tonight, I just want my life to be what I aspire it to be, to be an FA, makes some friends, good times with my homies, to be financially stable in the future and if I am lucky enough, to have someone with me who will never leave me and paninindigan nya yung sinabi nyang "hindi kita iiwan" at never mapapagod sakin. I just want to be happy and I hope, you will, too. Harold. 042319

[fuckyaaprivacy]

I miss you, so bad :(

Tomorrow will mark the 2nd week when we said our goodbyes. Kanina before ako maligo, sobrang dull ng pakiramdam ko and I know if you are still will me, I will never feel that. The truth is... I think about you.. everyday, every hour. Hindi ko alam if dadating ba ung araw na hindi kita maaalala, na hindi kana papasok sa isip ko. I know, sobrang dami kong pagkukulang sayo, I took you for granted, I didn't love you like I was gonna lose you. Since nung araw na yon pilit kong nililibang ang sarili ko, nakaka 2 nakong Kdrama in less than a week. Ayoko magmukmok kasi I wanna cherish and be grateful sa mga memories natin, kasi you were mine and I made a mistake, I wasn't able to keep you just like what I promised you then. When the times na namimiss kita wala akong magawa, ang sakit sakit pero wala akong magawa. Lungkot pala nung kwento nung Goblin no? Sakit kaya maiwan. I cried. It reminds me of you. Kahit papano umaasa pa din ako na babalik ka sakin. Maybe someday.. We never know.

H. April 22 2019

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Happy 1st Anniversary, my love ❤

Hi Tumblr! :) it's been a while since my last entry, sobrang saya ng buhay kaya hndi nako masyadong nakakapag entry sayo. I got someone na din na lagi nandyan for me, na nakikinig sa mga problems ko at rant kaya hindi na ako ganong nakakapag kwento sayo. Sooooo I'm chillin here sa room ko, galing akong Baliwag, Ron and I met para sa Anniversay date namin ❤ dapat kahapon kaso may event syang pinuntahan and dapat immeet namin si Pamela today pero hndi pala sya umuwi, so dissapointing MEH so yeah, kumain kami sa Champas tas ako bumili ng jeans sa Penshoppe then we checked in sa bagong new found motel namin, malapit sa Wilcon depot. He gave me chocolates and notebook that contains our memories, it's inspired sa Omegle and Grindr. so sweet my baby ❤ I got him nothing today, pinag iipunan ko pa yung gift ko sakanya hehe Time flies so fast. 1 year na kami agad non parang kailan lang nagsimula ang lahat, pero 1 taon na pala nakalipas mula non. Minsan naiisip ko parang ang konti palang ng pinagsamahan namin but reading ung gift nyang notebook kanina amazed me, ang dami na pala, sobrang dami na. And thats just the start of our forever. My man is for keeps, I will keep for sure. ❤

I love you so bad. ❤ 

March 31 2019

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Cuz I don't have someone to talk about this shit at the moment, I'll write it down nalang, I just wanna take this shit out of my chest...

Sooooo I saw a same sex couple guys in Twitter and I'm jeoulos haha babe tara nga mag out na tayo, gusto ko din ung I'm tweeting about you, posting our photos together, sharing our happy and memorable memories uggh s o m e d a y .

Hello strangers, what between our fam earlier really bother me fuck I'm still thinking about it. I can't help it. I wanna fucking dissapear. TANGINA MO LYF

It's raining here. Mhmm soothing ✨ Listening to Just When I Needed You Most by Randy VanWarmer 🎧

You are it again fuck I have to sleep before this goddamn mind fuck and kill me. Have a goodnight. 12 21 18 | 01:24PM

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Airplanes, I see y'all

Today? Mhmm I went to Castrol Hospital in Baliuag to visit my partner who is sick from an unknown reason, yet. I'm hoping for him to get well soon and have a good health and long life and be with me forever. I love the dude to death. I was talking to my partner before he went to sleep and I decided to eat my dinner, but before that I was browsing my sister's IG on iPad until I reached this Anton dude, I know him, he joined Showtime's singing contest, hes a good singer and he's also a cabin crew for Philippines Airlines. I know a bit of information about him, he's bisexual, he married once in Australia with a man but they separated now and he's with his new partner (idk if they are still together at the moment cuz he is not posting a photo with him anymore and the other dude's IG is private) I was just browsing Anton's IG and looking at his photos abroad and his photos with his partner when I suddenly reached his first photo. That moment when I felt, "I want something new", I am anxious goddamn. I walked out of my home, walk directly to open ground, look up and saw the sky with twinkling stars *fresh air, cool breeze* inhale exhale inhale exhale while looking at the stars. While looking up, I can't stop myself to fear what if my partner and I will not end up with each other ugh NOOOOO

Writing this outside. 

My birthday in a few days. Good bye teenager years.

Sister's birthday today ✨

nov 15 RABV ILYSB

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Hello. 11:59PM at the moment.

Call ended with my love. He fell asleep na. October 24. May kasalanan ako, nag selos sya sa isang na gurl na inakbayan ko. As my peace offering, nag half day ako sa OJT ko and asked him to go with me in National Museum. We both enjoyed. Then bigla kaming nag Tagaytay, no reservation or whatever just pure adventure. We ain't sure if may matutulugan ba kami or wala, luckily we're able to find a Inn. We checked in then went outside, just roaming around the cold night of Tagaytay. And night ended just like that. The following day we sleep til like 11AM then gumayak, we're supposed to go to Peoples Park and Picnic Grove but yeah a lil drama happened, and yep it's bcos of ya boy ☺☺☺☺ we unexpectedly went back to Manila. Didn't talk the whole ride from Tagaytay to Pasay. Back to Pasay, konting tampuhan then we decided to head to Makati. Roamed around SM Makati, Glorietta and Greenbelt. A chill night, indeed. We're about to go home but a drama again happened. Yep it's a ya boi again ☺☺☺☺ I was an asshole, I know. I'm sorry. Then when I got home to Paranaque, I called him and speak for like 1 hour and then he fell sleep.

12:17AM OCTOBER 26 RIGHT NOW.

At level 3 of the house, overlooking NAIA's arrival runaway.

Planes planes plaNESSS PLANESSSSSS ✈

I'm off to bed now. I love you so bad.

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Hi. Hello. It's been awhile.

Good day today. Started my day with me being late for my final exam in Info Tech, it went well though, and then I got busy after cause all of the requirements we have to print and pass, by 12nn, I have to take my final exam in Principle of Marketing, it went well too.

I was supposed to meet my boyfriend after my exam but unexpected shit have occured, good thing he's still on his way.

Shit got done and was finally able to meet him, he's waiting for me in Chowking on red shirt.

We checked in and chill. Comfy AF. I love the boy so much. Gad.

He wants us to extend our time and stay there for the night, I love to but decided not to. reasons: to save money, for him to get a goodnight sleep and dont have to be up early morning tomorrow, i have to review our final thesis

We checked out and head to SM BALIUAG and wait for bus that will take him to Manila 😂 while waiting we sat down on the side of the road and just talk to each other, so funny and pure, I love the ambiance, so chill. I'm so inlove with the dude.

Bus has arrived and we bid our goodbyes. I went inside SM before heading back to Baliuag bayan and go home.

Alright, my friend Edward saw us, but he wasn't sure who I am with, LAUGHTRIP MOMENT ROTFL

He expected me daw na ibili sya ng ice cream nung nasa terminal kami but I didn't HUHUHU I'm so sorry, my love ;(

Be mine forever.

Sept 10 2018

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Stress-free

Saturday, normal day, except nagbackpack ako at may baon na damit cuz he's going home and we gonna check in, after my Basic Math class tumambay muna sa library at ginawa yung research ko while waiting for him, by 6pm I went na sa Bayan and waited for another hour for him to arrived, then he arrived at 7:30 o'clock, we bought lang ng food then went to GMA na, when we got to the room na he asked me to unpack his bag cuz he said hes "tired" daw then yeah I did, little did I know masusuprised ako ❤ he got me a box of toblerone, plenty of snickers, Korean noodles, facemasks and Milo cubes. ASDFGHJKL this dude is precious, its not even our monthsary or something, IDK WHY THE FUCK AM I SO DAMN LUCKY GODDAMNIT. ❤❤😭 after that I spent my next 24 hours with the love of my life. Priceless feeling. It just epal lang yung research cuz kailangan ko gawin :/ btw he gave me chocolates and sweets before, too!! Ps. Epic yung sa Mercury drug. Embarassing. babe ❤ August 20, 03:08AM

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Goddamnit!

Is this it? Eto na ba yung stage na kahit may nararamdaman kana itatago mo na, then kapag nag away kami sobrang tindi kasi naipon na ng husto? I don’t fucking know what the fuck is wrong with me, it feels like na every damn time na magsasaya sya o may lakad lagi nalang akong naaasar o nawawala sa mood, ewan ko tangina, I mean tapos nako sa mga ganon and he has his own life, hindi naman pwedeng lagi lang ako kausap o kasama nya kaya gusto ko din na nag eenjoy sya with his friends but why am I like this? Why can’t I just be happy for him? Me fucking selfish. I didn’t even wait for him to get home last night. I’m so sorry, my love. August 2

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Almost.

I've almost lost you. Sa sobrang liit na bagay, muntikan kanang mawala sakin, sa mundong ito, nang pang habambuhay. Simula pa lang ng araw hindi na maganda ang bungad sakin, tapos pumasok ako hindi ko sya kinausap. Sinabi nya sakin na nagkaron na naman sya ng gono which pretty fucked up cos I'm the only person he is having sex with, I have gono for sure. Nag uusap kami when I got home and while on my way home, trying to resolve the issue but pride takes in hanggang dumating sa punto na ganon, he wants to take his own life, he went sa rooftop ng building nila and want to jump. Gad, never akong umiyak ng ganon, the emotion, the sadness, self blamed..mixed feeling. Kung tinuloy nya yon at nawala sya, hindi ko na alam gagawin ko sa buhay ko, probably drink everyday and cry myself to sleep. The sadness. Inisip ko na mas okay pang mangbreak kaysa magpakamatay sya, kasi may chance pakong makita sya, pag namatay? Wala na. I don't want to lose this guy. Ayoko iimagine ang na sa iba nya ginagawa ang mga bagay na dapat ay sakin. I will everything to keep him. I love you so much. ❤ Funny moment: We went sa GMA kaso puno so we decided to try VG, kung saan nag ccheck in mga kaibigan ko, pumara ko sa tryc driver and ask kuya if he knows yung VG ung motel, natawa kami kasi nung inulit kong motel inulit nya tapos he look saming dalawa na parang gulat. HAHAHAHAHA LOL July, Friday the 13th 2018 1:09AM ILYSB RAV

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Nakakapanlata

Ano maffeel mo kapag nagkatulo boyfriend mo ng dahil sayo, at malalaman pa ninyo sa mismong araw ng 18th birthday nya? Yep, right, its sucks. Hindi ko alam kanina kung itutuloy ko pa araw ko magkukulong nalang ako sa kwarto maghapon. Alam ko kung gaano nya ginustong patayin yung taong dahilan ng pagkakaron nya, does he feels the same way to me..now? Is he still inlove with me? Nabawasan pa yung pagmamahal nya sakin? Nagbago ba yung tingin nya sakin? Ewan, hindi ko alam. As I'm waiting for him nagsearch ako about tulo, NAKAKAPANLATA. NAKAKAIYAK. Am I AIDS or HIV positive? I don't know. I wanna know. May 26 💔 Binigo mo na naman ako destiny. Destiny samin 'to?

[fuckyaaprivacy]

Yung biggest fear ko ngayon is yung hindi kami mag end up sa isa't isa. Ayokong dumating kami sa point na hindi na kami excited sa isa't isa, na mawala yung pagmamahal na nararamdaman namin ngayon, oh god, I'm so inlove with him. Ngayon ko lang naiintindihan kung bakit sobrang iyak ng mga iniiwan, kung bakit ganon nalang yung pangungulila nila kapag iniwan sila. YEAH nagsisimula palang kami ang dami pang pwedeng mangyari ang dami pang pwede matinding away na mangyari, but IDK gusto ko malagpasan lahat ng yon. One thing na ipapangako ko sa sarili ko is if ever na dumating kami sa punto na maghihiwalay kami, hindi sakin manggagaling yon kundi sa kanya. Everytime na makikita ko sya ayaw kong mawala sa feeling nya. Wow, I'm literally crying while writing this. I love you, babe, so bad. April 25

[fuckyaaprivacy]

TULO

How does it feel to find out that your first relationship had TULO? I don't see him any less human. I still love him. This is not how I supposed to feel pero ang dull. Ewan, maybe the weather? Maybe the atmosphere? Oh life, why are you so fucking mean? Ang dami iba naman dyan bakit sa kanya mo pa ibinigay? Nagdodouth na sya sakin na hindi ko na daw sya gusto, na nandidiri nako sa kanya, I don't, pero hindi ko sya macomfort hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko para mapatunayan na I still love him. You see, those people you seen as lucky aren't really lucky. It is really a must to be kind to everyone, you don't know the battle they fighting. March 31

[fuckyaaprivacy]

CINEMA 2

That was our third time seeing each other in person, that wasn't in hospital cuz the first two was in hospital. March 28, 2018 Agreed to meet up in SM Baliuag, arrived by 1PM there and he's already there waiting for me, naghanapan pa kami sa department store, and then I finally saw him. We decided na manuod ng sine, hindi namin alam kung anong movie ang mga showing, Tomb Raider ang napili namin we bought the ticket but 2:30PM pa daw magpapapasok sa cinema, nagpunta muna kaming foodcourt and naggaguhan lang don until 2:30.. Time has come and pumila na para makapasok, nakapasok na and then nag cr muna kami sa cr ng cinema and when we were walking down the entrance we kissed and laugh tapos inakbayan ko sya. Pinili namin ung upper most, furthest right na upuan. And the rest is history ;) we also went to comfort room haha After the movie, we ate sa McDonalds, burger and ice coffee lang then went to Baliuag bayan after. He insisted na umuwi samin but hindi pwede. Soooo. What a experience. Surreal. March 30 today Black Friday