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To hold onto something that cannot be.

So I must say goodbye

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the unconscious becomes conscious, eventually.

the past might come back to haunt you.

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“F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours.”

— Zig Ziglar

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Operating from a place of Fear

Last night there was a thunderstorm. Very loud. 

Ever since I moved down to the coast, I have noticed that thunderstorms/lightning isn’t loud or obnoxious compared to inland (referring to mountainous, dry regions).

As a child, I was extremely terrified of thunderstorms, especially at night. I would hide with a blanket underneath the dining table and eventually fall asleep. My brother would always join me and create a tent using the throws (a small blanket used to cover the sofa or "decorate" it). I am convinced, in his mind, he thought we were camping underneath the table or just playing around. 

My mom would always sit at the table, during these times, and tell me that we gonna be alright (yes, Kendrick's song).

Back to my opening statement. There was a loud thunderstorm and power cut (thanks to load shedding, Danko Eskom). I immediately stopped everything I was doing and sat at the dining room table. This was an involuntary act. Guess who was there? my mom on her laptop, watching youtube videos. 

I was terrified. Bear in mind I am (50/2) years old. She could tell I was distressed and uneasy. She smiled and reminded me of how I used to hide underneath the same dining room table. 

Thinking about this reminded me of a picture which was taken by my dad when we went to the beach. I was scared of the water. It felt as if the ocean was going to swallow me and I was never going to come back.

I realised we tend to operate from a place of fear or doubt.

Does fear really protect us from unknown outcomes? Perhaps it does to some extent (for real emergencies only)

Can we ever reach a state of "fear-less"?

I say, let's rather appreciate and acknowledge fear. Welcome it but do not become one with it (encompass) because fear can truly paralyse the mind and body. 

“fear not, for I am with you”. 

It didn’t say fear less. Fear will always be there. 

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🌺☕

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Nobody is making you feel what you are feeling. Your reactions are caused by how you interpret any situation. This is so important because it means that you ultimately become your own resource of emotional freedom and truth.

— Adyashanti

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Around us, life bursts with miracles—a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colours, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

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Johannesburg 📍- Against All Odds Exhibition

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Tony Gum’s Milked In Africa (2021) featured in Vogue September Issue 2022 for Prada.

Photography by Sarah Feingold; Styling by Julienne M’Poko and exhibition curated by Meredith Breech at Fotografiska New York.

Tony is wearing Lukhanyo Mdingi.

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Ayihlabi ngakumisa_2022

Woodcut - 1.5m x 1.5m

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It’s hard out there, everyone. Be kind. Be wildly kind.

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Walt Whitman, ‘Song of Myself’, Leaves of Grass

[Text ID: “I exist as I am, that is enough,”]

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nobody talks about how hard it is to let go of what no longer serves you. we’re human. we form attachments. we crave familiarity, even when it hurts us. and we have to let go before we can see what we’re making space for. that’s where faith steps in. that’s where god steps in.

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I can't wait until I'm financially stable enough to afford who I really am

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feeling like a disconnected fragment floating in this callous world.