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HOW DO THE SEXYTIMES???

IRISH JIG BUT SIDEWAYS

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I wonder how powerfully overwhelming and at the same time gravely disappointing was the moment when a human saw the ocean and drank from it for the first time.

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the funniest part of macbeth is when the soldiers all cut a branch off a tree to hold in front of them while they march toward’s macbeth’s castle in hopes that he will somehow think they are all trees and not an army

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Staying Connected 💜 by Thomas Sanders

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If we want to get techinical, Anakin Skywalker was such an epic intergalactic screw-up that he’s now literally screwing up the galaxy from beyond the grave. We’re about to have 9 movies all based around one man screwing up.

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I want a jake peralta

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Hnnnngggg

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Wat

After 3 decades on Earth I finally realized the name Maria is the female version of Mario.

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Captain Holt the master of emotion

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i love this

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There is a dog out there that understands more Chinese than me.

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But like literally Virgo me to a tee!

aries: the little leader of their friend group. does the hard thing. probably finds a lot of their friends annoying and/or ignorant. is either having the worst or best time of their life, there is no middle ground. shows people new things and then regrets not keeping it to themselves. needs a nap.

taurus: wants to fight literally everyone. sometimes says offensive things and has no clue why it was offensive. is probably going through their “random phase” and still uses XD. sends memes in the group chat. is refreshing in the sense that there are still people with kind hearts out there.

gemini: always has an excuse for everything, may it be shitty or not. is “afraid of confrontation”. about 90% of the conversations with them involve something they’re passionate about. picks up phrases that their friends say and say them all the time.

cancer: low-key thinks that they are better than most people. plays like thirty million sports. would be the most prepared for a zombie apocalypse. would try to protect their reputation at almost all costs. manipulative to a point but tries their best.

leo: more artistically talented than athletically. changes depending on who they are with, may it be texting style or their sense of humor. is smart in one way but completely clueless in another. would do anything for one or two people, even if those people wouldn’t do the same for them.

virgo: probably has a million unfinished projects. double and then triple and then quadruple texts you. needs space. laughs at literally everything and gets louder as they get more enthusiastic. can’t let go of someone, even if they’re long gone.

libra: really preppy. a full-blown thespian. cringes over the phases and friends that they used to have. has good intentions but sometimes they can fall flat. probably had a cat phase.

scorpio: wears a lot of black. is a smartass. isn’t afraid to call people out on their bullshit. has the weird “i’m mad at you because you’re mad at me” mentality. probably knows all of your secrets. is the friend that you force to interact with people when you’re too scared to.

sagittarius: that really attractive and really athletic person that you want to hate but they’re a sweetheart so you can’t. probably prefers having one or two close friends as opposed to a lot of acquaintances. is quiet around people they don’t know very well.

capricorn: are too afraid to say anything when people talk shit about someone/something that they like. has the weirdest sense of humor ever. a little bit of a perfectionist. has quirks that they thought were normal until someone else pointed them out.

aquarius: are exceptional at having people only see the side of them that they want to be shown. can make almost anybody laugh and are probably one of the kindest people you can ever see. are not above bending or breaking the rules so things can work out in their favor.

pisces: is tired of being categorized as the crybaby/overemotional sign even though it’s really accurate. probably has no clue what is happening. is better at communicating with animals than people. has lots of useless trivia in their head.

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As a middle-aged white guy, if I ever lost my dog by an elementary school I’d have to consider it gone forever.

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All Ant Man toys should be prominently labeled “Actual Size!”, or similar.

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why hairspray is an excellent musical/movie:

fat protagonist THAT DOESN’T LOSE WEIGHT OVER THE COURSE OF THE STORY

the only makeover the fat protagonist gets is a cute dress and a new hairdo. her mom also gets a matching dress and they dance in the streets together during a crowd song

fat protagonist that’s portrayed as being cute, funny, sweet, attractive and a great dancer, rather than the “clumsy ugly fat sidekick” trope

fat protagonist that hooks up with zac efron at the end

HUGE amount of poc in the cast

“If we get any more white people in here, it’s gonna be a suburb.”

the cast of the movie is flawless. and i do mean flawless. queen latiafah, michelle pfeiffer, nikki blonksy and elijah kelly are standouts, but they were all excellent in their roles

bouncy, funky soundtrack with lots of great choreography 

“I think I’ve been living in a bubble or something, thinking fairness was just gonna happen. It’s not. People like me need to get up, off their father’s laps, and go and FIGHT for it.”

the protag’s mother has literally not left her apartment and gone outside in YEARS because she’s so ashamed of the way she looks, but with the help of her daughter and husband, she learns to love herself again and tell the haters where to shove it

interracial couple – a white girl and a black boy… and the girl kisses him ON LIVE TV. WITH HER RACIST-ASS MOTHER WATCHING. AND IT’S FABULOUS.

a happy ending! the story overall is very optimistic – we have to fight for change, and change is often slow, but it IS possible, especially if we all work together

zac efron. zefron. ZEFRON IS IN THIS MOVIE.

the character of corny collins in general is great. he 100% pro-integration and completely ignores his producer when she tells him the protag is too fat to be on the show, and hires her anyway because she’s the best dancer. he also uses his influence with his TV show to get black dancers on his show, and make sure they’re qualified to win the annual dance competition, despite his producer trying to stop him.

“DEVIL CHILD! DEVIL CHILD!” (i promise, it’s hilarious in context)

i’ve already mentioned the music, but i will again because it really is GREAT. my favorites are “without love”, “run and tell that”, “welcome to the 60s”, and “you can’t stop the beat”

the romances in this show are actually very well done and believable

the white pretty boy has to learn that he has to get the fuck over himself and be a fucking ally for POC and fat people if he wants to be with the protag

“So, this is love? Well, love is a gift. But unfortunately a lot of people forget that, so you two had better prepare yourselves for a whole lot of ugly coming at you from a never-ending parade of stupid.” “Oh. So you’ve met my mom.”

there are more reasons but just trust me

go watch hairspray

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Obsessed with Mark Ruffalo

If you could travel back in time what time period would you travel to? Would you be a participant or observer?

I would probably like to see what it was like to live as a native person before before the european invasions, perhaps many centuries ago, just to see exactly what the relationship to the world around them was. It’s hard as a modern white european to fully grasp the spiritual and daily lives of a people that lived deeply in balance with the natural world around them. I would like to participate and observe and then return here to this time with that knowledge. I am afraid it may be devastating seeing to the extent with which we have gotten out of balance with the world and energy of the natural world. When I see the animals in the Galapagos and their fearlessness toward their human fellow earthlings, it makes me wonder about the “garden of eden” and our place in it. Were we at one with it at some point? Was there a time when there was not distinction between us and it? Was that the native experience? From eastern religions we hear about the illusion of duality, the illusion of “individual” when in fact all things are interrelated and interconnected through many different unseen systems. Food systems, air and water systems, and energy systems. I imagine that wisdom is the essence of the original people’s experience. But I sure wish I could go back and experience it myself.

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If I was a stripper? Presumptuous that I’m not… I’m guessing I’d go with my actual name, Andy Samberg. I think it’s generally regarded as the sexiest name out there.