futsuucmplx - Tumblr blog

[futsuucmplx]

Send 💔 and I’ll describe my muse’s mental scars as if they were physical.

[futsuucmplx]

He didn't want to die? Well, what the hell else was she supposed to think? Then again, she doesn't know what she should think now, not after... everything. The game, Maruki, the thieves, Goro, she didn't know what to think about any of it. She had spent so long avoiding it, doing as much as she could to not think at all, the lengths she went to in order to do so were so far out of the realm of normalcy it was jarring to face the world that was so full of it.

"Well, that's what I would have done." Hoshi tries to explain. It was more than brainwashing, even if it also wasn't much more than that at the same time. It was something that seeped into every pore of her body and every crevice in her brain, a sensation she wanted to share with the world if only for them to know how absolutely miserable the world truly was. "Everything would have stopped before you were even aware of it. I don't know what would have happened, how it would have felt, what it would have been like... But if everything just stopped, I'd do anything." Anything but take the same route Goro tried to take, her weakness reminds her.

His question gives her pause, silence falling over her as she thought about it. Truly, she could have taken over him any time she wanted. Sure, he was part of the game, but being mindless might have even helped. It may have even saved him. Eventually, she finds some kind of explanation, "I just kept putting it off and putting it off, thinking it wasn't the right time. I wanted to do it when everything was finally over, when we could both go into... whatever it would be, together. But, that never came. When Christmas Eve came, when time was up... you were already gone. Then... my heart was changed. And now we're here."

Akechi's hand turns over and draws back nearer to himself when Hoshi looks away from him. The small rejection of offered comfort stings, but he tries not to let it bother him. Hoshi hasn't needed him for a long time, now. She is grown, just like him. He's still stewing over those thoughts when his sister speaks, and his head jerks up to stare at her in surprise.

"What?" Goro questions, almost disbelieving. There isn't any anger in his voice, just bewilderment. His stomach knots up, nausea surging at her explanation. "I didn't want to die," he argues, closing his eyes and raising a hand to press against his forehead. "I know that sounds... foolish, coming from someone who tried to kill himself, but... I just wanted that feeling to stop. That night - I couldn't..."

He cuts himself off, pressing his lips together as he decides he won't share his thoughts with his sister. He doesn't trust her like that, yet. He isn't sure she won't turn his words against him like she had that final night they'd seen one another. "I just... Needed those thoughts to stop. I thought the only solution for that was... to make everything stop. It was a mistake, and I have to live with it."

Goro stares at his sister. He knows her, he thinks. He knows her to a degree, at least. The woman talking to him right now, however, feels like a stranger. Her thoughts are foreign and incomprehensible to him. He sits in silence for a moment, thinking over what she said before he exhales softly and tries to seek out Hoshi's gaze.

"You said you were going to have me brainwashed. What changed your mind?"

[futsuucmplx]

"CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED?" PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

so how long are you going to avoid me?

we should really talk about it.

can we just clear the air?

sit down for a second and talk to me.

i wish you would just look at me for two seconds.

explain to me how that happened.

you handled that a lot better than i expected.

when were you going to tell me the truth about that?

i think it's time we started being honest with one another.

it doesn't do us any good to stay quiet.

you told me you'd tell me the truth. i'm still waiting.

i was hoping for some answers.

what more do you need to hear?

i saw what you did.

when did this start happening?

start from the beginning.

that was a little abrupt.

when did you learn how to do that?

so... that's new.

they called you [title]. why did they call you that?

is there something you're not telling me?

i'd like to discuss what happened between us.

this is going to be really awkward, i'm sure.

when did they start taking orders from you?

who died and made you king?

i missed the part where that was my problem.

you could have given me a heads up.

so... we're just not going to address that?

i saw what happened.

that could have been worse.

you made a mockery of them.

i appreciate what you did for me back there.

you didn't have to stand up for me, and yet you did.

how long have you been planning that?

i think it's about time i was included in these discussions.

you know i could have helped with that.

you got a little scary back there.

i was so certain they were going to kill us.

where'd you learn to pull a stunt like that?

did that really just happen?

i owe you my life.

give me a heads up next time.

you have more power than i thought.

so... is someone going to fill me in?

[futsuucmplx]

It's clear Hoshi still struggles to take the compliment. She still feels so weak, undeserving. It feels like she's barely gotten up at all, more like she was pulled by everyone around her and she didn't feel like she could go against them anymore. Even in that blissful reality, the thieves still checked in on her, still worried for her when they had much bigger problems to deal with.

She seems almost wounded by his pride, something she knows will be torn apart when she truly tells him what she did. If that reality taught her anything, it was that they had clashing ideals about what freedom truly meant. The trickster had kept her updated, as much as he could, at least. The details were fuzzy, but knowing Goro, she can get the picture. It was a good thing she had kept away, neither of them would have been ready for this conversation. Hoshi meets his gaze, eyes tired and hurting, but with more light in them than he saw last. She doesn't know the truth to his words, doubts it heavily, but for once she saw it worth the risk. If nothing else, it was her obligation to tell him.

Hoshi looks away, sitting in silence for a moment, before taking a deep breath to prepare herself. It was time. "I was going to do a lot more than hurt your feelings. I was going to have you completely brainwashed." It was the easiest way to describe it. She's probably going to sound crazy if this is being watched by security, but their father's case was surely already crazy enough. "That night, I had passed out and woke up in some sort of... place between realities, that's how he described it. The master of it... well, it wasn't truly him, but it was... a god. A god who wanted to control the whole world, because humans wanted to be controlled. We don't wanna think, feel, be aware... I certainly didn't, at least. I thought it'd be the best way to grant both of our wishes for death without really dying, too. Isn't it tempting, to just not think? To go into a comforting nothingness and not have to bother?" She wrings her hands together as she speaks, a faint laugh full of guilt rising from her, "...Well, I think I already know you don't agree."

"From that point forward, my entire career was basically a lie. Hell, my whole life was a lie. Did you notice how I got really popular after I moved out? That's cause of the deal I made. I could have whatever I wanted, so long as I kept his game running smoothly, kept the masses under some control... Hell, the reason there wasn't as much mass hysteria around what you were doing was cause of me. That was part of it, just keeping that piece of the chess board on the down low."

Akechi sighs, one hand untangling itself from the other to instead come and rest over his wrist, toying with his hospital bracelet. "Sure, you failed," he agrees, running the nail of his thumb along the skin of his wrist. "But you got back up. You endured it. There's strength in that. Some people never get back up after they've been beaten. You did."

He licks his lips, exhaling again as he tries to keep himself calm. He wants to have this conversation with Hoshi as levelheaded as he can bear to be. That means not losing himself in his emotions. "I know you made mistakes. We both made mistakes. But I'm proud of you. I will always be proud of you - even when we fight, even if we aren't able to mend this."

Goro hopes that they are able to. Despite everything, he has missed his sister. He blames himself for asking her to leave him alone. He should have been stronger, had been better able to tolerate her words, as much as they hurt. It was his fault she had run away, and that they'd both spiraled further down on their own than they ever had together.

His gaze lifts from his hands to his sister's face, and he laughs quietly, almost amused even through the exhaustion he was constantly fighting against. "You'll always have me," he promises, moving one hand to offer it to his twin. He doesn't entirely expect her to take it, but he still wants to offer it, nonetheless. "I'm your brother. You'll have to do a lot more than hurt my feelings to get rid of me."

[futsuucmplx]

Out of context things I’ve said while playing Skyrim  {Sentence Starters}

“And I drank poison.”

“That right there’s a ghost.”

“Why are you on the roof?”

“I’ll steal the clothes right off ya.”

“My husband is stuck in the wall.”

“Oh god, I angered a floating cow.”

“Why can’t I boop a dragon’s snoot?”

“I’m gonna steal stuff from the ghost.”

“That’s… that’s not how you do that??”

“You can’t hurt me, I’m a floofy doggo.”

“Didn’t know those could fly, but alright?”

“Why can’t I decorate my home with bones?”

“Oops… didn’t mean to yell at you that hard.”

“I wanted that gold, but it’s stuck to the plate.”

“Fine, stab me. But, I’m taking all the alcohol.”

“Okay, sure, TECHNICALLY that was my fault.”

“How did you…? I shot you. I freaking shot you!”

“Why are you trying to sell my trash back to me?”

“I think you need to drop the sword and sit down.”

“Oh, he just yeeted himself out that window, okay.”

“I would feel bad about that, but he was being rude.”

“I have befriended the goblins! I am the goblin god!”

“Heh, I’ll clear your skies, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh. Oh no, these are drugs. You’re selling me drugs.”

“Why is there a dead dude here? Who killed this dude?”

“I have never considered punching a child until now…”

“I have thirty wheels of cheese and it’s still not enough.”

“I have six skulls in my pocket, solely for the aesthetic.”

“Yes, hello, hi, I would like to purchase one drug, please.”

“Note to self: don’t yell at the plates, people don’t like that.”

“He kicked me in the face and still didn’t know I was there.”

“Why can I pickpocket a necklace, but not a piece of bread?”

“Why are you hitting me? WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME?”

“Ooh, brutal death and dismemberment… been there, buddy.”

“I just drank forty bottles of wine in a row. I should be dead.”

“Hold up, stop hitting me for a second… I need to eat cheese.”

“I’ll punch you right in the mouth. I don’t care, I’m invincible.”

“I just picked up a flower, why am I carrying too much to run?”

“I can ride dragons. And I'mma ride one right into ____’s house.”

“The  F-I-N-E-S-T  weapons and armor… we both know that’s a fib.”

“I’m afraid of him sneaking into my house and trying to sell me stuff.”

“Let me out of the door. Let me out… let me out of this freaking door.”

“How to be a Hero of Myth and Legend… step one: take all the cheese.”

“I did nothing to deserve this… except stab that dude. And rob that house.”

“If I get a dragon stuck in my house, does that mean I can keep it as a pet?”

“I just levitated in front of you, and you’re gonna talk to me about desserts?”

“You keep sassing me like that and I’ll send YOU to the ‘Cloud District’, ya get me?”

“I didn’t push him off the top of the tower. He fell off. After I hit him with a few arrows.”

“Just hear me out: what if a buncha monsters just, y'know, happened to show up and kill him?”

“Sure, I might not be able to sneak, or stab people, or aim my bow, but I’m still a deadly assassin.”

[futsuucmplx]

"That's not at all why I'm here today."

Hoshi was never the angrier one. The most anger and rage Goro had seen from her was that night two years ago, and it was barely anything compared to what had festered when she was alone. But the implication that anything she had turned into was strong, that it had kept her going, that she had been fine without Goro was almost insulting, even if it was meant to be praise. Nothing about who she had become deserved praise. She couldn't stop the glare forming in her eyes, even if she didn't look at him with it, instead focusing on her feet to avoid eye contact.

"I'm here today because I was beaten, because I wasn't strong enough to reach my goal, and thank whatever fuckin' god left out there I wasn't." She wasn't able to tell him about the full extend of what she had done, of what her late master had promised her, but she made damn sure it was her that would tell him about it. That fake reality had thrown them all off, and she had been nowhere near ready to tell the brother she thought she had lost forever of her sins, he wasn't ready to hear it either. There were more important things to be dealt with, and if nothing else, she'd tell his grave.

This is a blessing, as much as it hurts. As much as she wants to run and hide, Hoshi is tired of it. There's nothing it would do anymore. "There wasn't really anything you could have done, and I mean that. Unless you think you could go up against a god, on your own, at 16. It was my job to be better too, it's every person's job to be better. We both failed." Hoshi sighs, admitting it was both painful and relieving. "I'm also here, right here, because of you. If I don't have you, now of all times, even if it's not ever gonna be like how it used to be... Then I can actually stand up again. I can get out of bed without everyone making me."

@futsuucmplx asked:

❝ i'm only managing to stand here on my two feet because of you. i made it because of you. ❞

Akechi smiles, a pathetic, ghost of a thing, and shakes his head. "That's not true," he speaks, coming to fold his hands together so that he won't fidget. "You didn't need me. I needed you, and... I lost you." He exhales, breath wavering as he looks around the plain visitation room. He refuses to cry.

"You're strong. That's why you're here today. Don't discredit yourself."

He fixes his gaze on his twin when he speaks that time, holding it to try and emphasize just how much he means what he's saying. He had not seen his sister in a very long time. They had fallen out of touch for those two, long years, and when they'd reunited finally, it was in the twisted reality that Goro was desperate to be free of.

So, he's considering this one of their first real conversations.

"I'm sorry I wasn't stronger for you. You were hurting, and... I should have been better. It was my job to be better, and I failed. I'm sorry - for everything."

[futsuucmplx]

Why does she feel angry hearing that her own blood wouldn't hurt her? She wishes he would hurt her, hurt her like the entire world has, stop being naive and stupid so it's done and over with. She'd take no pleasure in breaking him down, not like how she's envisioned with every rival she's faced in her industry. It wouldn't be a joyous catharsis to rid him of his hope. That doesn't mean seeing it is any less annoying as it is when seen in idols. Was it not necessary? It would simply hurt less if he knew it as the truth as she did. ( tonight proved that to be utterly false, but the lie was the only bandaid she had to cover the wound of her past )

No, the won't talk later. Hoshi has already resigned herself to that fact. Ultimately, any path he went down would be better taken if she was out of the picture. That much was clear before this, but this night served as the perfect example. His words confirmed the burning question in her mind, that this was truly her fault. What a horrible sister, what a disgusting excuse of a human being. To drive someone this far, and for that person to be her own kin, the only person she had left.

Her eyes finally fall away from Goro, now to the cold linoleum tile and hastily put on sneakers. She wished he wasn't such a sentimental coward. She wished she wasn't so broken inside. She wished their mother was still around to make her feel whole again. Hoshi's voice is strained, a sob forming in the back of her throat that she refused to release, "Okay. Let the doctors take care of you. Take it easy for a while." The idol stands, knees feeling weak but forced to hold her weight anyway. She hesitates at the door, wondering if she even has the right to say these words now. After all, he was disgusted by what she had become, there was likely little love left that wasn't just the world saying he should. But she'd regret it being unsaid right before she leaves, even if it's selfish, even if it's horrible to say after all she's done. Even if it's never given back to her again. "Love you."

As she exits the room, led to the exit by a nurse, Hoshi feels her mind begin to exit her body once more. That horrible thing never truly could stay where she needed it to be. She sees herself once more, limp and exhausted on a bench, waiting for a cab to take her back home. She sees her eyes shutting, and that finally brings her mind back to where it should be. Inky darkness, colors swirling behind her eyelids, and the alluring pull of unconsciousness. She doesn't fight it, barely even aware of it. The only thing on her mind is the single wish for this to all be over.

And when she opens her eyes, something hears that wish.

Goro closes his eyes at her words, shaking his head slightly. "I would never hurt you," he insists. He opens his eyes and stares at his twin for a long, long moment before something in his expression breaks. "But I do need you to leave. I can't talk to you right now, not like this."

Because talking to Hoshi sounds too much like talking to Shido. Every word she's said to him on this night has been nothing more than a cut onto his will - his determination to keep going. He would expect this from Shido. He could protect himself from those words. He couldn't do anything about the way he ached when he listened to his twin speak to him, though. Not a damn thing.

He feels like shit. His body aches with every moment that he's awake, and he doesn't know if he's grateful to be alive or not. He wants to be, but Hoshi's words keep cycling through his head, and all he can think about is how much he doesn't want to hear them.

How could he not have realized? How was he so blind? So stupid?

Shido had told Akechi to his face that he reminds him too much of his mother. Perhaps that was why he'd taken an earlier liking to Hoshi. Perhaps she was her father's daughter. He knows that those are cruel things to think, and he'd never repeat them aloud to his sister.

But he can't deal with this right now. He just can't. He's too exhausted, in a way he's never found himself exhausted before. His head is aching, and his eyes burn with unshed tears again.

"Please. I can't listen to you tell me it's my fate to end up like this right now. We'll talk later."

[futsuucmplx]

ᵘʰʰʰʰʰ ᵈᵒ ᵘ ʷᵃᶰᵗ ᵗᵒ ʰᵒᶫᵈ ʰᵃᶰᵈˢ

[futsuucmplx]

After her confession of truth, the night becomes a blur. The world had already become hazy before then, her limbs and body distant from her body, mind even further away. Saying it out loud made the truth hurt even more, something she thought she was used to. There would be no sleep for her, tossing and turning in the sheets until the pain and heartbreak of her hopelessness made her irrational once more. After everything, she still wanted to go to her brother for comfort. She'd lie and say she was wrong, and that she was sorry, if only to be comforted by him once more, if only to pretend like she didn't truly believe what she said.

Hoshi thinks she blacks out when she enters Goro's room, but the fact he's in the hospital proves otherwise.

Vaguely, she's aware that the doctors are also concerned about her. Who wouldn't be? A creature that masqueraded as a human shedding her front only to never look away from her brother. She had been meticulous in making sure they took care of him, did everything they had to do, even if she wasn't even alive behind her eyes. There's a dull pain around her wrists, with a vague recollection of having to be held back with gentle soothing and reassurance.

It's only when Goro moves does she finally return to life. She had been watching herself for hours, sitting in this sterile room, while her actual eyes watched him intently. No matter how hard she had tried, her mind couldn't return to its shell until he awoke.

His words receive little reaction for a moment, mind still adjusting to being present. Finally, she speaks, quiet enough to only be heard by the two of them, "I'm surprised you didn't go for me first. It probably would have worked if I was dead. It's not a bad way to go for me." It wasn't what she entirely wanted, but it wasn't a bad alternative either. It wasn't like she could truly live without Goro, after all. He could easily live without her.

The tired smile that had formed fades from Akechi's face. He doesn't say anything, nor does he move from his spot. The only sign that he's hearing his twin's words are the tears that are forming in his eyes again. He doesn't let himself cry. He refuses to do that in front of her now. But for all his might, he can't stop the way his eyes begin to burn, and that crushing feeling weighs on his chest once more.

His gaze falls from her eyes to stare at the floor, and his body goes lax with defeat. This must have been how their mother felt, he realizes, and he can no longer find the anger that he'd held for her within him. The sorrow and blame that he'd allowed to fester in his darkest moments when he thought about how she'd left him - left them both.

"Okay," he says simply, his eyes distant and elsewhere, a plan forming in his mind already. "Goodnight, Hoshi." He doesn't look at her as he moves into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He doesn't see her again until hours later when he awakes feeling hazy. From the haziness comes pain - the type of pain that comes with a poorly executed overdose. The haziness fades as he comes further into consciousness, the darkness turning into blurred shapes that eventually clear into the sterile, white environment of a hospital.

For a moment, Goro wonders how he got here until he sees Hoshi seated in the chair near his bed. He can't piece together why Hoshi would have brought him here, and he isn't sure if it is just genuinely illogical to him, or because of the splitting headache that's stabbing through him with every beat of his heart.

He'd dreamed of his mother. He was a child again, and he was sitting between her legs, watching a cartoon on the television that he could no longer recall the name of. Her hands were running through his hair, nails soothingly scratching against his scalp while she was humming absently.

It was the most at peace Akechi had felt in years.

And then he'd woken up.

"I should've locked the door," he whispers. The words are quiet, mostly said to himself, and not meant to be heard by anyone else. He'd been so distressed, that it had slipped his mind - the stupid, simple action of turning the lock on his door, and he could have continued on with that pleasant dream.

[futsuucmplx]

It's almost funny. It almost makes her want to laugh, but if she starts laughing, she knows she won't stop until she's a sobbing mess on the floor like Goro was. In that horrible, small, soundproof dressing room, she could laugh like the maniac she was until she was out of air to laugh with. It was the only thing she could do, laugh like the abuse she went through was all part of her plan, all her own making, all a strategy to get closer to her bombastic finale of life. The pain would be worth all the pleasure of dragging her father to hell with her.

Being called special almost does her in. She can feel the painful laugh bubble in her chest, her body physically rejecting such a boldfaced lie. Not a single thing he listed meant anything. A voice, a face, a plan. Things everyone had. Things that had no use outside the idol life. Things that would be easily forgotten in the vast sea of people just in their city alone. Any attempt at being a successful human being was lost in her success in being an idol. Hoshi was good at being a puppet and being thrown away when something better came around.

With what little light is left in the room, Goro can see her expression darken, a dead eyed glare that bore through him replacing any semblance of his sister that was left.

"There is no reason to carry on. We just do, because we're supposed to. And then we're supposed to die when everyone's had enough of us. That's all." Hoshi slowly stands, arms limp at her sides from the weight she carries. She continues, voice devoid of any care or emotion, pure exhaustion, "We're hopeless, Goro. I'm surprised you didn't know that. My manager hurts me because it's how it's supposed to be, nothing more and nothing less. I'm just destined for it, we all are. Things aren't going to get better, it's only a trick the world will pull on us until we die. We don't deserve anything other than death."

The question causes Goro to pause, nearly to the threshold of his bedroom. He turns back to face his twin, staring at her for a few moments before a tired smile forms on his face. "Of course I do. We'll take care of Shido, and then we can go anywhere you want. I'd like to go to college one day and study the human mind. I want to have a job, and a place to call my own. I might even..." He pauses, a quiet, embarrassed laugh leaving him. "I thought about... having kids one day. A family. We deserve that, Hoshi."

He leans against the frame of his door, body too tired to support him for much longer.

"You asked me what you had to give you hope. You're special. You have a voice that's beautiful and a talent to sing and write. You say you're not smart, but that's not true. You strategize, and you plan. Sure, maybe you're not good at school and academics, but you don't have to be. You have people who adore you, and they don't even know you. They wear things with your face and name on it. You could be anything you wanted to be. You could be more than this. If you tell me who is hurting you, I promise you I'll never let them touch you again. I'll hurt them back."

His voice trembles, cracking around words. "You're my sister. I just want the best for you. There has to be hope because if there's not... Why carry on? Why get up tomorrow just to... go through more pain and suffering? Things have to get better. I want them to get better for both of us."

[futsuucmplx]

The world darkens as evening passes into night, but Hoshi doesn't move from her spot. Were she any kind of good person, she'd say it was because she wanted to make sure Goro was okay and safe. Maybe part of her still did truly stay rooted on the ground for that reason. But if that was the case, she would have moved away from the door, not sitting there like a statue blocking his path. Her limbs felt heavy, her mind heavier. It was like she in her dressing room, like her manager had just left her to pick up the pieces of herself and her soul, then carry on like nothing happened.

Even without a mirror, she can practically see herself. Pathetic, miserable, unrecognizable. It was times like these that she remembers how warped her soul has become. She's hidden it from Goro for years, much like the abuse. He was likely the same way, or at least, she thought he was. Goro was even smarter than her, so why did he still have any kind of dreams left? Of all people, she had expected him to know their short lot in life.

Their mother had only one option, she's come to realize that over the years. Somehow, Hoshi found comfort in feeling like there was simply nothing that could be done. One day, she'd finally have the strength to join her, and so would Goro. It was just a matter of working up the 'courage' to do so. Some said it was weak, she said it was inevitable. By the time she figures out a way to do it, she'd be nothing but a leech on the living anyway.

How long has the door been open?

Hoshi finally feels the wall of the door behind her missing, and blearily looks behind her to see her brother trying to exit. She can practically feel the creak in her body when it finally moves from its uncomfortable position to let him pass more easily. She's silent for a few seconds, watching him walk away, before she speaks with reluctance, "Do you actually think we have any hope, Goro? Really?"

Akechi stays where he is for a long while - until his joints ache and his arms are cramped; until the buzzing in his head and the suffocating feeling in his chest fades into nothing more than a distant memory. He stays even longer still, after that, until the coldness of the tile has seeped through his clothes and into his bones, and he craves the simple comfort of his bed.

He stumbles when he gets up to his feet, legs buzzing as the nerves reawaken. He places a hand on the wall to steady himself until he finally begins to approach the door. It had been silent after the first yell, and he thinks Hoshi had just given up - gone back to her room.

Of course, he isn't so lucky.

When he opens the door, seeing his sister seated on the floor in front of it, his whole body tenses. His hand freezes on the doorknob, and he has to fight the urge to slam it back closed, to once again provide some distance between the two of them.

He can barely stand to look at her right now.

Their mother did not deserve what had happened to her. Goro did not deserve this. Hoshi did not deserve her own suffering, either. However, she'd spoken those words so easily, so simply. It had sounded as though they'd fallen from Shido's lips.

Goro Akechi is not perfect. He is anything but perfect. He is a liar and a con man. He has taken the lives of several and injured dozens more. He failed to help their mother when she needed help the most. He was failing to protect his own sister. He is far from perfect.

Akechi continues to stare at his twin, silent and tense. His gaze shifts from her to the door of his room, calculating how fast he could rush past her and slam the door back shut in her face.

He hates that he feels this way. He doesn't want to feel this way. She is his other half. He has known Hoshi his entire life.

But right now, he feels like he never really knew her at all.

He feels sick with grief. He needs his sister right now. He wants for her to hold him, and they could return to the days when they hid beneath the covers and whispered stories to each other. Goro would sneak a flashlight into the room, illuminating picture books and novels to show off to his twin.

It's a strange comfort, having a twin. He's always felt connected to Hoshi, but not in the 'I feel my twin's pain way.' He used to be able to tell what was on her mind, even when they were apart. He used to be able to tell when she needed him, and he'd be there for her - to protect her.

Right now, looking at her, he feels like he's staring at a stranger who is wearing his sister's face.

"I'm going to go to bed," he speaks, voice hoarse. He moves to squeeze past her into the hallway, keeping as much distance between the two of them as he can.

[futsuucmplx]

Hoshi wants there to be a response, for them to fight and argue, for everything to finally come toppling down like she knew it all inevitably would. She glares at the door, daring for him to try and come up with anything to prove she was worth more than a sack of flesh and bones, for her to tear it down bit by bit or finally have something to hold onto to as she sinks further and further. She had completely lost her innocence, even before Goro had, and she wanted to take him down with her as much as she wanted him to pull her back up.

She waited, and waited, and waited. There was no response from her brother. Not a denial, not a confirmation of her truth, nothing. The fire of jealousy in her died down, simmering in her chest instead of blazing and making her act brainless. It stayed longer than she likes, as always, never truly passing. Hoshi falls to the floor once more, sitting with her back against the door her own blood now hid behind. From her.

Hoshi knows she's becoming something crueler, something ugly, something like their father. But exhaustion at her situation weighs heavier than the fear of becoming him. It was all so big, her body was so small, her life even smaller. Were she to rot here, any 'fans' she has would move on to the next young and impressionable thing. Someone else's innocence and hope would be eaten like courses of a fancy meal. Her own brother likely wouldn't even care, he had actually important things to do, a life to continue having. Her life must have been taken by him in their mother's womb. And Hoshi can't even find herself to care about it anymore. She just doesn't care. It's hollow, it's painful, but having any sort of expectations or hope at this point would just be naive and foolish.

The only mark she'd leave on this would would be the chips of paint displaced from the door after her kick. Something easily painted over or forgotten about.

Once he's behind the safety of the door, Akechi leans onto the sink. He has one hand supporting him while the other presses desperately against his chest, trying to quell the panic that he's feeling. His heart is racing so fast that he swears he can see his chest twitching with each pulse; can hear the thrumming of it loudly in his ears.

His breaths are coming out in harsh gasps, and he closes his eyes, leaning forward further as he tries to gain some composure. His hand slides along the linoleum, trembling under his own weight.

He can't get enough air. It feels like every breath he takes is doing nothing but stoking the panic rising inside of him. HIs head aches and burns, and he wishes that he could make it stop. He's debating pressing it between both hands as hard as he can when the a loud bang resounds from the other side of the door, and he sees the wooden frame tremble from the force of whatever had just happened.

He doesn't have to wonder what it was for long, though, as he hears his twin's voice cry out from the other side. Goro pulls away from the door altogether, backing toward the tub and squeezing himself down in a corner between it and the wall.

His hands come up, pressing against the sides of his head as he draws his knees up enough to rest his forehead against them. He can't do this. He was wrong. He was so, so wrong.

Goro feels like a trapped rat, and with each panicked gasp of air the events of the night come back to him in horrid flashes. He can remember the stink of alcohol on the man's breath, the feeling of his hands on his skin, the things he'd said that had left Goro feeling like he'd gone rotten inside.

He hears Hoshi telling him that this is all he's good for.

He's only sixteen, there has to be more to life than this.

He wants everything to stop. He wants Hoshi's yelling to go away, for the buzzing in his head to cease, for the crushing weight he can feel squeezing around his heart to stop. He wants his mom, most of all.

But he is alone in the bathroom, curled up on the floor and crying.

[futsuucmplx]

With just one question, Hoshi feels a panic rise in her chest. She's never heard that kind of voice from Goro before, especially not directed at herself. She turns to him with an anxious expression, silence taking over her as he begins to unravel. It was cruel irony, for the one time she voices her hopelessness, the only person she thought could understand pulls away like she's a vile thing for speaking her pain. She knows it was wrong to say, at least now she does, but it was how she felt.

However, his words don't make sense to her. No, Hoshi didn't know that, what she knew was the opposite of what he said. From the beginning, there was no hope for any of them, their paths had been laid down for them before they were even born. Before their mother was born. Perhaps some would think it foolish to believe in fate, but she did, and she knew how much it had screwed their family over. Shido forced this life on them, yes, but wouldn't it have happened anyway? They were all weak, some people simply were. Some people were just sacrificial lambs for the slaughter of the strong. It was all Hoshi would ever be, after all.

So for him to still have the hope that she'd be anything like Goro, it felt like a knife twisting her gut. Goro was right, he was all those amazing things... and Hoshi was none of them. Was he just flinging it in her face? Her eyes lost focus with each achievement he listed that he had accomplished, and he couldn't even list a single one that was nearly as impressive for her. Well, what was there to say? She could lie well and fool idiots who were as hopeless as her? What was impressive or special about that? In the moment of silence, Hoshi stares at her brother with an unreadable expression, and feels nails dig into her palms from fists forming. Of all things, this is what made a rage flare up inside of her. The insinuation that she was more than a pathetic and lesser version of her brother.

Her eyes fall to the floor when he leaves, muscles tensing at the slam of the door. However, what she felt more than fear or worry for her own kind... was pure envy. Hoshi had denied that feeling for so long, feigning contentedness at her plight and only pride for her brother, but that was far from the truth now. She wanted to scream and yell at him through the door, cursing him for being so much better than her and just throwing it in her face, then pretending she ever had the hope of achieving anything close to what he had. Words don't form, she has no idea what she'd say, so the brainless puppet could only get up and deliver a harsh kick to the door her brother hid behind. Only then, after her pitiable attempt at fury, did she speak loud enough to be heard through the door.

"Name one thing you have that I do too, Goro. You'll be fuckin' amazed at how short the list is, mister perfect!"

They sit in silence for a long time. Goro doesn't say anything - he doesn't have the means to. He feels strung out, like a rubber band that was pulled and stretched until it lost its shape. He hasn't torn yet, he doesn't think. He knows that despite how impossible everything feels at this moment, he will continue to carry on.

He will show up at school. He will smile. He will make conversation with others. He will do his television interview in the evening. He will come home. He will repeat the process again and again.

He hasn't given up.

Then, he sees Hoshi shifting out of the corner of his eye, and he turns to look toward her, ice spreading through his veins as he catches sight of the marks that have been left on her. His first thought is that it was Shido as well, ordering her to do something similar. "Hoshi," he speaks, his voice a whisper. He's searching his brain for something to say - something he would want to hear, and he's coming up short when Hoshi speaks again.

It feels like she's just gutted him.

Akechi draws away from her. He doesn't physically move away, but he shrinks back, distancing himself from her as much as he can without actually getting up and moving.

His eyes sting, and his breath comes out in a harsh, broken exhale. "How could you say that?" Goro asks, quietly. He sits there for another moment before he decides he doesn't want to hear the answer, and he pushes himself to his feet, body trembling at the exertion.

He looks at his sister, face twisted in hurt and betrayal. "Everything mom did, she did for us. Shido forced that life upon her. Her family threw her out like trash because she was pregnant. She didn't have a choice. She was going to be something before Shido. You know that."

Jumping to his mother's defense is foolish, and Akechi doesn't know why he's bothering so. The words that Hoshi spoke keep playing on repeat in his mind, and his voice is nearly hysterical as he continues on, not quite yelling, but his voice raised in pain and anger. "I am more than this. I am at the top of my class. I run the student council at my school. I am more than just a body to be used as a toy by other people, and so are you."

He stares at his twin for a while longer before he turns to leave the bedroom, slipping into the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

[futsuucmplx]

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

What’s the lie your character says most often?

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

When do they fake a smile? How often?

How do they put out a candle?

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

How do they greet someone they like / love?

What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?

What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?

How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

What’s a phrase they say a lot?

Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Who would / do they believe without question?

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

[futsuucmplx]

[futsuucmplx]

yeah i’m doomed by the narrative but i have a little time to be absolutely gay

[futsuucmplx]

i know i owe replies and i Will get to them. but. maybe little like for a starter call, multis specify? owo