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putting my hand up during sex to ask a clarifying question about the order you just gave me

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did you try jerking it off and back on again

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if you want your 828 lb turkey to be ready in time for thanksgiving now's about the time to take it out of the freezer

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“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

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i can think of very few plot points of homestuck that were not hilarious. like the trolls can talk to the kids at any points in their timeline, but first time karkat talks to john he embarrasses himself so badly that he refuses to talk to john at any point in time prior to that. so he continuously talks to john earlier and earlier in the timeline, and john never knows what he’s talking about because all of the conversations he’s had with karkat were from his future. and from john’s perspective, karkat knows less and less of what he’s talking about as he moves forward in time, bc he’s only ever talking to younger versions of him. this is the exact level of intricacy almost all of the plot points operate on 

and the payoff of finally getting to see the first conversation karkat ever had with john is like

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mmm.

source

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All body is body horror because having a body is scary. All psychology is psychological horror because thinking is scary. All survival is survival horror because being alive is scary.

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unholy living dead

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got my new boyfriend from Ikea. Unfortunately he's made of particle board and with a single thrust of my hips I broke him into five pieces

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nurse

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My Chemical Romance | Oklahoma City | 20/08/2022 | (c) maktographer

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Shout out to anyone that ever made a character that’s a ‘Secret Government experiment’ that escapes the lab and is now wanted and misunderstood. That’s top tier character design, thank you.