fuzziwwuzzie-blog - Tumblr blog

fuzziwwuzzie-blog · 5 years ago

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The story of my life!! (A sad tell for sure!!)

Hello

My name is Justin.. I am 41 as of May 3rd this year! Yeah!!!

I never thought I would live to see 40 much less anything past. It!!!

The only reason I have made it this far is because of my beautiful wife Dina!!

If not for her I would have been dead years ago!!

When we meet I was a loose cannon! Ready to fight for looking at me the wrong way! Doing every drug you could think of to erase the past and drinking a fifth of tequila every two days to numb the future!!

That was 14 years ago and not a moment to soon! We will never have kids together.. that is one thing I have had to get over but I believe it's for the best really!!

I have came along way but I still don't think I am ready to be a daddy!

That's ok cause you see she has two kids from her first marriage ( both adults now) A Boy and a Girl..

Her daughter has two kids now and one more on the way!!! 😁😁

My granddaughter calls me pappal and I'm sure the other two will as soon as they can talk!! And I don't think I could love them anymore if they where blood!!!

I lOVE MY GRANDBABIES!!! And I will do anything for them!!

Anyways back to me ...

I had a troubled childhood to say the least!

When I was 5 I watched my grandma die !!

When I say (watched) I mean watched! It was a Saturday morning ( I know this cause I was watching cartoons and in the early 80's cartoons only came on on Saturday mornings). Anyway I was laying in the floor of Granny's house watching cartoons when I heard her start gasping for air ... I stood up and looked at her (she was on a bed in the living room) and froze... She was trying to get me to get help but I was scared and didn't move...

She finally took her last breath and I stood there looking at her till my mom came in the room some time later..

When she realized what had happened she pushed me outside and said."go play everything will be ok" But I knew that grandma had passed ...

When the first responders got there they asked me what had happened and I couldn't remember.....

While they got her out of the house I was playing by a woodshed when I heard some kittens..I dug around in the wood until I found them!. That's when I saw Toby! He was just a little black ball but I knew he was mine!!

so mom let me keep him and I named him Toby !!

I had him for about three years before a neighbor shot him for walking on his car!

(at least that's the story my step dad gave us)

Granny dieing was not my first memory ,but it is one of the not so bad ones!!

I guess when watching your grandma is die is not the worst memory you have as a kid you can really say you had a screwed up childhood!!

Before that I got buried alive, thrown in a lake (and couldn't swim), kicked through a wall (for spilling some tea), and last but not least raped... All before I turned 6 and trust me it didn't get any better after my sixth birthday either!!!

After Grandma passed My mom meet this guy (Robert) and before you knew it we was moved in with him!!

Boy was that fun!!!

What time he wasn't beating us.. he was apologizing for beating us and swearing it wouldn't happen again or trying to convince us it wasn't his fault to begin with. I put up with that from the time I was six until I was 13 .

Everyday getting a beating or getting molested by him!!

I remember once I had forgotten to water some dogs we had out back before I went to school... And when we got home their water was frozen in the fridge... well I was taking them some fresh water in a bucket when all I remember is a sharp pain in the back of my head.. my step dad had took the frozen gallon jug and slung it at me and hit me in the back of the head and knocked me out and then left me laying there until I woke up..

I tried to tell Mom some of the things he did when she wasn't around but She wouldn't listen or she maybe she just didn't want to believe any of it!!

You know how they tell you to "tell the teachers " or to tell an adult " ??

well I did but every time he would come up with some kind of excuse !! Or say It was just my overactive imagination or well he is just mad at us for punishing him for doing something wrong!!

That it was all a bunch of lies!!

And buddy when whoever was talking to him about it left ,or we got home ,, I got it worse!! Mom just got tired of getting beat so she just turned her head let me take the beatings!!

Untill I came in from school one day right after I had turned 13, he had mom on the couch beating her again !well I couldn't take it anymore!! Her eyes where already almost shut from the swelling !! God only knows how long he was hitting her!!! I had had enough!!!

So I told him to stop hitting her! He did , he stood up and turned around and started walking towards , and said "so what are you going to do little boy " as soon as he got close enough I swung with all my might !! I'll never forget the first time I hit him!! you see he wore false teeth !!

Both sets top and bottom!

And when I first connected my right hand with his jaw!!! Both parts broke!!

Two pieces went flying and two pieces where kinda stuck half in and half out of his mouth!!! I started laughing so hard I thought I would piss myself right then and there!!!

And that wasn't good enough to look on his face was PRICELESS!!

I guess he didn't like that I was laughing at him so he came at me ( he didn't expect me to fight anymore butI I had been building it up hatred towards him for years and I guess my hatred for him just came out that day!!! I started swinging as soon as he was within reach and I would have killed him that day if mom hadn't stopped me!!

He grabbed my hair ( which was long back then just to piss him off) and tried to hold my head down.. maybe he thought I would stop but I didn't!!! I just started swinging from the ground up straight to his privates!!! As hard as I could!!! Evey time I swung I thought about all the shit he did to me!! To my friends!!! I guess finally he got to be too much for him he took off a running.

We lived in a single wide trailer.. we were fighting in the first bedroom.. which was up my bedroom.. which was on one end and when he ran to his bedroom.. which is on the opposite end of the trailer ...we had to run to the living room, through the kitchen ,and down a hallway.. I made a pit stop in the kitchen. Mom had a set of steak knives that was in a block on the counter.. I grabbed four!!!

You shut the door to his bedroom right before I got there I ran those for knives through the door and I commenced to kicking in on the door!!!

That's when Mom grabbed me to me at the back door and told me to leave if she's calling the cops which she did I love spending 45 days in jail for simple assault communicating a threat !!

All because I was trying to stop him from beating her ass!!!

I didn't used to neches a 6 and 13 she never once called the cops on him for anything I stood up for her and she called the cops on me and send me to jail !!!

I tried to tell the judge but he just looked at me like I was a misfit teen rebellion against their parents!!

When I got out your mom want to move back into the trailer and her and her husband moved out and left you there ..

said I couldn't come with!!

I was 13 , my dad didn't want me,my mom didn't want me ( even though I was old enough now to make sure he would NEVER lay his hands on either one of us again.. she thought it was better with me out of the picture...

So she let a friend of mine move in (he was 18) this way it didn't look like she was abandon me.and for the next couple of years I learned how to steal to pay the bills!!

As soon as I turned 15 1/2 I quit school ...

Of course it wasn't long before I was in trouble with the law!!

Only it wasn't for what I thought it would have been for!!

When I turned 17 some friends of mine decided take me to the skating ring for my birthday.

I met this girl there still miss you Louis 15 I thought I'm 17 she's 15 no big deal till next year wrong!!!

come to find out she was 12!!

Just about to turn 13 !!

But by the time I found that out it was too late!! we had already had sex!!!

Her whole family lied to me because they wanted me to marry her!!!

You see they had five kids then the dad went and got into an accident and had brain problems from then on so they couldn't afford the kids anymore cause he couldn't work and neither could the mom ..

So they had already pawned the oldest daughter off to a guy and now they wanted me to take the younger one...

But when I found out how old she really was I dumped her .. she didn't like it none ,so she went to the doctor, told the doctor she was pregnant and told him that I was the father if she was pregnant.

Well in North Carolina and there's a 4 years difference is statutory rape automatically and it has to be reported..

When the detectives came and asked me about it I told him the truth they asked if I'd be willing to write in the statement and I said sure cause I didn't think I had done anything wrong!!

I did write that statement and that's what got me convicted!!!

I was 17 when they came and talked to me. No parent around no lawyer nothing!! I didn't think I needed one!! I was always told "you can trust the cops they are on your side!!" BULLSHIT!!!!

They knew the truth!! They knew I should not have gotten charged!! But what happened???

They came to me with this shit "oh we got to write it up but we'll put it in the back file as long as you don't get in trouble with his next 5 years it will go away!!"

all they wanted was for me to turn 18 so they could prosecute me as a adult!!! Which is what they did !!

right after my 18th birthday they hit me with statutory rape charge facing 12 years and because I wrote my statement against myself (trying to do the right thing!!)

if I would have fought it in court I would have been found guilty and had to do a 12-year minimum sentence!!

So I took a plea bargain for felony child abuse. The one of the stipulations is that once I had to take sex offender classes..

Now in case real normal flow could never been to a sex offender class let me tell you what to do. There is this guy that runs the show he" evaluates" you..

And tells you how many classes he thinks that you should do. (and of course because the more classes you do the more money he makes he's going to make sure that you do 12 classes or more)

So as part of my probation I had to go to these classes first me knowing that bad I'm at with the guy that's okay listen to what I had to say blah blah I thought he's on my side then he came back with this BS that I was a predator and I needed 12 classes..

okay whatever I couldn't fight it I was on probation had to do it fine I went to the first class do the six other people in their ( guys).

Maybe we fat slob pig looking sons of b****** anyway.

I didn't make it all the way through the first class it says in a circle and if I started sharing what they were there for got to the third guy and he started saying that he likes to smell diapers at babies and it made him hard while blob and I couldn't take it no more I called him a pervert son of a b**** so I cussed him out got up and left...

Tell my probation officer I didn't think I felt that I deserved to be in that class they said well as part of the stipulations of the court so I had to do it so I gave it one more shot next time this guy started talking about how you want to hold his little six year old granddaughter down and blessed her every time you saw her I got up knocking the f*** out left and ran..

skipped out on probation at night!!

I knew I was going back to prison...

there's no way I could handle sitting in classes with a bunch of perverts like that.

Listen I fcked up!! I made a mistake and I knew that what I did was wrong but at the same time I committed my crime unknowingly!!

I was done wrong ! I was lied too!!

And I don't believe that I deserve to be in those kind of classes and labeled as one of those types of people!!!

I knew nobody was going to hear my side of story so I left and went to West Virginia!!

Which started a whole new saga...

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