fuzzyshark54

[fuzzyshark54]

I may quit tumblr after I say this. I don’t feel so well at being the way I am. I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel because I’m afraid if I tell my friends they will try to go me help. I don’t want help I just want people to understand this. In fact I saw one of my friends use my vent on some other social for attention. So I’m sharing on this. So anyway.. yeah this is me! I don’t understand why but I feel like someone would get a little angry if I said I wanted to be every gender. Feel a little silly that I’m pansexual. I’m just upset because some people don’t understand why and I don’t even understand this but I’m not even an adult yet and I feel like I want to rip a hole inside myself and flick my blood onto a wall and watch it smear happily. I can’t do that because I don’t want the pain because it will stop me from it. I don’t even like it here there is nothing interesting to ever do at all. In fact why even exist in a world where your friends probably don’t care about you and you can’t find anyone who wants a relationship. Smh every relationship I’ve been in they just forget. Everyone loves to forget. Even if it just makes me more sad to share it keeping it bottled in isn’t healthy. I just want a friend. I just want a relationship. I just want something interesting. I don’t want to feel disgusting and I won’t plead for what I want but thinking of myself makes me sick to my stomach. I dislike my skin because it’s different colors slightly. I’m a bit chubby and people say there isn’t anything wrong with that. People are going to hate me if I be a furry so I hide it. I don’t want people to know that I like Vtuber because some people dislike that. I’m just scared of being rejected so I try to act the way people want me to. I know I’m very stupid just tell me that I am a pick me or whatever. You can’t change the way I am and I felt like this for years. I’m glad some people are here to listen because I know my friends will say. Oh you need help. So what if I do I can’t tell my parents they will say it’s just a phase I’ll get over it. Hell they might even get mad at the way I feel. They probably will just yell at me. They don’t care how I feel they care about me being perfect right? I’ll show them perfect someday. Just please. I really wanted to tell people about this. I feel as if I’m locked up in a cell. My whole body feels like I got stabbed ima. Way and I don’t even know why. I don’t expect everyone to see this but maybe some people who care will be my friends. But friends won’t change the way I feel because i just don’t trust this world anymore. Because almost everyone is selfish. In fact im probably selfish for pushing this into your tumblr feed and you reading this. Just wanted some people who feel the same way to know that u are not alone and u can vent the same way. It sorta makes you feel a bit better. Not really though. Thanks for reading this but I don’t think I’m going to post this.