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Carelessness will be your downfall.

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no credit ! imgs found on pinterest & yandex

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have you ever wondered what would happen if jingliu had a panic attack (mara is kinda like ptsd :() and what would reader do? (Can be comfort or angst)

my liu… :(

i think the saddest part about being mara struck is that it’s inevitable, so jingliu would have “attacks” often, especially in crowded areas. it’s paralyzing too, she freezes in place and clenches her head with a hand, eyes squeezed shut. the noise amplifies the chaos in her head and it takes all of her willpower to even just move someplace quieter.

she slides against the wall of a nearby alley, nails digging into her hair and attempts to win a war against her own mind, to find herself within the anguish and despair assaulting her in the form of her worst memories. if you’re with her the most important thing is to not touch her, i think, not when she’s so lost in the curse because she will lash out at you and the guilt of finding out what she’s done later on will crumble her defenses and tighten the mara’s grip on her mind.

the first thing you do is make your voice louder than the ones in her head. repetition is key and it takes some patience; you crouch in front of her and call her name multiple times, assure her that you’re here, that she is here and alive, and that she needs to focus on your voice only, not whatever her fractured mind is conjuring up. it may take some time depending on the trigger and jingliu’s own strength, if she’s having a panic attack because something reminded her of her past deeds, it’ll take a minute to bring her back. but it’s okay, just keep countering the negative thoughts in her head with sweet words and she’ll eventually find the strength to come back to you.

jingliu has her own ways of dealing with the mara, total darkness and meditation help tremendously but it’s a little tricky when you can’t touch her. you can keep people away from her though so she can have some semblance of peace while she comes back to herself. when the brunt of it has passed, she just stays where she is and steadies her heavy breathing. sit or stand next to her and take deep breaths with her, a silent reassurance that you’ll never leave her side.

she always feels a little ashamed afterwards, even if she morphs that shame into anger to fuel her need for revenge. she despises feeling weak above everything else, and to not be in control of your own mind is humiliating, curse or not. she doesn’t say anything when you remind her that the only reason she hasn’t succumbed to the mara is her own freakish strength, but your words are a small comfort regardless, you can see it in the way her shoulders relax a bit more.

i think jingliu definitely has tried to push you away before, likely more than once. she’s on a path to destruction and she intends to die this way. more than that, she’s a danger to the people around her whenever the mara grips her and she wouldn’t be able to handle hurting you. whether it’s when she’s somewhat sound of mind or in the middle of a panic attack, she’s commanded you to leave her alone multiple times. it’s important to remain steadfast, but it does hurt to hear her tell you to fuck off in such a cold tone. she says you have no place in what she’s meant to achieve, and that nothing will stand in her way. you reply that you’ll be with her until the end. it’s bittersweet; it causes her pain to be cared for by you knowing she’ll never have the ability to fully commit to you again, but it’s also the only other comfort she has.

would she hurt you?… probably. :/ the mara is mostly paralyzing, at least at first, so she would only act on it when it gets too much. it’s not her fault and i don’t think she’d cause you irreversible harm or anything like that but she is stronger than average so i can see her physically pushing you away and causing you to crash into something because she’s not controlling her strength, or something similar. maybe her nails dig into your wrist a little too hard. maybe her fingers curl around your throat a little too tightly. guilt and anger follow shortly afterwards and she needs to be alone for a while or she’ll go mad.

she’s very grateful for you despite this. her words can bite but if that means sharing her burden then you’ll endure it. i think touch is a particular thing when she’s not having an attack, whether it’s afterwards or just in general; i don’t think she’d hate it? it’s a tangible reassurance that you’re both alive. her skin is freezing cold, but it works the same way a cold compress would to a sore muscle. run a hand through her hair, brushing away the silky strands from her cheeks, and the contact calms her further. in the darkness where she spends most of her hours, she traces the shape of your nose and the curve of your lips with a finger. she can’t see your face, and yet you’re here. the picture she has of you in her mind is uncanny.

overall, dealing with jingliu is hard like i’m not gonna lie to you. even when she’s composed and has regained control of her whatever’s left of herself, she keeps a certain distance. either the mara will kill her or she’ll die killing the abundance, in either case she’s losing and she doesn’t want to drag you down with her. she’s lived way past her expiration date and she’s deteriorating a little more each day. her illness is debilitating, it’s devastating to think about but she’s not herself anymore. the abundance shaped her and scrapped away pieces of herself at the same time. sometimes you see the person she was in the way she touches you. sometimes you forget about the curse that befalls you both when she utters your name in that familiar, raspy voice. sometimes, she clings to you and you cling to her, and with only a crescent moon watching over you, she’s just your jingliu.

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⋆.˚ ★—HSR Characters + Quotes pt.4

Anyone interested in HSR character and tweets/smau? These are so fun and easy to make

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

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quick mydei doodle as a breather from doing comms

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April 21st $4,851 raised :D

Do it for the meme. http://blinkingguy.com

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"May we reunite in the new world..."

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I painted very round birbs

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heart tumblr banner temp , ⤷ no need for credits ,

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͓ ̼͜ ͝͏💌 ྀི͜　𓈒ֺּׅ𓏽ཾ 𝅄　da sensitive + gentle doll𓈒𓈒　 ۪ ۪‿ ྀི

‿̩͙ 𓇼ུཾ ۪ ׂ.　🥛🐾𓈒⠀ᣟ　cat thm disc masks ۪ ۪ ۪ 　˚̣̣̣ഒ

𓏸𓈒 ָ࣪ 𑁍 ཻུ۪　◟𝇄𝇃🧶་།　reblog &&. cred to use only

◟ ͜ ◜₊ ͡ ꒢ ׅ❀͚፞ ੈ˚ֺ ۪ 　strictly nu reposts ty𓈒𓈒　꒰𓏼◞ ˕ །†꒱

mway dis adoring goddess ask 04 a boost ^_^ ?!

@biimbiim (hai dawrling ～ ♪) @lynzouu @doliimu @cwandiy @nemuurin @lovestis @projectbungo @virtualjpg @nomkiwi @nerdconsumer2 @hauntingmizi @esotericsweetheart @infectedrpd @neroticbf @tomobugs @tojiphrenic @discardead @wiltedshade @xxrosemixx @jeanryt @toletoles @miyuzuki @cosmisera @fwuffcat @aaaqil !!!!

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　　　　How the Fuck Do Yall Name These PSD

I genuinely do not know what to name this

F2U with credit , works on most skin tones , Xinyan mentioned

What am I forgetting now RIGHT feel free to edit just don’t make it unrecognizable

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『  The  Mysterious  Ghosts  voice  haunts  kyu。。 』♪

❝ 『  Corin ZZZ Graphics 』⑅ ❞

╭────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╮ 

 ⠀། ິ˖ི 𐔌   ids mtoivate mwe ta edit NAO id tagspwease   ྀི ᩤ᭔ 

┊⠀⠀⠀RB/♡ to use｡ ⠀　𓎢𓎡　　 ཀ༏ིྀ

╰────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╯

Want Ta Comm Mwe？Rentry〜Discord  

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╰　　info under cut　♡

andd we're back again for another event! my first one went relatively well, and now with this many followers and more experience, i'd say it's time for another! (please forget about the last one actually i forgot to ever open psd requests for the winners. one day?) info: this event will go from wednesday april 23rd and end on the 30th. there are only 5 days of prompts, i've added a few extra days in case people need more time. if you need an extension for any reason, please let me know! i am flexible + willing to modify a good amount of details listed here! please either tag me in your entries or use the tag #aes200event. i will try to reblog or at least like everything. there will be 3 winners who will all recieve a psd (yes i will actually follow through on this this time. even if it takes me a while LISTEN I JUST FORGOT) and a batch of web graphics of their choice (stamps, userbars, blinkies, imvu buttons, etc.). prompts: day 1 - present wrapping: make a gift for someone you are mutuals with, a friend, or your past self day 2 - snack break: make something based on either salty, sweet, or sour food day 3 - observatory trip: edit based on the moon, sun, or stars (or any combination of the three) day 4 - movie night: edit a protagonist or antagonist (doesn't have to be from a movie if you were confused i didn't have a better name) day 5 - brief seminar: make something you haven't made before/need more experience with, try a different editing style, or make something based on me/my blog likes and reblogs very appreciated! i hope you all have fun if you choose to participate <3 taglist (it's just akimi im sorry for forcing you to tag people every time im nervous): @cheriespace ALSO YOU CAN REBLOG THIS ON ANY BLOG IDC I'M JUST TAGGING UR MAIN okay enough yapping about oomf byebye

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I have a theory on why Anaxa is so insistent on using his full name and I realized it from Mydei's story. I think he wants to hold onto where he comes from, The Grove, and resist any form of assimilation into Okhema.

I know he insisted on Anaxagoras even before the fall of The Grove but he has visited the holy city before, and he despises it. I'm sure he also gets students from Okhema who bring their customs and trends into The Grove and have called him Professor Anaxa, like Castorice and Phainon. With reverence for the gods, established support for the Flame-Chase and Chrysos Heirs, surveillance by Aglaea, and a complacency by its citizens to leave things to the divine rather than humans, Okhema represents all that he despises. I wouldn't be surprised if he rejected small things like shortening his name to Anaxa because to him it represents an encroachment of Okhema onto his person. And as people have suggested, his story may represent loss of agency and one of those things is his agency over his name.

I realized this through Mydei's story because his story is a struggle of identity. Kremnoan or Okheman? Kremnos has long since fallen and the Kremnoan citizens have fled to Okhema as a safe haven, yet they still cling to their identity and pride as Kremnoan. They face prejudice and discrimination from Okhemans and have landed in a place where they are neither Kremnoan nor Okheman. Mydei struggles with this too. There's a scene in the story where he separates his identity as Mydei of Okhema and Mydeimos of Castrum Kremnos. I couldn't find the scene in question to screenshot but I did find a similar example in his conversation with Krateros

His name as Mydei is a representation of his identity of Okhema.

And I think Anaxagoras is concerned with this. He wants no part in any assimilation to the holy city. However after the fall of The Grove, I noticed he doesn't correct people on their use of Anaxa as much. I believe it happens once or twice but there are far more instances of characters calling him Anaxa. There's a lot at play here and I'm sure that isn't his first concern but it's such an established part of his character that it feels off.

I've seen people mention that in the Chinese text, his name is shortened to Anaxa because the joke is that Anaxagoras is a long and complicated name so the characters shorten it for ease of use. That's another reason why I think he hates it too. Not only is it a loss of agency and identity to him, it is also a show of complacency and unwillingness to learn and adapt from those in Okhema.

So back to him not being as insistent on using his full name. When people mispronounce your name or shorten it, you eventually stop correcting people. It's exhausting having to do it at every turn and I think that may be what is happening with him.

That's my guess on his name anyway! I might be looking waaaay too much into it but with his and Mydei's themes of agency and identity respectively, I couldn't get it out of my head. It's an interesting story parallel for them as they and their people have both become refugees and are forced to reside in Okhema. Mydei's story is very much one of immigration, assimilation, and cultural identity and I wonder if some of that may crop up for Anaxagoras as well

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AHHHHH THE SILLY I LOVE HIM SM 😭

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Anaxa