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I'm pregnant. and it's You

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"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

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i’m starting a collection

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I witnessed something wonderful on my walk today.

We went down to the park, where the lake drains under a footbridge into a stone-lined gully that someone generous might call a creek. Usually it’s a trickle at best, but it poured last night, and the water was still moving pretty briskly. 

As we got closer, I heard kids yelling, so we went over to have a look. I was nervous, because earlier this summer we’d seen a mother cat and her kittens hanging out a few times in the (then bone dry) spillway. We hadn’t seen them in over a month, but I didn’t want to think of them being there when the water started coming down.

Instead, when I looked over the side of the bridge, I saw a skinny kid (maybe 8-10 years old) carrying an enormous catfish clasped in both arms.

The catfish had to be the length of this kid’s torso, and it was flopping around trying to escape, but the kid doggedly kept climbing over mud and slippery rocks until he reached the lake and chucked the fish in. And behind him came… another kid, holding a fish.

When the lake flooded, it must’ve washed a bunch of these catfish downstream, where they collected in pools. Now the water levels are starting to go down, and the fish are trapped, doomed to dry up and die. Not on these kids’ watch. As we watched, they rescued four fish, and one of the adults present said there were at least six left. The kids showed no sign of stopping. This is the kind of thing you love as a kid, a life or death mission you can throw your heart and soul into while getting gleefully covered in muck and slime. I was tempted to offer my assistance, but this was their Quest, and I did not want to impose.

When we continued on, the Great Fish Rescue was still going strong. Godspeed, kids. In a time of such great discord and meanspirited behavior, you will live on in my memory as a beacon of goodwill. 

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tag this image #mygrinchpenis

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IF YOU LOVE FAT WOMEN HIT THAT MF REBLOG

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here’s to unhealthy fat people

if ur fat bcuz ur disabled. disabled bcuz ur fat. are unhealthy for other reasons, unrelated to fatness. unhealthy bcuz ur fat. are fat because of things like diabetes.

a lot of body positivity is about ‘being fat isn’t inherently unhealthy’ which, yes, while this is true, there are outliers. for some people being fat is unhealthy. that’s okay. they deserve positivity too!

you’re not morally wrong for struggling. you aren’t a bad stereotype. you’re a person. there are so many people out there and such a wide range of experiences that it’s bound someone like you exists. that’s okay. you’re okay.

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When I was little I wanted to be Italian REALLT badly bc I loved the movie cars and specifically had a crush on this fucking THING

Which doesn’t speak English at all, all it’s line are in Italian and it’s name is GUIDO. And everyone knew I was obsessed with Italy in elementary school but they didn’t know why bc I, even as a young autistic child, had the sense to know this was a rightfully so, highly mockable thing. So I would read about cars on IMDB and then one day someone posted a crackfic on the message boards there and it was about this guy getting drunk and beating his wife, and it snapped me out of my fugue long enough to realize how absurd wanting to be Italian was, but then it made me cry really hard and my parents were like ‘hey what the fuck’ and I didn’t have the chutzpah to admit anything so I told them I saw a naked lady online and then they went into the computer and found all the weird south park midi songs I downloaded on lime wire and I thought they were literally going to kill me for about two weeks.

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i wish i had a better support system through this shitshow. my mom doesnt do anything but insult them, which doesnt help. my dad is away for work and apathetic. i dont even.. actually know if any of the people i consider friends consider ME their friend. i dont really have anyone but myself.

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the for you page thinks I'm a gnome

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This image man

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i love you. im pregnant and its toys

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animals are quite funny.. you show them a Thing and theyre like "ok i will Sniff this"..