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We looked inside some of the posts by g0dl0vesugly and here's what we found interesting.
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Wait hold up... Is this one of those relationship shaping crossroads? Make or break critical dynamic molding, foundation laying decisions where I can either do something Ive never done.. in hopes of an outcome I've never received ..or continue on the path as I always have? A fighter fighting for love. No such thing as half way jumping.
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Sigh. I really hope you're okay. I can only hope you'll call me when you get the chance. :/ I already put money on the phones to be able to answer if and when you do call ...
Thank you for sending me the text to let me know that you had been arrested .. I hella appreciate that part for sure. I couldn't imagine not having any clue..worrying all night long ..not hearing from you..
Still am a little worried
Xx
idk how to communicate with you while you're lockedup or at all in any sense it seems :/
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I'm so glad that I've kept all the writing that I have and wrote in the moments in which that I did. Having a chance to read such things at different intervals in my life has shown me how little I really do know about anything in it's entirety. Those words I wrote.. thought trains all off their tracks but all gas no brakes. don't know who that girl is.. the pathetic lack of self-worth.. I'm embarrassed for myself when reading it. It's sad honestly. But at least this time around it gave me the chance to see this currently relationship situation from the other side. And I guess the first thing I want to tell you is that you were right. When I told you about how packing up my shit made me feel..you were right when you said that I'm the direct cause of it. That these are the repercussions to my actions and decisions. I don't know why that was so impossible for me to take the first time around when you said it or even to consider where you could be coming from but I digress. .it is absolutely a thousand percent my actions that bring about the feelings in which lead you to tell me to pack up my things... And to not recognize that would be foolish. I just want to thank you for each and every day I did get to spend with you while I got to spend it. I'm realizing now more than ever that maybe I've yet to reach the breakthrough I've been on the cusp of.. the discovery of my non negotiables and the outward demonstration of my self worth.
You forever changed me.
It's time to grow up. The inevitable self wallowing and sad music is beyond played out. Almost 35 and all I have to show for myself is the mess I made and the justifications of such behavior. How I enabled myself.
Aren't I ready to start something new? Something different? Something raw? Something that isn't reliant on co dependency or substance abuse? Something with sustenance?
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Sylvia Plath, aged 18, journal entry #35, from "The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath" (c. November 1950)
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Sylvia Plath, aged 25, from "The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath" (dated February 5, 1958)
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Something extra awful about coming back here... And to find out my mom gave my room away.
God I just want to run away.
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I should have just sat there and taken your hurt. I shouldn't have allowed myself to feel any type of way about the ways you are choosing to work through the things that I did to you in the first place..
Guess I just felt like this disconnect from you. Even with the apology .. I couldn't get my mind off of the feeling of packing up all of my stuff ..having to sift through all of your things.. in the room we once shared..all while you spew out all of the worst possible case scenario version of who I could be.. insulting me, my struggles, things I've confided in you about just to have you throw it in my face in a moment just to hurt me
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Turns out all the moments I believed the "timing wasnt quite right" the timing was most certainly quite right.
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