g0rgeousaurus

[g0rgeousaurus]

I am actually so grateful for my blessings. I’ve been too greedy to see them until recently. My stomach would turn sick when i would see someone truly living their life when i forgot i was doing the same. Living my own. Truth. Living my own truth, no matter it’s harshness, for my life has its own softness to offer. Thankyou world. I know i will forget this again but, i am aware that it will come back to me when i most need it.

So, thankyou for working the way you do and the way you have.

Thankyou for sending me the sweetest friends (youu guys)

I dont even wanna call yall tumblr mutuals. Its friends for me.

Thankyou for letting me wake up in the morning.

It was so silly really, i was so caught up on a bike ride and wishing to experience an early morning bike ride that i did not appreciate the rarity and beauty of being able to swim in the morning.

Life has these little wonders hidden away in all its junctions except, they are not hidden ~ i am simply still learning to be open to them.

With love ~ to nothing and everything all at once

From ~ another fool

P.s. i am still afraid of the tiny gap in time where everything is still and you are about to fall asleep, everything but your mind. I know i am still running away from stuff when i can.

P.s. i am sleepy.

P.s. i really love this song, and i loved to cry to it the first time i heard it. It felt like a mother bird wooing its little chick who fell down in the first flight.

[g0rgeousaurus]

And shave my hair, or a blue buzzcut.

sometimes i wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river

[g0rgeousaurus]

guys I’ll be sober from my drug of choice, weed for 3 years in august, that’s INSANE, in one more year & forward I will have been more time sober than I was high, 4 years of soul crushing lows, I used various other drugs & alcohol in that time but man weed destroyed my soul, i don’t wanna hear that it can’t be addictive or bad for u, this was my experience, & I went to a whole other level of hell because of it and now I’m fucking free.

[g0rgeousaurus]

[g0rgeousaurus]

Sometimes i might not look like it, with the way i’m expressing my misery here, but i love.

I love <3

[g0rgeousaurus]

The heart feels heavy.

[g0rgeousaurus]

Have been letting people affect me lately. Letting real life people mean something to me and letting them influence my schedule, my living arrangement, things beyond interests. Letting them see the worst of me. I’ve been becoming blurry at the edges. Challenging myself to depend on others is harder than being singular. I’ve been that individual that comes and goes for about 7 years. I get up and go and I was known for leaving. It was part of my charm I think. I don't know if I'll ever be the person who can be somewhere without one foot out the door already. I thought I was so fluid only showing face when I was ripe for it and then leaving before I could get frustrated or bored. I feel more fluid allowing myself to be molded by hands that reached for me and hold on even if I squirm

[g0rgeousaurus]

Im leaving but ill always be here <3

I wish to paint you a farewell laced with love

My soul got a kiss from yours

~ to everyone i ever knew

~ to everyone i fell out with

I can only hope that mine was sweet for yours too.

[g0rgeousaurus]

Why did he ask me if he could kiss me on my cheek

If he already knew that he wanted to leave.

I feel like although i didnt fall for it, and didnt let you, it doesnt matter for im still stuck there. I think i created you, in the moments where you were absent, also the ones where i was too fearful to truly see.

There is no one to blame. Its only the fall of another fantasy. The end doesnt pan out according to our wishes, no chaos to be controlled. It can only be lived through.

Im confused. Who was i looking for. Or what.

The aftermath, i think i’m still avoiding it. Truly letting go. Of us. The idea of it. Perhaps my love was just greed.

I am still learning to love. The pure love, that does not attach. I wonder if its true. Must be, the bees have shown me proof as has the rain when they gave me life by simply living theirs.

[g0rgeousaurus]

172/5’8

Hoping i qualify as your knight <3 🙂‍↕️

Hey moots!!

I’m curious. How tall are y’all? I want to see how tall (short) I am next to you!

I’m 152cm / 5’1 !!

tags:

@unnecessaryheadache @serpentine-starlight @whatonearthisgoingon @luna---lovegood @acelovesremuslupin !!!

[g0rgeousaurus]

Maybe i dont have it all together. And i actually showed it. Although unwillingly.

[g0rgeousaurus]

Tw : venting

So i

Started crying like i had a meltdown in public. In my college. It was so so so embarrassing. And the thing is it was my fault. I was late to a practical final cause somehow my alarm didnt ring that day. Woke up late and i think i was on the verge of having a panic attack immediately when i saw the time. But i tried to control myself, got ready, reached the centre and my professor was pissed (understandably so) and told me i wont be allowed to take the test. I pretended like i was fine and accepted it cause i didnt wanna feel extra embarrassed in front of the other kids.

Didnt work btw cause i ended up sobbing uncontrollably like i simply could not stop my tears cause the professor called me after a while to ask me to attend the test. (I felt like i was taking so much advantage of her kindness and just felt like I should not be allowed to take the test)

So i go into the room again (cant speak right im trying so hard my voice wavers and the tears bubble up again) and she hands me a test.

I ask her if i can just write it in another room. She accepts.

And even comes in to check on me later. My friend follows.

I start crying more cause i hate that they have to help me i hate feeling like and being a mess.

Anyway, i still feel so embarrassed about it.

Another episode of am i being dramatic or am i just neurotic. Both.

I wish i could take it back. The crying.

Idk how to repay this stuff. Or to accept it.

[g0rgeousaurus]

I think i love my friends. She just called me cute. SHES CUTE.

[g0rgeousaurus]

[g0rgeousaurus]

the most fulfilling lives are lived the clumsiest! the most fulfilling lives are lived the clumsiest! the most fulfilling lives never shy away from the possibility of embarrassment!!!!!!!

[g0rgeousaurus]

a crush is just a projection of what you want in yourself

[g0rgeousaurus]

I am so grateful to have access to the tender lives of such interesting women on here