gaiastarion

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

I keep surprising Astarion giving me worried glances when he thinks I am not looking. I think I scared him more than he had let out...

I appreciate him not freaking out though, we have a difficult fight ahead of us. And hopefully my murderous urges will be directed towards our enemies this time...

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

I almost killed Astarion last night.

I still don't realize... Things could have gone so very wrong if my man did not handle it like a chief. Next time I catch that butler I am going to make him eat his hat, tell me tell you!

Gods, I am still shaking...

It is a strange feeling, to loose control of one's own body. To feel the rush of a sweeping evil rising in your chest, ready to kill and destroy. You know it, you feel it, and there is nothing you can do about it. The more you resist, the more the fire burns inside of you, threatening to consume your entire being.

But Astarion was there. He caught me before I could fall into the depths of my inner darkness. My love, my life, my everything. A ray of sunshine in my gloomy path. He pushed the shadows away, igniting a flame of hope in my wretched heart.

The certainty that he will always be there to catch me.

Now and forever.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Shadowheart did a really surprising thing. Surprising and incredibly brave. She defied her goddess and renounced the dream of her life to save dame Aylin and take control of her destiny. She chose freedom, against all odds and despite the threat of Shar's wrath.

I am so proud of her, I admit I almost shed a tear. Astarion was also very impressed, he didn't think she had it in her. But I always knew that she was stronger than people gave her credit for. And I am happy that she proved me right.

So now we have Selune spawn in shining armor on our side, and Shar on our tail. By the way, taking a mental note to add that bitch to the list of the people I'll destroy when I get the Absolute's power. Actually, maybe I should take down all the gods and become one myself haha.

But first thing first. Ketheric, I hope that your fighting skills are stronger than your religious loyalty cause we are coming for you. With an angry asimar who is really eager to catch up.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

What a plot twist! The Nightsong that Shadowheart is supposed to kill appeared to be a super hot asimar who got kidnapped by uncle Ketheric to steal her immortality.

And, as we were talking with the beauty, a patchwork of body parts appearing to be the Balthazar dude suddenly showed up out of nowhere, claiming that he needed to "retrieve the relic" or whatnot. We made quick work of him, which is honestly a favor given the fact that he already looked more dead than nurses in the House of Healing.

Anyway, this leaves us with a tough choice. If we kill the lady, Shadow becomes a Dark Justiciar, the dream of her life. But on the other hand, the asimar seems so nice and cool and will make a fine addition to the Astarion harem... wait... oh yeah, I promised Astarion I won't sleep with anyone else, dammit I forgot...

We gathered on the side to discuss on what to do, and everyone seems to have a different opinion. They strangely all seem to be waiting to hear my point of view but it feels like too much responsibility. So I took a little break to write this, maybe it will help make my mind clearer.

To be fair, whether we free or murder the cutie Kethy will become killable either way. And I feel that I should not be the one taking that decision, this means way more to Shadowheart than to anyone else. Yes... I think we should trust Shadowheart on that. I'll tell the others.

I need to go, there are all waiting for me.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Shadowheart discovered that if she pass the tests of the Gauntlet she actually has a chance to become a Dark Justiciar of Shar! I am so happy for her, that is the dream of her life and destiny offered it to her on a silver platter.

The challenges were... particular, especially the part where we had to fight ourselves, but we managed. And now onto the final step, a leap of faith in a pool that seems to lead to another realm...

It is a bit scary but if it is important for Shadowheart then it is important for me and I'll support her all the way. Besides, we will need all the power we can have if we want to take control of the Absolute and kill Cazador.

Go get it, girl!

Gaia

P.S: still didn't find that Barthemius, I'll tell the orc lady that he is dead. He probably is, anyway.

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

We did not find this Bulbazaur guy yet, but uncle Raphy came to find us. He was very pleased that we took down his pet orthon, and finally revealed the mystery behind Astarion scars...

I didn't know I could hate Cazador more than I already did, but the scumbag proved me wrong. The bastard wants to sacrifice all his spawns in a ritual to gain an unfathomable power from Mephistopheles. And this little "poem" he engraved in the skin of each one marks them for the ritual. Yeah, exactly like cattle.

...

We are going to fuck this piece of shit so hard, let me tell you. Not only that, we will take everything from him. We are going to find a way to steal his stupid ritual right in front of his eyes, and make Astarion the mighty Vampire Ascendant.

Astarion was a bit doubtful at first, but I am sure he knows deep down that it is the best plan. That we can use that threat to our advantage, as a way to finally get the power we need to rise above our enemies and make them tremble at the mere mention of our names.

Until none remain between us and our happiness.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Astarion and I had an important talk yesterday. Basically, we are now exclusive and it might be the end of the Astarion army... I think I need some time to figure out what I truly feel about this. It all feel so sudden...

Anyway, today we got some very needed good news. First of all, we stumbled upon our dearest Raphy, which was in and of itself a delightful surprise. Devilish as ever, he offered us a deal: fight a monster for him and in exchange he will translate Astarion's scars for him.

I was so close to ruin it all by impulsively answering that we don't need any incentive to go kick some monster's ass but Astarion nudge cut me right on time, pfew. Good thing that he knows me so well, haha.

So we went monster hunting and took the beast out together. That was a tough one to be honest, but we survived in one piece. I haven't seen Astarion so excited in a while, it really warms my heart to see him starting to enjoy himself again.

So now we just need to wait for Raph to find us...

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

[gaiastarion]

All for myself (alternative confession scene - 2K words - SFW)

 “Can I talk to you for a minute? In private.”

Despite knowing her for so long, Astarion always felt strangely uncomfortable opening up to Gaia. Or to anyone, really. It took all his courage to catch her arm as she was leaving for her tent after dinner, asking his question with a slight tremor in his voice.

“Sure,” Gaia answers distractedly, oblivious to Astarion’s discomfort.

She follows him towards a dark corner of the camp, her mind still absorbed by the revelations of the day. A brain. The Absolute is a giant fucking brain. With tentacles. How do you take control of that?

Astarion finally stops and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath to strengthen his resolve before turning to face Gaia.

“I… I think we need to talk about some… things,” he starts, twisting his hands nervously.

The weight of his concerns had become too heavy to bear and he knows that he needs to express them, but he struggles to find the right words. That is not an exercise he is familiar with, after all. An awkward silence settles between them, only broken by the distant laughs of their companions still gathered around the campfire.

Astarion’s words make Gaia finally snap out of her own thoughts and she looks up at him, sensing his agitation.

“Are you ok? What’s wrong, my love?” she says in a slightly anxious voice, a worried frown on her face.

“Nothing, don’t worry… except that… I feel awful,” he mutters, looking down.

He takes a moment to think about how to approach this. There is so much he wants to say but his thoughts scramble in his head in a confused mesh of feelings. He sighs and looks into Gaia’s eyes, deciding to start with the easiest.

“First of all, I wanted to thank you for not forcing me to bite that drow. It means a lot to me that you respected my decision. More than you know,” he says with a grateful smile, letting all his love and adoration transpiring in his gaze.

Gaia nods slightly and returns his smile, but her frown lingers on her face. Not forcing him? Why would he think that she could force him to do anything? Is that what he feels awful about?

“Hmm… of course, you are very welcome,” she finally lets out, still a bit confused.

Astarion nods and gives her a contrite smile. But quickly his face darkens once more and his gaze drops down, reflective. Now to the difficult part…

“For so long, what I wanted didn’t matter. Almost all that I did was either… coerced, or out of fear and spite.” He speaks with a soft tone, his voice trembling a little. “And now that I am finally free from Cazador’s influence…” he hesitates for a second. “I feel that it has not changed, not really. I… I am still not sure to know what I want.”

His gaze meets Gaia’s with a desperate look, void of even the shadow of his usually arrogant cockiness. Stripped from all his masks and confidence, he looks like a scared little boy yearning for reassurance.

Gaia’s face softens and she steps forward to take his hands, pressing them gently into hers. She hides her concern behind a comforting smile.

“It is ok, my love. You have all the time in the world to figure that out. And I will be by your side to help.” Her voice is loving and tender, her eyes encouraging. “And there is one thing you know you want: killing Cazador. All will be fixed after that, I am sure of it.” Her smile widens.

Astarion returns her smile, but hints of sadness and apprehension remain on his face.

“Yes, it is true… Although…” He pauses, taking a deep breath before continuing. “There is one thing…”

His hands clutch tighter around Gaia’s hands, as if he was scared to let her go.

“I realized that I don’t want to share you. Not even with someone who looks like me,” he finally lets out with difficulty, visibly pained. Scared that she will get mad at him.

His words strike Gaia like a slap in the face. She removes her hands from his and takes a step back, a look of stupefaction on her face. She did not see that one coming.

“Wh.. what?”, she finally responds in a small voice, a confounded look in her eyes. “I thought… I thought that it was what you wanted? An Astarion army for us?”

“No, it was what you wanted,” Astarion declares, his tone getting slightly colder. “And you are the only having benefited from it so far, aren’t you.”

He can’t hold back the slight sarcasm in his voice, the frustration he accumulated for so long starting to transpire.

Gaia shakes her head in astonishment. Her tone matches his when she answers.

“So, you are telling me that you don’t enjoy seeing yourself everywhere? You, who still check yourself in a mirror every day to see if your reflection magically came back after 200 years?” she frowns, getting increasingly irritated by the unexpected turn of events.

Astarion lifts an accusing finger, seemingly about to retort with a snarky comment but stops himself and sighs in resignation, his arm dropping back to his side. He does not want to fight with her, that is not the point. He takes a deep breath to cool down, speaking with a calmer voice.

“I wanted you to be happy. And you seemed so excited at the idea of building this… army… that I let you, thinking it could be fun. But it was fun only for a short while…”

He looks so tired and demoralized that Gaia feels her anger slowly subsiding, replaced by concern. He seems genuinely in pain.

Astarion continues talking, his voice low and grave.

“Then, after you found out I was a vampire, I felt… I felt that you were slowly slipping away from me. That I was not enough for you.”

There, he said it. The fear that was tearing his heart apart for the last few weeks. That made him so insecure and needy. That pushed him to perform to satisfy her, so that she won’t leave. He stops talking to stare at her, his body tensed and his heart pounding in his chest, waiting for her reaction.

Gaia stays silent for long minutes, looking intensely at him, her expression impenetrable. But inside, she is screaming, feeling her heart shattered in thousand pieces as a creeping surge of guilt floods into her body. It can’t be. She couldn’t have been so blind to miss that her man, the love of her life, was hurting for so long. Sure, they had a lot of other matters to deal with since they came back to Faerun but still… How could she have been so oblivious? But now that she is thinking about it, it all makes sense. Why Astarion seemed particularly irritated lately. How he always seemed to pop up out of nowhere almost every time she was getting a bit too close to one of her companions. And hells, even how every embrace together felt staged, a bit too perfect, too epic, too… desperate.

“Gaia, please say something…”

“I… I am sorry,” she finally mutters, the emotion making her voice strangle in her throat. “I had no idea… Why didn’t you tell me?”

She feels genuinely pained that he still felt the need to hide things from her, after everything they have been through.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I should I talked earlier, I know, but… I couldn’t allow myself to ask you that sacrifice. I didn’t not feel that I had the right to want you all for myself... Until now, that is.”

He pauses and sighs, his gaze turning more determined.

“But the truth is, I do want you all for myself. I want… something real. With you.”  He reaches out to hold her hands once again. “But I would understand if this is not enough for you and you prefer to part ways, I won’t be mad or anything...”

“Don’t be silly, Astarion…” Gaia cuts him and steps forward to place a loving hand on his chest, where his heart should have been. “You are all that I ever wanted, and more. You are the sun of my days and the oxygen in the air I breathe. You are my everything and I FORBID you to ever doubt than again. Now and forever, remember?”

She gives Astarion a playful tap on the nose.

He chuckles, visibly relieved. “Always.”

“Good. Now come here, you charming fool.”

Gaia catches Astarion in a passionate embrace, her arms squeezing him tightly, her body pressing against his. She buries her head into his neck, inhaling his scent that she grew so fond of. The addictive smell of love and safety. Her home.

Astarion is surprised by the intensity of Gaia’s hug, not used to such ardor being expressed outside of the bedroom. After a few seconds of confusion, he finally lets his strong arms lovingly wrap around her body, surrendering to the intimacy of the moment. He closes his eyes and a sigh of contentment escape his lips, his face slowly relaxing as his breath deepens. This is nice, he thinks to himself, his arms tightening their grip to hold her closer.

None of them seem in a rush to see this moment end. They remain like this for long minutes, melting in each other arms, their bodies almost merging into a single soul. Yielding into the closeness of their interlaced bodies while exchanging soft words and tender caresses. This feels more intimate in a way than any of their steamy encounters.

“So, I guess I will have to tell everyone to turn back to their normal appearance, then…” Gaia finally lets out, gently pulling away with a smile, her hands lingering on Astarion’s waist.

“Well, I didn’t say that I did not enjoy seeing my body all day long…” Astarion answers, his usual flirtatious smirk finding its way back on his lips.

His hand reaches for Gaia’s face to gently caress her cheek. “I simply expressed that I was not comfortable with the idea that any other version than this one” – he points at himself – “would end up inserted into my perfect little dove.” He winks at her, a devilish look on his face.

Gaia’s eyes widen and she gives him an offended look.

He responds with a mischievous chuckle, his fingers roaming down her cheek to her neck. A glint of desire suddenly flashes into his eyes, and he firmly grabs her by the hip, pulling her body closer to him. He brings his face against her neck, his lips slowly brushing along her jugular as he inhales the intoxicating scent of her blood pulsating under her skin. His voice is low and sultry when he speaks again.

“You are all mine, after all,” he seductively purrs into her ear, his breath tickling her skin.

He gives her neck a passionate kiss, his mouth opening to gently suckle and nibble on her soft, warm skin. Gaia shivers, feeling a jolt of desire coursing her body, her breath growing shorter.

But as fast as it started, he suddenly pulls away, leaving her all blushing and eager.

“Good talk, my little dove,” he says with a satisfied and teasing smirk. “Now, we should probably get back to the others before they accuse us of scandalous debauchery again.”

Without waiting for her answer, he gives her a quick peck on the lips before releasing her and walking away without another look behind him. His face glows in the jubilation of having made her all flustered and needy for him, his heart feeling much lighter now that he has the assurance that she is his, and his alone.

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Pfew, it took us a while to find a way out of the brain and boy was it hard to remove all this blood from my hair. But at least Astarion helped me to get rid of the one on my skin, hehe...

Anyway, we stumbled upon the right hand of daddy Ketheric who sent us on a mission to babysit a dude, Baltimore or something, who got lost trying to retrieve some important artefact for Ketheric. As if I didn't have anything better to do...

But we didn't really have any other choice than accept, it really sounded like she would not take no for an answer. Besides, Gale and Wyll think that this artefact might be useful to defeat Ketheric.

I have to say, with all the crazy things happening lately, I had kinda forgotten that we are supposed to find a way to kill Ketheric. Here goes my ambition to convince him to join the Astarion army, I guess...

So here we are, running after a lowly servant who managed to get himself lost in a temple of Shar. I hope it is worth it. It is for Shadowheart at least, I think she is about to burst in excitment.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Well, that'll teach me to mindlessly put my hand in a mysterious sticky hole...

Just to be clear, I am talking about a hole into a WALL. A hole that apparently led to the innards of a BRAIN. And the said brain appeared to be... (drumrolls)... the Absolute.

Bam... talking about a crazy plot twist.

Yeah, I don't understand shit either. But at least one of us was thrilled by the unexpected blood bath...

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

I am SO tired of people asking for my blood... I have enough of one blood sucker at home, thank you very much.

Moreover, the said sucker already has a dedicated juice box which does NOT taste like shit, so he will pass his turn on your stinky ass.

Bitch...

Anyway, Astarion and I later on sneaked back into the drow's room and threw an alchemist fire into her stupid lab stuff. She was so pissed, and we managed to get away with it. That was a nice bonding moment.

So all and all, still a pretty good day.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Ha! You should have seen the face those goblins made when I turned them inside out. Hilarious.

I felt strange though. It is not the first time I kill goblins but this time was different. It felt... too good. As if something dark had awakened inside of me, something deep and eager... Thirsty for blood. Even Astarion seemed shocked.

Anyway, I am sure it is nothing serious.

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Finally, the Moonrise Towers. A little grim if you want my opinion, like the one who built it hated happiness or something.

We met with daddy Ketheric, or rather The Great General Thorm twenty-fifth of his name, archduke of depression-land or whatever all those ass-lickers call him here.

And damn... I am not easily impressed by people but that dude is something else. A little old for my taste but man, does he know how to make a memorable entrance. Was just missing an eerie epic music and it would have given me the chills.

Imagine if he was in the Astarion army... I think I would have fainted here and there.

I mean, it is not too late, maybe my irresistible charms can persuade him to join us...

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Astarion is behaving very strangely lately. He seems on edge and keeps picking on people, Wyll specially. I think the Curse is getting on his nerves, I mean I don't blame him, it is indeed a heavy atmosphere.

But still, when I told him that Gale and I did the deed, instead of being happy for me or wanting to learn all the juicy details, he completely lost it. He was almost yelling that I cannot trust Gale because he is dangerous and can kill us all with his chest ticking bomb, and that we should not get too close to him anyway because we shouldn't get involved in his issues Mystra, and so on... He went on a, like, ten solid minutes rant.

I got shocked. Never saw him so worked up. I tried to calmly explain that Gale was our friend and that I trusted him, and that if we manage to control the Absolute's power we won't even have to be scared of Mystra anymore but he was not even listening to me. I don't know what is happening to him.

Wait...

He can't be... jealous, right? Right???

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Our journey across the shadow lands is taking a bit longer than planned, thanks to those horrendous monsters jumping in our way every five minutes. And also maybe because of a tiny mistake I made reading the map, which led us to an extremely disturbing "hospital", I will spare the details.

Fortunately, the dancing lessons with Wyll are going pretty well, we have even made a little choreography just for fun. He is such an adorable human being, so patient and supportive. My little sunshine, I call him.

Last night, while we were practising, I couldn't resist the temptation and I kissed him. He was surprised at first but he then leaned into it with an unsuspected eagerness. He was so caring and tender, holding my face as if I was the most precious thing in the world.

I think I needed that. A fleeting moment of pure, innocent sweetness in the middle of all this madness...

Gaia

[gaiastarion]

Dear journal,

Well... Gale and I did it, finally! He went all out, invitation by a magical valet, romantic pic nic in the forest gazing at auroras he had summoned specially for me, full illusion of his luxurious room in Waterdeep... And exploration of very... interesting spells.

For a geeky, socially awkward book worm, he is pretty good at seducing a woman.

And I could have never imagined that there were so many creative ways to use magic. Not sure I can come back to the normal thing after that...

Gaia