galactic-mayhem

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snifs u with my snorfer.

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used to work at mcdo btw

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This one is a conversation at the dentist's office.

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Despite the name, most hagfish cannot cast spells or brew magical decoctions in caldrons.

They can, however, produce copious quantities of slime, which in some ways is just as good.

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Wishing all BDSM kinksters some restrained summer fun this season

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euro friends how hot is it usually where you are this time of year? it's currently 100F/38C here currently and i have a very sneaky suspicion that this is not supposed to happen anywhere ever. you can answer in celsius unlike most americans im not afraid of metric conversions

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All these mages casting testicular torsion and whatnot know nothing of true curses.

I cast your favourite female character to be made into the motherly figure by fandom curse. Now that is true magic.

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girls don't know how to say they need a hug like a normal person anymore, they always gotta say some dumb shit like "it's girlhugging day" and hope they're the girl that gets hugged

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I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family and how I was treated as a child, and honestly, my father has never seemed more amazing in my eyes.

I used to love Luigi(Mario's brother) when I was little. Like, he was my favorite character ever, and I had multiple plushies of him. Didn't give a fuck about Mario, vaguely tolerated Peach, but I loved Luigi.

On my first day of kindergarten, my dad gave me the number for his work phone and said it was Luigi's phone number. "If anything happens at school, call Luigi."And not even twenty minutes into my first day, I was having a panic attack. So I went down to the principal's office and called "Luigi."

Now, at the time, my father was in a meeting with his manager and his supervisor, along with most of his coworkers. And when I called, he picked up before he even left the room.

And he put on a very awful Italian accent and said, "Itsa me, Luigi! Whatsa the matter?"In front of his boss and coworkers. Without telling them what was going on. So they were absolutely bewildered, and he carried on like they didn't even exist. He only explained what was happening after I had calmed down and hung up, to which most of them responded with "Aww, cute."

I continued to call him whenever I got upset at school, and eventually his coworkers got in on it. I distinctly remember one of them impersonating Toad. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just thought it might make you smile :)

this is so delightful I love your Luigi dad

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look at the excitement in his body language

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I'm not british but "daft cunt" is such a funny insult but I couldn't say it without sounding like one myself

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It’s a common misconception that there are no wizards in the midwest USA. The truth is there are plenty, they just use their powers exclusively for making new and fucked up kinds of salad

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My friend claimed he could play Flight of the Bumblebee and accompany himself. Then he did this.

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Spent tonight at a local short film festival. One of the shorts was made by two 12 year olds in their backyard and it was the best short of the entire night

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I just found out one of my favorite AO3 authors of all time is a fucking neurosurgeon which was surprising initially just because I often forget AO3 writers are real people and not smut angels sent down from the heavens to make us feel alive, but in hindsight it makes perfect sense.

they are a fucking genius so. they just apply that genius to multiple fields.