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[galimatios]

ok. this will be my definitive thread on 4w3. that i will type on my phone. i think the first thing abt type 4s is that theyre characterized by a profound sense of longing / loss, that there is something always just out of reach that they will never have

I believe it starts from childhood, where a person begins to see or feel that they are separate / different from others? both uniquely gifted and uniquely flawed, that a special insight has been given to them but it also separates them from everyone else ... or sometimes it's a unique wound that gives them an understanding of suffering different from others, that others cannot understand, that you yourself are somehow broken or flawed. tho we tend to conceptualize it as uniqueness, sometimes even tow it around like we're special/elite like, am i not more beautiful for my pain? is this not something special? 

we want to be understood but not TOO easily bc that would remove the unique status of our suffering. but rly its a defense mechanism for being unable to cope w the idea we're beyond saving like we were born w something missing and nothing in the world can fix it bc what we want either cannot be named or achieved in a mortal life. tho the Thing rly varies btwn individuals. 

for me it was difficult to pin down, but i think i wanted to preserve feelings id cling to? ive always been attracted to the nostalgic sadness of childhood, and the idea of immortalizing feelings of peace/happiness, bc to me those things have beauty elevated above that of normalcy. i also love abandoned things bc they contain memories i will never truly know 

and the thing that rly separates a 4 from the rest is this romanticism, a kind of need for authenticity and truth thru their entire being. we hate being fake, we hate lying about our identity, we hold onto our pain bc we believe it defines us and it gives shape to who we are. we relate to others thru our own pain and experiences, and bc we are so attuned to our own emotions ppl say 4s are gifted at putting feelings to words and expressing the nuances of emotion. 

i think the wide range of what we feel also leads to us being drawn to unique things like, many things feel emotionally shallow to us and we cannot relate to it, but things that express emotions we dont see often being extremely exciting bc we feel seen, like someone can connect w us in a way we consider important 

i think 4s can tend to come off as like, edgy and brooding bc of these traits but 4s can pick any number of things to reinforce their identity with. when we find something that connects to us, we SINK INTO IT with fuckin claws and dont let go. we claim that thing as ours and try to create an identity using all the things we've claimed.  lots of 4s i know relate to demon imagery bc of this, bc it links to that intrinsic feeling of being broken/wrong and so its easy to be like "oh i must be a demon/monster bc im Wrong" plus it's also a separation from the traditional idea of "good" and it vibes with the whole "misunderstood/apart from others" feeling. we are looking for emotions people are uncomfortable with, claiming them, and desiring the brave to look at us and say they accept us 

anyway what it REALLY is is that 4s are sensitive babies who want to be loved and accepted unconditionally despite how broken they feel. it isnt nearly as deep as they may think

but i personally dont think thats the path of actualization/integration, at least in my experience i think for me, i realized that sense of beauty/whatever tf i was looking for isnt to be found in grand sweeping statements abt life or love, or in some pinnacle of art i can never attain, but in every day simple interactions and regular ass people. may be different for others

NOW. To discuss the 3 wing. 3s are characterized by the worth they put out into the world, in the form of tangible accomplishments and experiences. im not a 3 so i cant speak with accuracy or length, but the 3 will base their worth on the judgement of social standards so you see them trying to gain monetary, academic, occupational success bc those are deemed worthy in the eyes of society. this can change depending on the society ofc but under ~late stage capitalism~ this is where we are. 

so where does a 4 fall into this. i said before the 4 hates faking, so the methodology of some 3s to meld themselves to be the most successful in their environment just doest NOT fucking vibe w the 4. so the 4w3 is kind of a fucky walking contradiction bc we crave uniqueness but also admiration. we dont want to lie abt who we are but we also want people to KNOW and appreciate us. so this manifests in a desire to share our feelings and experiences with an audience, usually within a medium that allows creative expression but it can be anything. 

point is, we want to share. for me, i do it thru creative stuff but moreso just... by talking to people and being emotionally honest and open about what makes me tick, what makes me passionate, trauma, etc, and people respond to that positively like, this is my pain, look at this beautiful thing that came out of it. 

whereas i believe 4w5s are content with keeping things to themselves. 4w3s will shift their image to some degree to fit the context but 4w5s are v much, this is me, take it or leave it bitch. anyway the contrast btwn 4 and 3 wing fucks me up bc being a 4 is already a cosmic joke but its even more hilarious when u put in that wing this is all just conjecture based on my own experience of being 4w3 BUT I HOPE ITS INTERESTING

[galimatios]

note to self for later

1. Introduction 2. Complicated 3. Making History 4. Rivalry 5. Unbreakable 6. Obsession 7. Eternity 8. Gateway 9. Death 10. Opportunities 11. 33% 12. Dead Wrong 13. Running Away 14. Judgment 15. Seeking Solace 16. Excuses 17. Vengeance 18. Love 19. Tears 20. My Inspiration 21. Never Again 22. Online 23. Failure 24. Rebirth 25. Breaking Away 26. Forever and a day 27. Lost and Found 28. Light 29. Dark 30. Faith 31. Colors 32. Exploration 33. Seeing Red 34. Shades of Grey 35. Forgotten 36. Dreamer 37. Mist 38. Burning 39. Out of Time 40. Knowing How 41. Fork in the road 42. Start 43. Nature’s Fury 44. At Peace 45. Heart Song 46. Reflection 47. Perfection 48. Everyday Magic 49. Umbrella 50. Party 51. Troubling Thoughts 52. Stirring of the Wind 53. Future 54. Health and Healing 55. Separation 56. Everything For You 57. Slow Down 58. Heartfelt Apology 59. Challenged 60. Exhaustion 61. Accuracy 62. Irregular Orbit 63. Cold Embrace 64. Frost 65. A Moment in Time 66. Dangerous Territory 67. Boundaries 68. Unsettling Revelations 69. Shattered 70. Bitter Silence 71. The True You 72. Pretense 73. Patience 74. Midnight 75. Shadows 76. Summer Haze 77. Memories 78. Change in the Weather 79. Illogical 80. Only Human 81. A Place to Belong 82. Advantage 83. Breakfast 84. Echoes 85. Falling 86. Picking up the Pieces 87. Gunshot 88. Possession 89. Twilight 90. Nowhere and Nothing 91. Answers 92. Innocence 93. Simplicity 94. Reality 95. Acceptance 96. Lesson 97. Enthusiasm 98. Game 99. Friendship 100. Endings 

1. Birth 2. Enthusiasm 3. Love 4. Hate 5. Triumph 6. Feel 7. Wrecked 8. Soft 9. Cold 10. Without 11. Inspiration 12. You 13. Confused 14. Affection 15. Joy 16. Horror 17. Acceptance 18. Sympathy 19. Holding 20. Defeated 21. Pride 22. Knife 23. Overwhelmed 24. Depressed 25. Adoration 26. Worship 27. Zeal 28. Light 29. Exhaustion 30. Obsession 31. Rage 32. Empty 33. Anger 34. Fury 35. Delight 36. Submission 37. Infatuation 38. Anticipation 39. Pessimistic 40. Jolly 41. Grasping 42. Agitation 43. Calm 44. Astonished 45. Loneliness 46. Lust 47. Longing 48. Tender 49. Hard 50. Rebirth 51. Amused 52. Broken 53. Abused 54. Tranquil 55. Composed 56. Glad 57. Stress 58. Serenity 59. Colorful 60. Coping 61. Boisterous 62. Placid 63. Tired 64. Bliss 65. Neglect 66. Fine 67. Question 68. Energetic 69. Noble 70. Disgust 71. Lively 72. Power 73. Pity 74. Humiliation 75. Satisfied 76. Thankful 77. Hyper 78. Goosebumps 79. Worthless 80. Remorse 81. Degraded 82. Revenge 83. Fulfilled 84. Shame 85. Graceful 86. Shining 87. Content 88. Feelings 89. Pleased 90. Relief 91. I 92. Zest 93. Tears 94. Building 95. Optimistic 96. Thrilled 97. Dealing 98. Reflect 99. Embarrassment 100. Death

[galimatios]

finally, an overview ramble of fortuna

thread here

—

anyway ftf au is self care. i'll post a thread about it to get my mind off things working title- fear thy fortune, i actually hate it but like, idk, maybe i'll rename it to just "fortuna" for now since that least that's vaguely more Aesthetic high fantasy but like, a blend of asiatic and catholic aesthetics, think gothic architecture, cathedrals, but also golden temples, just, lots of gold in general in the midst of pristine ivory, pearls, roman pillars, dramatic archways and incense i am talking REALLY dramatic archways. the main cathedral inspo?

it's actually more of a complex of several HUGE cathedrals— a maze, actually. the governing body stays in the frontmost building but there's so much more, parts of it sectioned off

but outside the main cathedral, you have a few temples here and there that are part of a popular alternative religion— see, the main religion of this country believes heavily in predetermination, while this alt religion believes in the exchange of karma and fate naturally the theocracy forbids this but in practice it's.. quite corrupt and some officials even go to these places themselves to "buy/trade/sell" their own karma as if it was goods/currency at these temples, priests/monks facilitate the exchange sorta like brokers they perform the exchange for a small fee, and the bigger the karmic change the larger the fee the fee is not paid to /them/ though— it's paid to, i suppose their patron pantheon? i haven't thought this out too much but it's most likely a polytheistic religion in which invoking a particular god/goddess is necessary to facilitate a specific karmic change regardless. these exchanges are very popular, though not every exchange is granted. it more or less depends on the whimsy of the invoked god nevertheless, it's successful enough to be notable, and as the numbers of followers of this particular religion grow, the more the main theocracy feels threatened so they've started to persecute those who follow it, though not entirely because— well. there's an ulterior motive at play here that only the highest of the high council is aware of. those at the very top of the theocracy are actively using these persecutions to generate karmic energy. the more unjust suffering, the faster this karmic energy accumulates so many, many innocent people are killed for this purpose, and those at the top of the theocracy are actually in cahoots with a few temple leaders as well. it might even be the case that they're one in the same— just two branches purposely created for this reason and why is this energy being generated? to feed the "one true god king" this religion of predetermination relies on the myth of one all-powerful god-king that rules the land. it's a brutal and unforgiving religion the idea of penance and pain are heavily tied together, and pain is proof of penance. to suffer in the name of the god-king is to be pious. in exchange, those who follow this religion hope to be good enough to earn a place in heaven i mean. it's very heavily catholic. but like, With Magic. it turns out there's a method to convert karmic energy into a force that can be used at will, just like magic. and the leaders of this religion use it to enforce this theocracy and also play up this idea that they're Holy/granted these gifts by the god-king but in actuality, the god-king... doesn't really exist. at least not in the form people expect. it's not a higher being, it's not even a person— it's a huge golden mandala embedded with jewels crafted with karmic essence distilled into a physical form kind of like— a mix of these, but completely made of metal with slots for gemstones— and it is fucking HUGE. at least a story tall, if not more.

karmic energy usually adheres to a law of equal exchange— you know, what comes around goes around

but in the face of extreme unjust suffering, that energy has nowhere to go— and it lingers at locations, in people, until something happens to balance it out (be it doing a good deed, a blessing, etc) so the high council actually harvests this untapped potential energy theoretically you can do the same with immense unwarranted good fortune, but that's a little trickier since in order to "harvest" the energy, you kind of have to... kill the person? which sorta negates that good fortune in a way, therefore making the action moot i'm sure there's a way that makes sense within the constructs of the universe but it's not Entirely relevant rn so. shrug. either way, negative karma gets distilled, placed into this mandala, and that provides malleable magic energy to the high council additionally, bestowing gifts of the jewels placed into the mandala will grant a person the ability to use magic as well, whether they know about the mechanics behind it or not this is mostly done for people in the theocratic order, but also princes/princesses— these people are chosen via prophecy as "candidates" for the next "god-king"— who is only known as a figurehead and is never seen, because the public's been told they've "ascended" to a higher realm so basically princes/princesses are chosen to duke it out battle royale style fighting for the right to become the next god-king... and they receive preferential treatment for this reason which. is mostly brainwashing and torture disguised as "penance" and piety. the same goes for knights, which are also chosen and paired up with these candidates knights tend to come from horrible situations, so-called "saved" and essentially given to candidates as, well. gifts! they're objects baby! taught to follow their candidates every order. yes. it's extremely unhealthy! That Is The Plan, Though the entire goal of the candidate/prince system is to essentially create the major components of the mandala by, literally investing suffering into specific individuals. this method isn't the only way to produce these components, but it's the easiest to control and after all that fighting, when a candidate/knight pair comes out on top, they're chosen to ascend— the highest possible honor— which. is death! you gotta die baby! the other dead candidate pairs are also utilized for the mandala components each time a major component is added, the magic capabilities of the council increase— i wouldn't be surprised if some fuck was trying to become god-king by continuously adding to this mandala but you can only have so much suffering in one artifact before something happens that "something" is largely the events of fortuna, where a prophecy deems a young boy to death because it is foreseen that he will destroy the system/commit mass murder— confirmed thru the appearance of an unholy birthmark (so they say) he is burned at the stake, but there's something odd about his remains— they don't fully burn the way they're supposed to. in fact, it mixes in with the ashes of other victims and becomes... a pulsating black mass a natural-born curse, or otherwise known as a miracle this pulsating mass is actually a naturally-made version of the large mandala components. it has the ability to convert karmic energy into tangible change— or in other words, It Does Magic but it's... not malleable. it defies the will of others this black mass is locked away, as it cannot be destroyed and bad things keep happening around it. and over time, it takes shape and gains a voice— the souls of the remains of the victims all merge together into a collective consciousness, including that of the boy's pretty soon, it begins to speak, saying it will enact a "miracle" in exchange for a high enough price the temple priests are charged with keeping this monstrosity while also utilizing it as another one of their services— just, very special i imagine their ability to divert karmic energy is useful in keeping the miracle's negativity from affecting others too much, which is why it's kept at the temple and one young boy grows up being this thing's caretaker it's the twin brother of the boy that was originally burned! his name is yonah. which is just, an au jonah with a y. either way, because of his connection to his twin (named august), he can exert more control over the miracle. he's dubbed the gatekeeper, because. that is literally what he does. he simply guards the door to the room containing the miracle, processes requests to see it, and... that is his job. he volunteered for it, fully knowing his brother was in there he wanted to be close to his brother, even in this... weird state of non-death. and jonah is able to enter the room with no adverse side effect— he talks to the miracle, sees, feels, understands that its existence is a state of constant pain it's similar to being like, a pmmm witch in that you continuously relive your trauma while you feed on the offerings of others— the wishes the miracle grants in exchange for a high price and with each offering, it gets ... bigger, more powerful, but still trapped the miracle does not have a will of its own, simply acting in its nature as defined by the karmic laws of this universe— as a naturally made conduit of karma to reality. it feeds and grows bigger not because it wants to, but because it is law it's kind of the karmic equivalent of a black hole in a sense, and the god-king mandala is similar. it draws energy towards it— but where it differs is that it converts it into tangible change. normally this would spell disaster, with all that negative energy but since the mandala is man-made, the high council members managed to control this energy and use it to create whatever change they want the miracle does not operate like that since it's natural, hence the high price paid for its wish granting there are ways to neutralize a miracle— and in the distant past, these things were called curses— not miracles —because they're essentially giant monkey paws that curse you with Suck but the methods to remove them were lost to time after years and years of tending to this miracle though, yonah... finally snaps. he can't handle the its suffering anymore. far too empathetic for his own good, he enters the miracle's room himself and enacts his own exchange take his life, he said, use it. anything to ease the suffering— the first time anyone's made a wish for the miracle itself, rather than themself this kind of selfless offering defies the nature of the miracle, plus august's soul is still in there. So Weird Stuff Happens remember that prophecy august was killed for? yeah. well. yonah's offering allowed august's personality to surface as dominant, and since they're genetically identical, he also... assumes control of yonah's body guess who's back bitches! anyway. he's older now and he remembers the years and years of trauma he's had to experience, both his own and the others' within the miracle— they all merge into one. when august declares revenge, it's not just for him— it's everyone and so august, with the magic of the miracle now under his control, basically goes on a rampage and fulfills the prophecy he was originally killed for. he also personally invades the cathedral and slaughters the high council himself! so now we're entering post-fortuna material, which is another concept/story in of itself, but same timeline same universe, just years in the future august declares himself the true god-king and decides to harness the mandala for himself he basically just. does whatever the hell he wants, completely capricious with no rhyme or reason— not out of sheer malice, but because the pain he contains from all the victims demands it. all that negative energy finally being released outwardly but once the country is reduced to a barren, desolate land, when his work is finally done and revenge complete, he's just... hollow. and he lives a hollow existence high on top of that cathedral. he can't die, he's not even really alive the humans he chose as his own personal court also can't die, and over time they've become more or less inhuman, twisted by the negative energy that runs rampant through the land it's a court that must be put out of its misery august's life is tied to the mandala as well, because... the mandala is, actually what caused the entire plotline of fortuna to start with. although the god-king was always a made-up figure, in a way, it became something real, just different in execution despite everything, karmic laws are still in play. the high council may have circumvented them for quite a while, but you cannot defy the laws of nature so, law demanded that retribution be paid for the suffering of those souls in the mandala. august was that retribution and because he is technically an extension of the mandala himself, his magic can't destroy it. even though his work is technically done (like, the country is In Ruins) he can't be released to finally die either so he essentially is just waiting for someone to finish him off anyway, the plotline of post-fortuna material (needs a name? fortunata? idk) essentially is some dark souls type shit where an outsider comes to finally vanquish the god-king and lay to rest the court he's kept different ways to do that though i kind of brainstorm stuff about it in this thread but it's pretty messy if i do go a gamedev route, different actions allow you to "save" these court members and the king

i think. honestly the only true way to save this entire country is to plant the seeds of goodness by doing good things... by taking a pacifist route to properly restore balance and bring peace to these different souls fortuna/nata is very much about trauma and healing or rather, cycles of pain that perpetuate. breaking cycles. a large bit of inspo comes from the concept/imagery of the wheel of fortune tarot that is why the mandala is A Mandala— it's a wheel. a circle, a cycle to truly free the country, it's not about slaying the sitting god-king, august— but the mandala itself, in a way the "true" god-king. destroy the mandala, free the souls, end the cycle, break the wheel i have NO idea how the protag will do this, but it's something with fire i think. i think the protag. will attempt to exchange fates with the mandala. going back to the concept of a miracle, but this time.. a true miracle, not a curse that's called a miracle. like, an actual miracle the protag is only one person, but i believe... this wish is enough to enact the karmic law just so that the mandala finally— cracks with the protag probably committing self immolation, offering their life to set these others free and with that, a martyr is born, and so begins a process of healing the mandala is broken and those souls inside it can finally rest. august can die, his court can... be humans again. and i guess they become the first followers of a new religion based on mercy and selflessness i like the concept of fire here as a destructive force (the burnings) but also cleansing, healing... like, the burning of offerings, the burning of incense, the cremation of bodies. but also the idea of a phoenix rising again from the ashes i think... the protag does not die. but instead , burning themself on the mandala actually merges the protag with the souls of those inside it. and they're still suffering, but... now the protag can tell them it's okay now, no one's going to hurt them anymore so protag's reborn, very phoenix-like... god i need to actually make an oc for this character bc they're becoming too developed but now protag has insight and MAYBE magic themself. i wonder if this is the birth of like, the TRUE TRUE god-king of this country? like. a Good one i have to think more on this concept bc i love the idea of cycles... i do want to leave fortunata on an uplifting note tho so i have to leave enough hope that goodness will come but also, this new religion is... kinder, merciful. do good unto others. golden rule it still operates on karmic law, of course, you can't Change physics, but i think the framing of it as a force of good rather than evil... is important. like a testament to how hope is a force to be reckoned with, that it IS tangible to believe in it instead of predetermination and the idea of penance and pain, it's important to forgive oneself, to do good, and help others... if you do wrong, you do good to balance it out. still penance, but minus the self hate. and i guess, in buddhist-inspired fashion, the ultimate goal / teaching of this religion is to "break" the cycle of suffering. and helping others break their own cycles. it does different from buddhism in that it doesn't teach that existence itself is suffering or rather, even if it does, the average person can work to break it by accumulating enough good karma to "break" their own cycles across different lives and finally reach some nirvana-equivalent so, different from buddhist monastic practice anyway. i think i managed to cover all of the big details. there's a few other loose threads, like details about the candidates/knights, individual characters, but that's... basically the gist of the entire universe and plot god. i FINALLY wrote it out. holy shit

[galimatios]

amelie notes from twitter

so basically.

- short queen

- soft girl aes, energetic and spunky

- loves mechanical engineering and mecha anime

- wanted to be a magical girl as a kid and still does

- probably knows krav maga idk

- very close to her father (single dad)

- gay and loves punk girls and milfs

- tbh any girl who seems Cool she gets a crush on - values self efficiency! independence! she loves herself and is confident! - unabashedly loves Things. fangirlcore, people can eat shit she loves trashy media and classics all the same - i wanna say shes 4w3 and enfp but hm she has a lot of love for people! she thinks they're complex and amazing, it's inspiring how we can triumph over hardship. she does on some level think the world is a harsh place but love is much, much stronger, and what makes the world beautiful is its capacity for good shes just? an insanely stable and confident, happy person. she's leaning hard into that 4 —> 1 growth line and wants to make the world a better place for everyone. i think she'd be a bioengineering or just plain engineering major bc she loves working w technology life was hard growing up bc... i think there was a divorce and her dad didnt have a stable income so they were living paycheck to paycheck trying to put her thru college.. she worked several jobs and went to community for a while before going to Big Uni with a small scholarship she isnt the best at academia bc she's a hands on learner but she did try her best for her dad! felt bad bc her best wasnt good enough to land a full ride but ofc her dad's just like, its okay SHE REALLY REALLY LOVES HER DAD SHES DADDYS GIRL he worked so hard to raise her and suffered so much and still is such a kind and warm person... im thinking his spouse was abusive? not towards amelie but she witnessed some verbal shit, mom wasnt Horrible to her but she was very passive aggressive manipulative so she definitely told her dad, one day I'm gonna change the world, so watch me! she came to the square bc she absolutely believes this is how she's gonna do it. as of rn getting back to earth is... an issue, but hey, if there's myths and shit running around surely its possible? SHES PROBABLY FREAKISHLY GOOD AT FIGHTING GAMES AND RHYTHM GAMES. i wanna say she competed in tourneys and got pretty far but she disengaged after realizing her competitiveness led her to sinking too much time and she didn't like being so sucked in she lost sight of other stuff

[galimatios]

sci-fi au again but it’s some bastardized blame au feat. my twins

thinking about a bastardized blame au that borrows the setting of blame but with some minor differences, aka humans weren't dead for as long and silicon lifeforms are part of a disease that turns pure humans into half synthetic life, aka go feral go crazy some retain intellect tho, and pure silicon creatures are fully sentient and intelligent but im thinking of a society in which android labor was widespread, but bc humans were wiped by silicon corruption, there's huge populations of androids w/o purpose humans do still exist but they're not pure, most of them have varying levels of silicon corruption as well as varying resistances. it does grant these humans superhuman strength or healing though i kind of. wanna put rey and ray as twins in this au as bounty hunters aka humans who hunt down corrupted humans who've gone too far... but they also do odd delivery jobs and stuff likelihood is that they've been alive for Way longer than humans should be due to their own corruption they remember what life was like before things went to shit ray owned a restaurant and rey owned the bar on top of it as siblings they went thru hell together and back and this was their dream and. well. then shit changed but also aesthetic bc: rey with short hair, tank top, sci-fi ass gear and army boots she's also the Slightly Older twin and holds this to ray all the time they argue. Nonstop. sometimes they cant stand eachother bc dumbasses both have strong aggressive personalities but (and ive been thinking abt rey w a sibling for a while) at the end of the day they trust eachother bc they both had the same shitty mom and survived. they can do anything, they're Them? but the scourge... well. they're always upbeat. they have eachother after all, but sometimes when they're alone, ray gets nostalgic. a little wistful, a little sad "it was nice while it lasted, huh? not even a full ass decade, and everything came tumbling down." legs hanging off a ledge, the smell of cigarette smoke "wonder how dom's doing." rey doesn't want to talk about her. she steals the cig from his mouth and puts it out. "that shit ain't good for you." "the fuck? you smoke too you know." but rey's already leaving. neither of them know if dom survived. ray lost a best friend, rey lost a lover it's been two hundred years, maybe more. if she hadn't shown up, dead or alive, she's probably gone but the thing is, the megastructure is huge. so vastly huge and confusing, anything can happen. ray thinks one day she'll show up. dom is tough. she's out there somewhere. (END PROSE) also i just love the idea of rey being a heavy firearm user and she just has a huge laser cannon strapped to her back at all times ray thinks weird flex but ok he probably uses a device that resembles some sci-fi spear/rapier thing but it channels electricity so on his command he can roast shit and also override / destroy power structures as needed. both of them have mechanical skills, can hotwire stuff, they're too dumb for hacking so they usually just try to physically brute force shit (aka... hitting it until it works) ray... leather jacket and gloves. NOTED THO: organic materials are really rare and are either salvaged or synthetically created instead. so this is like fake ass bioengineered leather from one of the few bastions of semi-human life, a big city within the megastructure that's where rey and ray live... they actually do want to start a restaurant again but. i think they've sworn off it until they find out what happened to dom, bc she's the only person they've ever trusted with their dream so until then, bounty work ok wow i kind of love ray w a fucking. black electric rapier spike thing + black gloves and black jacket, leather fucking pants, DANGER BOY!!! then rey loves firearms but sometimes she JUST PUNCHES SHIT. SHE'S STRONG!!! fingerless gloves for the girl. cries I love my redheads

KEITH PROBABLY. WOULD BE A TRAINEE BOUNTY HUNTER/SCOUT AND PROBABLY HAS A MASSIVE CRUSH ON RAY LMFAO. ray is like lmfao (puts hand on head) u are So Short keith: kkkdjdjsjhdhdhfnfbfbfjgjfjfj rey voice god you have bad taste keith follows ray around like a puppy who wants to be helpful and ray doesnt particularly mind as long as he doesnt get in the way. but its like. this video (youtu.be/TJAqwSmbKJc)

SORRY KEITH HE LIKES HUNKS AND TWUNKS BUT UR TWINKISH TWUNK AT BEST but ray has a soft spot for him once keith proves he's actually super capable at his job puppy gets head pats god i wanna stick all my ocs in this au now jonah would be s service android who used to work for a family he really cherished but they were wiped out. so now he just. kind of drifts. AI technology is self learning so i believe at this point androids have largely gained sentience and semihumans treat them like one of them alister.... heh. fuck. i really want him to be an antagonist actually but a kind of misunderstood one. he's definitely the root of everything. he is probably the progenitor of the scourge and is a human mind implanted into a fully silicon body. who KNOWS how old he is in actuality he was a sick, dying child whose experimental treatment went horribly wrong but this silicon body is stronger, faster, better. he feels no pain anymore. he can walk and run. but he's also immortal. and he can't be with humans bc contact with him is toxic humans with weak resistances died immediately once the plague started. so all the humans left are those who resisted full corruption they went after the source of the plague, intending to kill to stop its spread but even when they did get to alister, they couldnt kill him and boy they tried! took him into labs and did horrible things! some succumbed to the plague from overexposure to him but nothing seemed to stop Alister decided he had enough, killed everyone in a haze, left, then decided to make silicon lifeforms he was lonely! all of them are precious to him and every time a hunter kills one, he mourns semihumans who become fully or mostly corrupted he considers part of his family too GOD I COULD MAKE AND PORT SO MANY OCS cade is about 60-70% corrupted. he's definitely in alister's ranks i gotta think tho bc i do want one pure human with the net terminal gene. probably hidden somewhere in one of those cryosomething freeze tanks idk if i have an oc pure enough to fit the role i gotta check my roster TO EXPLAIN THIS. you need the gene to access the netsphere the netsphere is like an evolved form of the internet that's sort of like heaven and also controls some things in base reality, like the robots that are in charge of automated construction of new structures- these have gone haywire which led to uncontrolled growth this is just canon material but my addition is that once alister went full silicon, he also unintentionally became connected to the netsphere without any real authority to do anything, but the system still detected a breach and it locked Everyone out after alister infected them originally only those of pure genetic pedigrees possessed the net gene haha i love caste systems but now they're all fucking Dead. i imagine life wasn't GREAT before the scourge but it was better than a semi-post-post scarcity environment where some places are uninhabitable so you have silicon life out hunting humans to protect alister, or just for territory, and security systems that have been tripped and now safeguards are running around killing everything that moves safeguards are like antivirus programs but like. in base reality

GOD ALISTER GROWN UP BUT LIKE EVIL AESTHETIC. ALL BLACK EVERYTHING. he definitely has morphing skills, he can connect himself to technology and easily control it bc hes not organic, innocent boy is now twisted and sitting on his throne of black, corrupted human bones truthfully though alister just... wants to successfully turn more humans into silicon so he can make friends and be happy it's sad that they don't usually survive. hundreds of years of loneliness dulled his moral compass the silicon close to him feel like they're not enough they are hideous but fully sentient and intelligent with the same emotions as humans but ig to alister it's not the same. he still loves them but. he truly was human in the past in the end silicon can't truly replace flesh alex... is a high level safeguard with sentience unlike the low level automated ones that attack everything fuck ALEX OF ALL MY OCS TAKES THE PLACE OF KILLY IN CANON THE FUCK he'd probably operate differently tho. way more compassion

"once i find the net terminal gene, most likely the system will begin to purge all impurities. any and all corrupted will likely die. ... but i see no reason to shorten the life of a man already dead." this includes the humans with resistances. people like rey, ray, keith all resistant humans are <50% corrupted. they cannot be allowed to live bc there is a chance exposure to toxic materials or alister will continue the process but i think alex would change his mind and try to find a way to cure it using the net terminal gene he makes friends with the bounty hunting group, aka keith and the twins... and eventually they will find dom and. oh god what if dom is 80+ percent corrupted what if they have to put her down I AM MAKING MYSELF UPSET

BUT FUCK IT WPULD BE A GOOD CATALYST FOR ALEX TO CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT LETTING ALL THE CORRUPTED DIE AHHHHH also alex in an all black suit with a little cyan neck ribbon I LOVE MY OCS SORRY I ALSO LOVE BLAME AND SCIFI FUCK ME UP anyway i think im done for now but ughghfjgh im thinking about this for days

[galimatios]

prince with a thousand enemies / oc notes

nts delusional royalty, prince or king, formerly known as the prince with a thousand enemies but fast forward time when he's secure, becomes complacent and a tyrant and paranoid bc he can't trust anyone or anything (like literal paranoia??) like. think... fall of a formerly glorious prince, well loved but later hated bc he's fucking nuts, hella hubris, thinks he's been chosen and therefore everyone is covetous and out to get him... it's like a blessing and a curse. holding head oh my god. ohh my god i just HAD to link this together w the el-ahrairah idea i had. i just fucking had to. run rabbit run! fuck me i'm upset thinking: resplendent gold, art nouveau, maybe a dash of hans christian andersen aes, like.. those illustrations? AH THE ARTIST IS EDMUND DULAC . this is not prince's full aes but like. incorp into ... his dreams?

design.. inspo... for diff stages of his life possibly? or just generally, i want LOTS OF embroidery and gold forgot to put the pics but like

i sure did already have a playlist ready for this fucker. he's making me upset (open.spotify.com/playlist/78pQV…) god you used to be so good. people spoke of you like a legend, beloved, celebrated for your cunning and resourcefulness, then you became a king... you were no prince before but prince is what they called you

I"M JUST. i dont'even know what happened to him yet but i just know it'S MAKING ME UPSET BC. literally he was almost a myth of a person, larger than life, almost an idea put up to this pedestal, then... he ends up becoming this... fucking. delusional tyrant .. the FALL. and he truly did believe in what he was doing! god. i think, if he's not on the run, free, he just loses it. he wasn't made for leadership... it makes him feel trapped. but there were so many people depending on him? he couldn't just leave he was always a kind person. that's who he is at the core, but also.. free. he needs it. out of kindness he takes up the mantle bc the people need him, but he damns himself to becoming a complete monster of a person. believing his own claim to the throne is god-given it seems like he's full of hubris which is partially true but actually, he believes it is his duty and responsibility and therefore he is trapped. god willed it. so he does horrible things to cope, executes ppl on the smallest suspicions... once he fucking loses it that is o-|-< goes from beloved to hated by all. and he dies afraid and alone. probably by public execution. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thinking of a timeline where he doesn't become the king. he lives peacefully somewhere away from the crowd... (breathing) im so fucked. listen to this song. this is how tender this idiot gets (open.spotify.com/track/56LQEpyO…)

[galimatios]

alister/alice/astrid/who the fuck are you revamp notes + new oc elias

actually it makes canonical sense if i made this oc as mary sueish as possible. i get to give them a ridiculously pretty and unrealistic name and wild tf out im excited. fuck it ill give them a sibling bc i want More

I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GIVE THIS CHARACTER DEPTH BEYOND BEING AN EDGY FUCK AND IM A LITTLE SHOOK BC OH NO i want to play with this idea of being put onto such a pedestal that it completely dehumanizes you... like youre being revered as superior but you... are still human and its still fucked up and unhealthy. you're loved for what you represent, not who you actually are its to the point where you no longer have a sense of self outside the function/role you've been assigned and once you lose that everything youve known comes falling apart breathes and i want to give them an older sib who received the same treatment but ran away sibling is high achievement, went to a prestigious school, had to fight his ass off to get away from family and works really hard bc if he does badly it jeopardizes his independence and he doesnt want to go back at all costs. he'd rather be homeless than at home he does very well in all things but its out of a drive to be completely independent of his family and he throws himself into his work and studies as a coping mechanism... very good at keeping up appearances but occasionally says some odd/alarming things hes still in the process of kind of figuring himself out and coming to terms w his situation? healing and such. he remembers the sibling he left behind and there is. a lot of regret there. but what can he do? he thought he was gonna die if he didnt get out asap meanwhile younger sib at home is just. a loose screw completely under the influence of their family. they do eventually end up leaving due to some.. kind of circumstance i think? but by then so much damage has already been done what if i just gave everyone in this e names just because idk im feeling like. names that start with vowels fsr i wanna name the boy elias bc it is. prety the younger sib maybe edelweiss originally but theres been a namechange at least once. MAYBE. or maybe an a or i name? hm i have to develop a ton of lore fuck. and research into some things to flesh this out but i have Fuckin. ideas. AND NOW IVE JUST REALIZED I CAN MERGE AN INCOMPLETE OC CONCEPT WITH THIS ONE. MY FIRST... EVER... OC.... FINALLY GETS A TRUE REVAMP after age 21+ , alister's aes is like tattoos everywhere. dyed hair. painted nails, makeup that looks. somehow. kind of esoteric. smokes heavily, drug addict, alcoholic, just Sincerely fucked. wildly incoherent fashion, looks like louis vuitton one day and goodwill the next genderfluid also, goes by alice as much as they go by Alister, volatile and erratic, people get the sense theyre always on the edge of something but dont know what it is existing is a constant battle of trying to dissociate away from having any real coherent thought i think the only time they have a respite is when theyre asleep elias feels horrible. he meets up with alister years and years later and realizes they're fucked beyond belief, and it was His Fault. they actively blame him for it. in other settings id probably give them a different name tho... not relevant rn but maybe sth with an i either way theyre super self destructive in every possible way and elias is trying to hold on for dear life getting them help ezra's presence complicates things bc theyre also ... both a victim and participant in old family's cult bullshit and ezra still perpetuates some of that toxicity even tho they largely do Nothing now its like just being there feeds into alisters false ego together its Pretty Bad bc they feed off eachother unhealthily and elias really wants to intervene but hes also dealing w his own shit and he isnt sure what to do. he needs a support system is what it is... INTRODUCES HIM TO OTHER OCS.... oh fuck found family

ELIAS... high achieving pretty boy but hes in this friendgroup of ppl who are wildly different ... he learns so Much from being around them though? i want him to have a convo with rosetta about her family.. underprivileged but deeply loving, and elias is like... oh that's how family should be. LAYS DOWN AND THINKS ABOUT SUPPORT FROM THESE PPL FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE PUTTING THIS abnormal abusive shit into context and elias REALIZES so much from his friends. he. he has friends! dont think elias is that soft tho. i feel like he has some anger issues, occasionally sth will cause him to .. not necessarily lash out but the Danger in his eyes appear and basically you dont fuck w him. hes very determined. before friendgroup, absolute loner really competitive like his life depended on it, worked himself to the bone bc he needed an identity outside what the family assigned him and he shaped himself around his accomplishments which isnt healthy either but its what he did hes like this up until a few yrs after getting his masters degree in... something. its only when hes forced to socialize more for Being An Adult In Society and Not In College Reasons. then he meets a bunch of dropouts and post-grad ppl during some function?

[galimatios]

12/2 notes about a new oc, jamie

man i want to make another rey adjacent oc?? like a blues/jazz singer she meets up with at bars sometimes... a fling? a friend? who knows but they have a good time i just want hot boy with dark hair to do duets with her that's his only purpose but also i want to imagine an oc singing this song (open.spotify.com/track/59LyGsNo…) he is.. exceedingly a nice person! comfortable with a crowd but feels most at home in front of a mic or a piano... jazz is his passion and he's Very good at improv, well trained and from an upper class family but went against their wishes to pursue music he feels at odds with people, likes them but feels somehow different, isolated to an extent.. and he feels like he best makes a real connection whenever he sings or plays so he's rich adjacent and LOOKS it but he's actually. poor af. gigs are hard and dont earn him much tbh he looks well off so people often dont realize he's actually eating ramen every night and buying canned food, in a t-shirt in his 1 room apartment eating chicken noods straight from the can, cold its bc he's used to luxury goods that he spends recklessly, he spends the most on his wardrobe. impulsive spender, ends up looking at his savings after rent and just ".........." goddamnit not again he's kind of bad at this. but he's... still happy doing what he loves i wanna name him something with a j, james? jared? jamie? something like that. or maybe d? anyway, he and rey get along well bc he's pretty nonconfrontational and humors her rants and hot takes he can also hold his own in a drinking contest with her, actually holds his liquor better than she does... ends up delivering her to dom's place after a night out more often than not... he's weirdly intimidated by dom fsr. it's probably bc she's so damn tall he has the same kind of fashion as ray does but he's less.. like.. firey.. more tame, nicer, more timid, also he's not as Broad Shouldered, a little more slender, also isnt a huge Bitch ok he's not as flashy as ray tho, he's Not campy like he is j just likes expensive sweaters and nice formal things and designer jackets and stuff like that . he definitely spends the most money on clothes and booze (enabled by r) he spends SO much of his time playing music, probably teaches piano as a side gig more ocs to note

AH.... fuck. he'd get along really well with leland too... im sorta soft what the fuck. callum and j get along well too bc they're both fucking soft baby i think i want to name him jesse or jamie but i gotta marinate a bit

[galimatios]

12/2 i should.. date my oc rambles/notes... some stuff about ray

im so fond of ray and alex interax bc theyre such polar opposites. ray seen flirting w him as a joke constantly but god forbid alex is genuinely concerned abt his wellbeing, ray starts sweating nervously ray would love to tap that but as soon as alex starts making him casseroles ray friendzones him which alex doesnt notice at all bc hes never been interested Like That. he just thinks ray needs to eat better

THEYRE CUTE FRIENDS. REALLY DIFFERENT but the one thing they do have in common is the same taste in fashion so they consult eachother for opinions on shirts and ties ray forcing alex to get snapchat but alex never checks his snaps ever so ray texts him pls check ur snaps alex: Why don't you just send me the picture here ray: im using the puppy filter alex: Oh alex: I see alex: It's not cute ray: what the fuck god when they drink together though theyre fucking riots bc they both end up blowing off steam or alex starts seriously considering ray's drunken rambles or it becomes fucking karaoke night they both love booze its just alex is so straight laced he only ever cuts loose drunk they sing tswift together and ray is splayed on alexs kitchen counter using a fork as a mic and hes fuckin blasted and alex is playing simple ass chords om the piano trying to drunkenly harmonize, he misses a few keys, ray is being a drama queen

AT ALL OTHER TIMES alex has trouble admitting ray is a friend but he really does care abt him, the first time alex ever does hes definitely kinda drunk and ray is also .. drunk... and kind of is so blindsided by it he chokes on his wine after a while tho alex becomes more comfortable with being honest abt it and thats when ray really doesnt know wtf to do, alex is leagues more mature than him in some ways so he probably noticed ray has Issues (tm) lets him know that he's there if he needs someone ray drawing complete blanks, nervous laugh, feeling kinda sentimental are we? haha... alex just. Sighs. changes the subject to something boring but ray appreciates the gesture, relaxes alex is good abt reading ppls boundaries like that she this friendship works out well

ALEX AND DOM GET ALONG SPLENDIDLY whenever they do meet. alex feels a kindred spirit in dom and he has a high opinion of her. tbh dom came from Boston so its totally plausible she and alex mightve been friends prior to dom meeting ray.. maybe they fell out of contact but when ray introduces them again its the first time in almost 10 years theyve spoken and immediately reconnect CUTE.... dom asking abt her half brother (cade) also but alex has to admit he hasnt seen him around. dom is a little worried but ... he's a Grown Ass Man so

[galimatios]

sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

[galimatios]

the sound of laughter— water, splashing, rushing, dancing in sunlit eyes —shared glances between arms made for tangling. hang on— what's this feeling? feels like floating, you think— some drunken escapade no doubt, but maybe that's too crude a word for a feeling so light, like the tips of your toes dance not on riverbed, but sky. no music but the sound of her voice, bell chimes on the wind— and you think for a moment, if even just a moment, this near stranger, the girl with the fluorescent hair catches your heart in all its foolish impulses. since when did you last feel a way? maybe some recent alcohol-fueled, late night confessional —but this is different. you are dancing with a very pretty girl in a river, listening to her sing a little song you don't know the words to and none of it really matters— because right now, you live in the moment, following her footing and laughing alongside her— step by step by step. sometimes life was very good to you.

[galimatios]

desperation.  the first word that comes to mind. clamoring pulse beating the inside of your skull like a jackhammer. blood rush to your head pumps adrenaline through your veins. the knife in your hand, an extension of your body so familiar you barely think twice about how to use it.

desperation. a word used to describe the countless last words by the countless lives you’ve taken. usually they’re crying, sobbing, hideously unbecoming, begging you please don’t, i don’t want to die, please please plea— but on your deaf ears their words fall. because in this world, the weak are meat the strong do eat.

so what, then, of you?

at any point in time you carry somewhere between four to twenty knives on your body. you have killed and killed and killed again, with blood stained hands you once pressed together in fervent prayer. madness, isn’t it? for all the pain you’ve caused, back then you believed, truly, in a god. words like doctrine hand fed to you like a starving dog, scraps of piecemeal hope whetting your appetite for more and more and more. when you followed his orders, he praised you. this is all you lived for.  and this is what makes you weak. to think you were so naive back then. promises of change, of a better life, of a better future caught you in your wide-eyed idealism. the allure of a revolution  against a world that failed to keep its promise, all too tantalizing bait. to think that, back then, you were foolish enough to lap up his words even despite the lie dripping from his syllables. 

just a sacrifice, you rationalized. change requires sacrifice.  this one belief kept you afloat in a sea of blood.

but that was years ago, when the pressure used to keep you alive. now you’re long gone, running away from what you once would’ve died for— from the man you once would’ve died for. from the web of deceit and corruption that had you ensnared for so long, from strands that still threaten to pull you back into that hellhole.  you’re running, still running— in circles through a maze of your own design —in a labyrinthine guilt complex built from the shards of a once young boy and the corpses he piled in the name of a foolish ideal. 

a veritable joke, this rat race is. and that is exactly what you are: nothing more than a desperate rat.

[galimatios]

it’s quiet here.  a drag of a cig, smoke exhaled. watch it float away in the air. traffic muted in the distance. when the heart so craves something it knows not, this is the place to go; up on the balcony of your apartment, where below you the world still moves. city lights hang on the horizon feel like beacons in a concrete sea.

is that why you feel like you’re drifting? small epiphanies. trivial things. crushed blunts to be forgotten underfoot. normally you pay no mind to these things. normally, you would not be up here, where the world is so quiet you can hear your own thoughts echo. a solitary vessel floating above an ocean of untapped things you dare not name— then, you. a lone voyager, staring into depths unknown.

you do your damned hardest to never admit to these things. it’s hard for you to even think the word half the time, when the noise of nightlife dies down and you’re left, half undressed, drunk on your balcony. a few more shots, then, maybe the word bubbles up from the bottom of your glass.

you can’t pretend you don’t feel things forever.  because somewhere deep down in those depths you know what lurks. a monster, some leviathan creature conjured from the memories of things long gone, long passed. things that don’t matter anymore. things that refuse to drown in alcohol, try as you might. 

but in the end, you’re left with bitter dregs. a lingering thought: this is pathetic.  and when the night is over, you look at yourself in the mirror, tired and bloodshot, reinforcing mantras as you dry heave into the sink. 

i don’t need you or anyone else. one day you’ll die rowing that boat of yours.

[galimatios]

mephis discord notes 1

mephis' au is set in a nondescript fantasy universe but im thinking of combining it with the anarchist (book i will never write probably) .. maybe its like, the past? or something? bc i imagine the world in meph's timeline to be a little more archaic

either way, most of this takes place in what would be known as the middle east in modernity, right there in the fertile crescent and a little further up where turkey is and .. Kazakhstan? around that area

not that its relevant i just usually have a mental map based on our actual map and i like to change things up

anyway mephis is a foretune teller who comes from a clan highly associated with divination and precognitive abilities- called the delphinians (like bc of the oracle of delphi) -and mephis in particular is a very accurate one, more attune to the nuances of the earth n whatnot

they are a clan of specifically earth mages / geomancers that use the earth, rocks, etc, to perform divinations and magic

altho the ability to manipulate the earth itself i imagine was lost to time

in legend, the delphinians gained these abilities bc of their close connection to the fae, which in this universe are kinda conceptualized as earth sprites? or spirits connected to the earth

but one day the delphinian king, according to legend, got greedy and stole an artifact belonging to the fae called the philosopher's stone, which is said to be a droplet of knowledge from the gods, crystalized

this obviously pissed the fae off who cut connections w the delphinians and cursed them with misfortune, and the ensuing power struggle btwn the king and other greedy court members resulted in a civil war (probably?) and the stone was lost in the chaos

the effect of stealing the stone in of itself was a curse- bc such and artifact did not belong in the mortal realm -and its sheer presence would cause things like war, famines, disease to become common in his region of the world

ofc this is all just according to legend- but its a story that's been propagated and thus the delphinians are seen as greedy and traitorous as a whole

they get an insanely bad rep and their numbers have dwindled bc of. well. genocide. LOL

not on a massive scale but definitely persecution was common

the delphinians became somewhat nomadic, travelling in large groups and rearing kids in a communal fashion bc parents would often just, not come back

the delphinians very much are a "trust only our own kind" type too... like idk i imagine the culture of family being very asian LOL

anyway. mephis. as common for delphinians, he was raised by a group of elders responsible for caring for the kids without parents. sadly there is a great number of these kids, and together they all live in a... kind of boarding school type of lifestyle, just minus... the physical school since theyre nomadic, and the elders would teach the kids abt their history, geomancy, how to stay safe n shit...

but mephis in particular is a...... precocious child.

ever since birth he was. always. Extremely curious. what little he remembers of his parents, he just knows his mother told him he woukd be a very special child. that he was destined for greatness. he was born innately more gifted in many respects and, while he wasnt really cocky per se, he always felt that he was... above the rules. like. he understood that rules were there for a reason, but he also believed that they were meant for dumb ppl

and mephis. does not believe hes dumb.

so he used to, as a kid, keep.. getting into trouble for not thinking abt his own safety bc he'd be too curious about xyz or he would press ppls buttons, be nosy, etc without any sense of "maybe i should stop"

and thats where everything began. mephis grows up. in his teen years he leaves the clan grounds to go spelunking whenever he can bc he feels something drawing him to the caves. his curiosity mostly, but.. something else too. like a magnet almost.

one day when he's 18, he discovers a stone. partially encased in the wall of a cave miles deep- a place only mephis would have the guts to go. there is an energy thrumming through it, alien and exciting. mephis can't help but reach out and-

-it shatters. violently. a shard lodges itself in his eye and he shrieks in pain. he can't see. around him the earth below his body seems to disappear, and a voice (if you can call it that) surrounds him

fool. such hubris will get you killed. consider this a warning.

in a split second, his mind is filled with indescribable things. all pasts and futures once unknown to him all crammed into a single moment. (its like that scene in fma where ed gets mindfucked by god or w/e)

when mephis wakes up again, he's no longer in the cave. his entire body feels heavy. he can't see. not physically, at least. instead, the world around him has changed- or rather, he has changed. everything around him is buzzing with an energy he couldn't see before- that he now feels. what used to be ordinary now contains information he can read at the touch of a finger- almost like absorbing a memory from an object. the delphinians always said that mother nature leaves signs in her landscapes, foretelling futures beyond mortal eyes. but to actually be able to read them? 

i imagine mephis' new abilities are similar to. almost meta shit. where the earth will tell him what he wants to know. he very often just knows things he shouldn't and he's. very op in that sense

he collects himself and finds his way back to the clan grounds. its late at night. he goes to one particular elder and mephis is happy. thinking nothing of the words he heard, he is downright ecstatic 

the elder is like, mephis? is that- what are you doing out so—   he shines a lantern over mephis' face. sees the discolored eye, an effect of the stone shard. the way mephis doesn't look at him but through him

"can you believe it?" there's excitement in meph's voice "i found it— just like in our stories— the stone—" but elder pulls him aside. hushes him. there’s an urgency. a panic. you cannot stay here. you will ruin us. the smile on meph's face disappears

the elder knows better. if mephis were to stay he would be harshly punished by the other clan members. a trial would be held. it would lead to lifelong imprisonment at best, he’s doing meph a kindness by telling him to leave

so that same night mephis is essentially banished from his clan. he is homeless, penniless, possibly in the worst place in his life. but meph. not unhappy. in fact, all he can think about is finding the stone again. finding its shards. he goes back to the cave he was in but it's gone.

this begins his obsession with the philosopher's stone

so from then on mephis travels around using his new precog abilities to become one of the best fortune tellers around, but he cant stay in one place for too long because inevitably he draws a lot of negative attention- part from being delphinian but also part bc of the stones curse

[galimatios]

an engineer of talent but afflicted with insecurity, anxiety, the trappings of demons that whisper at her ear every night. the higher they raise you the further you fall. her potential, vast, sent her soaring only to be shot down by her own self-doubt. made a mockery of herself and investors. became the laughingstock of the engineering world. she’s taken to the bottle to wash away those feelings of self loathing.

no one hates her like she hates herself.

she fantasizes about ending her life in a way befitting her: cruel, morbid, and poetic in ways. the construction of her own sepulchre, made to make use of this wasted life she’s been granted for god knows what reason. her soul will power an automaton, her body quartered and drawn within it. 

for years her tomb is the only thing that drives her. falling into utter seclusion, she becomes obsessed with her magnum opus, her coffin, her grave. it’s the only thing she’d ever be proud of in her short life rife with failures, and glimmers of brilliance. what could have been. but now she only has what is, and what isn’t. 

the day she steps into the husk of her automaton, she smiles. she is at peace even as the knife embedded within the interior is moments away from severing her head. she has nothing more to live for, and nothing more to lose. 

and so she embraces death with open arms.

[galimatios]

i had a dream about a japanese teahouse in the middle of urban america not a very nice place... but this teahouse was like... nicer? but it was something btwn a motel and a restaurant very cozy and people were there dorming for something ? there were ghosts and  stuff on the grounds maybe it was a team of ragtag teens trying to solve a mystery and the place had a lot of secrets and hidden passages probably underground i wanna do an rp based on it.... https://youtu.be/lOvqFN7qUkY mood music for idea theres somw kindnof tragic past behind location reason why the ghosts are there

[galimatios]

playing with the idea that in lycanthus’ cafe he has created a little world of imagination for himself... some kind of storyline he passes the time with involving some character concepts i dont have a place for but really want to use.. he doesnt have names for anyone, they merely have titles: the girl - an ordinary girl.  the executioner - the girl’s older brother, working for the princess the princess - a spoiled brat the jester - the princess’ best friend not entirely sure what kinds of stories he creates with these characters but i feel like it’s a way for him to express feelings he doesnt understand? bc as a demon lycanthus doesn’t feel or express things the way humans do, but he’s a bit of a special case due to the nature of his bet with the devil... he still has yet to tell me wtf happened back then but he’s VERY very old. he has history behind him that hes keeping a secret and i feel like his little make believe stories in which he uses these characters are the key to figuring it out?