galvantus

[galvantus]

“Who says I’m not combat capable?”

(All credit goes to 0pik-0ort over on DeviantArt https://0pik-0ort.deviantart.com/art/Under-Heavy-Fire-515135261)

[galvantus]

First 4 parts of a Bennett sequence commission

[galvantus]

What the heck you look even bigger. Are you *still* growing?

I miss my long hair

[galvantus]

PLEASE do

And now fast forward ten years to when nat is large enough to fit Nora on her belly…

Nat was beyond description by this stage. Mountain didn’t do her justice, she was her own classification of fat. With the previous fattest, Nora, being resting comfortably on her lower belly, she was truly titanic…

(Very tempted to make this a separate Nat muse~)

[galvantus]

I choose Piper’s tummy! @Wide-wide-wasteland

Send 💋 to kiss my muse on the

1. Lips 2. Cheek 3. Head 4. Nose 5. Chin 6. Neck 7. Chest 8. Stomach 9. Hand 10. Shoulder 11. Back 12. Butt 13. Foot

[galvantus]

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Feedee The Fat? I thought not. It's not a story a person out of the fat fetish would tell you. It's a Feederism legend. Darth Feedee was a Big Gainer of the Feederism, so powerful and so fat she/he could use the Food to influence the calories to create fat… She/he had such a knowledge of the fat side that she/ he could even make the ones he cared about by making them gain. The fat side of the Feederism is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. She/He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing her/his weight, which eventually, of course, she/he did. Unfortunately, she/he taught his feeder everything she/he knew, then his feeder make her/she loose weight with healthy foods. Ironic. She/He could make others fat, but not herself/himself.

[galvantus]

The Promised Weight Gain Drive: Male Edition

This Weight Gain Drive is a New Experience!

Same rules as past drives!

One like equals .05 lbs

One Reblog equals 1 lbs

One Ko-Fi Donation equals 3 lbs as always, (don’t feel forced to donate, this is just a fun little drive!)

http://ko-fi.com/pocharimochi

This is a male character, and I am excited to see what happens in this drive!

Drive will go up to October 31st, 11:59 p.m. central time zone

As always, have fun! ❤️

[galvantus]

Dark Lens – Welcome to The Dark Corporation - The mind blowing Star Wars themed photographic creations of Cédric Delsaux - https://www.this-is-cool.co.uk/welcome-to-the-dark-corporation-cedric-delsaux/

[galvantus]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[galvantus]

“Well you could always put some armor plates over the squishy bits. Or just keep her out of combat to begin with, haha...” -Galvantus

“….Course, soon as she gets shot she’s gonna spring a leak and deflate. That’s no good Gal.” - Bailey Blue @galvantus

[galvantus]

This has absolutely nothing to do with what I normally post but I just like this post

A WALK ON THE WIDER SIDE

hello and welcome to another episode of Weird Biology with me, your host Bunjy! this week’s creature is hard to see and kind of dangerous, so we’re just going to watch our step as we-

OOP WATCH OUT!

you almost stepped on him!

you should be more careful, you could have really hurt his feelings.

it’s time to meet-

*muffled hysterical laughter*

the Gaboon Viper is found in the forests and savannas of sub-Saharan Africa. its boldly patterned scales are perfectly camouflaged against the forest floor, making it all but invisible. 

its incredible striking speed and strength are renowned throughout the reptile world, and its venomous bite is powerful enough to kill even a grown man! clearly, this is not a creature to be trifled with.

and it is, as they say in herpetologist circles, a Swarthy Lad.

*continued hysterical laughter*

as you may have noticed from the pictures, the Gaboon Viper is very, uh, wide. and flat. like a pancake. a pan-snake, if you will. in fact, they’re so wide that their wikipedia page has an entire measurement category called “girth” just for them. (no, I’m not joking) and it’s over 14 inches, if you were curious. that’s usually a measurement reserved for pizzas.

there’s good reason for this, because the Gaboon Viper is the heftiest viper in the world! they generally reach only 4-5 feet long, but may weigh nearly twenty pounds. that’s completely fucking ridiculous.

that’s like a normal snake, if that normal snake had just eaten a couple of 7-pound free weights.

Gaboon Vipers are at the top of the snake list for a lot of different qualities, as it turns out. it’s not just that manhole cover physique, this snake has the WHOLE package. they are known for being incredibly fast despite their size, and for wrestling prey to the ground with their sheer strength like it’s the last five seconds of a ladder match. but now get ready for a real double whammy-

they have the longest fangs of any snake! OF ANY SNAKE. they also produce the most venom per bite of any snake! OF ANY SNAKE. wow! fuck!

aaaa! I still think you’re adorable!

those fangs are two fucking inches long, for reference. two inches. let’s think about that for a minute. 

oookay we’re done thinking about that. so now let’s consider the fact that a Gaboon Viper can deliver up to 7 ml of venom per bite! alright, so that doesn’t sound like a lot. but please remember that the lethal dose for a human is 0.06 ml. jesus. imagine carrying enough poison in your face to kill like a thousand people.

and for a species that mostly eats small animals like rabbits, this is absolutely stupid amounts of overkill. like, hunting-pigeons-with-a-rocket-launcher levels of overkill.

people probably would be into that if it was allowed, actually.

alright, so we’ve definitely laid out the facts that make Gaboon Vipers so terrifying. but now I’ll hit you with the good news! 

human deaths from Gaboon Viper bites are very, very, very rare. and it’s because Gaboon Vipers are very good flat boys.

no seriously, some of that is because Gaboon Vipers live way the fuck out in the woods but it’s mostly because these snakes are some of the most laid-back reptiles in existence.

yes, really.

don’t have a cow, man.

Gaboon Vipers are tolerant, docile animals that are extremely unlikely to bite you. in fact, they’re so chillax that scientists have been able to pick them up barehanded and stick them in collection boxes.  (WE DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. SCIENTISTS ARE OFTEN A LITTLE NUTS.) apparently the snakes just kind of went along with it. maybe they were bored? 

usually when people ARE bitten, it’s because they didn’t see the snake and fucking stepped on it. and even then, stomping on a Gaboon Viper doesn’t always earn a bite. (BUT DON’T DO THAT. IT’S MEAN.)

they’re good sweet boys, is what I’m getting at here.

the GOODEST good boy. look at his widdle face.

thankfully, the Gaboon Viper is doing pretty okay! the species is still widely distributed, and has a conservation status of Least Concern. (it probably helps that they have so little conflict with humanity! chillness is its own virtue.)

it’s not often that I close a Weird Biology article with that kind of good news, so this deserves to be celebrated! clap your hands and jump around a bit! Yaaay, Gaboon Viper! we love your chubby little face and your ridiculously chill lifestyle!

maybe we could all take a lesson from the Gaboon Viper, and relax a little more.

–

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

–

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Wikipedia.zh img2- The National Zoo img3- Julie Larsen Maher @WCS img4- reptiletalk.net img5- Reptiles Magazine img6- AnimalSpot.net img7- Carnivora img8- AboutAnimals.com

[galvantus]

Don’t forget that one time where the same ork tank kept harassing the same IG fort and coming back every week despite blowing up every time. So then they finally got tired enough and took a look at it’s engine only to find the engine compartment empty and jut a piece of paper that said “vroom vroom”

Warhammer 40k orks are just a shitpost. Reading up on the lore of them is a true test because they’re so absurd you cant tel the dufference between theory and actual canon.

Shit i’ve read.

-every one possesses a form of psychic willpower that affects reality.

-technically could not be killed, but a human taunting them described how he would kill them so they became killable.

-they believe the color red increases speed so it does, including their enemies ships.

-they believe the color yellow makes explosions more powerful, so it does.

- they believe the color purple is stealthy so anything purple that they see is now invisible.

-they have windows on their spaceships to do drive-by’s because they dont know theres no air to breathe in space.

-their guns dont actually have any proper functioning parts. But since they believe its a gun, its now a gun.

-an out of ammo imperium squad once used empty guns to kill orks by shouting “bang” and since the orks didnt know they were empty it still killed them.

And now my personal favorite.

-while the emperor is believed to be kept alive by continuous sacrifices of his own techpriests. It is believed that the only reason the emperor is still alive is because the orks believe he is alive.

I cant tell what is true and what is made up because it all reads like that.

[galvantus]

LEWD HAS BLESSED US

hello here is your monthly dosage of HUNGRY DRAGON CONTENT

August’s Patreon animation!! If you wanna see the next animation early, and suggest who I should animate next, consider joining us on Patreon!

[galvantus]

Dew it

Sum my muse up as a news article title

Example: “Local man gets what he deserves”, “Local man fucks everything up.”, etc etc. Bonus points if you make the mun laugh.

[galvantus]

So imma just post a link to my DA page

https://www.deviantart.com/litanus

Boop

[galvantus]

👂🍔🍩⬇ for Slath'o'voras

“Ohohoho!~ I’ll gladly take your feedings and dominate you while you do it!~ I would surely love to devour you and your little world~” the daemon answered as she licked her sharpened needle-like teeth

[galvantus]

A s k

anonymously send me an emoji! feeder/feedee/FA edition

😍 I think you’re cute. 💋 I want to kiss you. 💕 I want to cuddle with you. ✋ I want to spank you! 🍩 I want to feed you. 🍰 I want you to feed me. 👅 I want to eat food off your body. 😈 I want to fuck you! 🐷 Let’s have some piggy play! ☎️ Let’s talk dirty. 🐽 I want you to tease/humiliate me. ⬆️ I want to dominate you. ⬇️ I want you to dominate me. 🔴 I want to stuff you silly. 🔵 I want to blow you up like a blueberry! 👕 I want to grow you out of your clothes. 👐 Belly rubs!

Feel free to reblog and add more!