gamehounding

[gamehounding]

fearcaned

           ❝ Do y-you -- hm -- still love m-me? ❞

[gamehounding]

        He wants to stay, he wants to stay more than anything, but all he’s experienced in his life is people sending him away. His father sent him away, his company sends him away constantly, he isn’t sure he knows how to begin asking to stay. She’s all curled into herself, and it might be his fault, but Ben knows his wife, he knows what to do. She might not have asked him to stay, but she didn’t tell him to leave, either.             Sheepishly, he drops to his knees by her side, hands find her forearms loosely to pry her arms away from her. A kiss to her forehead, he pulls her up into his chest and holds her tight, holds her so closely he fears he might break her. ❝ Never l-leave m-me. P-Please. P-Please... ❞ he speaks between kisses to her cheeks, kissing away her tears and trying to hold his own back.

       she can’t look at him, thick tresses covering her face as she pulls her knees up to her chest, tears soaking the material of her jeans as she sobs into them. the fallen wants him to hold her, tell her he’s sorry and that he still loves her but all she feels in her own grasp once more and she refuses to ask, not again. she always has to ask. understandably she knows how he is with physical contact but she’s his wife, or does he just think of her like everyone else now? she doesn’t know and he certainly isn’t proving his love to her.      alexis doesn’t want him to leave but he should know that, he should know when to stay and when to leave without being told and once more she isn’t going to ask for it. she wants it, but it’s up to him to make that decision: whether to try and make it up or run off and mope in his car. there’s a horrid feeling in the brunette’s gut that he’ll do the second, almost as if he doesn’t want to stay anymore. thin stems shake and whimpers continue to leave cherry lips, no answer coming from the fallen yet she wanted to beg him not to leave.

[gamehounding]

       It might be a long time before he can look her in the eye and see that she loves him. It doesn’t help that she slips out of his grip, moves away from him and leaves him sitting there by himself. He loves her, he loves her so much he thinks he could die, but what good would that do? Gaze moves to stare at his hands, fiddles with his wedding ring between thumb and forefinger for a few moments before he hears her exclamation. Up he jumps, reaches the kitchen in record time and stares at her wildly in confusion.                 A few moments, and he pieces the puzzle together, he lets out an awkward noise and steps back. ❝ I -- S-sorry. I t-though you -- are you --- I can leave if you want, j-just for tonight. ❞ Although the last thing he wants to do, he can’t shake this feeling she can’t stand to look at his face right now. He wants to hold her, he wants to kiss her face and tell her how beautiful she is, how much he loves her. But his body is frozen, his insides turn to fear and insecurity all wrapped up with a sad look.

           ❝ it’s lovely. ❞ it’s said in a whisper, hidden by her choked up voice and need to cry although she manages to suppress them both, a some sniffle coming for her before laying back down in his arms, fumbling for his hand. she doesn’t want to think about what had happened, but she could tell ben’s guilt would be the thing that carried it out. he was always so self loathing, knocking himself down to the point where he didn’t believe his own wife loved him.but she did, no matter how much her hurt her, alexis would always love him. ❝ it’s okay. well — it’s not b-but.. you’re pretty guilt racked as it is. ❞         slender frame hops out of his lap, walking over to the kitchen and simply stares at the counter, not knowing how to deal with any of this. does he want her to yell at him? cry? smile and act like none of it has happened? she doesn’t know and it’s terrifying her that he may never get out of this slum he’s in. with the glass pebble in her she slides down against the kitchen cupboard, a frustration yelp out some sort leaving the tiny thing as she merely broke down. she wanted him to hold her without asking the be held. she wanted him to poor out his heart to her without being asked. she wanted him. all of him and not all of him was there anymore. ❝ f —- UCK! ❞

[gamehounding]

       ❝ Aw, c’mon D-Dakota, he d-doesn’t --- even like t-those places... ❞ he wouldn’t be a good brother if he didn’t at least try and get Miguel out of trouble, even if he does take a slight step back. Not that he is particularly scared of her, but -- he’s scared of her, he figures he would be scary, too, if he was defending his best friend. He sighs, grips his hair tight and shrugs. ❝ I -- I don’t k-know. How the f-fuck am I --- ❞ a look of exasperation is thrown her way, he doesn’t feel he deserves any forgiveness.

❝he’s the one that took you there in the first place. i’m gonna be mad. let me be mad.❞ she studied him for a couple of beats, eyebrows furrowing and her eyes turning into slits. maybe, she realized that she shouldn’t be too harsh with him, but if the roles were reversed, ally would be doing the same thing. wouldn’t she? dakota exhaled, rolling her eyes. ❝whatever, ben. spare me it, okay? what are you plannin’ on doin’ to make it up to her?❞

[gamehounding]

       Somehow, he thinks he’s starting to understand her, even if she becomes more incoherent, talks in riddles. A BROKEN HEART. He knows the feeling, he can see it in her eyes and feels it in every word, it’s almost enough to make him want to reach out and hug her (but we all know how he feels about human, err, demon contact). A little taken aback by her last words, he raises a brow. ❝ H-how old are y-you, like -- n-not --- I’m not tr-trying to be insulting -- I just --- ❞ he furrows his brow, tries to shake this feeling of deja vu, to ignore the feeling that he’s talking to his sister, and tries to focus on the fact she’s a demon instead.

       “It’s— It’s not— you’ll say I’m stupid. You’ll think I’m stupid for being so upset but— I have every right to be upset— It’s— Phobos thinks I’m being out of order, no doubt she fucking thinks so— an-and— daddy, too— I don’t want you to—” She shakes her head, unable to finish her sentence. She fears it would just be repetitive, anyway. How’s she supposed to explain it if when she puts it into words she even thinks it sounds silly?                            “I act like a human all the time. I’m in high school.”

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        ❝ M-Miguel didn’t -- do anything. He -- he’s not the f-fucking asshole h-here, I a-am... ❞ he sighs, a hand runs through his hair and exhausted eyes take her in, ❝ --- i-if it makes you feel b-better, no-ones hates me m-more than I do. ❞

❝i have every right to be, too. you broke my best friend’s heart. if it makes you feel any better, i’m gonna yell at miguel, too. and no, it isn’t.❞

[gamehounding]

 fearcaned:

        ❝ y-yeah well.. i’m totally i-in charge today and i s-say i get to make j-jokes. also, welcome to the wr-wrath of stuttering. it sucks, r-r-right? ❞ the girl will just raise her brow, laughing a little. it hurt how easily she could but on such a facade and it was obvious ben could tell although she would rather him she her smile sadly than cry for hours - perhaps days. ❝ found something? ❞ brow cocked and head canted the fallen ushers herself so she was sitting up in his lap, fingers fumbling with the hem on her sleeve as she tried to pay attention and divert her mind from the negative.       she wanted to act normal around him, act as if she had forgiven him and nothing had changed but her eyes still glazed over with tears and her throat still felt like screaming at him. although one thing she was sure of was that tonight would be a sleep full of paranoia and awkward shifting between the two. ben was trending on egg shells and alexis was nowhere close to knowing how to act around him. ❝ i’m not h-hitting you, though.. st-stop thinking about violence, ben. ❞

         It was an awkward state, the wounds of their fight still fresh and oozing, but the storm had calmed, and he doesn’t know how to react to himself. Mostly, he’s disgusted, he feels like ripping off his skin, rid himself of the feeling of guilt and paranoid voice telling him she’s going to leave him. He shifts, reaching for his wallet from his pocket and fumbles around in the coin section. Quickly, he retrieves a smooth, glass pebble, and holds it up to the light for her to see the four-leafed clover sealed inside. He stares at it, listens to her scold him for thinking of violence, and drops his head slightly. ❝ S-sorry -- ❞ his voice weakens again, he supposes nothing she could do to him will be worse than how he beats himself up over the entire situation.                He moves to press the pebble into her hand, catches her gaze. ❝ I t-thought -- i-it might bring y--ou luck... ❞ he pushes through his words, tries to fight the urge to stutter now that she pointed it out (he doesn’t want to be that awkward little kid anymore), and tries to offer her a smile. It seems like a stupid gesture now, he feels like nothing he could do or say would make things better, ever. Mouth opens, it shuts, it opens again, he speaks -- ❝ I’m sorry I didn’t -- f-fight for y-you -- I -- t-though y-you w-would -- hate me -- I-I hate -- me ... ❞

[gamehounding]

& ɪ ғᴏʀᴄᴇ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏ ғᴇᴇʟ ɴ ᴏ ᴛ ʜ ɪ ɴ ɢ                            ғᴏʀ ғᴇᴀʀ ᴏғ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴇ ᴠ ᴇ ʀ ʏ ᴛ ʜ ɪ ɴ ɢ.

[gamehounding]

frowns loudly and hates my blogs .....

[gamehounding]

            ❝ Whoa, h-hostile! H-how about -- I carry a gun. Is that e-enough reason? ❞

gamehounding ) ; 

❝you have at least ten seconds to give me a couple good reasons why i shouldn’t fucking rip your balls off right now.❞

[gamehounding]

       To say he’s worried about her would be an understatement; but she is also reminding him of the bitter, cold fact that he can’t save everyone. He tried to save her, and look at her now, giving up. Probably his fault, or so he thinks, everything is his fault. ❝ Okay. Look. H-How about for --like -- one s-sec you act l-like a h-human and tell me what’s w-wrong? ❞

          “Well, I’d much prefer the first option, but, y’know. We’re clear. It’s fine.”  Emma shrugs a bit, she doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the fact you can’t just hurt your friends and not feel bad about it. As far as he’s concerned, she’s just another demon to wipe out that happens to be a friend. Can’t you just put things into compartments and be done with it?                    “You’re right. Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I just— need to make everything stop. Everything’s crumbling.” 

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         ❝ Whoa, slow d-down... ❞ hands are thrown up, he gives a worried look quickly followed by a scowl. ❝ I — am -- not g-going to help you die. Under any c-circumstances, are we clear? ❞ He takes a deep inhale, fingers pinch the bridge of his nose before he calms enough to talk. ❝ I t-think you n-need to -- um. Elaborate. I d-don’t have -- many friends. But I-I’m pretty s-sure “hi, can y-you kill me?” i-is too big a f-favor. ❞

         “I… want to disappear for a while. Like, completely. But, uh - well, y’know. Can’t exactly do that in my situation and I was wondering if you could give me some tips? Or like. Point me in the direction of someone who can—  kill me. That’d be option two.”   Blunt, straight to the point. And also very serious about that last part.

[gamehounding]

         The need to cry still pinches at the back of his nose, and he battles between breaking down and kissing her, but he feels to exhausted for both. He settles for staring at her instead, taking in every detail of her face with weary eyes. It is in moments like these ones that Ben remembers his mortality, punches him in the gut with the realization that one day he would be worm food and she would find someone new. But she brings him back, gives him a small hint of ‘we’re okay’ in her gaze and he can’t help but smile, even if it is tired, and broken.                ❝ H-hey -- you’re not allowed to make bad j-jokes, that’s my job... Besides, I-I think I w-would feel better -- if you d-did... ❞ he mumbles, his tone less strained and weak now, and he moves to press the smallest kiss to her cheek. Every movement feels awkward, he feels hesitation in his stomach and crawling under his skin. He doesn’t know how to act toward her, so he tries his best to act normal. ❝ I — um. Found you s-something. I-I think y-you will l-like it. ❞

       ❝ m-maybe.. maybe he’ll let us have normal, th-then. ❞ she can hear his genuine tone, a rarity on its own and it brings a smile to her lips, ignoring what had just happened and the sadness that was trying to consume her ( not that she would let it happen, of course ). she’s still holding onto him tightly, a small sigh leaving sore and cracked lips yet it wasn’t one of boredom or frustration, just one to remind him it could be once, if you will - that this was far from the end of the world, even if emotionally that’s how it felt. alexis was always one to put things into perspective and right now it was helping quite a lot; they weren’t starving, on the streets or dying, they were both just suffering from broken hearts and mentally worn out.       ❝ i’m n-not going to h-hit you. i couldn’t d-do that unless you said m-my bum looked big in n-new jeans, it’s like.. wife-code o-or something. ❞ it was a poor attempt at a joke, but a joke nonetheless and the petite thing was starting to feel better now she had begun to let it all sink in. sure, it was far from okay, and she will still think about every day for some time, but it isn’t a regular case of cheating, she knew why and she still had utter trust in ben, which was mind blowing to say the least.

[gamehounding]

       ❝ I --- sure. I’m not -- y-you shouldn’t trust my advice, th-though. I’m --- a fucking a-asshole, ❞ he doesn’t mean to be so blunt, he shakes his head and starts again. ❝ T-talk to me, I’m all ears. ❞

          “You are really white, though. Uhm— I was wondering. If I could bend your ear about a predicament I’m in? It’s not a huge deal. If you don’t wanna that’s fine - I just heard you were back in town and thought a ‘hello’ was in order.”

[gamehounding]

      ❝ I feel -- really white when you call me t-that. What’s up, b-buttercup? ❞

            “I gave it a go, to be honest. Sorry. Wasn’t a good idea.”

[gamehounding]

     ❝ Depends -- d-did you just call me homeboy? ❞

gamehounding

[gamehounding]

         He wonders, if only for a moment, if she thinks as lowly of him as she does of Nero; maybe it will be his embrace that turns her to ice, rots her from the inside out. Worries are pushed to the side as her fingers draw over his chest, he returns the gesture by running his hand along her spine, trying somewhat to soothe her. Maybe they would be left alone, maybe they wouldn’t, he feels helpless not being able to give her balance in her life, no certainty.                    ❝ I -- would like t-that. I would -- like normal... ❞ he thinks that might be the first time he has said those words and believed himself. A house in the suburbs, a whole bunch of kids that Alexis would probably bring in off the streets or something -- kids of their own. He’s lost in the thought when she speaks again, and he’s dumbstruck. A few blinks, he stares at her for a moment -- he doesn’t have an answer to that. Slowly, he shakes his head, tries to muster up some string of words -- ❝ I — don’t k-know. I -- Part of m-me, thinks -- maybe, you should -- and h-hit me -- or s-something. ❞

            ❝ d——on’t promise th-things like that. ❞ the mere thoughts of going back now ben was here brought bile to her throat and tears to her eyes. she had felt so.. wanted by the emperor.. like he was going to change. it made her feel sick how stupid she had been. however not once did she feel love towards him, always shivering whilst in his embrace or cowering when he pressed a kiss to her cheek. it was obvious she wasn’t comfortable around the blond, but isn’t fear what he got off on?        ❝ you won’t kill h-him. no one will. but.. if we st-stay out of his way.. i-i.. i actually think he won’t hurt us. he’s.. totally broken.. penelope might b-be good for him. give him a d-distraction. ben.. we might b-be able to live kinda normally.. ❞ there’s honesty in her tone and i think she may be right, readjusting herself so she was nuzzled up to his chest, fingers tracing circles against his chest lightly. she doesn’t know how long it will take her to get over what he had done, or why, but she knew he was sorry and one mistake, however large and shattering it was, wasn’t going to let her throw the only genuine thing she had left, even if she wanted to hate him to her very core right now.             ❝ you br-broke my heart, b-ben.. s-so.. so why can’t i hate you? ❞