gattublogs

[gattublogs]

The one from my dreams....

I often hear people say, especially in the west, that I didn't find the one.

Never understood it, until I found the one.

Till now, i was the one showering my love to others, and waiting patiently that the other person would reciprocate. Waited for years and years, to hear few words of love from other , but never heard.

But as Zakir Khan says, pyaar wahi joh izzat kare.

And I moved on, and started waiting for the one.

Then came 20th August, it felt like God moulded all my hard work, perseverance, sincerity, love, respect, patience, trust into one mortal flesh and blood.I call this person, my HnM.

I got as much love from my HnM as would be enough to fill an ocean of loneliness, I got as much respect and care from HnM, that would heal me forever, I got an must sincerity from HnM, that it never skipped a heart beat.

I got a person, who sees its life in me, and make me feel as i am body with two souls. I got a person who lives and dies for me, they same way i did some years back.

I feel like breathing , and living bigger and better and happier with this person, for he is the hand i wanna told forever and ever. I want to be reason for his smiling face, i want to be the shoulder to his sad face,I want to be swing on which he sways, i want to be the arms wades all sorrows away,i want to be the kiss who kindles his day, i want to hug that gives him warmth everyday.

I got the one, the one God sent to me, the one who will be mine forever.

Our bodies are mortal, love ain't.

[gattublogs]

Angels N Demons

My life took a deep U turn, and found me the missing piece.

Some say you only love once in your life.

But as I see, you live many lives in a lifetime. And you seek love in each of your life.

The only thing is one is different from the other.

Even you change and adapt different shapes and sizes.

Particularly in my case, there is battle of angels and demons inside my mind.

The good angels shows me the lovely things I got, and the demons part shows me the complexities and insufficiencies of what I have.

It is all on me to live with the Angels and add value to my life. The more I go down on my self confidence , the more demons come into my heart n soul and pull me down into miseries.

Even time I live an angel , few other angels come in my wish list, which shows me the demons of my life.

I feel happiness is all about striking the balance.

[gattublogs]

Orgasm ....

Here is an unmarried man talking about his little knowledge of orgasm, whatever written here stands true for me.

I feel orgasm from three things : food, sex and intellect.

But here I am going to deal with Sex alone. 

For me sex is mental first, only then it gets to physical. I need to like the person, only then sex becomes a purpose or else sex is worse than masturbation ( don’t imply that masturbation is bad ).

Sex with the right person is prolonged orgasm, it starts with your anticipation of meeting him/her and remains like a happy memory for a long time.

A good sex is better than multiple average sex, and a bad sex can be equally depressing.

Now, what gets you to like the person ? If you feel happy with the breath of the person , if you feel happy talking to the person,  if vibes of the person keeps your body and mind satisfied then it is definitely going to be a good orgasm.

With experience one obviously improve of the physical bit and better the experience.

By no means, I mean to say that this should be the checklist before going for sex, I am just highlighting what a divine sex means to me.

Recall every time you had make outs, how many of those gives you a persistent happy memory ; all of those make outs are divine sex. So, I search for a soul and a body both in unequal proportions.

This is what is my perspective of sex and orgasm. A happy memory is a joy forever and sex is definitely one of those happy memories, so enjoy the deeper aspect of physical relation and you would feel closer to nature and nirvana.

I don’t have experience on what sex with one person for a lifetime feels like, so I shall refrain from commenting on it.

Do share your view and comments on this short and succinct article of mine.

[gattublogs]

Relationship n My Mind

What does relationship mean ? To me it means happiness.

Happiness gives me the strength to deal with anything. The feeling on being loved , is something that is unmatched.

Some people are self sufficient, I am not sure about myself , but I think I am not.

And it is ok to be not that good. I am an imperfect soul and I am what I am.

I like to share my life with people, and feel happy when others also share their life with me.

The feeling that there is someone who has got your back is very assuring to me.

If you know palmistry , you would realize that I have 2 brain lines in my hand (rare case),

Is it because of this or because of my perpetual habit of thinking, I am always in two places. But with an exception, when I was in a relationship, I was well in present and the other part was rejoicing happiness.

Now, I am in a dilemma, is it possible to keep my other half of brain engaged in something productive. Or does it still need the love fascination it craves for.

This mystery still remains and I am still trying to find my answers.

Has my dilemma anything to do with stuck in lockdown ? I don't know.

Should I grab a relationship opportunity as it comes my way ( if I like the person ) ? May be yes.

Is this a psychological problem with me ? Could be.

Am I the few rare ones who crave this, or there are many ? I don't know

Am I a rookie and will get mature with time ? May be.

Let me know your thoughts, I have placed a vulnerable me in this article.

[gattublogs]

Society and My Self Confidence

Society, what is a society ? It is nothing but a design. It is a design that is formulated and propagated by a bunch of low intellects and dogmatic people. People who can’t accept that two people are different , and these people(Society) are those who fall mostly in the majority side of things. These people create fundamentalism and aggravate it to much severe forms. One of those design kept me in trouble for a very long time, and the day it hit me in face , it made me hit rock bottom. My mind went into overthinking mode, racing at 100 MPH, with anxiety, depression, mood swings. A stream of thoughts and not a person to share with because of this stupid society design. The hitherto happy me, was crying for a few moments of happiness. This battle took a toll on my body as well, my sleep , my hunger , my calmness , my serenity. Sometime I wonder, why did I go so low. May be because my mind understands what is right and what is wrong. And the moment I went wrong it raised a red flag. May be I can’t pretend to be something that I am not. May be I don’t wanna be an imposter. Coming back to me losing my happiness, it went on for months , me fighting 1000′s of battles with myself every single day, and all resulting into no conclusion. Me sulking into my world of miseries, imaginations ,doubts, fear, ambiguities, anxieties. A calm mind, a fearless body became my ultimate goal in life. Tried to do everything to compose myself but I couldn’t do it. Because I was missing the first step towards calm ; accepting yourself. Being confident about who you are. This calm was not something easy to find. When I had no way left except accepting myself, I did it. Then came the part of sharing your thoughts and feelings with other people, this was another tough part and required tons of courage to do so. Slowly slowly it started improving for me , my head got tad more clearer every time I expressed myself clearly. The more and more people I expressed myself to , the more confident I got with myself. In short I was getting better and better every time I mustered courage to break the society design. But then the tricky part is, you need the people you love to be alongside you (at least in my case) , and getting them to accept someone who is out of this design is the real challenge. Slowly and steadily, once you do that, you can get back to enjoying your life carefree. But this journey was very arduous, and why was it so, because of the fuck*** society. That’s why I hate a fundamentalist society design. It stops the progress of an individual because that individual is stuck up in fighting two battles, one with himself and the other with society.

[gattublogs]

Introvert Me

The world perceives me as an introvert. May be I am, or may be I am not. If you have ever had a decent conversation with me , you would have your answer; so this becomes subjective. I am a world of 100′s boxes, and more boxes you open the more extrovert you would perceive me. However, it isn’t easy to open those boxes. It requires the other half to have an open mind or at least a thirst to learn. From the below list, what are the topics you are comfortable conversing: patriarchy , sexism , dowry , racism, stereotype, casteism , sex, sexual orientation , love,  lust , marriage , same sex marriage , politics, religion , fundamentalism , dogmatism. If you have the ability to talk on all of these , then I assure , you will find me to be quite an extrovert person , and you will be able to conjure what’s in those 100 boxes. So, if you ever had a conversation with me and you find me to be an introvert , then it is a long way to go for you. But this attribute of mine comes with a few disadvantages, you don’t choose your family , you can only choose your friends. And it requires a person to open its maximum boxes with the family ( at least the close ones ) , if you want to avoid building a volcano inside you ( if your family matters to you ) Then starts the uphill task, converting people’s minds, making then understand things that goes against the preconceived dogmas, be accomplished enough for you to be taken seriously. As of now, I am on a journey from being introvert to extrovert at my own home, because that seems to be the only way I can convert my volcano to a serene calm plateau. Step by Step , Day after Day , I can create a place that will be more conducive to people like me for growth and expression , and it starts at my own home.