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HAPPY 2018

Wishing everyone a happy year ahead. May all my love ones be blessed with good health and prosperity in the year ahead. 

This year’s countdown was a special one because I spent it at K’s friend’s house. I was afraid that it would be awkward since it was the first time i joined him, but his friends were friendly and we enjoyed the steamboat, jenga and indian poker together with the drinks penalty. 

Being able to spend the new year with your love ones is such a blissful feeling. So everyone, please cherish all the things that you have now because you won’t know when they will be gone. That’s the reason why i am afraid to hold onto something - because i am afraid of losing it. yes, i am a loser, because i am afraid to lose. i hate the feeling of losing something that is so dear to me.

05/01/2018

My first dream cruise trip with K and my family. Cruise trips will not be boring with K’s company. Even though we did not really do a lot of activities on the cruise, being able to stay and nua together with K could be such a great feeling. I enjoyed disturbing and cuddling with him on the bed. I am still unable to forget the feeling, and i believe this feeling will stay close to my heart. Never knew that so much comfort could be felt when he wrapped me around. Wonder how he felt when we were so close together - when both our faces rubbed against each other’s. wow, when did I start to fall so deeply in him. 3 days 2 nights seemed so short with him around. 

08/01/2018

hey, we had a H-T-H talk that night. bet you didn’t know i always feel a tinge of sadness whenever you mentioned your ex. bet you didn’t know i get jealous easily. bet you didnt know i actually cared alot of what you did with your ex. I asked you about the highest level that you went with your ex. Stupid me, what a stupid question to ask. Its like there are blades on the ground and i’m jumping right onto them. I thought I was prepared because i had a feeling that you had done it with her before. I know i should not have asked, but i really wanted to know the truth. The moment you told me you had s** with her before, my heart sunk. Yes, i was prepared, but still, i cant help but to feel pain in my heart. i wanted to be the first in everything, but it is not possible with you anymore. but i would be even sadder to let you go, so i have to let go of the past. i guess time will allow me let go easier. but hey, i would rather hear the truth than him hiding these things from me just because he was afraid that i was sad. so i was kinda happy that he was truthful to me though. Am I contradicting myself? 

Anyway I don’t know if i will be able to deal with losing you.. because you are my first and will always hold a special place in my heart :)

X.

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my first boyfriend

I am amazed at how things can take such a big turn within a year.  In my previous post, i mentioned about K having a girlfriend and how happy I am for him and his girlfriend.

The amazing thing is, K became my boyfriend on 12/10/17. (Actually, he asked me to be his girlfriend on 10/10/17 but i took 2 days to get back to him. hahaha sometimes i was wondering if i made it too easy for him ^^).This is my first relationship ever in my life (K, you should feel honored ok) and i promise i will do my best to make it work well.

We held hands for the first time on 18/10/17 on our train ride back home, though it was only for a short while. I was feeling super shy and my face was burning. I guess i was blushing that time but the feeling was great :)

And then we went for our first cruise trip together on 27/10/17. We were supposed to drink and chill on board, but because i had my period during the trip, you had to accompany me in the cabin room most of the times. (I am so sorry.) We talked and shared a lot during the trip, trying to understand and know more about each other. I had this little thought that you were still not over your ex at that time - that was the reason why I am looking for someone who does not have any relationship before. Maybe I am feeling insecure because of all the experiences i had seen. There was a tinge of sadness in me, but i thought if i couldn’t get over this, how can i make this relationship works? I decided to not let the past bother me and move ahead. I am glad i made the right choice. 

X

28/12/17

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Day trip to Malaysia

12/02/17

Followed my relatives to Malaysia to have our fortune seen as they told my family that the fortune teller is very accurate in reading their lives. So the curious me decided to let the fortune teller read my palm. 

I was quite amazed at some point because some of the things she said were indeed accurate. One of the interesting things that she told me was that I will get married at the age of 33 years old. She said my partner is bald, and he is a boss of a certain company. So i decided to pen this down to see how accurate she is in case i forgot about it. 

15/02/17

Met up with C and K to have dinner at koh grill and sushi bar. This would be the last meet up with C as he would be flying over to Melbourne for his last year of study. Hey, all the best in your study ok~

We chatted a lot about relationships over the dinner, and today i just realised that K has dated a girl for 311 days! How time flies right? This is when I realised that we are not young anymore. I still remembered the times when we were in secondary school and K used to woo me. He is indeed a very nice person. He used to write love letters to me and showered me with a lot of gifts. Of course the young me takes everything for granted. Well, how fortunate it is to be his girlfriend. Really happy for him that he is able to find the love of his life. 

K encouraged me to date someone because he feels that my perception of relationship is wrong. i always feel that a relationship will not last forever and it will ultimately end up hurting both parties. So why do we commit? Maybe because the love of my life has not appear infront of me? haha we shall see.

Such a long post today.. Shall go and watch my drama..

Good night.

X.

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New Year

Today marks the first day of 2017. 

I spent the last day of 2016 in the middle of the sea with Superstar Gemini. It was wonderful because I get to spend the last few hours of 2016 with my loved ones.

2016 was not a very good year for me because I lost 2 of my loved ones in my family. I was too obsessed with dieting that I was living each day without any meaning to life. Quarrels were filled in the house everyday and I didn’t realize the pain and sadness I had put my family through.

There were more downs than ups, but I’m thankful that I have survived through the difficult period with my dear ones beside me.  

I would like to wish everyone a very happy 2017 year ahead. No matter what the future holds, I hope everyone will remember to face all the challenges positively and live each day without any regrets. 

To 2017 - please be good to everyone. see you soon 

1/1/17. 

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2016 is coming to an end soon, which means my favourite month of the year is coming soon. It has been a long yet fruitful year. 

Left my first job on 5th Oct 2016 and started my new journey on 17th Oct 2016. Looking forward to the days ahead, and i hope to be able to pick up all the skills quickly in the new company. 

Happy Deepavali and halloween to everyone. :)

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hi,

im not doing good emotionally recently. sadness seems to overwhelm the happiness in me. i dont want that but it seems so hard to control it. they notices the change in me.  im doing my best everyday. i want to be ok. i will be. 

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Dear 22nd June 2015,

It has been 4 months since I posted something. I turned 23 last week. Time flies. In the blink of an eye, I have graduated. I am busy looking for a job now, hopefully i will be able to find 1 soon.

Looking forward to my cruise trip this coming weds with mom, even though I am not flying to somewhere faraway, I’m satisfied with this short getaway. 

I was browsing through some of the old photos in my antique laptop and realised that I have gained and lost a lot throughout these years. 

Not sure when I will visit this space again, but this shall be a place for me to document my feelings and thoughts. Till then .. 

Always remember to be happy. Thats what I need to remind myself everyday :)

Love, Xiu E

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Dear    ,

Its Chinese New Year again, somehow i don't feel the celebratory festive mood as I did in the past (back then i would really feel enthusiastic abt it). 

Its the time to reflect on myself.. My temperament is getting from bad to worse, and i know I have hurt my family members alot. 

I want to change to a better person. 

May this year be a year filled with happiness. Wishing everyone a year of good health and prosperity. :)

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emotionally unstable

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I'm really very lucky..I should appreciate the little things around me, and life will be much easier and happier.. :)

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i hope i didn't make the wrong decision this time. please let me get into the class at 10pm tonight.

sincerely

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To 2015

it's going to be a new year in about 3 hours' time. i don't know why, but i hate new year. i wish time could freeze so that i can live in December forever, but i know that is impossible. December just seems to be the happiest month out of the 12 months in the calendar, maybe because it's full of festive periods. 

Anyway, 2014 don't seem to be a good year either. 2013 was even worst. I realized that i'm not living as happy as before, especially after 'that'. I need to change my thinking and be more mature. 

So in the coming 2015, i sincerely wish for everyone to stay happy and healthy. 

Sincerely,

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i was able to fearlessly asked you to get lost because i knew you would come back again..

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Attended the training today, and i would say it was pretty comprehensive for an agency company. Though it was kind of lame! We had a mini-like lecture on what retailing is about, followed by a role play session on customer service. But in the end I didn't get G2000, because the agent said that my hair is kind of bright. So she assigned me to a SPA company called Strip, where i will be working as a receptionist, helping the customers book/cancel appointments, attend walk-in customers and promote some after-care products. Not sure whether i'm up to the job, but i hope i can manage it! :)

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Attended an interview with my agent, TCC solutions, at Clark Quay today. Its a small little office opposite the mrt. There were various jobs available for both F&B and retail positions, but i chose G2000 because there were various outlets near my house! They offered me $7 per hour, which was higher than what Recruit Express offered me. There is a training session tmr by the agent, and who knows what the training will be like ?.? Decided to try it out tmr, and we shall see.. :)

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Since its my holidays now and i have really nothing to do, i will be posting entries frequently to keep track of my life. :) i will be heading down to northpoint to have a walk-in interview at subway on monday. hopefully i will be chosen for the sandwich artiste (such a nice position name). haha i'm so fickle-minded, initially wanted to work as admin staff, then interested in retail and now, going for the F&B industry.  

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Its already the 2nd week of my holidays, and i have not found any jobs yet. The agent has been pestering me to work as cashier at taka, but the pay is really low - $6.50 per hour. if you pay me $7 ph, i might consider but $6.50 is really too much la, considering i have to travel all the way to orchard. Transportation fare is not cheap okay!! T_T i really need to find a job soon to fund my concert craze!