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genderoptional-blog · 5 years ago

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So I really used to pride myself on not being jealous but. Now I’m jealous. I think it makes it worse that they’re really trying to get me to like L. They’re nonstop talking to each other and they’ll drop in facts about them out of nowhere, even in the middle of making out and cuddling, which is just like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I get someone new is fun and exciting but can I get like. 5 minutes where their attention is actually on me??? They’re constantly zoned out texting them and I have to fight for their attention which I don’t like. And what the fuck is up with them trying to interfere with MY drag show??? They fucking told them to apply???? Which means that they’ll have like. Expectations what dating Remi means that I’ll instantly like them and cast them but like they’ve got another fucking thing coming if they think I’ll just put their new partner theyre ignoring me for in MY GODDAMN SHOW

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genderoptional-blog · 5 years ago

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Um so. She’s not dating them but we’ve been thinking that they’re dating for a while but apparently they’re not. And then B is also interested in them and it’s pretty damn obvious. I think they’re into her still tho? Even if she doesn’t see it. And the thing is, I was kinda prepared not to like them. I won’t admit it to anyone but I was a little jealous hearing about them. Or rather, not hearing about them and then just speculating. But things went well with the whole J scenario and I kinda didn’t expect them to go well?? But it did and we were vibing and idk I think I’m good at picking up flirty vibes and I just get the tiniest hunch that they’re into me. And then texting to hang out? And saying they’re really vibing me and that they wanna get to know me more? And I would look over and catch them looking at me and smiling? But then again, maybe that was just drugs. And maybe that’s just how they are as a friend? I really don’t know because I really don’t know them. Like at all. I don’t know how old they are, where they’re from, where they’re in school if they still are in school, what their zodiac sign is. It’s all very whack. And I texted them HOURS ago and they haven’t said anything and I feel anxious and jittery. There’s no way I can like them, right? That would be weird. That’d probably make things messy. But like. I can’t help getting swept up in the fantasy rn

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genderoptional-blog · 5 years ago

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Lol I was the rude one this morning??? Nope, when you’re waking someone up by hitting them in the back and getting on gop of them and shaking them all around, that makes YOU this dick. And if I snapped at you telling you to stop and get off of me, that’s on you. You had that coming. Also I didn’t want to go on this trip or wake up this early OR stay up late last night but guess what I was forced to do all those so I think I’m fucking allowed to be annoyed and to get my sleep. But of fucking course IM the bad guy and now he’s mad at me

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genderoptional-blog · 6 years ago

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I’m really not doing well. I’ve been off my meds for a couple months now because I haven’t been able to afford them. I told Tyler I wouldn’t do any sugar daddy stuff but I’m so in debt and scared and nowhere will hire me and I need the money. He said he’d do it for me but I can’t accept that. It’s so damaging to him mentally and sometimes physically because I know those guys are rough with him. And I don’t want to say it but I get more money from sugar daddies than him because I pretend to be a girl and they pay more for that. I could just do a couple meet ups and be out of debt but he won’t listen to that and I know it’s only because he doesn’t want me to get hurt and I appreciate that but I’m my own person and can do this and then just be done. And I seem to have. Developed a bit of jealousy? It’s not even being jealous that Tyler is seeing other people but like. I just miss spending time with him. I feel like I haven’t just hung out with him one on one in a week where we were able to just hang out and be happy and neither of us was working on homework or sad or upset. Because like i love Tyler so much but I don’t want the only time I get with him to just be when we’re sad or doing homework. I want to fun and easy good times too but I feel like I can’t ask for that. I know he’s said before that I come first and that I’m the most important person to him but lately I don’t feel like that. And I get it, talking to new people is exciting because they’re new but I just. Don’t wanna be left behind. And he keeps leaving me when I’m having s rough time to go hang out with the new people and like while I get I’m not thrilling to be around when I’m going through it, I still sometimes just need him. Sometimes I just get sad and in my head and all I want is to curl up in his arms and be held while I cry until I don’t feel like crying anymore. But instead he keeps leaving which really hurts. It’s unreasonable for me to expect him to drop everything for me but he keeps leaving which them makes me feel worse and then I feel even worse about feeling bad in the first place and then when he comes back I’m in this awful bad headspace and I know he’s frustrated with that and doesn’t know how to handle me like that and so that just gives him more reason to stay away and I’m really scared that eventually he’s going to get fed up with me and he’s going to leave forever. I’m just. So scared and sad and cold and the only person in the whole world I want right now is him

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genderoptional-blog · 6 years ago

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I’m kinda mad at him for drinking all my iced coffee and eating all my munchkins. We were high and I was really looking forward to them and i asked for extra glaze because it’s my favorite and he ate all but 8 munchkins and didn’t leave a single glazed one. And he drank all my iced coffee that i was planning on saving to drink in the morning. I shouldn’t be mad because he was high and got the munchies and he does so much for me but I was really looking forward to that coffee and my munchkins. Dunkin’ Donuts requires a drive to get there so I almost never get it and it’s my favorite coffee and I love their donuts. It’s big stupid for me to be mad but I can’t help it.

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