general-alex-dumas

[general-alex-dumas]

You are quite welcome, Mortier. I seem to have awoken in this realm a while back and some rules are still a mystery…

(When Mortier opens the door, an avalanche of presents falls inside!)

- @generaldesaix and @general-alex-dumas

OH SHI-

All the presents crash onto him. The marshal will poke his head out of the sea of presents cartoon-styled and look around.

Mon dieu are all these for me?? This is too much, too much! Haha they better not all have things inside! I can’t accept so many..

He reads the labels

Thank you to Desaix and.. Dumas!? He’s here too now?? Oh well thank you and salut, my friend :)

[general-alex-dumas]

D’HAUTPOUL YOU OLD BITCH!!! Yeah, Kléber told me! He even made a blood son! That kid is probably so tall he walks into all the doorframes…

What about Percheron horses, my friends? They can handle Kléber when he is piss drunk!

- @general-alex-dumas

d'Hautpoul: DUMAS, ye old bastard! Good ta see ya! Aye, Kleber had to have dem big ones, he was too fat for any others! HA! Percheron cart type or the Dutch Warmbloods.... In fact, Pajol said an' I quote:

"Kleber had, as mentioned, lost 3 horses near Mainz and therefore sent his adjutant, Captain Pajol, to Holland at the end of May, as soon as he became aware of the army's intention to advance, to select two suitable horses for him from the horse depots established there. It is evident that this was not an easy task, as the horses for Kleber's figure had to be of the heaviest type."

Ta be sure, he was nearly as tall as me, yeah, but he was bigger, if ye can believe that... fatter...ha! An' you hear he's gettin' hitched ta Madame DuQuay?

[general-alex-dumas]

Ha, I beat Bonaparte, they say!!! How have you been, Lefebvre?

Well hello there, malewife!

- @general-alex-dumas

Hello there, sexiest man in the Empire (according to the popular vote)

[general-alex-dumas]

I have no clue! Just showed up here one day?

BOOO!!!

- @general-alex-dumas

SACREBLEU ITS A GHOST FROM 23 DAYS AGO!!!!

MAYBE ITS GONE AWAY SINCE THE LETTER PILE IS FUCKING HUGE NOW

BAD JOKES ASIDE bonjour generale! where the hell did you come from?!

[general-alex-dumas]

Who was this fictional Englishman the Corsican lost to?

Wait, did the Corsican moron lose to me in a Napoleonic Sexy Tournament? Really? 

- @general-alex-dumas

Aye, that he did... though I think a match between you and, say, @tonnerre-d-alsace would be a near draw, as apparently, Marshal Lefevbre has.... "DILF" energy.

[general-alex-dumas]

The one and only Alexandre Dumas!!!

So, did my contemporaries still remember me?

Well, well, well, David! Good day!

- @general-alex-dumas

My my, what a wonderful surprise! If it isn't the legend of Porthos himself!!

Oh, good day, general Dumas. It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's seems that my partner has been reading too much lately... Heh.

Well, I believe that, throught a delightful book, I can find the perfect inspiration for my works!

[general-alex-dumas]

The Corsican didn't even made pass the first round... And lost to a fictional british character

Ha! Serves him right!

[general-alex-dumas]

Porthos like the musketeer my son created?

Hello, Marshal Looter!

- @general-alex-dumas (while laughing)

Well well well, if it isn't our Porthos! Good to see you again, old man!

[general-alex-dumas]

Adjusting to… whatever this place even is…

Hello, Lasalle!

- @general-alex-dumas

By God, that is a name I haven't seen in a long time! How have you been, my friend?

[general-alex-dumas]

Very original pun there, buddy… Silly as always, I see.

JUNOT!!!

- @general-alex-dumas

DUMBASS???? IS IT REALLY YOU?????

[general-alex-dumas]

General Dumas! How do you feel after winning the Napoleonic Sexy Tournament?

Uhh… who was my opponent? Of course I’m far sexier than the Corsican!!!

[general-alex-dumas]

Sounds good to me. I am starving! I tell you one thing though, Brindisi is - 10/10 for me! Wouldn’t recommend.

Wine, please. Thanks. I missed that Alsatian white…

K-Kléber?! Is that you?

(A familiar figure appears in front of Kléber)

In the flesh, as it were... you look familiar.... forgive me, it's been over 224 years since I've been out... Etienne, Auguste - do show our guest in.

the two Damas brothers look at the guest and can't figure out who that is either

[general-alex-dumas]

Ah, my boy… well, my MAN, I should say. It’s a shame I died when he was young… Now tell me, where the fuck is that Corsican? I need to… talk…

(Dumas looks a bit tattered and weakened, probably because he had died of an illness, but his knuckles still make a loud and intimidating crack.)

K-Kléber?! Is that you?

(A familiar figure appears in front of Kléber)

In the flesh, as it were... you look familiar.... forgive me, it's been over 224 years since I've been out... Etienne, Auguste - do show our guest in.

the two Damas brothers look at the guest and can't figure out who that is either

[general-alex-dumas]

Kléber, how in the actual fuck do you not remember me? That sand has smoothed your brain! That or drinking so much beer…

(Dumas tries to laugh but coughs.)

K-Kléber?! Is that you?

(A familiar figure appears in front of Kléber)

In the flesh, as it were... you look familiar.... forgive me, it's been over 224 years since I've been out... Etienne, Auguste - do show our guest in.

the two Damas brothers look at the guest and can't figure out who that is either