generalmurderer

[generalmurderer]

so i made some memes

[generalmurderer]

This is the Lucky Ace. Reblog to recieve a wad of cash that is oddly specific to your current needs.

[generalmurderer]

[generalmurderer]

[generalmurderer]

all of us: vibing

corona:

[generalmurderer]

5.3.2020

[generalmurderer]

[generalmurderer]

quarantine has me working out

[generalmurderer]

no filter, just post 😌

[generalmurderer]

i have no where else to go

i genuinely feel worse than i was at my lowest point.

i was going out and with friends so who cares that i was crying myself to sleep every night because of how much i hated my appearance. at least i was distracted for most of the day.

this quarantine is making me so insane.

i feel like i have no friends because i can’t see them anymore. i hate myself even more with each second.

i’ve stopped eating and am now compulsively exercising constantly because maybe if i’m skinny again someone will love me. ive been wearing a belt on the tightest my waist can handle for weeks now because all i wanna do is look perfect.

i hate myself so much.

mall my friends are so beautiful and they tell me i am too. but i hear them talk about boys and like cute shit and even bad shit and all i can do is try to give them advice but i fucking start crying the moment i can.

i feel so ugly and pointless and as though i have no meaning at all, now especially with this self isolation.

i just don’t get it anymore.

why am i so sad

when life is supposed to be good

[generalmurderer]

check up on your friends

in this time where a lot of schools are moving online due to covir-19, please check up on your friends struggling with mental illness. for a lot of kids, sxhool may be the only reason they get up and leave the home/eat/drink water/etc. with everything moving online especially with “social distancing” becoming a near requirement for the majority, it’s severely important to make sure your friends are okay.

if you are aware that your friends are struggling with depression, text them to check how they’re holding up. if you’re aware that you have a friend with an eating disorder, facetime them and see if they’ve eaten. if your friend had anxiety, call them to let them know corona won’t kill them. check up on your friends, especially those with mentall illness.

if you are the friend with mentall illness,

i’m here to tell you it’ll be okay.

[generalmurderer]

not my normal content

insecurity ?

i know teenagers are hormonal disasters but i guess i just want some comfort in knowing i’m not alone?

both my parents are emotionally/verbally abusive and have neglected me as long as i can remember, and most of my past friendships in the past have ended with abandonment and absolutely no explanation. my first relationship, who was my first kiss and love, ended with him cheating on me and ghosting me just to hit me with a “i gtg watch a movie, i’ll talk to you tmmrw” when i asked him if he ever cared about me. after that i didn’t really do the whole emotional thing and the first guy to wanna date me after that told me he’d probably cheat on me if we dated.

the few times my mother spoke to me during my childhood, if it wasn’t about how i have to be skinny and throw up my food when i’m older, was to emphasize the point that my one purpose in life is for men. obviously i don’t really believe that much now, but children develop certain subconscious expectancy based off family.

maybe it’s my stupid want to be romantically loved, but everyday just gets harder and no matter how many times my friends call me pretty all i think is that it’s simply them lying because they don’t wanna feel responsible if i off myself.

i think i just wanna ask, do you ever feel like, you’re not really anything anymore? or that you’re only alive for others? that you aren’t your own person? that there’s nothing you can do to be pretty/attractive/etc? and the more you change your appearance the more you hate yourself?

[generalmurderer]

isla/zero two

[generalmurderer]

shades of saturation

[generalmurderer]

my friend got me to start taking pictures of the sunsets and sunrises

[generalmurderer]

[generalmurderer]

My english teacher taught us about this. There’s a specific reason public schools are the way they are. From not letting us eat/drink in class, to how we address our teachers as Mr./Ms./etc, to even the schedules. Basically, the whole purpose of school is to teach us to be workers. That’s why we’re given specific tasks at specific times being monitored by superiors. We can’t eat at specific times to mimic what they want us to end up in, a factory or the like.

In private schools, it’s a lot more relaxed and free. They aren’t given as much supervision or control because they’re being raised to be owners/bosses. In a lot of private schools, you call your teachers by their first names and it’s less lecture and more discussion.

This all boils down to Marxist theory and social class reproduction. We are raised from a extremely young age to be placed in a certain sector that we belong in depending on what our family does. That’s why cycles of poverty are so prevelant in families and why rich families stay rich.

The way our schools are structured are to reproduce distinct classes and to make us believe that severe class inequity is okay or even fake.

Teachers should let kids eat and drink in class, I have no idea why high school teachers act like tiny dictators of their pathetic kingdoms. Like, let them go to the bathroom, if they are hungry let them eat, if they are thirsty let them drink.

It shouldn’t really be so difficult.