geneshaven

[geneshaven]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I've been putting this off for a couple weeks, but I have to talk about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.

First off, yes I am a Swifty. And yes, I am a man. But that doesn't matter in the big picture. She is a talented, successful, beautiful woman who has amassed a legion of fans with her music and stage presence. I don't think that anything about her is manufactured or fake. She is a real, genuine person and cares about her craft and the people who love her.

I am a huge football fan as well. And when Travis Kelce entered the picture, it was a perfect match in that spectrum. Watching them interact with each other for the past 6 months has been a delight. I am a romantic at heart and their relationship has moved me like a breath of fresh air. The PDA they displayed at the beginning of their romance was inspiring and I couldn't help comparing it to Kelce scoring a touchdown and Taylor captivating large, enthusiastic crowds with her performances.

They seem to be totally into each other. And just like following a football game or screaming in adoration at Taylor during her concert; it's epic.

But the past couple weeks, the insane, hardline conservatism that Magas, Fox News and the general insanity of the GOP has displayed is sickening to me. So let me sort this out. The GOP thinks that Taylor is an undercover operative working with Biden to gain votes for the upcoming election. Wow. I didn't think anybody from that party was intelligent or creative enough to come up with that kind of scenario. It is just bonkers. (The GOP party should change their name to the Bonkers party.) I guess haters are going to hate, no matter which hat they wear.

But despite all this insanity, I am going to thoroughly enjoy the upcoming Super Bowl. I am going to enjoy, win or lose, Travis and Taylor's love story. I am going to lose myself in the idea of love and how high it can elevate all of us.

And maybe within that, I can find a little for the Bonkers party as well.

Go Chiefs!

[geneshaven]

Falling In Love Again

For those of you who know me, falling in love again was something I thought I would never do again after losing my wife these past six years. Jesus, I'm glad I was wrong.

I look at you, and the universe is there to explore

I touch you, and I lose the ability to breathe

I love you, and my soul sets on fire

I'm with you, and I'll never be alone again

I found you, living inside my heart

I'm connected to you, and that's forever

[geneshaven]

No Choice To Make

There is a special place in my heart for the earlier seasons of Arrow. Olicity coming together, Slade Wilson, Roy, Moira, Thea, and God help us, Laurel. But there were some iconic scenes, and in particular in Season 2, Oliver saving Felicity from the Count in episode 7 and that little moment afterwards when Oliver and Felicity are alone after John left.

This little one-shot is about that little moment. I have taken the liberty of adding my own head cannon on how it should have played out.

 After Felicity told Oliver that she was sorry for putting him in the situation to choose to kill again, and after he took hold of her hand and assured her that there was no choice to make, Oliver watched Felicity smile at him and then turned to leave.

But it wasn’t his touch that brought a surge of heat into her heart. It was a new kind of courage and conviction that suddenly awakened inside her. She had more to say to Oliver, a mix of desire and need that cascaded through her mind. It was as warm and comforting as his hand grasping hers. She felt her body heating up, and not because of the blanket Oliver had wrapped around her shoulders. No, this warmth went deeper, down to the secret she has been holding onto ever since he brought her that shot-up laptop.

Felicity is in love with Oliver Queen.

She had met the man first, before he became the hero his is now. However, after what happened tonight, she could not deny that she was in love with the hero too. Watching his physical skills as he faced the danger was a powerful attractor, and not just tonight but every night since she came onboard with John and Oliver to help save the city.

Despite Oliver’s inner demons and the violence that had ruled him for so long, Felicity saw from the very beginning the tenderness and gentle comfort he gave her. Okay, he  did lie to her about that laptop and about that silly sports bottle snafu, (to name a couple that stand out) but when he  displayed his soft-spoken concern about her as he knelt down to comfort her after killing the Count---Felicity could no longer deny her feelings for him, could no longer keep her secret.

So, as Oliver turned to leave after touching her, Felicity reached out and grasped his arm, as if her own comforting touch was the only thing that could tame his inner conflicts. “Oliver,” she spoke to him, looking into his eyes as he turned back around to face her. “I’m…I have something else I want to say. Uh…if you have a few more minutes to spare.”

Oliver gave her his full attention. “Yeah,” he responded. “Of course. What’s up?”

Felicity was hyper-conscious of her hand still resting on his arm. This was definitely a night of touching, she thought. Maybe it was still the lingering relief and excitement of what happened when she watched him come down that hallway to save her, moving with graceful steps and a determined look on his unmasked face. But she knew it was really her conviction in letting Oliver know how she felt about him.

She could feel him waiting for her to continue. There are certain moments in a person’s life that are defining. Felicity heard somewhere that relationships have a tendency to bring people together on a more intimate level when a shared moment of trauma or a dangerous situation like her and Oliver went through tonight. But this was not their first rodeo together. Normally, Felicity was not psychically present when Oliver took on the bad guys. But tonight it was simply a case of Felicity being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Without Oliver’s skills, she was nothing more than victim. It did not sit well with her.

“Oliver, I want…” Felicity hesitated, suddenly unsure if this was the right time to let her feelings out. She knew Oliver had a lot on his plate right now, with his mother and Thea spiraling through a maelstrom of jail and court in the aftermath of Merlyn’s evil plot to destroy Staring City. But Felicity also knew that if she didn’t tell Oliver how she felt, that moment would be gone, maybe forever. She felt like someone stumbling around in the dark, losing her way to the light.

“Oliver,” she began again. “I wanted to talk to you about…about how you make me feel.”

Like Oliver, there was no other choice to make. As the three words that she had been holding onto suddenly spilled out into the space between them. It felt like the perfect way to end this crazy night.  

@memcjo @hope-for-olicity @it-was-a-red-heeler @swordandarrow @1106angel @cruzrogue @icannotbelieveiamhere

[geneshaven]

This is not new music, but it feels like it is. I haven’t listened to it in quite some time. It was a song my wife wrote and it was pure collaboration musically. 

@4everships

[geneshaven]

Reaching Out To An Old Friend

It’s been awhile since I’ve haunted these blog pages, since I’ve reached out to other bloggers and their wonderful voices, rather it be positive or negative. My thoughts on that great but sometimes disappointing show that was called Arrow has laid dormant in me these last couple years since we all said goodbye to Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak and John Diggle. I haven’t rewatched the show since that last scene with Oliver and Felicity standing at that widow and gazing out at the world at their fantasies (or more accurately Mark’s fantasies.) For me, it was both enchanting and ridiculous. But, I also had the feeling that when the show came to an end, I was left with nothing more than a hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach. So much time and investment was drained out of me when the final fade out blackened my TV and brought to an end a show that put me through so many paces, in the land of Arrow as well as in my own personal life. Despite the toxic direction the show went in, I had a hard time letting it go. 

So, what have I’ve been doing since? Well, I’ve lived through a pandemic, watched America’s political landscape shift into a barren wasteland of hate and division, and tried to find another show that I could invest my time in. 

There have been a couple of those shows I’ve given my heart to. Three of them are actually shows that have been off the air for some time---Haven, Warehouse 13 and Fringe. I’ve also immersed myself in the MCU universe with shows like Wandavision, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and lately, Loki. I am excited by the upcoming Eternals movie as well as the new Spiderman movie coming out in December. 

Yet, I really don’t think I will ever replace in my heart how much Arrow affected me, how it drew me in during those earlier seasons when hope and faith and love were still concepts one could sink their teeth into, one that gave me a sense of satisfaction as one of the greatest ships that brightened my outlook on life and the human condition. 

Another reason for the sense of emptiness is the loss of being able to sit down at my computer and write about that ship, to bring into focus the many reasons (at least in the first 3 seasons) why I shipped them in the first place. It was about strength and hope and the foundation of love it was built on. It was about looking out from the darkness and seeing a light that is universal. I was fortunate to steer my life into its brilliance. I was also fortunate to listen to the other voices ringing out through fanfiction and metas, through videos and gifs that gave Oliver and Felicity a better outcome and a fulcrum for the love that touched so many hearts.

I am grateful for my time with all of you, of all those who took the time to read my words and shed some light on why I climbed aboard that grand, sailing ship that took me to so many distant shores. 

@memcjo @swordandarrow @it-was-a-red-heeler @hope-for-olicity @cruzrogue @1106angel

[geneshaven]

This Way To The Rabbit Hole

What the hell, I was feeling nostalgic today. And I miss writing about these two. 

 Felicity began to feel a massive rush of anger move through her as she sat on her couch at the Loft. A picture of Billy was displayed on her tablet screen laying upright next to her.  She could not tell how long it had been since Oliver told her what happened when he came back from confronting Prometheus. She was numb at first, as Oliver’s voice echoed in her mind, telling her that he had inadvertently killed Billy. Then he told everyone that they should get away from him.

Despite the tempest of emotions pouring through her, Felicity could still see the parts of him that would always cling to her heart. He was (and probably always will) put his own safety and well-being on the back burner, and in the name of those he cared for and loved, find his own kind of acceptance, garnering the acceptance of those gathered around him. But Felicity still could not move closer to him when the rest of the team took him into their embraces.

What she felt was a burgeoning, massive anger settle into her heart.

Revenge was not something Felicity had ever become acquainted with.  It was a feeling she had never taken out and had a really close look at. Not like Oliver. Ever since he washed up on the shores of Lian Yu, a person completely taken away from everything he had ever known, the man had built his rebirth on the foundation of survival, of killing to stay alive, of building formidable walls of strength and skill around him so that he would have the best chance to be the last person standing after the storms that blew into his life threatened to wash him away.

Perhaps she had been one of those storms that blew him away. Their relationship up until now was certainly tumultuous.  The very first thing they shared between themselves was Oliver’s lie about that laptop. Felicity knew it was a lie, but she also could feel a chemistry form in the space between them, and an almost uncanny prediction that she would be seeing more of Oliver Queen.

The night was deepening and Felicity felt like her life was descending into darkness. As she sat on her couch, she remembered that she tried to stop Billy as he went off to, in his own words, ‘be true to myself.’ Like she told Oliver that night on the balcony, she wasn’t sure how she felt about Billy. She could also remember telling Oliver that she was scared to tell him about her new boyfriend. She gazed down at the laptop next to her and winced at the smile Billy had on his face in the picture. A flash of guilt went through her as she felt like she had been fighting a war on two different fronts, a clash between her ambiguous feelings for Oliver and her affair with Billy. Yes, a part of her acknowledged that she felt like she not only chickened-out in telling Oliver about Billy, but also not letting Billy know that she  still had feelings for Oliver. It was all very confusing and she could not keep stepping over both of those lines.

But now, that conflict in her heart was gone. Billy was gone. And perhaps maybe Oliver was gone as well. Besides, she had been the one who walked away from their history. She knew Oliver was looking for absolution over his lie about William. She also knew that he wasn’t one to walk away from someone or something because of adversity. It was one of the many reasons she fell in love with him in the first place.

But despite everything, Felicity felt her own guilt rise to the surface as the reality of Billy’s death found her alone on this couch. She felt that she had used him as a pawn in the difficult and dysfunctional chess game going on between her need to move on from Oliver and her still lingering need to have him hold her. It was a reconciliation with herself she could not make.

And still, that anger she began to feel back at the Bunker was still there. The more she thought of how Prometheus manipulated both Billy and Oliver into completely upending her life, the closer it brought her to the deepening darkness settling not only around Star City, but also into her heart. She had been given the opportunity to look more closely at her need for revenge, her need to make Prometheus hurt and suffer as much as she did. She did not immediately recognize how much that anger would give her a clearer picture of why Oliver felt it was necessary to lie to her about William.  She did not recognize that killing Prometheus would not lessen her pain; it would embolden it to take more chances, to embrace the darkness that was poised to consume her.

And to mirror Oliver’s.

Felicity reached over and turned her tablet off. She could not look at Billy anymore. In her own way, and by herself, she had said goodbye to him. A single tear rolled down her weary face as she let him go. Now, a resolve took hold of her, a dimension that changed everything and would soon redefine her need to save her city, a dimension that Oliver introduced into her life when he broke cover and brought her into his orbit.

That earlier burgeoning anger fell into her eyes and she glared out into the darkness of the Loft. Yes, she had learned much from Oliver and his influence in her life. It was a lesson she intended to share with Prometheus when she found him.

@memcjo @it-was-a-red-heeler @swordandarrow @olicityotp-always @hope-for-olicity

[geneshaven]

Bonus:

[geneshaven]

The Nightmare is Over

I can’t even begin to express my elation that Joe Biden has become our next President. I am not delusional enough to think that he will enter the White House, (after the Secret Service forcefully escorts Trump out of the Oval Office in January) and immediately clean up all the damage the GOP has done to our country over the  past 4 years. It will be a long, hard job to bring normalcy back to America. 

Perhaps the first thing President Biden should tackle is to go after all these militia whack jobs who have taken Trump’s seemingly call to arms and went into the streets of American cities to sow dissention and violence in the name of “patriotism.” Yes, I own guns, but I don’t use them to intimidate people who are only utilizing their voices and their hopes and their dreams. 

The main outcome I’ve taken away from all this is that democracy does still work. That hate and violence and chaos is not the answer. That unity is still a concept that deserves a chance to take hold.

Let’s get started  

[geneshaven]

I found this in an old music file in my computer. I wrote it as a make-up gesture after a fight with my wife, Susan. I remember that it worked.

@swordandarrow @memcjo @it-was-a-red-heeler @1106angel

@cruzrogue

[geneshaven]

Poetic Justice

Is it just me, or is there a certain poetic justice in President Trump contracting Covid after months of denial and lies, of ridiculing and demeaning scientists and medical professionals, of encouraging his legion of worshipers to disregard masks and social distancing, of downplaying the seriousness of this disease and setting such a fucked-up example to the very country he was supposedly elected to protect, of making fun of President Biden wearing a mask? This list could go on and on. 

And don’t even get me started on that train wreck of a debate the whole world watched on Tuesday.

My need to vote in November has never been as strong in my entire adult life.

[geneshaven]

A Long Life Together

PART 5

 I have been negligent in keeping this story going. But I can’t let go of it. Lots of things going on in my life that has kept me away from the computer. I started to think that maybe Arrow has been over for too long now and that the fanfiction audience has moved on to other interests. But I still offer this short installment anyway, because I haven’t moved on.

Oliver and Felicity’s flight was an hour outside of Logan Airport in Boston.  Oliver had used the six hour flight to gather in his thoughts and anxiety’s over his reunion with William. One prevailing image predominated all the other memories and feelings he harbored while in his cell at Slabside---he and William’s last conversation in that holding room.  As if he felt that he was never going to have that moment again, Oliver had told his son that he would always be in his father’s heart.  It was a sort of cleansing as he told William about his deal with Agent Watson. He tried to make him understand that what Oliver was doing through his sacrifice was ensuring that William had a safe, normal life.

Felicity had fallen asleep in the seat next to Oliver. He looked over at her and had another predominating image fill his contemplative mind---Felicity walking up to him as he came out of the prison that had separated them for all those long months. When she reached up and cradled his bloody face in her yearning hands, Oliver released all the turmoil and violence he had just gone through. Her touch brought that special calm that only she could instill into his complicated life. Flying across the country with her next to him made the flight seem more meaningful somehow. He couldn’t have made it without her. She knew what Oliver was going through mentally but she didn’t try to pry it out of him. During the past three months since his release, they did not really talk about William. Yes, he was always in the back of his mind, but it took him the past three months to decompress from the mental and physical traumas he experienced inside Slabside, and he focused mostly on that. He lost himself in Felicity’s love for him, disappeared inside the healing stretch of her arms and the softness of her body.

Now, as they were approaching Boston, Oliver wanted to tell Felicity how much he needed her with him. He wanted to tell her about his fears over seeing William again. He wanted to tell her about the uncertainty he felt when he thought about his future, who he would be now, after all the years of violence and growth he went through as the Green Arrow. But mostly, he wanted to talk to Felicity about what happened with William’s grandparents. Their deaths were still fresh in his mind. Having to start their lives as father and son over again; it was not what Oliver wanted to open with when he stood before his son. The closer they got to their destination, the more Oliver’s anxiety grew. He did not know how he was going to tell William that his life was about to change once again.

“Oliver,” Felicity suddenly spoke next to him. “What’s going on? I know that brooding look when it lands on your face. Tell me.”

Oliver broke out of his troubled thoughts and looked over to his wife. An uncontrollable smile stretched across his face. “You always do that,” he replied.

“Do what?” she smiled back.

“Break through my perimeter and capture my heart.” He reached over and touched her face. “I don’t deserve you, my love.”

“Come on Oliver. We’ve been down that road before. It’s not about what we deserve; it’s about what we need. We need each other.  And right now, you need to tell me why you look like you’re not comfortable with this trip.”

Oliver sighed and gave into the inevitable.  “Felicity, I guess we need to talk about William and how I’m going to tell him that I’m the only family he has now.”

Felicity reached over and took Oliver’s hand. “Okay love, let’s talk about that. You go first.”

@swordandarrow @memcjo @hope-for-olicity @it-was-a-red-heeler

[geneshaven]

A Long Life Together

I know it’s been back in April since I wrote an installment to this story, but I’ve been penning fanfiction for another show I’ve become obsessed with. I’ve not forgotten my first ship, and even though I stepped away from them for a time, I will always return to my first love.

 Part 4

 Felicity had fallen back asleep, and Oliver continued to hold her as she snuggled into him.  Her breathing was deep but calm. It had always comforted him, as if every breath she took was a confirmation of their lives together. Carefully and tenderly, as not to wake her up, Oliver touched the silky texture of her hair as it lay against his chest.

After their sultry shower together, and after they took it into the bedroom, Oliver was content to just lay there and think about the last three months since he left Slabside. Not having anything planned for his immediate future, Oliver had used the time to realign himself to the life he had chosen all those years ago when he came back to Star City from the island with the life he now had. He stroked Felicity’s hair again, as if touching her was the right thing, the only thing in his life he could believe in. There had been many changes in him since those first turbulent years as the Starling City vigilante, and to be sure, his earlier dedication to his mission was the main driving force in righting wrongs, of introducing the city to justice again. Even though that justice was born in the shadows of his determination, through violence and self-preservation, Oliver began to feel a fundamental change in him.

But after meeting John, then later Felicity, Oliver began to feel a different motivation to put on his hood and go out every night to make a difference. John and Felicity began to teach him that his “skills” could be used as a positive influence in the hearts and minds of the people of Starling City. They taught him that having a core family to draw strength from was essential in making that difference he struggled with at first. He was still killing back then, and he did not think twice about firing his arrows into his targets. It was all he knew how to do, and as he told Felicity later, it kept him alive.

Certain instances of the past seven years had highlighted a jolting, shattering view of where he might have ended up if he chose to go it alone, certainly within the walls of Slabside among other times, without partners, without a big brother to lean on and the presence of love incarnate when he met his now beautiful wife. That kind of life, fulfilling and textured, was not in the original Oliver Queen playbook. And once he learned that he deserved it, he embraced that life, good and bad.

Oliver shifted on the bed and wrapped his arms around Felicity. She did not wake and he began to synch his breathing to hers. He closed his eyes and all that he thought about began  to bring his dreams closer to the peace in his mind he created whenever he thought about where and how and who made the real difference in his life.

He closed his eyes and drifted off as if he did not have a care in the world.

 *

A couple hours later, Felicity was awoken by the trilling of Oliver’s cell on the table next to his side of the bed. It was consistent, and she felt an unreasonable notion that it might be something that would once again change their lives. She did not want any more changes. All she needed right now was Oliver lying beside her, this reconnecting with him, that it seemed they had a second chance to ride off into the sunset. She almost decided to ignore the call, and was about to reach across Oliver to silence the phone, when he stirred and opened his eyes.

“Hey,” he sleep-whispered to her. “It’s okay, I’ll take it.” He reached over and picked up his phone. “Whoever and whatever you want,” he began to say as he answered the phone, and then he fell silent. He listened with an intensity to the caller and Felicity held her breath, as if bad news was about to fill the room, piercing through the bubble they created these past months.

“Are you sure,” Oliver inquired into the phone? He continued to lay still. “Alright, I will. Thanks for the call.” He clicked off the phone and didn’t say anything for a few moments.

Felicity reached up and touched his face. “Hey, who was it,” she asked?

He waited a few more seconds before he turned back to her and looked into her eyes. There was a distance in his and Felicity recognized the look. It was the one he got whenever something transformed him into the Green Arrow, an entity he has seemingly discarded when he came home for prison. Finally, he answered his wife.

“That was Captain Singh, from Central City. William’s grandparents…they…they’ve been in a car accident.”

“Oliver…what…”

“They were killed, Felicity.”

Both of them lie there in the bed and let the ramifications of what happened wash over them. Felicity was right after all. It was bad news, and she almost felt a need to close her heart to its disruption of their lives.

“Oliver…”

“Felicity, we have to go get William. Cambridge, right?”

He tightened his arms around her, as if her presence was an anchor he could hold onto.

@swordandarrow @memcjo @it-was-a-red-heeler @hope-for-olicity

[geneshaven]

so, this is the first new music I’ve written since i went solo, (without my wife singing alongside of me.) Her voice made our music, but now you  get mine. I am not a singer, but i can sing for her.

@it-was-a-red-heeler @memcjo @swordandarrow @hope-for-olicity

[geneshaven]

[geneshaven]

Sorry, But I Am Really Pissed

As so many Americans have been enraged by George Floyd’s senseless death at the hands of, yet again, racist cops, I am perhaps more affected by it. Having been in Law Enforcement for 28 years, I watch these kinds of videos and can only feel sick to my stomach. I have worked with people like those Minneapolis cops, and in some cases, was myself demonized by their racism, for speaking out against it and going outside the “brotherhood” of police officers. Over the years, indeed over the last four hundred years, those kinds of protests have mostly gone unheard. There is a sub-culture of hate that brews in America. It festers and infiltrates our society like a cancer. It is a travesty and I am ashamed at times that I have been a cop myself. I don’t want to be a part of that kind of heritage. Not any more.

However, I would be derelict of duty if I didn't point out the catalyst of what has ignited the kind of violence and indifference portrayed by those cops in Minneapolis. That catalyst is named Donald Trump. I can and will lay it at his feet. Forget for a moment how much he fucked up in his response to Covid-19, of how he called it a hoax perpetuated by Democrats and their crazed, left-wing followers. He blamed everybody except who was responsible for the now more than over 100,000 deaths in America. Forget that he is a shallow husk of a man who wouldn’t know or understand compassion if it fell on him, or even elected him. No, President Thump’s biggest fear is appearing weak in the eyes of his base. He will never admit wrong doing. Never.

So when an incident like George Floyd comes along (and there have been many more just like it) he riles up that base with the false perception that he is being a strong leader, someone who cares enough to let his crazy supporters literally get away with murder. 

I vaguely remember the Civil Rights movement in the 60′s, (I was in grade school then) but I do remember how I was at times picked on for having Native American friends while growing up in Alaska. I feel today that maybe what those American heroes in the 60′s who fought against the injustice of racism maybe might have been overlooked or forgotten. It seems what a lot of them fought and died for may have been in vain. And when the leaders of this country sanction it all---it means, at least to this author, that the battle must be taken up again, with more furor and more voices shouting out that black, yellow, brown, and yes, white people should stand together and let freedom ring.

But first, we all must do our part in removing that pimple on the butt of America who currently resides in Washington. I know I will.   

[geneshaven]

Something Old, Something New

So I just finished  binge watching a show on Netflix. It’s called Haven. It’s based on a novella by Stephen King called The Colorado Kid. The show ended in 2015 after 5 seasons.

There is a central love story between the two main characters (Audrey and Nathan) that completely drew me in. Audrey (played by Emily Rose) and Nathan (played by Lucas Bryant) are partners in Haven PD. They investigate and solve cases of people who have supernatural abilities (called troubles.) The show was filmed in Nova Scotia and some of the scenery is breath taking, as well as the love story it tells. It is full of angst and desire and it was completely satisfying to my shipper heart.

The ship for this show is named Naudrey.I was enamored by the chemistry between them. And yes, it reminded me of another ship that I totally lost myself in---one Olicity.

I highly recommend this show to anyone who has a sense of romance to their souls. 

@hope-for-olicity @memcjo @it-was-a-red-heeler @swordandarrow

[geneshaven]

A Long Life Together

Part Three

 Felicity opened her eyes on an early Sunday morning in Star City. Dawn was washing grey shadows on the bedroom walls, December light that cast a seasonal tint not only on the walls around her, but also in Felicity’s eyes as she shifted her gaze around the room, as if looking for traces of the past three months since Oliver came back to her. She had a brief fear that the grey light around her could take him away from her. But that was the old, weak Felicity fear. While Oliver was in Slabside, she had searched and then found a new person that she had caught glimpses of through the years she spent with Oliver and Team Arrow. Having been forced into protecting herself and William, Felicity embraced her survival instincts, and she let go of the old version of herself and assumed what she was now.

She could hear the showering running in the bathroom and could envision Oliver leaning into the hot spray of water, loosening his muscles and bringing him a moment of peace away from everything that they would eventually have to face.  When Oliver outed himself before he went to prison, it didn’t just expose Oliver Queen as the Green Arrow, it also put Felicity in the same spotlight. During their three months of decompression, as if they were both taking one long, sustained breath, Oliver and Felicity felt as if they were discovering each other all over again. Oliver’s experiences at Slabside and how close Felicity went off the rails trying to get him out had changed both of them. Yes, it made them stronger but it also made them think of what was important in their lives, not only as individuals but as husband and wife too.

Also, she remembered that today was their wedding anniversary as well. A special time; to be sure.

They still had so much to discuss about what happened after Oliver left. She and Oliver and John had talked about some of it on their way back to Star City, but Felicity did not feel as if that time was now. What she did feel was how nice it would be to get out of bed and join Oliver in the shower. So, she rose and put on a silk robe and then steered herself toward the sound of water, as if it was inviting her into ecstasy. When she walked into the bathroom and saw the shower curtain pulled closed, Felicity did not hesitate. She dropped her robe and reached out to pull the curtain open.

“Good morning,” she said. “Do you…

The shower curtain was suddenly pulled open and Felicity stepped back from the urgency of Oliver’s movement.

**

Oliver leaned into the hot water and closed his eyes as its warmth cascaded down on him. It settled into his bones and he succumbed to its embrace. To be sure, there had been some difficulty for him to be so vulnerable, so open to how he let people close to him come inside and see the newly born darkness that Slabside had awakened in him. He envisioned another shower a few months ago, soon after arriving at the prison. Like now, he was leaning into the spray of water, letting it open his senses to what was going on around him, as if he had a personal radar protecting him from danger. Still, he was attacked by multiple inmates, forcing him to fight naked, without weapons or gimmicks. He tempered himself down to the basics of survival and tried to take out as many of them as he could.

Yet, Oliver also discovered that everything wasn’t just darkness, black and cloying. He discovered that there was a touch of gray mixed in with it, something akin to a beacon, a window into each person he faced, or even each person that he was closest to; namely Felicity and John. When Turner introduced him to the grey, Oliver was astounded at how he could have  missed its simplicity, its truth. As he sat in the back seat of that car, Oliver focused on Felicity and John’s words as they told them their stories, or at least some of them. Oliver could sense through the lens of grey he looked through now that both of his friends were holding things back. It disturbed him and he felt more vulnerable that he had somehow missed an opportunity to make things right.

Oliver’s body was totally relaxed under the spray of water he stood under. There was something else he discovered during the three month hiatus he and Felicity were taking. He had found some peace. Being with Felicity again gave him his sense of home back and every time he took her into his arms, it was like he was taking hold of the truth in his life. She was a part of his heart and Oliver had felt so empty while they were parted. But another truth in their lives was why they were parted. He felt that by turning himself in to Watson, by surrendering the mission in favor of keeping everybody close to him safe, he was protecting what was  most important to him---his family. He never stopped to think that his action would also put all those in his circle of life exposed by his incarceration. All the changes to their lives, the division Oliver learned about in the car, John’s guilt and Felicity’s animosity towards  him, not to mention the rest of the team and how it forced them to make their own difficult decisions. All of it was on his shoulders and he let the hot water raining down him wash some of it away.

As he settled into his thoughts, Oliver’s inner radar began to go off. He immediately cleared  his mind and sent his senses out to the environment around him. His breathing became almost melodic as his body tensed up for the unexpected.

Then he spun around and yanked open the shower curtain. Felicity was startled back a couple of steps. Oliver immediately held out his hand to her. “Felicity…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

A tender smile fell on to Felicity’s lips as she stepped toward his outreached hand. “Hey, I should have known better than to sneak up on you like that.” She surveyed her husband standing there with water dripping off his body. “Now that we’ve established it’s just me out here, maybe I could…oh, you know, wash your back or something.”

Oliver felt his body loosen up and he stepped back into the shower to make room for her. “Yeah, maybe you could. And maybe I could wash yours too.”

Felicity stepped in with him and they shared their love for one another, a strength that gave both of them certainty that nothing will ever pull them apart again.

@it-was-a-red-heeler @memcjo @hope-for-olicity @swordandarrow