geoffgoldblum

[geoffgoldblum]

🕸🦇 𝕸𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖒𝖞 𝖇𝖔𝖞𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖆𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖆 𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖓𝖎𝖈 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖞 (𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖙 - 𝖒𝖊)🦇🕸

[geoffgoldblum]

my best feature is that I'm blindingly intelligent for about 30 seconds a day

[geoffgoldblum]

Taika Waititi is a gift

[geoffgoldblum]

I ran a heist this morning as a  tribute to mother joanne

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

Some dude: Hey bro you got the time?

Me: Yeah it’s fuckinuuuuuh [pulls a cat out of the inside of my jacket and looks it dead in the eyes] about 6pm

[geoffgoldblum]

back in my day we didn’t call it “shitposting”, we called it “nightblogging” and blamed the australians

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

“Supreme Leader Snoke” sounds like something i’d say when i’m drunk at the club and someone asks me whats my name

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

there’s no shame in admitting that none of us have any concept of how big a whale is

[geoffgoldblum]

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

[geoffgoldblum]

Blu is a smol, sleepy pup.

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

[geoffgoldblum]

we opened at 11 this morning. i watched an old man literally pry the fucking sliding doors open at 10:43 and stand there just staring into the empty store and my coworker & i were like sir. for the love of fuck