geosbooksandthings

[geosbooksandthings]

Chapter Three:

HER:

The day is perfect. The birds chirp, the wind is cool, but you can still feel that summer breeze. I inhaled and I felt him deflate beside me.

“You know, looking back, no one really likes me in high school. Good thing, college really turned it around for me.” He nodded unconvinced. “What? You don’t believe I had friends in college and wasn’t a loser?”

“No, it’s just that you don’t want anyone in high school. You got that wrong.”

“Funny.” I snorted.

“You don’t really talk to anyone. You punched Victor when he told you he likes you, remember?” I can’t believe he knows that, but it’s not a surprise since they have the same circle of friends. If I’m being honest, it’s the reason why the boys snickered when I walk by and girls don’t want to hang out with me is because apparently, I hate everyone, and not in a cool badass way.

“You made it seem like you are better than anyone of us.” I once silenced by that “but maybe, you are.”

He wants to make me feel better, but it just made me feel more alone. I never wanted that. I want to belong anywhere, somewhere.

“Except that young music teacher, what a shame he resigned, right?”

She’s alone in a café near the school. She’s waiting for someone, an unlikely friendship, or not. He’s a teacher, a very young one but still a teacher. They shouldn’t be hanging out outside school, but he insisted he needs to get the music sheet at home and that it’s not illegal to meet outside if it’s school related. So, she plays with her fidget cube, the one her psychiatrist insists she bring “just in case”. This is the first time she’s using it and it seems to get her mind off things.

“Here.” He put the sheet gently in front of her. He came looking so.. young, handsome. Her blouse felt too sheer and her hair unlike her. “Your hair looks good on you.” He said not moving, small smile on his lips.

“Thank you.” She said. She have never felt this self-conscious in her life. “I need to go Mr. Miller, but thank you for this.” She shoved the sheet in her bag, feeling embarrassed of making him think that she doesn’t really care about it.

“We can talk for a bit if you want. Are you really in a hurry? Will your parents get mad?” She consider his questions but he really need to focus on her adversary which is her Math assignment.

“No, I just really need to finish my homework. Math. I have zero ability in understanding this and I might fail. I am sorry.” She silently cursed her friend who promised that he will help him but he has been AWOL for weeks now. Rumor has it that he’s busy with his girlfriend.

“I can help you out. Math is my favorite subject. Second from Music of course.” Girlfriend or not, the fact that there’s a knot in his stomach thinking about him made her say yes. That handsome smirk is just a bonus.

It became a habit of them to hang out at least twice or thrice a week in the café. She didn’t get better at Math but it made her feel less alone. There’s something to look forward to, finally. Until one day, while walking to her locker someone shouted, “Here goes the teacher leech!” A group of boys howled. She didn’t need to know who is included in that group. She’s afraid of going to class that day so she did what she does best – hide. She went home, skipped school and stayed inside her home lest she gets called into the Principal’s office.

The next day, she received a text from Mr. Miller asking if she will go to school that day, she didn’t respond. She didn’t go to school again, and the day after that.

The next week her anxiety of going back almost made her puke but no one bothered her the whole day. Her teacher didn’t even ask her why she’s out, apparently someone call and said she’s sick. She figured her mother saw her at home and bothered to call the school, at least she did that.

Her:

“I wonder what happened to him, he was just gone.” It bothers her how someone can just pop in and out of your life when they want to. In these wonderings he learned through the people who did it to her. In college, she ghosted guys, older and younger they’re all the same to her. Once they get too close, it’s an absolute goodbye.

“Do you still have it?” he asked distracting my thoughts “do you still get too afraid to function?” he remembered how I described my anxiety before, it makes me smile.

“Sometimes, but I am fine now. High-functioning anxiety it is. As if there’s something high and mighty about it." There's an awkward silence and then he just said.

“We should go.”

He stood up, covered me with his hoodie and kissed my forehead. I feel like a little girl and it makes me feel good. I hope every day is like this.

Back at home,her husband is in the police station talking to his mother over the phone.

“She’s gone for the weekend, mom.” He said perspiration on his upper lip reflecting through the harsh police station lights.

“No, don’t call her. I’ll do it. She’ll be upset.” His head is pounding, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Just let her enjoy her weekend with her friends. I’ll handle it” he said, making himself feel in control of the situation.

“Mom, whatever happens, don’t call her.” He said with finality.

The police are looking into the evidence, is it coincidence? But too much similarities is a pattern, and a pattern definitely means something.

[geosbooksandthings]

This is a Love Story

I admit writing about it is so hard. Not the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking hard. It is just that I don’t know how it starts and I don’t know if it ends.

CHAPTER ONE:

HER

It is too cold. The cold that not even a coffee can fix. I should know I should be waiting, yet again. I’m always the first one to arrive.

“Hey” then there’s warmth, the summer finally coming. He’s not what I expected to be. He’s tanned, beaming and without a car.

“You didn’t bring a car?” Of course, I will ask. We always bring separate cars, this town is small, nothing has changed. He shrugged. I hugged him when he got closer. I can smell his perfume, woody, and is that cigarettes? I thought he quit a year ago. I pocketed that information for later. We have the whole weekend.

“What’s up?” I looked at him, he’s taller than me and his hair has grown longer. He’s beaming at me, vicious, annoying.

“Nothing new. Let’s go?” He is wearing a blue hoodie, since when did he like blue? I nodded and threw my keys at him. He looked surprised.

“Not a chance I’m driving.” And the day is about to get so much better.

It wasn’t always like this. We met in senior high school, just as every cliché story. He’s the starlight and I’m the moon, always overshadowed by everyone on the time that really matters. Morning never comes to me. I am lucky he chose me as his’ friend. When we graduated, we went to different cities, but technology is a blessing than a curse because we got closer, seeing each other whenever we can and keeping each other in check. The past few years has been different, four years ago we decided to see each other one weekend a year and just be ourselves again, young, stupid. I’ve always been fine with this setup; besides, I need to, or I will forget to remember how to be free. I have my own issues just like everyone, he’s the only person who knows my worst secret and I would like to keep it that way.

We’re singing to The 1975, trying and failing to copy their accent and laughing and shouting at the right times. I feel stupid, I feel alive.

“How’s your husband, Mr. Perfect?” he asked while munching on snacks. Other people would get offended but he’s correct in a sense. I nodded.

“Yeah, still annoyingly perfect” I said agreeing nonchalantly.

“He’s still who he is. He’s the worst.” I said.

“I love him” I added and looked ahead.

“Love that guy, haven’t talked to him in a while” he said without irony and it sounded weird because it doesn’t seem like they became friends overtime. They haven’t met in a while now, maybe four years ago during our wedding. I let it go, and notice that he’s going way over the limit.

“Hey, slow down!”

“Chill, we’re robbers it’s okay”

“Omygod, do you really have to quote that? You’re embarrassing” I said throwing a cookie on him.

“Yeah, let’s stop talking about your husband, shall we?” he said, teasing. I really have a hunch that they will get along, Alex can be carefree if he wants to, maybe if he wants to.

“By the way, are you smoking again?”

“Hey, are you stalking me?” he said and I noticed that he’s now driving at a respectable speed.

“I just smelled it on you earlier. You know my nose is sensitive” he laughed “What?”

“I would scrunch your face if I’m not driving, maybe later.” He pointed his lips at the gate in front.

“We’re going to the lagoon?” I asked and I know my eyes are bulging.

CHAPTER TWO:

We’re swimming in the lagoon, they own the land but no one in their family really cares about it. It's our secret hideout. Ours alone. It’s cold but I don’t mind. I’m wearing nothing but my underwear and his hands are rough on my thighs. I can feel him hard. Yes, part of the annual tradition is doing something we shouldn’t be doing. I’m not perfect and I never claim to be and maybe that’s part of the problem when everything expects you otherwise.

HIM:

Perfect. She’s perfect. She’s changed in a year, more mature not in the way she looks which is still innocent, more on how she carries herself. Even in the way she stares at you, she’s more assured, she’s growing into herself, finally. I want her, even just once a year I will have her until I can’t.

“So” she said and bit her lip. Damn. And then she bit me. Hard. I felt my lip bleed but she sucked it. Whatever changed in her I'm really digging it.

“Why are you smoking again?” She won’t let it go.

“I just started again, like a month ago. Leigh hasn’t really been, how do I word it, accommodating.” Fuck that bitch, he's the one who held me down and now she makes me feel like shit.

She pouted again her eyes are brown when the sun hits it and finally I can scrunch that face and kissed her hard. I don’t want this day to end.

HER:

I miss being held like this. I haven’t felt wanted for god knows how long now. I opened my eyes and saw that he looks cute with his tiny bun and that his eyes are close, and I thought about what he’s thinking. He opened his eyes, and he looks puzzled.

“Are your eyes always open when we do this?” he asked, teasing me.

“No, dummy. I just want to look at you. Do you want to eat?”

“I am happy and contented here.” he cupped my ass. Nasty, horny boy.

“I am hungry though.” I said and I know he can’t resist when I do that pouty thing that he likes. Boys are easy once you figure them out. He’s lucky I like him.

Our food consists of salads and fruits which is surprising as we always fared with junk and cheap coffee whenever we meet. Maybe twenty-seven is really turning us into different people, or maybe not. Maybe we just need to be healthy, so we die peacefully and not horribly because of cancer. Why am I thinking like this anyway? Good thing my thoughts are disrupted by him.

“I didn’t bring drugs I hope that’s okay.”

“Haha. Good. Last year was so messy I can’t remember how I got home."

He handed a cigarette to me and I took it. No drugs, just nicotine and I don’t know which is worse. “Just one”

Him:

There goes my cool girl, looking like how she should be.

“Can I take a picture of you?” I asked. I want to remember this: wet hair, yellow bikini (or underwear, what’s the difference anyway?) and cigarettes dangling on her lips.

“On your phone? No.” she said. “I bought a polaroid camera, it’s in the car, will you get it?”

See? She’s different, she’s taken control.

“This isn’t right!” she’s frustrated with how her day is turning out. It’s supposed to be a good day, it’s Friday, and she’s just waiting to be out of here. An orange juice bottle taps on the table and she’s surprised that he’s here. He’s always been nice to her but him being here is a surprise.

“Thanks” she got the bottle and found it unscrewed.

“Did you put something here?” she asked, and he laughed.

“I just know it will be hard to open.” He invited himself and sat across her. “Why do you always think that everyone’s out to get you?” he asked sincerely.

“I don’t.” she said and drunk everything in one go. “See?” she said. He smiled.

“Thanks, you may go.” A minute has passed and he still hasn’t.

“What?” he noticed that her eyes are brown if you look at it closely. He’s happy he gets to be this close to see it.

“I can help you with that.” He offered.

“No thanks.” She said, stubborn.

“Don’t worry, no one will know. I won’t tell.”

“Won’t tell what?” she asked nervously.

“Hey, I know your dyslexic. It’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re wired differently but you’re not a mistake, okay? Let me help you out.”

She just started at him trying not to let her tears escape. Little did she know that it's just the start of him being her confidante.

[geosbooksandthings]

“My heart is not a home for cowards.”

- d. antoinette foy

[geosbooksandthings]

making you a playlist is the most beautiful thing someone can ever do for you. change my mind.

[geosbooksandthings]

GOD I just want to be CREATIVE but all my energy is being used to survive

[geosbooksandthings]

How beautiful it is to bond with someone over literature. You share with them why you feel, what you feel about a story; they share with you their own perspective of it. Theories and concepts, interpretations, presumptions and definitions. You both create a new, your own version of the story, that may be a little different than others but that would be because it would be all you and them. It would be like adding more beautiful pieces of decoration to an already beautiful art studio, like adding more little trees to a forest; it may not make a difference for everyone else but for you, it would be everything - a world hidden away from the rest of the universe.

[geosbooksandthings]

I miss having friends to do stupid, silly things sometimes.

[geosbooksandthings]

Indecent

By Corrine Sullivan

A story of a shy, introverted woman on the cusp of awakening from childish whims to the harsh reality of adulthood.

I cannot rate this story because it is subjective in all aspects. 

Do I love it? I cannot say.

All I know is that it is a universal ache albeit the cliched plotline. 

We all know how it feels to want something we can’t have and the things we do to hold on to it once we get to taste it.

[geosbooksandthings]

[geosbooksandthings]

Sometimes i just want to stop thinking, like at all.

[geosbooksandthings]

I wonder who I would be if I wouldn’t have depression. I wonder where I would be if Anxiety wouldn‘t always win. It hurts to know that I could be someone else.

(-deepthoughtsvibes)

[geosbooksandthings]

[geosbooksandthings]

[geosbooksandthings]

Sometimes, there's just no silver lining.

No matter how much you look for it

No matter how much you try to create it