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And now I'm drinking with the cool bartenders and I'm such a fucking lightweight. One shot and I'm buzzed jesus

I have nowhere else to share this information, but mitherfuckers! I just met ranboo! At my job! Wtf is he doing here?????? I felt so bad for asking for photos but holy fuck I had too it was like meeting jesus. He was so tall and yet shorter than I expected. Fuck I hope I didn't ruin his night or some shit by obviously knowing who they were. HOLY FUCK! I HAVE NO ONE TO FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS WITH! IVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE I DO NOT KNOW how to behave.

I promise I'm normal just............ holy fuck what were they here????

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I have nowhere else to share this information, but mitherfuckers! I just met ranboo! At my job! Wtf is he doing here?????? I felt so bad for asking for photos but holy fuck I had too it was like meeting jesus. He was so tall and yet shorter than I expected. Fuck I hope I didn't ruin his night or some shit by obviously knowing who they were. HOLY FUCK! I HAVE NO ONE TO FREAK OUT ABOUT THIS WITH! IVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE I DO NOT KNOW how to behave.

I promise I'm normal just............ holy fuck what were they here????

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from our limited perspective it seems to be a harrowing moment for the young beetlegirl comedian when her finest jokes are met with the sound of crickets, until the camera pans to reveal that the audience is full of cricketgirls as amused and chipper as can be

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Not a furry but I think all humans should have tails because it would be soooo fucking sexy and hot and so sexy

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"Weird energy in here today" I say, referring to the inside of my brain.

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Something interesting I learned today When they started the draft for the Vietnam War they literally placed peoples birthdays into a lottery and drew them at random And broadcast this on live national television

Totally unrelated but this was how Suzanne Collins father was sent to Vietnam

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This here is me homunculus flesh puppet that me soul will transfer to in the event of me death. It’s got no soul insider it right now, so we keep it in a constant state a euphoria ter keep it from massacrin’ me customers.

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moment of unspeakable beauty today when one of my coworkers called another coworker "judas" for not splitting a can of white monster with her, and i got to watch the guy who sits next to me open a new google tab, type in "jeudis," and say quietly to himself "french thursday...?"

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it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

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asexual sex workers are braver than any US marine

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Guy who transforms into a swarm of locusts when shaken vigorously: hey can you turn the music down it's resonating kind of hard and shaking the ground and I don't want to endanger anyone

DJ Loudmusic: SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THESE SICK JAMS! HERE'S MY NEXT SONG, "EPIC JUNGLE BEAT THAT GIVES LOCUSTS THE DESIRE TO KILL HUMAN BEINGS"

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Imagine if dragons were real. And there weren't a lot of them, but each one was capable of destroying entire cities. Some could burn them, some had poison breath, some could freeze, etc.

Imagine if everyone had to pay them a tithe. To keep them from reducing you to ruin. And if you paid, sometimes they'd hold back. And sometimes they wouldn't, because no one could hold them accountable for their lies or betrayal.

How would you feel about those creatures? How would you feel about the people who worshipped them like gods? Who insisted that we actually needed the dragons. That the devastation they caused was good actually.

Anyway this post is purely hypothetical and definitely isn't about the oligarchs at all.

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your edible is never going to kick in because you're a bad person

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toe socks?????

evil wizard fit check, go

robe

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Throwback to that time I cursed ye

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what companies who sell you anti aging stuff don't want you to know is that if you're chill about aging, your perception of attractiveness changes as you get older. there is no "wall" where you suddenly become ugly and unfuckable because in my experience what actually happens is you get into your thirties and suddenly realize that people in their thirties are hot as fuck and the "flaws" that the beauty industry wants you to panic about are a feature not a bug, and based on the std statistics in nursing homes I don't really expect that trajectory to change.