ghoulcrab

[ghoulcrab]

Pirates, Parrots, and Pining (oh my)

Remus Lupin, Captain of the pirate ship Werewolf, always has a plan.

Granted, the number of times his plans succeed can be counted on a single hand (okay fine, if he’s being completely honest, could even be counted on Quartermaster Peter’s silver hook-for-a-hand), but the point is that careful planning and strategizing is an important part in any intelligent Captain’s toolbox.

Sirius Black, Captain of the Black Dog, is making things up as he goes. Irritatingly, this seems to be working for him.

Even more irritatingly, they keep winding up accidentally raiding the same ships.

If Remus Lupin has to argue with that smug, handsome bastard one more time about whose turn it is to steal from Navy Captain Snape, he may just end up drowning the man.

Or even worse, kissing him.

Read the rest on AO3!

7k words, rated M

fluff & humour & enemies to lovers (and an ever increasing amount of parrots sent to poor Regulus as pets).

@lynxindisguise gets all credit for being a brilliant AU brainstorm machine ❤️. First scene below the cut!

1728 - a hidden cove in the middle of the Caribbean Ocean

“I don’t believe this,” Remus Lupin throws his hands in the air, frustrated beyond belief. “What are you doing here, Black?”

Sirius Black, recent Captain of their pirate fleet’s newest vessel, The Black Dog, grins and wipes a bead of sweat from his chiselled face. “Raiding the Navy, as per our lovely Queen’s request, same as you.”

“Do I really need to point out that us both raiding the same Navy ship is overkill?” snaps Remus, swinging around and punching a Navy sailor square in the face. The man, who had clearly been hoping to catch the arguing Captains unawares, squeaks and goes down with a painful thud.

“Not my fault!” Sirius raises a pistol and squints up into the white-hot Caribbean sun. After a moment, he cocks his head and fires. The last rope keeping several sailors attached to the mast as they shoot at the pirates below snaps, and the sailors themselves go tumbling down in the sea like coconuts from a palm tree. He winks, clearly expecting his fellow Captain to be impressed by the (admittedly excellent) marksmanship.

“Jamie! Delivery for you!” Sirius barks over the side, eyes still on Remus.

Down below, The Black Dog’s Quartermaster James Potter is scooping up bedraggled prisoners into a rowboat. He looks up, the sun glinting off his glasses and sending little sparkles of light over the ship like magic pixie dust. “Cheers! Now, stop flirting and get on with it, yeah?”

“We are not flirting -” Remus begins hotly, and then stops when he realises Sirius has just shouted the exact same thing.

“Well it sounds bloody rehearsed if we both say it!” he complains and it’s Sirius’ turn to throw up his hands in exasperation. “How did you even find this ship? Pete and I have been carefully tracking Snape’s movements for weeks, ever since we found out he was tailing Lily again.”

Sirius shrugs. “Intuition, I suppose. I told James this morning I had a good feeling about heading west. Navy ships looking to sneak past pirate routes often use this cove. Caught sight of their sails a few hours ago, decided to follow them, and here we are.”

“Of course,” Remus sighs. He doesn’t know why he’s even surprised anymore. Ever since Sirius Black joined the fleet, he’s had an uncanny ability to turn up at the most inconvenient of times, always when Remus is about to execute the final stages of a careful, meticulously planned heist, raid or treasure search. Even more annoyingly, he never has a plan himself - he just wanders around the ocean, improvising his way to success, and stumbling across them at the perfect moment to “help” (and split the bounty).

Remus wipes his own much less handsome brow with the hem of his shirt. When he raises his head again, it’s to find Sirius staring at his exposed midriff, grey eyes unfocused and hazy.

“My eyes are up here,” says Remus dryly, though he has no doubt Sirius is just horrified by the number of scars criss-crossing his torso. The life of a Pirate Captain is a tough one - especially when you’ve been doing the job for as long as Remus has. Sirius has only been on the scene for about eighteen months, and has barely any scars at all on his irritatingly perfect body.

Perhaps he’ll be put off by this glimpse of what his future holds if he keeps going, and decide to quit.

Well. One can only hope.

Sirius’ eyes snap back up to his face. “Right,” he breathes and then blinks, looking like he’s coming back to the present. “Right. I’ll just. Go interrogate Snape.”

“What?” Remus glares at him. “No. This is my job, and I will be sending the report back to Lily, thank you very much.”

“I would like to remind you that until my crew got here, you were losing, Lupin. We saved your lives!”

“We were doing fine!”

“We absolutely were not doing fine,” Peter pipes up helpfully from where he’s just finished tying Captain Severus Snape to the mast. “You found us in the nick of time, Sirius.”

“Traitor!” Remus’ glare turns to the short man before him, who waves it off with a well-practised shrug.

Peter has no fear of him anymore, having been Remus’ steady companion since they were both world-weary teenagers and first got recruited to join Pirate Queen Lily Evans’ newest fleet in the year 1718. At the time, nobody of any importance had cared about a young slip of a girl and her ragtag crew of pirate captains, each of them with nothing more to their names than the (ragged) clothes on their backs and a fierce determination to prove themselves.

Now, ten years later, there’s a waiting list to join the Dread Queen Evans’ fleet. Which is why he has no idea how Sirius managed it (considering his lack of pirating experience), other than the fact that James apparently vouched for him, and is almost definitely sleeping with Lily.

Bloody nepotism.

“Whenever you’re done arguing,” Snape’s irritated drawl brings him back to the present. “You might as well give up now, because I shall never betray my country.”

Remus tears his eyes away from Sirius and over to the sweating man tied to the mast. Right. Business. He smiles pleasantly. It’s the sort of pleasant smile that has made men dive overboard, just to escape. “Is that so?”

“Erm.” Snape looks suitably unnerved. “Yes?”

“Oh. Well, that’s a disappointment,” Remus says, sighing. He fingers the pistol at his hip. “I was hoping we could do this the easy way.”

“Is that a threat, Lupin? Cute. I can make threats too. I’ll see you hanged for this, you know.”

“Oh no,” Remus assures Snape cheerfully. “I don’t think you will see me hanged at all.” He slides the pistol from its holster and taps it against his leg. This, he knows how to do. Getting information from bastards like Severus Snape is an artform he’s had years to perfect. “I think we should have a little chat, and then if you tell me what I want to know, you may get to see another sunrise, but that depends on how charitable I’m feeling.”

Snape has gone pale, but he sticks his nose in the air regardless. “You’ll never make me talk, pirate scum. Never! Your days are numbered!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Sirius suddenly growls and strides forwards to grab Snape by the lapels, ignoring Remus’ very reasonable protests that he’s got this covered, Black, what are you doing, get back here. “Stop threatening Lupin, you’re not laying a finger on him, do you hear me? You’re going to tell us RIGHT NOW why the Navy has you trying to find Evans’ hideout, and then I’m going to feed you to the bloody sharks.”

There is a short pause and then Snape smirks. “Don’t you mean OR I’m going to feed you to the bloody sharks? If you’re going to do it regardless, what incentive are you giving me to talk, you complete fool?”

Remus facepalms. Sirius glances over his shoulder a little sheepishly, sees this, and scowls. “Like you were doing so much better, Lupin.”

“I was, actually, thank you, Black.”

“Yes, I can tell by all the nothing you got out of the git!”

“Oy!” Peter shouts, and both pirates look up in time to see Snape has managed to snag Sirius’ dagger from his waist and cut himself free. He runs to the side of the ship and does a surprisingly graceful swan-dive into the water, making for the shore.

“Now look at what you’ve done! By God, Black, you’ve ruined everything,” Remus groans. Sirius looks surprisingly hurt for a moment, then rearranges his face into an unaffected, haughty expression.

“I’ve no time to waste talking to the likes of you, Lupin. I’m going after the scoundrel. James! I’m coming down, get the rowboat ready!”

And with that, he and his gorgeous midnight-black hair are away with the wind, leaving only an abandoned, slightly-on-fire navy ship and a thoroughly annoyed Remus Lupin in his wake.

“There there,” Peter pats his shoulder comfortingly. “At least he left us the loot this time, even if you both botched the interrogation with all your flirting.”

Remus closes his eyes. Bloody Sirius Black.

—------

Dear Sirius,

Would you like to know where I have just been?

I have been in a meeting with one Captain Severus Snape of the Royal Navy, who has reported to me that a man who looks very much like myself accosted him and his crew off the coast of Tortuga. This pirate apparently chased him almost all the way into town, and he escaped by the skin of his teeth.

He then proceeded to inform me that this pirate scum went by the name Sirius Black, and wasn’t that my brother’s name?

I proceeded to inform him that my dear brother died by drowning two years ago while nobly serving in this very Navy, and how dare he remind me of such a painful event, and then threw him out of my office.

May I kindly remind you when we decided to fake your death so that you could escape your duties as heir, there were three stipulations for when you are interacting with the Navy? They were as follows:

1. Do not go by your real name

2. Wear a mask over your eyes. I bought you that nice black one for a reason.

3. DO NOT GO BY YOUR REAL NAME

Be a less conspicuous dead man, for the love of God.

Cordially Yours,

Lord Regulus Black

Rear Admiral, His Majesty’s Royal Navy

[ghoulcrab]

this isn’t Art persay but i just started posting chapters for my first ~Official~ marauders fic so yeet

check it out if you’re into sirius staying up all night just to watch remus exist, the black brothers constantly sneering at each other in the corridors, + james and regulus each using quidditch as a good ol coping mechanism

Link!!

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beep beep the wolfstar train is here

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Remus: what was Azkaban like?

Sirius: I did meet some of the most insufferable people

Sirius: but they also met me

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Young Sirius seeing Dumbledore as an icon and idolising him, but slowly becoming more and more disillusioned with him when he sees what he’s doing to Remus

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Hey y'all im back with horrible news

Just wanted to say things here in iran are trippy. There are protests in all cities but only at night, because that's our only protection. The access to internet is very limited. Mobile data is 100 percent unusable. Only wifi but even that's restricted. We are basically cut off from the world. Every time we go out, it might be our last day. We need help. We need your help. Please, spread the word. Raise awareness. They're killing us

[ghoulcrab]

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

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Sirius: If my crush disagrees with me, I will immediately change my views. I have no principles.

Remus: Well, maybe you should have principles.

Sirius: You're absolutely right. Maybe I should.

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Come down

(nsfw - 18+ only please)

"Prongs, can we borrow your cloak?"

James looked up from his bed, eyes suspicious as he studied Remus' too-nonchalant face.

"Why?"

"Reasons."

Turning to Sirius, James raised an eyebrow.

"It's so we can go and fuck in the final room at Hogwarts before school ends on Friday. But I don't want everyone seeing when I come down-"

"Okay! I get it. Yeh, fine, whatever."

Cloak in hand, Remus and Sirius went to leave, though both halted in the doorway.

Sirius turned around. "Course we'd make an exception if someone did want to watch…"

"You'll know where to find us," Remus added, nodding at the map before they left.

James lasted three minutes before following.

@wolfstarmicrofic

[ghoulcrab]

For @wolfstarmicrofic Prompt

24th: come down

Sirius spends a good hour scouring the grounds before he has the notion to look up.

Most second years didn’t dare venture into the forest, but Remus was quiet and small enough to settle in the nook of a gigantic root somewhere until he was either forcibly removed, or starved to death. Sirius already knew from a dare that the mushrooms that littered the grass were not edible.

He peers into a tree hollow, pausing at the sound of a gentle sniff.

Sirius tilts his neck back, and grins.

“Wotcher, Remus.”

The canopies above aren’t quite thick enough to block the sun, and scattered beams of light plunge down into his face. Squinting, Sirius places a hand on his forehead, and waves.

“You’re very far up.”

Remus mutters something. His legs are wrapped around a thick trunk, giving him enough leverage to keep his palms over his eyes.

“Surely you’re uncomfortable.”

“Go away, Sirius.”

“Not until you come down.” Sirius scratches his head. “How’d you even get up there?”

There’s a beat of heavy silence.

“The neighbourhood boys used to chase me. They didn’t want to be friends with-” Remus swallows, and rubs harshly at his eyes.

Silently, Sirius curses James for his big mouth, and lack of tact. His best friend didn’t possess a modicum of decorum, and now he was out in the bushes, vaguely cold and fretting.

Sirius Black didn’t fret.

“We don’t care that you’re a werewolf,” Sirius says, firmly.

Remus flinches at the word, slouching further into the bark, as if willing the wood to simply swallow him whole.

Sirius supposes he might be better off using a nicer tone, but the comfort he was used to included yelling and threats of bodily harm.

“I’ll come up there!”

“You don’t know how,” Remus murmurs.

His voice is watery, and barely rises above the wind coasting through the leaves.

“You did it,” Sirius says dismissively, lodging one foot into a notch in the tree, “so I definitely can.”

He barely makes it halfway when a branch snaps beneath him, and the hard ground greets his body before he can register that he’s falling.

Sirius blinks, staring up at the bright sky, and Remus’ cherubic face peering down at him.

“I’ll come down,” Remus says quickly, when Sirius begins to stand with a groan, “don’t be stupid.”

“Don’t fall,” Sirius retorts, beaming.

The throbbing in his tailbone was worth it if it meant Remus felt better. Maybe he’d even hold his hand. If Sirius lost Remus’ friendship because of James’ inability to shut it, he’d curse him into oblivion. Those small, cold fingers curled around his made Hogwarts far less daunting during his first days in the castle, drowning in a sea of expectation and disappointment. Sirius had always been drawn to Remus, or perhaps their demons had simply been drawn to each other.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Sirius says when Remus reaches him, accepting his offered hand with a small smile, “I think I bruised my ass.”

[ghoulcrab]

For @wolfstarmicrofic Prompt

24th: come down

Sirius spends a good hour scouring the grounds before he has the notion to look up.

Most second years didn’t dare venture into the forest, but Remus was quiet and small enough to settle in the nook of a gigantic root somewhere until he was either forcibly removed, or starved to death. Sirius already knew from a dare that the mushrooms that littered the grass were not edible.

He peers into a tree hollow, pausing at the sound of a gentle sniff.

Sirius tilts his neck back, and grins.

“Wotcher, Remus.”

The canopies above aren’t quite thick enough to block the sun, and scattered beams of light plunge down into his face. Squinting, Sirius places a hand on his forehead, and waves.

“You’re very far up.”

Remus mutters something. His legs are wrapped around a thick trunk, giving him enough leverage to keep his palms over his eyes.

“Surely you’re uncomfortable.”

“Go away, Sirius.”

“Not until you come down.” Sirius scratches his head. “How’d you even get up there?”

There’s a beat of heavy silence.

“The neighbourhood boys used to chase me. They didn’t want to be friends with-” Remus swallows, and rubs harshly at his eyes.

Silently, Sirius curses James for his big mouth, and lack of tact. His best friend didn’t possess a modicum of decorum, and now he was out in the bushes, vaguely cold and fretting.

Sirius Black didn’t fret.

“We don’t care that you’re a werewolf,” Sirius says, firmly.

Remus flinches at the word, slouching further into the bark, as if willing the wood to simply swallow him whole.

Sirius supposes he might be better off using a nicer tone, but the comfort he was used to included yelling and threats of bodily harm.

“I’ll come up there!”

“You don’t know how,” Remus murmurs.

His voice is watery, and barely rises above the wind coasting through the leaves.

“You did it,” Sirius says dismissively, lodging one foot into a notch in the tree, “so I definitely can.”

He barely makes it halfway when a branch snaps beneath him, and the hard ground greets his body before he can register that he’s falling.

Sirius blinks, staring up at the bright sky, and Remus’ cherubic face peering down at him.

“I’ll come down,” Remus says quickly, when Sirius begins to stand with a groan, “don’t be stupid.”

“Don’t fall,” Sirius retorts, beaming.

The throbbing in his tailbone was worth it if it meant Remus felt better. Maybe he’d even hold his hand. If Sirius lost Remus’ friendship because of James’ inability to shut it, he’d curse him into oblivion. Those small, cold fingers curled around his made Hogwarts far less daunting during his first days in the castle, drowning in a sea of expectation and disappointment. Sirius had always been drawn to Remus, or perhaps their demons had simply been drawn to each other.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Sirius says when Remus reaches him, accepting his offered hand with a small smile, “I think I bruised my ass.”

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Get to know you tag game. Tagged by @maybebabyplease thank you!<3

Favourite colour: pink

Currently reading: treasure island

Last song: ゆめうつつ by lamp

Last series: paper girls

Last movie: the visit

Currently working on: a fic where Sirius escapes much earlier from Azkaban, meets a ‘muggle’ who takes care of him in dog form. A nsfw fic about wealthy cursebreaker Sirius who meets Remus and immediately takes a shine to him, explores bdsm dynamics.

Tagging: @slytherinreggieblack @heartofspells @narcissa-black-supermacy @soloorganaas @nikialexx

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For @wolfstarmicrofic Prompt:

23rd: Divine

There’s a cold haziness to the hospital, the white, empty ceiling gliding by like an afterthought. Perhaps it’s just Sirius, who feels a throbbing pain in his gut that had been absent up until now, vanished by adrenaline and shock.

“-bleeding out-”

Another face swims over his, brown eyes calm yet bright.

“Do you know your type?” The man asks.

The gurney rounds a corner, rattling terribly, but the stranger doesn’t disappear.

His curly hair is illuminated by the fluorescent lights, a fuzzy halo that Sirius idly traces the outline of with one finger.

“Big brown eyes, freckles,” Sirius slurs, “dark hair, crooked nose, looks like a- a divine- er- thing.”

“Your blood type,” the angel says.

“Oh,” Sirius replies, blinking slowly, “I’ll tell you if you give me your number.”

He’s not sure if he manages to get the entire sentence out coherently, but he’s vaguely aware of other voices, yelling about something negative as the gorgeous angel fades beneath his fluttering lashes, murmuring assurances in a raspy voice.

[ghoulcrab]

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