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Grief Fueled Thoughts

My grandma was hospitalized last week after a stroke. It's been a roller coaster of emotions since then. Her and I were never really close, especially after I had issues with my father/her son. We strayed away from one another and the time I did decide to reach out, she gave my number to him which caused a whole lot of issues. I felt betrayed and I wanted nothing to do with her. I would run into her from time to time and I remember a remark she made of, "Wow, it seems we have to travel hundreds of miles to see one another." I took that a way. It's not all on me to maintain a relationship. She softened a bit but she never understood me. We look alike and we share the same birthday. We have some similar mannerisms and characteristics but we never truly understood one another. Our last true conversation, she pulled me aside to look at some photos in the hallway. She pointed to a black and white one of herself, held my hand, and said, "You look like me." I was 28 and she was 89. Walking away from that conversation I was left with the thought, "She's trying to connect with me" It's only when she doesn't have as close of a relationship with my father that she now wants one with me. I was upset that, this is what it took for us to maybe forge some sort of relationship. I still didn't trust her. A few months later when I went up to her town, I did try to call her and let her know I'd be nearby. She had changed her number. I managed to get her new one but my calls went unanswered, so I left a voicemail. Later that day, my aunt spoke to her and my grandma was surprised I was in town. She never did call me back or reach out. On our birthday, I tried to call her once again. Only to find out she was out of the country and would be for an entire month. "I'll just talk to her later", but later never came. Her first stroke on Wednesday was severe enough that she couldn't speak. She could only move her right arm. She'd have lucid moments where she'd understand what you were saying and would nod yes or no. She'd recognized people. When I was able to go up there on Friday and see her. She looked at me, the way you'd do if you're trying hard to recognize someone. You know them from where but you can't exactly place who or where they're from. The doctor came in to tell us that she'd never be the same again. She'd probably never walk again and we had to think of quality over quantity. If she were to make it to 100, would she be happy? When she would be cleared to leave, would she go to a rehab or home? Many things to consider but we have time. Right? There was a run planned for that Saturday and Sunday. My cousins and I weren't sure we'd be able to make it but my aunt/their mom insisted that we do it. We do this run for grandma. We did.Sometime between Wednesday and Sunday, she suffered another stroke. Monday, grandma was doing great. She was more lucid then ever, she could sit up and she was watching her favorite show. My cousin even showed her pictures/videos of us completing the run that we did in honor of her. She would be released soon. She wouldn't. That was her surge. That night, her health took a turn for the worse. It got really, really bad. It was another major stroke. All three strokes were in different parts of the brain. She was gone in every way but physically. Tuesday, went up to see her again for what I knew would be the last time. At least she looked peaceful now. The doctors would give her morphine to help her ease into the night. She stopped breathing Wednesday night but the Dr. didn't call time of death until Thursday morning. I never realized how much you could miss someone that wasn't around often. I hate the words, "My grandma died." I hate that I will never get another opportunity to talk to her again. I think I'm haunted by the "what ifs" that will never happen. Maybe I always missed her but anger/wariness stood in the way of that. I'm so sad and heartbroken and I can't make sense of my emotions. She will always be a piece of me and I guess I have to celebrate our birthdays for the both of us.

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Endou Yuu versus the cosmic unknown 

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Anita Bryant Getting Pied stimboard to celebrate

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Do not let them erase this. Do not let them tell you he meant "my heart goes out for you."

This man is the grandson of a Canadian Nazi sympathizer who moved to South Africa BECAUSE he thought the apartheid was just the coolest.

He has a gaggle of kids specifically because he believes his genes are superior and need to be spread to improve humanity.

He has thrown his support behind the neonazi party in Germany and the far right party in the UK, not to mention how far he's wormed up the ass of the Republican party.

He threw two sieg heil salutes back to back at the inauguration of the president of the United States and is trying to scrub the evidence off the internet.

Elon Reeve Musk is a fucking Nazi.

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I got political whiplash on Threads. First, everyone was screaming, “All is lost!” I came back an hour later, and everyone was screaming, “We Ride at Dawn!”

The right-wingers are in panic mode. Steven Miller was practically screaming on Feckless news. 🤣

I mean. The right-wingers' entire mentality, the fuel for the January 6 attempted coup, the recent SCOTUS President God-King Immunity ruling, and all the rest, is premised on the simple fact that the president is indeed, Almighty God King who serves for life and will never, ever willingly give up his power. So that's how I can guarantee that the GOP, because they are short-sighted fascist morons, did not plan for this. Their entire strategy was built around attacking Biden, because they hate him. Like, really hate him. He defeated Trump the first time and there was still a good chance that he could do it again. Trump got impeached the first time for trying to extort Zelenskyy for dirt on Biden, because he didn't want to face him. That's why they went after Hunter on largely bogus charges, tossed around the idea of impeaching Biden, actually (uselessly) impeached Mayorkas, etc.

And yet, because Biden (even if he was forced to do it) decided to step away and voluntarily give up his presidential power instead of wrecking American democracy to hold onto it, that has broken their little shriveled fascist brains. They literally can't comprehend it, and I can guarantee they're now shit scared about having to face Kamala, a brown woman, who is the epitome of everything their tiny evil brains hate. As noted by those bangin' fundraising numbers, there is also a lot of excitement around her. And suddenly, after MONTHS of "this election is a referendum on which old and mentally declining man you hate more," that has been removed as a factor. (Watch the media suddenly forget all about age and/or mental competency as a factor now that Biden is out. Does it apply to Trump, you ask? CRICKETS.)

Kamala is going to mop the f'n floor with Trump at the next presidential debate, and I guarantee that the GOP knows that too. Because yes, if Biden had another bad debate, or if he has a bad case of COVID that might end up giving him long-covid symptoms or keeping him off the trail for days or weeks, that would have been very, very hard to recover from. Now the GOP is the one stuck with an old, mentally baffled, virulently hated presidential candidate and the most pro-Russia, anti-woman, demonstrable-sellout whitebread VP pick imaginable, that they had to choose because Trump nearly got the last one killed and he wasn't interested in the job again, for some weird reason. And as we have pointed out before, this is the last-chance saloon for Trump in any number of ways, and he has been demonstrably overconfident the last few weeks as the media was consumed with discussion of Biden's stumbles rather than Trump's manifold unfitness, treason, felonies, and all the rest.

I don't agree with Biden on everything he has ever done in his long career in public service, but I will say that I don't think he would have actually done this if he wasn't eventually convinced, for whatever reason that might be, that it was the right decision. And my one big fear about him stepping down was that the party would instantly fracture, people would start flogging unrealistic Magical White Boy replacements, and otherwise insist on an "open mini-primary!" or some other fucking bullshit. Now, there are still a few idiots trying that, but by and large, the Democratic power apparatus has instantly thrown its weight behind Kamala. That doesn't excuse them for the weeks of wibbling Anonymous Sources self-sabotage beforehand, and I still vote that we destroy the billionaires at our next opportunity, but if we can stick with that and keep up those mongo fundraising numbers, we might indeed actually have a better chance than before, and that was what this was all about.

As I noted yesterday, Black women have been disproportionately influential in taking Trump down (think Leticia James, Fani Willis, etc) and there is undoubtedly a huge, HUGE amount of poetic justice if Kamala can be the one to stick the knife in his greasy orange gut once and for all. I can likewise guarantee the GOP is well aware of that, and the fact that while they can yell even louder and trot out the same old racist, sexist, misogynist fearmongering dirtbag attacks they used on HRC, that is a strategy with demonstrably diminishing returns (it sure as hell isn't going to help them win any more female or suburban or black voters or anyone else we always hear about how they're Making Inroads with). And we're not going to talk about how it's Obvious that America would never elect a black female president. Obama won two terms. Even with all that weight of frothing misogyny and DECADES of Republican smear machines, HRC won the popular vote and was ratfucked out of the Electoral College by the slimmest of margins, after a massive interference campaign by the Russians. It is fucking possible, we are going to do it, and the Republicans are so, SO FUCKING SCARED of having to live in an America run by a brown woman, that can only be for the good.

Kamala Harris 2024. Let's go.

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guys I just found the greatest video on the internet

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STORM in X-Men '97

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got a copy of my beloved

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im just someones weird sister

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There’s a lot going on in that little critter’s head right now.

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Reddit CEO Steve Huffman said Thursday that he wants to bring an end to a user-led protest that has made large parts of the influential website inaccessible this week. Huffman said in an interview that he plans to institute rules changes that would allow Reddit users to vote out moderators who have overseen the protest, comparing them to a “landed gentry.”

Deep in the article, there’s this nugget:

“I would like subreddits to be able to be businesses if they choose,” he said, adding that’s “another conversation, but I think that’s the next frontier of Reddit.”

When people say “fuck u/spez,” this is Spez. I do not have the sort of imagination that can readily convert the way Reddit communities currently work to “businesses.”

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@pscentral event 15: favorite ship(s): Merrical

-I know what I want now.

-Took you long enough.

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Star Wars Monty Python

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Dreamy plants make me happy 🌾💜